Funny things you've overheard about beer

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phug said:
Wait Swedish wines made with berries? Or wines made with Swedish berries TM the gummy kind
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The kind of sweetened berry juice concentrate you can get at Ikea (lingonberry, red and black currant and elderberry). Apparently that and some kind of yeast (beer? champagne? bread? I know not) makes good wine and that`s simple enough to be harder to **** up than beer.
 
Finally happened - I was at my LHBS with my wife having a couple pints. With this thread in mind, I was about to ask our tender how often people come in and ask for a Bud Light or something. Then this guy, who I'm pretty sure had consumed a considerable quantity of BMC before getting there, sits down next to my wife and, right on cue, asks the bartender "Do you have anything like a Budweiser?" Bartender told me it does happen from time to time.
I did see him looking around at ingredients and stuff later, so maybe he's coming around.
 
MagicRat said:
Finally happened - I was at my LHBS with my wife having a couple pints. With this thread in mind, I was about to ask our tender how often people come in and ask for a Bud Light or something. Then this guy, who I'm pretty sure had consumed a considerable quantity of BMC before getting there, sits down next to my wife and, right on cue, asks the bartender "Do you have anything like a Budweiser?" Bartender told me it does happen from time to time.
I did see him looking around at ingredients and stuff later, so maybe he's coming around.
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You can drink beer at a bar from a bartender at your lhbs?
 
Bosh said:
OK, let's finish up the partial mash chapter of Home Brewing Without Failures (cutting edge homebrewing recipes from 1965!) with *drum roll* Bravery's Best Bitter

Ingredients (4 gallon recipe):
-4 lb crystal malt (will count it as English caramalt as that's as good guess as any).
-2 lb golden syrup (this guy is incredibly arbitrary about what sugar to use, switching between glucose, golden syrup and table sugar without any reasons given).
-2 lb white sugar (but of course).
-5 oz hops (am assuming Fuggles because the author is English).
-Level teaspoon salt (salt is yeast nutrient, don't ya know?)
-1/4 oz citric acid (why?).
-Yeast (am assuming Safale English yeast or something similar).
-Nutrient.

WHY! WHY! Would you use FOUR POUND of crystal malt? WHY? Also perhaps using some base malts would be a good idea.

Here the 3 oz hops are boiled for 5 minutes instead of 1 minute like in all the other partial mash recipes and then simmer for 40 and then 2 oz more are simmered for 10 minutes. As before, not sure how exactly to count "simmering" so as a wild ass guess I'm assuming that it has 75% of normal hop oils extraction.

For this calculation I'm going to do what I should've done before an enter in the **** ton of caramalt in as steeping grains instead of mash since he's basically doing a ginormous steep as there's no base malts.

So let's enter this beast in:
Original gravity 1.042 Final Gravity: 1.011 ABV: 4.17% IBU: 37.05 SRM: 8.71 Matches Style: not really, but closest yet!

Makes we wonder what something would taste like with a pound of crystal per gallon and why anyone would describe that as "bitter."

Next chapter: mock beers, in which Bravery dispenses with the pretense of making beer and embraces the production of hop-flavored hooch.
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I am so going to pay the penny plus 3.99 in shipping for this book. Sounds like this guy really moved brewing "forward" doesn't it? Imagine back in the 1800s folks were using base malts and no sugar, syrup, or breakfast cereal!!

I couldn't help but notice the cover. You mean I can learn to brew not only beer, but ale and stout too???? Wow! I'm sure this Bravery guy meant well, and as he was a fellow homebrewer, (I guess), it's almost painful to poke fun; still I can't imagine the guy actually brewed any of those recipes though.

failure.jpg
 
mark7347 said:
You can drink beer at a bar from a bartender at your lhbs?
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Yeah, I don't know if this is something particular to Florida or not, but our LHBS brews big batches on site and has, I'm guessing, between 20-30 on tap at any one time. The "bartenders" all double by working with customers buying ingredients and equipment and brewing the stuff they sell on tap. They also have different food trucks, club brewing events and meetings, all kinds of stuff. Very knowledgeable staff, very cool place.
 
My LHBS is both a home brew/wine making store and a hydroponic shop. They have recently moved (closer to me) and have seen a jump in the home brewing/wine making over the hydroponics. In talking with the staff its easy to tell most of them are more comfortable with the hydroponic side. But I am wishful in the direction they are going.
 
Bosh said:
The kind of sweetened berry juice concentrate you can get at Ikea (lingonberry, red and black currant and elderberry). Apparently that and some kind of yeast (beer? champagne? bread? I know not) makes good wine and that`s simple enough to be harder to **** up than beer.
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I was secretly hoping it was the gummy berry kind
 
mark7347 said:
This is so awesome. So cool. Illinois doesn't let you do fun things like that.
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I'm not so sure about that. The Brew & Grow I go to in Chicago has a huge keezer and events that include drinking stuff brewed there. I don't know if you can just walk in and buy a pint there, though.
 
Trippel-A said:
I'm not so sure about that. The Brew & Grow I go to in Chicago has a huge keezer and events that include drinking stuff brewed there. I don't know if you can just walk in and buy a pint there, though.
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I know you can drink for free. They can't charge you if they home brew it but I just figured the way this state is, they'd overregulate the hell out of it. I used to live downtown but live in Orland park so the closest brew and grow to me is bolingbrook.
 
estricklin said:
I am so going to pay the penny plus 3.99 in shipping for this book. Sounds like this guy really moved brewing "forward" doesn't it? Imagine back in the 1800s folks were using base malts and no sugar, syrup, or breakfast cereal!!

I couldn't help but notice the cover. You mean I can learn to brew not only beer, but ale and stout too???? Wow! I'm sure this Bravery guy meant well, and as he was a fellow homebrewer, (I guess), it's almost painful to poke fun; still I can't imagine the guy actually brewed any of those recipes though.
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Yup, that`s the book. I`m tempted to track down his later books and see if they improved at all.

Talking to my father (who used this book) and trying to pin down how these terrible recipes turned out is hard since his memory is foggy since he hasn`t homebrewed since the 80`s.

But what seems to be the case is that homebrewing was in excellent shape in the 1800`s and then collapsed almost completely and was very slow to recover. For some reason it took a long long long time for information to filter back from commercial brewing and then got scaled down properly (for example IIRC the old idea of "it`s important to get you beer out of the primary ASAP when it hits final gravity" is based on incorrectly trying to apply large scale commercial techniques to home brewing). But what seems to be the scary truth is that homebrewing was in such dire straights after WW II that this horror show was actually an improvement. So much knowledge had been lost since the 1800`s among homebrewers that people were boiling grains and using baker`s yeast.

At the very least he`s telling people correct mash temperatures and to use real beer yeast. As far as him actually drinking these recipes, I think he did because for one with all that sugar they`ll certainly get you drunk and they`re basically beer flavored sugar hooch instead of actual beer but this guy LIKES sugar hooch. There`s a whole chapter of recipes that are just water, yeast, hops, and different kinds of sugar. If he likes THAT I`m sure he`d have no problem drinking the same thing with just a little malt flavor.

But then there`s the recipes with mountains of black patent malt. Those I just don`t understand how anyone could drink. I have to think that he got roast barley and patent malt mixed up, it`s possible after all this idiot got crystal malt and pale malt mixed up.

Also he tells people to "lightly crack" the grains with a rolling pin, which would do terrible things to his efficiency as the grains he`s using aren`t anywhere close to properly milled. Maybe not milling the grains is protecting him from the consequences of his terrible overuse of specialty malts.
 
Bosh said:
Yup, that`s the book. I`m tempted to track down his later books and see if they improved at all.

Talking to my father (who used this book) and trying to pin down how these terrible recipes turned out is hard since his memory is foggy since he hasn`t homebrewed since the 80`s.

But what seems to be the case is that homebrewing was in excellent shape in the 1800`s and then collapsed almost completely and was very slow to recover. For some reason it took a long long long time for information to filter back from commercial brewing and then got scaled down properly (for example IIRC the old idea of "it`s important to get you beer out of the primary ASAP when it hits final gravity" is based on incorrectly trying to apply large scale commercial techniques to home brewing). But what seems to be the scary truth is that homebrewing was in such dire straights after WW II that this horror show was actually an improvement. So much knowledge had been lost since the 1800`s among homebrewers that people were boiling grains and using baker`s yeast.

At the very least he`s telling people correct mash temperatures and to use real beer yeast. As far as him actually drinking these recipes, I think he did because for one with all that sugar they`ll certainly get you drunk and they`re basically beer flavored sugar hooch instead of actual beer but this guy LIKES sugar hooch. There`s a whole chapter of recipes that are just water, yeast, hops, and different kinds of sugar. If he likes THAT I`m sure he`d have no problem drinking the same thing with just a little malt flavor.

But then there`s the recipes with mountains of black patent malt. Those I just don`t understand how anyone could drink. I have to think that he got roast barley and patent malt mixed up, it`s possible after all this idiot got crystal malt and pale malt mixed up.

Also he tells people to "lightly crack" the grains with a rolling pin, which would do terrible things to his efficiency as the grains he`s using aren`t anywhere close to properly milled. Maybe not milling the grains is protecting him from the consequences of his terrible overuse of specialty malts.
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Well it really is humerus, but at the same time I'm not actually "mad" at the guy, I mean he was trying to help others brew beer at home. Let's face it, he didn't have HBT, "How to Brew" or really anything to go by at all! But I'm not joking, I'm really going to order that mother later this evening. I can't decide if I want the 1970 one, or the 65 one? Maybe they are the same?

I would guess that in the 1800s and before, there wasn't any actual "home" brewing, but just "brewing". Everyone brewed at home mostly, or they probably didn't drink. You would think with no commercial brewing in this country for a decade homebrewing skills would have reemerged right before WWll, obviously such is not the case. I think people took to buying commercial beers in the mid to late 1800s so much because of a consistent product, that wasn't generally contaminated with who knows what sorts of microorganisms that HAD to be in so many brews in those days, not to mention the lack of refrigeration.
 
estricklin said:
I would guess that in the 1800s and before, there wasn't any actual "home" brewing, but just "brewing". Everyone brewed at home mostly, or they probably didn't drink. You would think with no commercial brewing in this country for a decade homebrewing skills would have reemerged right before WWll, obviously such is not the case. I think people took to buying commercial beers in the mid to late 1800s so much because of a consistent product, that wasn't generally contaminated with who knows what sorts of microorganisms that HAD to be in so many brews in those days, not to mention the lack of refrigeration.
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Well actually... 😀 There was a LOT of commercial brewing in the early years of our country, but the majority was on a small scale. Every inn brewed their own beer for their customers, etc. There were a huge number of breweries given the population.

Increases in industrial efficiency led to fewer, larger breweries, and the bigger ones started consolidating. Also, the temperance movement gained steam in a big way in the 1800's, with prohibition in many states before the 18th Amendment was ratified. Even if there was a resurgence in home brewing during prohibition, the record keeping and attention to detail and quality that we prize now would not have been the priorities.

Brewing just had become industrialized, big business shortly before nationwide prohibition. The big ones made near-beer during prohibition. And therefore they were able to ramp up production quickly after prohibition. And it was probably way better than what people were making at home at the time.

Think about bathtub gin or moonshine versus commercially produced spirits. That's how people saw home brew versus Schlitz after prohibition.
 
Funny things you've overheard about beer....

"All that damned fuss for a little stinking beer! Wouldn't you rather make candy instead?" - What my grandmother said to me one time upon learning that I was homebrewing beer. I had to reply ..."Well Grams, I didn't feel the inclination to become Willy freaking Wonka, so I took up brewing instead!"
 
cannman said:
Saw this on my Facebook feed for sale... It bothers me though... should say 'flavored'

11203183_946983011992437_4346750288842515637_n.jpg
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It would be much more accurate to say: beer is made from grain and bittered by hops, grain is a grass = plant and hops = plant flowers therefore beer is a liquid salad.

But that gets a little wordy. I just chuckle everytime I see a sign or shirt with that expression.
 
I see that phrase a lot and think "So V8 juice is a salad? So green tea is a salad? So coffee is a salad? So a hamburger is a salad? So a bread stick is a salad?"

Something being made partially from a plant does not make it a salad. In fact, eating plants raw in a bowl wouldn't be a salad. For example, a bowl of rice is not a salad (yes, rice is a plant).

Beer = grain, hops, water, yeast
Hops = not a vegetable, but yes, a plant
Coffee beans = also not a vegetable but yes, a plant
Therefore, if you can define something that is partially made from a "plant" to be a salad, then virtually everything can be a "salad." Especially if you define it so loosely as a liquid that a plant was boiled in (such as coffee, tea, beer, and so on).

In short, that's why that shirt has always bothered me.
 
Billy-Klubb said:
Okoboji Brewing Company in Iowa is also a HBS. I like the idea of having a tap room and a HBS in one place.
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Unfortunately, it's sad, not funny, that that place has been open for what, 2-3 years now, it's about an hour from me, and I haven't made it there YET.

I think our club is going to plan an outing up there one of these days.
 
worlddivides said:
Therefore, if you can define something that is partially made from a "plant" to be a salad, then virtually everything can be a "salad." Especially if you define it so loosely as a liquid that a plant was boiled in (such as coffee, tea, beer, and so on).

In short, that's why that shirt has always bothered me.
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Okay, but everyone knows that, and that's why it's a joke. Maybe it's not that funny, but it's _supposed_ to be a ridiculous logical leap.
 
dkwolf said:
Unfortunately, it's sad, not funny, that that place has been open for what, 2-3 years now, it's about an hour from me, and I haven't made it there YET.

I think our club is going to plan an outing up there one of these days.
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if you head up for the flea markets on July 4th and/or Labor Day, I'd be happy to meet you there with some home brews!
 
Trippel-A said:
Okay, but everyone knows that, and that's why it's a joke. Maybe it's not that funny, but it's _supposed_ to be a ridiculous logical leap.
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I could probably cut it some slack if it WAS funny, but I just see it and think about how it's just as ridiculous and un-funny as stating that coffee is salad or bubblegum is salad. :cross: I've also seen many of the "Beer = Salad" things ending with "You're welcome" as if this incredibly twisted and incorrect logic used to convince somebody to binge drink and gain 50 pounds is something to be thankful about. :fro: They, of course, might be going for the somewhat subtle humor that the man reading this NEEDS this bizarre psycho logic written out on a sign or t-shirt to convince his wife to let him drink beer because she would only let the man drink beer if she thought it was... salad? Even that's far too much of an (un-funny) stretch.

Overanalyzing? Yes, but a t-shirt like that is just asking to be overanalyzed.
 
worlddivides said:
I could probably cut it some slack if it WAS funny, but I just see it and think about how it's just as ridiculous and un-funny as stating that coffee is salad or bubblegum is salad. :cross: I've also seen many of the "Beer = Salad" things ending with "You're welcome" as if this incredibly twisted and incorrect logic used to convince somebody to binge drink and gain 50 pounds is something to be thankful about. :fro: They, of course, might be going for the somewhat subtle humor that the man reading this NEEDS this bizarre psycho logic written out on a sign or t-shirt to convince his wife to let him drink beer because she would only let the man drink beer if she thought it was... salad? Even that's far too much of an (un-funny) stretch.

Overanalyzing? Yes, but a t-shirt like that is just asking to be overanalyzed.
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what is ridiculous and unfunny is someone anthropomorphizing a t-shirt
 
worlddivides said:
I could probably cut it some slack if it WAS funny, but I just see it and think about how it's just as ridiculous and un-funny as stating that coffee is salad or bubblegum is salad. :cross: I've also seen many of the "Beer = Salad" things ending with "You're welcome" as if this incredibly twisted and incorrect logic used to convince somebody to binge drink and gain 50 pounds is something to be thankful about. :fro: They, of course, might be going for the somewhat subtle humor that the man reading this NEEDS this bizarre psycho logic written out on a sign or t-shirt to convince his wife to let him drink beer because she would only let the man drink beer if she thought it was... salad? Even that's far too much of an (un-funny) stretch.

Overanalyzing? Yes, but a t-shirt like that is just asking to be overanalyzed.
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I bet you're a lot of fun at parties.
 
worlddivides said:
I could probably cut it some slack if it WAS funny, but I just see it and think about how it's just as ridiculous and un-funny as stating that coffee is salad or bubblegum is salad. :cross: I've also seen many of the "Beer = Salad" things ending with "You're welcome" as if this incredibly twisted and incorrect logic used to convince somebody to binge drink and gain 50 pounds is something to be thankful about. :fro: They, of course, might be going for the somewhat subtle humor that the man reading this NEEDS this bizarre psycho logic written out on a sign or t-shirt to convince his wife to let him drink beer because she would only let the man drink beer if she thought it was... salad? Even that's far too much of an (un-funny) stretch.

Overanalyzing? Yes, but a t-shirt like that is just asking to be overanalyzed.
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Did I just read a script from a never broadcast episode of Seinfeld? That's classic George monologue right there.
 
worlddivides said:
I could probably cut it some slack if it WAS funny, but I just see it and think about how it's just as ridiculous and un-funny as stating that coffee is salad or bubblegum is salad. :cross: I've also seen many of the "Beer = Salad" things ending with "You're welcome" as if this incredibly twisted and incorrect logic used to convince somebody to binge drink and gain 50 pounds is something to be thankful about. :fro: They, of course, might be going for the somewhat subtle humor that the man reading this NEEDS this bizarre psycho logic written out on a sign or t-shirt to convince his wife to let him drink beer because she would only let the man drink beer if she thought it was... salad? Even that's far too much of an (un-funny) stretch.

Overanalyzing? Yes, but a t-shirt like that is just asking to be overanalyzed.
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Just for a little context: What would make for a funny T-shirt?
 
Kee said:
Just for a little context: What would make for a funny T-shirt?
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GrogNerd's suggestion is pretty good. Not laugh-out-loud funny, but enough to put a smile on your face. Occasionally I see t-shirts that are pretty funny, but they never have anything to do with beer. Maybe that's the lesson. If you're going for a funny shirt, get a funny shirt. If you're going for a beer shirt, don't try to make it funny.
 
MagicRat said:
Yeah, I don't know if this is something particular to Florida or not, but our LHBS brews big batches on site and has, I'm guessing, between 20-30 on tap at any one time. The "bartenders" all double by working with customers buying ingredients and equipment and brewing the stuff they sell on tap. They also have different food trucks, club brewing events and meetings, all kinds of stuff. Very knowledgeable staff, very cool place.
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Where in FL? I want to go!:ban:
 

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