Girlfriend hides everything (need advice)

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

In any cohabitation I have been involved with "putting things away" != "hiding my stuff". If you leave your "expensive" and "important" things out for days on end, that is on you. Maybe you need a big bin or something where the random crap you leave lying around can get dumped. Objectively reading your story it seems like you are much more out of line than she is.

Sorry.

There is a major difference between what she is doing and what your retaliation is. She is putting your items, that have been left out, away. Cleaning is not a strange or foreign action. You are intentionally removing her items from a put away place and hiding them where she would not look for them. The difference is black and white. If you want things to end, just be a man about it and talk to her. Your hiding game is childish and unproductive.

I apologize if I come off harsh, and I understand that perhaps you didn't explain your situation fully through prose, but that is how I see the situation.

O/T - I also did not live with my wife until we were married. We dated for 8 years though, so there weren't many habitual surprises.

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

if that was tl;dr - Just pick up your crap. That is an easy solution to 90% of your stated problem.

 

[Zamial]

Sounds like you need some lock boxes. A bathroom box that is bolted to shelf that is bolted to the studs. A tool box for your tools with a lock. And maybe a wooden chest that locks to keep your other stuff in. Then it is your responsibility to put the stuff away when you are done using it and secure it. In the military this was called a "foot locker".

There is no reason to fight an OCD type mental issue. If that is what this is...

I have the superpower makes females loose their sanity. They start off normal and then slowly "break". I finally found a girl that seems to be immune to my superpower so I married her after a 6 year courtship. We just celebrated our 1 year anniversary yesterday! We are as happy now as we were when we met.

The bottom line is you can accept and work around someones "quirks" or you can not. My wife has some quirks but they are manageable and I am sure she feels the same about me.

 

[MyNameIsPaul]

Are you in love, or in lust? I know for a fact that I wouldn't work my ass off for the things that I like to buy just to have them deemed 'disposable' by a piece of tail.

As said in another forum I like, EJECT!!!

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

I have no quirks and am perfect in everyway. That is why I can opine on this subject so well.

 

[Boerderij_Kabouter]

Rule No. 1, never move in with a "piece of tail".

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Am I wrong in assuming that this isnt the only sticking point between you both?

Seems to me that if you were having fun, not having serious money issues, had a healthy sex life, didnt have future inlaw troubles, had some similar interests, and your friends got along etc. etc. you wouldnt be willing to swallow the red pill because she moves your stuff to weird places...

SWMBO never answers her phone, but the idea of doing something punitive to "teach her a lesson" just stressed me the F out...

 

[shecky]

Rule No. 1, never move in with a "piece of tail".

Advice I could have used prior to marriage No. 1.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Advice I could have used prior to marriage No. 1.

"Don't matter, had sex"

 

[mcarb]

Am I wrong in assuming that this isnt the only sticking point between you both?

Seems to me that if you were having fun, not having serious money issues, had a healthy sex life, didnt have future inlaw troubles, had some similar interests, and your friends got along etc. etc. you wouldnt be willing to swallow the red pill because she moves your stuff to weird places...

SWMBO never answers her phone, but the idea of doing something punitive to "teach her a lesson" just stressed me the F out...

A couple of things, gf not answering her phone is not the same as hiding my stuff. Her stuff seems to stay on the table in the same place for weeks. My stuff, sitting next to her stuff, gets put away immediately in some random place.

Regarding me taking her "put away" stuff and hiding it, not the case. I put things that she left sitting out and hid them in much the same way she does it foe me. The difference, I know what Iam doing and I just emailed her to tell her where her stuff is. She will never tell me she moved something nor will she help me find it.

I keep going back to the saran wrap. Why? After living in a house for 14 years would you randomly decide to place saran wrap in a new place oin the other side of the room in a place that makes no sense?

And I am not swallowing any red pill. Yes we get along pretty well for the most part. This needs to change.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

I read through this and, to me, it sounds like it's time for you to move out.

The kind of petty, spiteful things you two are resorting to should only be practiced by married people with kids.

 

[MyNameIsPaul]

I read through this and, to me, it sounds like it's time for you to move out.

The kind of petty, spiteful things you two are resorting to should only be practiced by married people with kids.

I got a good chuckle out of that. Woke up the dogs and may have spit a little on the monitor.

Yeah, move out. She probably has pointy knees anyways.

 

[IXVolt]

I read through this and, to me, it sounds like it's time for you to move out.

The kind of petty, spiteful things you two are resorting to should only be practiced by married people with kids.

lol, I can drink to that!

 

[SharonaZamboni]

It may be a relationship where you can't live together. If she's had her place, alone, for 14 years, she's probably pretty set in her ways and can't adapt. Good luck

 

[mmb]

Rule No. 1, never move in with a "piece of tail".

Yup, but it's always nice to move next door.

 

[PistolsAtDawn]

If she's compulsively moving your stuff and hiding it without moving hers, then I can totally feel your frustration. That's just... I dunno... odd. It feels like it may be some sort of subconscious need to mark her territory or something. Hell, I don't know. I'm not in the situation.

Well, I'm sure like most of us here, I feel for you. Most of us have probably been at that point in a relationship but for different reasons. If it's bothering you this much, then you have to ask yourself which path you're going to take since you're obviously standing at a crossroads (assuming she's unwilling to change her behavior).

I've stayed in relationships too long because they were convenient, eventually blowing my top because I let things go on for too long. If you find yourself at the point where you might end it, do yourself a favor and take the highest road you can find. I regret the way I handled certain things in my youth over similar frustrations. At least at the end of the day you can look at yourself in the mirror and know that you weren't just petty about it and you actually tried before throwing in the towel.

 

[BrewKnurd]

Ok, I am going to try to make sure I understand things as you have laid them out.

She will take something of yours and put it somewhere.
When you can't find it, you will ask her if she's seen it, and she gets defensive, saying that she doesn't move your stuff.
A few days later, when you say you've given up, she will casually tell you that she put it somewhere.

Is that an accurate assesment of how things normally go down? That's what I've pieced together from various posts.

If the above is true, then it seems like either:
1) she has multiple personality disorder
2) she has a really bad memory
3) she is truly trying to f with you

 

[Homercidal]

I think it goes back to what was mentioned at the start. It's HER place. Not THEIR place.

I just don't think she can adapt to living with someone after having things her way for so long. It may be subconscious. I don't know. But putting your stuff away and not putting her stuff away sounds a lot to me like she thinks your stuff is in the way and her stuff is right where she wants it.

On the other hand, after 14 years, that Saran wrap was ready for a change.

 

[TrainSafe]

It seems that both parties in this relationship are more comfortable with the passive aggressive modality than with effective dialog.

Both need to be committed to open honest communication.

Even if you fix your end of the problem it won't last.

Start working on your exit strategy.

Sorry. busted relationships suck bad. but, of you hang around you might miss out on something better.

 

[MyNameIsPaul]

Just wanted to drop these off...

 

[CreamyGoodness]

See... what I usually do I got the idea for from Upright Citizen's Brigade. Every night I put upwards of $3.00 in pennies in my anus. I then circulate these pennies the next day. Over time, the American money system has accumulated quite a lot of my anus-pennies.

Those people I am most upset with, just by law of averages, is handling, will handle or has handled one of my anus-pennies. Take THAT Elliot Spitzer!!

Passive aggression FTW!

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

I think it goes back to what was mentioned at the start. It's HER place. Not THEIR place.

I just don't think she can adapt to living with someone after having things her way for so long. It may be subconscious. I don't know. But putting your stuff away and not putting her stuff away sounds a lot to me like she thinks your stuff is in the way and her stuff is right where she wants it.

On the other hand, after 14 years, that Saran wrap was ready for a change.

Too hard to say. I think you are right, mostly, but dunno this girl from a glory hole.

My wife, however, is pathetically lazy. The saran wrap got a new home cause she was too goddamned lazy to walk her fat ass over to that other spot and the spot it lives at now was conveinient to her location when she needed to drop the fecking saran wrap ...

but I am not angry.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Just wanted to drop these off...

For the record, first pic, I would apologize or anything else she requested that morning.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

For the record, first pic, I would apologize or anything else she requested that morning.

I think I dated the one in the third pic. And, ironically, my wife is guilty of clandestine email reading.

 

[MyNameIsPaul]

I think I dated the one in the third pic. And, ironically, my wife is guilty of clandestine email reading.

Is the 4th Sarah Silverman?

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Is the 4th Sarah Silverman?

cap

 

[mcarb]

I think it goes back to what was mentioned at the start. It's HER place. Not THEIR place.

I just don't think she can adapt to living with someone after having things her way for so long. It may be subconscious. I don't know. But putting your stuff away and not putting her stuff away sounds a lot to me like she thinks your stuff is in the way and her stuff is right where she wants it.

On the other hand, after 14 years, that Saran wrap was ready for a change.

I think you nailed it.

 

[bob1852]

On the other hand, after 14 years, that Saran wrap was ready for a change.

Which begs the question....who has the same roll of Saran wrap for 14 years?

 

[JonM]

I think I dated the one in the third pic. And, ironically, my wife is guilty of clandestine email reading.

Email passwords are like toothbrushes. Never share and get a new one every couple months.


Oh, and you're mad because you dreamed that I cheated? Well I dreamed that I took you on a whirlwind clothes and shoe-shopping binge in Paris. How about a little appreciation?

 

[Homercidal]

Not me. I never have that stuff when I want it! I think it's time I bought my own and hid the wife's...

 

[bob1852]

Not me. I never have that stuff when I want it! I think it's time I bought my own and hid the wife's...

 

[Pumbaa]

Which begs the question....who has the same roll of Saran wrap for 14 years?

good question . . . I buy those BIG restaurant sized rolls (the 2000 footers) and I dont come anywhere near a year or 2 much less 14

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Oh, hell. You can live through power struggles for at least 25 years. If at least one of you is expert at passive-aggressive. And posts often on internet forums.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Not me. I never have that stuff when I want it! I think it's time I bought my own and hid the wife's...

I don't think Parisian fashion would suite you. But a 3 inch heel would make your calves look ... oh, wait, you meant the saran wrap.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Which begs the question....who has the same roll of Saran wrap for 14 years?

Might have used it more if he knew where to find it.

 

[mcarb]

See... what I usually do I got the idea for from Upright Citizen's Brigade. Every night I put upwards of $3.00 in pennies in my anus. I then circulate these pennies the next day. Over time, the American money system has accumulated quite a lot of my anus-pennies.

Those people I am most upset with, just by law of averages, is handling, will handle or has handled one of my anus-pennies. Take THAT Elliot Spitzer!!

Passive aggression FTW!

What you call passive aggression, I call a last resort. I have tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't understand my issue. In my mind, the only way to get this particular point across is to make her deal with it head on. She wants her new book, I know she does. Now she gets to look for the ****ing thing and when she gets around to asking me where it is, I'll tell her "Oh, yeah. I put it in the fridge. It seemed appropriate."

 

[BrazenHeadBeer]

Either talk to her and ask her to stop...or put your **** away. It sounds like shes cleaning up after you.

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

What you call passive aggression, I call a last resort. I have tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't understand my issue. In my mind, the only way to get this particular point across is to make her deal with it head on. She wants her new book, I know she does. Now she gets to look for the ****ing thing and when she gets around to asking me where it is, I'll tell her "Oh, yeah. I put it in the fridge. It seemed appropriate."

When you said "she owns her house and has lived there a long time..."

Does this mean the title is free and clear, no lienholders, no mortgage? At most, you share the utility payments and the food bills?

If yes, then I think you get to either live with her psychosis until you are more than "a boyfriend living at her place" or decide that it's time to GTFO to prove your point.

Cause no matter what, it IS her place. Says so on the title.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I have to ask... you came here looking for advice, and not one person said "do the hiding her crap thing" and thats what you are going to stick with? I know you are under no obligation to listen to anyone, but did you intend to just get into an argument with a bunch of relative strangers?

 

[mcarb]

Either talk to her and ask her to stop...or put your **** away. It sounds like shes cleaning up after you.

I talk to her about it constantly.

When you said "she owns her house and has lived there a long time..."

Does this mean the title is free and clear, no lienholders, no mortgage? At most, you share the utility payments and the food bills?

If yes, then I think you get to either live with her psychosis until you are more than "a boyfriend living at her place" or decide that it's time to GTFO to prove your point.

Cause no matter what, it IS her place. Says so on the title.

No, it means she has a mortgage and I am paying nearly half of it. But yes, the house is hers.