thoughts, prayers, well wishes plz

[BrauHund]

Antony, I wish you and Melanie all the best as she fights this cancer. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you. Please take good care of yourself so that you can take good care of Melanie. She'll be strong for you and you need to be strong for her. God Bless you both!

 

[antony]

I've always hated Mondays. Today's the first day since we found out her diagnosis that I'll have to leave her alone for awhile. Payroll's due and I have to go in to the office for a few hours to get that taken care of. I'm leaving her asleep, with thoughts that she'll only have to spend a couple of hours by herself before I'm home. She's physically well enough to be on her own (hell, she's probably annoyed that I've been doting on her) but I worry about what she'll dwell on when I'm not here. I constantly reassure her that we'll make it through this, that there's many more days left for us...we'll still have the time to do all the things we've dreamed about doing. I worry endlessly when I'm not by her side.

Tomorrow is our 'chemo teach' class. I'm assuming she'll start chemo any day this week. Going to need all the prayers/thoughts this week that anyone can muster. We dyed her hair Saturday, with the thought that she'll most likely lose it (hers, not mine). I think she's come to terms with that now, as the most important thing is she survives and makes it through this battle.

Now nearly 3 weeks in, I still sob each morning while she is asleep. I can't help but realize how alone I am when she's sleeping. She's been managing very well during the day and she's strong as a tiny ox...I believe she'll fight and pull through, I just wish this was my fight and not hers.

I really appreciate the chance to sound off & share...please keep her in your thoughts.

 

[The Moravian]

Love from my family to yours brother! We have fought cancer too many times in our family. But we have won more times than we have lost. Fight the good fight Antony.!

Live for today!

Tim

 

[FatDragon]

I'm out of practice with praying, but you're not the first person who's given me good reason to give it another try recently. Earnest well-wishing and prayer for blessings on you and your wife.

 

[treacheroustexan]

Hope all is well. It's very rough to even picture what you are going through. Stay strong!

 

[max384]

I've always hated Mondays. Today's the first day since we found out her diagnosis that I'll have to leave her alone for awhile. Payroll's due and I have to go in to the office for a few hours to get that taken care of. I'm leaving her asleep, with thoughts that she'll only have to spend a couple of hours by herself before I'm home. She's physically well enough to be on her own (hell, she's probably annoyed that I've been doting on her) but I worry about what she'll dwell on when I'm not here. I constantly reassure her that we'll make it through this, that there's many more days left for us...we'll still have the time to do all the things we've dreamed about doing. I worry endlessly when I'm not by her side.

Tomorrow is our 'chemo teach' class. I'm assuming she'll start chemo any day this week. Going to need all the prayers/thoughts this week that anyone can muster. We dyed her hair Saturday, with the thought that she'll most likely lose it (hers, not mine). I think she's come to terms with that now, as the most important thing is she survives and makes it through this battle.

Now nearly 3 weeks in, I still sob each morning while she is asleep. I can't help but realize how alone I am when she's sleeping. She's been managing very well during the day and she's strong as a tiny ox...I believe she'll fight and pull through, I just wish this was my fight and not hers.

I really appreciate the chance to sound off & share...please keep her in your thoughts.

I think that's important that she has come to terms with losing her hair. This aspect of chemo can really be upsetting to many women. Have you discussed getting a wig or anything? I know this may sound a bit trivial, but it's sometimes the little things that can improve her morale.

The most important thing for her, besides the treatment, is that she knows you're there for her. Don't be afraid to ask others for assistance though. Being the caregiver can be very physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.

Sorry there's not much more that we can do for you and your wife here on this forum. Just know that we're here listening whenever you need to vent.

 

[BrauHund]

Antony, I've been through the battle with cancer from the family member/care giver side of the fence and I won't lie to you, it's tough. I know that you're doing everything that you can to support Melanie and I'm certain that she appreciates it. One of the most powerful things that you can do to help Melanie is to keep a positive attitude and be a source of strength for her. But in order to be strong, you're going to need some help and support of your own. You need to find someone that can be your rock, someone that you can talk to when the going gets tough and you need a shoulder to lean on. That someone can be a close family member, a trusted friend or a member of the Church. You need to reach out to someone to help you keep your strength up and maintain a positive attitude for Melanie's sake. I also recommend that you look into a support group, they can work wonders and help you through the tough parts.

I'm praying for both of you and wish you the best! God Bless you both!

 

[antony]

just an update...

Yesterday she had another 800mL of fluid drained out of her lung (pleura), a result of the cancerous cells producing fluid. It was her 3rd time being through the procedure over the last month, although this was the least amount of fluid she'd had built up. Today was also our first chemo day. Long 7 hour day...followed by 3 weeks of rest and then another. 6 cycles scheduled, with a reevaluation after the second cycle. We were both pretty apprehensive before the start of the day but all the oncology nurses were dynamite in explaining everything every step of the way. All in all, she looks good today if only a little drugged up. We're both waiting for the nausea/exhaustion hammer to drop...word is that's probably Saturday. She's pretty irritated my the metallic smell/taste from the chemo, but "it's not gonna kill" her. My tiny little ox.

We've had TMBG tix for a few months now...the show is in one week. She desperately wants to go & we have a checkup next Thursday, so hopefully her wbc counts are good enough that the doctor's won't insist on her skipping out.
Sucks not being able to do more for her. I'd trade places with her in an instant but, honestly, she's much more tenacious than I am. Just breaks my heart to see her so sad.

On a brewing note...hoping I have time to keg a chocolate stout I made a month ago before all this hit. I'd also picked up 3 taps to add to my 2 tap kegerator...hoping I have time to work on that this Saturday morning. Really trying to adjust to the "new normal"...it sucks, but it'd suck more if she wasn't here.

kiss your wives, hug your kids, & please keep the prayers & good thoughts coming.

 

[Yooper]

I don't know what to say, but I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you (and her). I don't have any answers, or even questions, so I'm not much help at all- but I wanted to let you know that you were on my heart.

 

[PABowhunter1969]

Prayers your way.

 

[Elkobrewer]

Prayer sent your way stay strong

 

[tjmac5071]

My wife who I have been with for 14 years of my 30 on earth is in bed right now and I am damn near crying reading about the situation you and your wife are in, wanting to go in and wake her up to tell her how much I love her. I feel for you and absolutely wish for a speedy recovery and for you to stay the positive and strong husband she needs right now.

I remember one time I was worried about something, which is not normal for me, my wife stopped, looked at me and began crying and said "your the calm one, you tell me it's all going to be okay".

Just try to be her calm one and reassure her it will be okay, that is your purpose on earth until she is in remission.

 

[nyks]

Best wishes going your way.

 

[MaxStout]

You and your wife are in my thoughts.

 

[k1ngl1ves]

Edit:

Removed long post. I don't like leaving personal stuff on the Internet. OP did read it, and I hope it helps.

Good luck to you and your family.

 

[antony]

Maybe it will help someone though, and maybe it won't.)

It definitely helps, I appreciate it. I've actually been thinking more & more about support. My parents and family know, as well as a few close friends. She doesn't have any real family anymore...a sister & nephew who can never be bothered with us after all we've done for them, but that's it. I'm her family...so I never leave her side unless its for work that I can't get out of. I make daily calls to family, texts to friends when I'm having a hard time, but I agree, it doesn't seem to be enough some days. In a sense, reaching out on this thread has been a way for me to remember that people are pulling for us...that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

I appreciate your kind words and take heart in the experiences you've had...just wanted you to know that I'm thankful. I'm gonna see if I can push through these next few days of chemo side effects and then seek out others that are in the same position, or were. But jeez...it sure does suck when she's asleep. Just after 7am now & I told her I'd let her sleep 'til noon if she can. Deep breaths, a cup of coffee, and we push on...

thank you all again.

 

[antony]

Just an update:

Last Saturday & Sunday were rough with the 1st chemo cycle side effects. She was asleep most of last weekend & rarely spoke. I had friends & family over at different times to hang out in the backyard while she slept, it was comforting and made our confidence grow quite a bit. Monday she was nauseous again & took her meds so she slept through a good portion of that day as well. Then the clouds lifted on Tuesday and my wonderful girl was getting back to her old self...talking, joking, smiling & laughing. She improved more on Wednesday & by her 1 week bloodwork check-up on Thursday the only side effect she still had was some fatigue. The entire medical team was excited to see her doing so well and her numbers came back all within normal range. Bonus: She was cleared to go to the They Might Be Giants show we'd had tickets for for months. Much laughing and dancing that night and then again last night as we checked out an XTC tribute benefit show.

I'm kinda amazed at everything. Today's one month since diagnosis. This last month blazed by, mostly in a fog of tears and medical appointments. One month in and we just wrapped up two nights of great shows & she made it through 1 round of treatment & is feeling better than she has in weeks (save the fatigue).

 

[SharonaZamboni]

I believe positive thinking can truly affect health and healing.
Look for the happiness in each day.

 

[Inkleg]

That is a great update!
We are doing everything we came from our end and please know that we are here as needed.

 

[Cyclman]

More prayers going out.

 

[BrauHund]

I'm glad to hear that Melanie is doing much better! Still praying and wishing the best for both of you!

 

[Dixon9717]

That's awesome. Thanks for the update. She's a trooper prayers for your family from ours.