So I’m a thousand percent confused right now. Is this profile bad? Is there a standard I should be shooting for with an neipa?
It's not necessarily bad. But there is no reason to add alkalinity to any water profile (NEIPA or otherwise), unless you need it to raise the pH. It doesn't "do" anything other than that, and when you don't need it, it's counterproductive (pH-wise), so there should never be a preconceived "goal" for HCO3. If you have particular sulfate and chloride levels in mind, here's one approach to building from distilled water:
1) Start with Distilled (or RO) Water and Grain Bill
2) Decide how much Chloride and/or Sulfate is wanted for flavor, and add Calcium Chloride and/or Calcium Sulfate to reach
3) Check if Calcium Level is adequate.
-----• If yes, skip to 4
-----• If no, and if mash pH prediction so far is…
----------• too high: add more Calcium Chloride and/or Calcium Sulfate to reach desired calcium
----------• too low: add Calcium Hydroxide to reach desired calcium
----------• right on: add more Calcium Chloride and/or Calcium Sulfate to the kettle only to reach desired calcium
4) If the pH prediction so far is…
-----• too high: add acid malt, lactic acid, or phosphoric acid to decrease
-----• too low: add Sodium Bicarbonate or Calcium Hydroxide to increase
There are other approaches, but this one avoids the clutter that can happen by trying to copy a profile that started out as someone's tap water, or a regional profile that brewers don't actually use as-is, or an answer that was spit out by a program. You might also find the water presentation the above came from helpful. It's in the library at this link:
http://sonsofalchemy.org/library/