The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[seatazzz]

Dear Winter Gift-Giving Holiday of your Choice,

Damn you're getting close.

Sincerely, have not bought one thing for the spousal unit and need to get cracking soon

 

[balrog]

Dear Self
Corollary to @seatazzz above:
Yes you heard spousal unit complain about having too many things and yes you swear spousal unit said "no gifts".

Please recall what happened the last two times.

Sincerely
This year take the kid's advice
Just once
Please

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Dear Self
Corollary to @seatazzz above:
Yes you heard spousal unit complain about having too many things and yes you swear spousal unit said "no gifts".

Please recall what happened the last two times.

Sincerely
This year take the kid's advice
Just once
Please

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

View attachment 752294

Fell for that once. Still hear about it.

 

[3 Dawg Night]

Fell for that once. Still hear about it.

Dear Husbands of HBT,

I am dumb, but I am not that dumb.

Sincerely, A Husband that Knows "No Gifts" Doesn't Really Mean "No Gifts"

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Spouses of HBT (gotta be PC, dammit some of us have ovaries {although mine don't work anymore} {and some of us may have spouses of the same sex as us, we are all-inclusive here}),

When we SAY we don't need anything for the brewery, we do NOT mean that. But we DO mean that we want to buy it ourselves because you may not know exactly the model number to the 10th decimal point of the new shiny thing we want. And if you DO buy it for us, we are sensitive enough to not return it because we do not want to hurt your feelings, and might need another one of said thing someday.

Sincerely, already bought what I wanted at morebeer.com, and also have a fantastic daughter who is getting me a gift card to morebeer.com so I can buy MORE shiny stuff, and a husband who knows not to buy me brewery stuff unless I am right there with him, and lets me buy what I want within reason the rest of the year, yes this is too long but I don't care oh look beer.

 

[seatazzz]

And one more.

Dear USPS,

While I do understand the fact that everyplace is understaffed right now, it does irk me a little bit that husband got his "known" Xmas present before I did (for backstory we get each other 2 gifts for Xmas; one that is known, and one that is a surprise). I have no complaints to you, because I am in the supply chain industry myself, but dammit it's not fair.

Sincerely,

A bit miffed that spousal unit has a new toy while mine is still sitting in transit somewhere.

 

[balrog]

getting me a gift card to morebeer.com so I can buy MORE shiny stuff

Always good to have more, even if it's more MoreBeer giftcards to get more MoreBeer stuff, for, you know, more MoreBeer beer stuff.

 

[soccerdad]

Dear Morebeer -
Wondering if you pay these "influencers" to mention Morebeer several times per post. Or are they BOTS?
Sincerely, your most loyal Morebeer bot - I mean influencer.

 

[balrog]

Dear Oh Most Humorous Person Misguidedly Suggesting My Influence,

Thanks for giving me a laugh, being able to tell the kids I am an influencer, of more than balding, bad jokes and gravity's inexorable pull into the grave.

Sincerely
About to go influence some logs to become firewood.
Using an axe.
And wedges and a sledgehammer.

And some gravity.

 

[KeizerBrewr]

Dear Motorists,

Please understand how a roundabout works and that stopping is only required if you cannot merge into said roundabout without colliding into an oncoming vehicle. If not, avoid roundabouts until you do.

Sincerely,
Thoroughly miffed motorist.

 

[davidabcd]

Dear Motorists,

If you're not drunk, very old, texting or tired and you still driving that poorly, you shouldn't have a license.

Sincerely,
Someone who doesn't quite get things

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear Vehicular-Manslaughter-Defendants-in-Waiting

Looking out the opposite window to the stopped car at the 4-way stop you've just sailed through at 60km/h doesn't mean the offense did not happen.

Just because the Horrendous Bugblatter Beast of Traal assumes that if you can't see it, then it cannot see you, doesn't mean the same applies to the real world you are actually living in.

Sincerely,
Someone currently experiencing a real-world experiment of what happens when the traffic police disappear because "COVID"

 

[MaxStout]

Dear Firefox,

As one of the 3% or so people who still use your browser (there are a few sites that work best for me in FF), I do have to ask: are the weekly, gold-plating updates really necessary? How many times do you need to polish that thing?

Sincerely,
Eyes glazing over watching the updating progress on my startup screen read 33%...34%...35%...

 

[Kent88]

Dear Perturbed Firefox user,

Have you tried Linux? It's a lot less obnoxious.

Sincerely,
A happy Firefox user

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Innovators of Space Heaters,

It's 2021. Don't you think that by now, you could possibly manufacture something that does NOT trip every damned breaker I plug you into? I spent the extra $$ to get a nice one. I even plugged it into the ONLY outlet in my house that has nothing else plugged into the same circuit, turned it on LOW (750w), and it still zapped the breaker. And, Yes I am aware of fire hazard, maximum amps, etc, but my toesies are cold.

Sincerely,

Someone who is about to get blasted with replies about why space heaters trip breakers and are unsafe. But again, I am cold.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Thoroughly Miffed,

Come to Western Washington. We have roundabouts out the yingyang here and many many motorists who have no clue how to navigate them. Many are near schools where children wander willy-nilly without a care for crosswalks.

Sincerely,

Have seen many vehicles driving around and around and around a 2-lane roundabout because they didn't know how to get out of it, until I am right next to them and they suddenly decide to swerve out.

 

[VApatriot]

Dear Mother Nature,

Thank you so very much for not destroying everything I own in a tornado yesterday. You scared the crap out of us and have motivated us to be way more prepared in case we're not so lucky in the future.

Sincerely,

A home brewer that thankfully never has to shovel snow again, but has to be on a serious lookout for a tornado with every storm front.

 

[Kent88]

Dear household plumbing system,

Why??? I've felt ill for a few days, woke up feeling crummy again, but figured it wasn't anything a hot shower can't fix. Why did you greet me this morning with lukewarm water, only to have the temperature plummet, and on a morning when temperatures outside are below zero?

Sincerely,
Thank goodness for space heaters

 

[davidabcd]

Dear sweet cats of mine,

Please, please, please stop staring at me until you get what you want.

Sincerely,
Easily manipulated cat "owner"

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear Pedestrians walking in the street at night dressed like a Ninja,

I know all the cool people wear black, and the sidewalks are filled with snow, which should really be cleared, but the village isn’t enforcing their own rules and haven’t for so many years that residents and shopkeepers may not even realize they are worthy of a ticket. I really don’t want to run you down nor put a dent on the car I just repaired, so FFS wear something light, a scarf, hat or puffy coat at night So motorists can see you more easily.

Sincerely,
Driver that can see a black cat running out in the street more easily than Ninja clad morons.

 

[davidabcd]

dressed like a Ninja

That was funny. Our Eight Mile (same as the movie) has tons of traffic, tons of people crossing wherever, tons of hard-to-see folks and I'm surprised the inappropriately dressed don't get mowed down accidentally.

 

[Kent88]

I'm surprised the inappropriately dressed don't get mowed down accidentally.

I question why you feel the need to specify "accidentally".

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

 

[davidabcd]

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

That was funny (I think).
No, I kind of give humanity the benefit of the doubt that they won't try to take out someone on purpose.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

I question why you feel the need to specify "accidentally".

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

I’m not sure if the law has changed, but a long while ago NYC decided to not blame motorists for hitting jaywalkers. (Grey area, but essentially true) It was in the news, about 40 years ago. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few were “clipped” on purpose.
https://www.lawlavin.com/blog/the-rights-of-pedestrians-in-new-york/

 

[davidabcd]

Whatever the law may be here, I would find it wrong to convict a driver for hitting a jaywalker if the driver is going no faster than the posted speed limit or a reasonable speed for the situation.
But there is the law here that if someone rear ends you and you slide (say there's snow and/or ice on the ground) and hit the car in front of you, you're responsible for hitting that car. I can see this being logical as you shouldn't tailgate, I guess.

 

[davidabcd]

Just to finish up, I was out just now and was reminded that a strangely high percentage of jaywalkers don't look while crossing so...
Dear Jaywalkers,
Please don't put your lives in the hands of strangers who may be on the phone when you cross the street illegally.*
Signed,
I don't get you, dude.
*I don't actually have a problem with jaywalking, especially around here where a light crossing can be a half-mile away. Just do it sensibly.

 

[bracconiere]

Dear Cat "owners"...

If you own this damn thing, why the f is it always on my back deck! and have the nerve to stare at me and hiss!

Sincerly,

Someone that thinks all cats should be house cats!!!! keep your sick fetishes to yourself, and don't expect me to feel the same way!

 

[davidabcd]

If you own this damn thing, why the f is it always on my back deck! and have the nerve to stare at me and hiss!

Funny.
Here it would be negligent/irresponsible to let a cat you own outside and unsupervised. Too many perils to name. Ours go out on leashes in the backyard.
You might be a cat person and not know it which is why they like to hang out by your place.

 

[bracconiere]

Funny.
Here it would be negligent/irresponsible to let a cat you own outside and unsupervised. Too many perils to name. Ours go out on leashes in the backyard.
You might be a cat person and not know it which is why they like to hang out by your place.

my issue is it's the little girl's cat that lives next door, seems like a good kid...and thinks my house is "pretty"...i assure you i'm a dog person, and don't like cats...a dog can get a job!


but i respect your right to play your games with your cat....

 

[Ayzala]

Dear Amazon/Amazon Driver

I ordered an air purifier 3 days ago and what I got well...
To start, I get it that you are saving money by slapping a shipping label on the packaging instead of putting it in an Amazon box. And I get it that you save on shipping by having your own fleet of delivery vehicles and drivers.
But....
I was so happy to see the box on my front steps and bent down to pick up what I thought would be about 10 pounds... Woh, this thing is light!!!
Opened it up to find two fairly beat up pieces of packing foam and nothing else! Not even the instructions!
So, my thoughts are
1) How did the driver not know a package with a shipping weight of 9.4 pounds weighed less than 9.4 ounces.
2) How did the people in the warehouse not realize the box could be empty.
3) How did the loaders of the delivery truck not think it may be empty.
4) If someone else bought the same product, and didn't want to pay for it, returned an empty box, why didn't the receiving department think it was empty.
5) Your driver in my area has a brand new air purifier with the instructions.

I'm so confused as to what actually happened here, where in the chain of command did the ball get dropped?

Thankfully you replaced the item at no cost, but what the heck do the Indian (from India) people that I chatted with know anyway!

Sincerely,

Seriously thinking about going back to brick and mortar stores.

 

[davidabcd]

my issue is it's the little girl's cat that lives next door, seems like a good kid...and thinks my house is "pretty"...i assure you i'm a dog person, and don't like cats...a dog can get a job!


but i respect your right to play your games with your cat..

I'm a dog person too. You do sound like my brother--great disdain for cats until he met one that started schmoozing him. To each his own, full respect.
One of our cats plays fetch, another can open doors. They come running to be picked up when they see me, talk a lot, one growls at the USPS truck or letter carrier.. An improperly treated cat is intolerable to be around.
From having both, I've observed that you can boss a dog around with little downside. Boss a cat around too much and it will be ruined.
Edit: I almost forgot, if there's no job market for literally opening doors or fetching, there's always rodent control.

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear Department of transportation people,
Not sure who is in charge of the clearing and maintenance of I-270 around Columbus, but could you find out who it is that is in charge of I-71 and US-315. They obviously have figured out the magical solution to clearing the snow and ice off the roads that is clearly eluding you. Maybe if you're nice they might give you a few tips on how to the job that you obviously have no clue how to do.
There is no other conceivable reason that one 3 lane interstate is covered ice, slush, and snow to to point that only the most reckless of us drivers dare to exceed 40 mph for a short bust, only to merge on to an intersecting road that is completely clear and running at normal highway speeds. Obviously, you are inept and have no clue how to do your job, please transfer back to Texas where it is acceptable to just shut everything down over a little snow and ice
Sincerely,
It is called salt and a plow blade...

 

[Kent88]

Dear Cat "owners"...

If you own this damn thing, why the f is it always on my back deck! and have the nerve to stare at me and hiss!

Sincerly,

Someone that thinks all cats should be house cats!!!! keep your sick fetishes to yourself, and don't expect me to feel the same way!

Dear Monster,

I grew up with barn cats. I will never keep a cat in the house.

Deal with it.

Sincerely,
Someone who appreciates a good mouser

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear going back to brick and mortar,
#1 please do. Those people at those stores miss you, and getting out for some air and exercise might be considered a good idea by some.
#2 99% of the people handling that box don't care that this box is lighter that expected. They are handling hundreds if not thousands of boxes and it not their concern to check the weight, just get it where it is going in a timely manner. There is a process for claims, and it is not to stop a box in the middle of shipping.
Sincerely,
Come and see us in real life.

 

[Kent88]

Dear Cat Enthusiasts,

Have you checked out the Cats thread?

Have you checked out Bracc's profile page, maybe left a profile post?

Sincerely,
Just asking questions.

 

[Jayjay1976]

Dear Amazon/Amazon Driver

I ordered an air purifier 3 days ago and what I got well...
To start, I get it that you are saving money by slapping a shipping label on the packaging instead of putting it in an Amazon box. And I get it that you save on shipping by having your own fleet of delivery vehicles and drivers.
But....
I was so happy to see the box on my front steps and bent down to pick up what I thought would be about 10 pounds... Woh, this thing is light!!!
Opened it up to find two fairly beat up pieces of packing foam and nothing else! Not even the instructions!
So, my thoughts are
1) How did the driver not know a package with a shipping weight of 9.4 pounds weighed less than 9.4 ounces.
2) How did the people in the warehouse not realize the box could be empty.
3) How did the loaders of the delivery truck not think it may be empty.
4) If someone else bought the same product, and didn't want to pay for it, returned an empty box, why didn't the receiving department think it was empty.
5) Your driver in my area has a brand new air purifier with the instructions.

I'm so confused as to what actually happened here, where in the chain of command did the ball get dropped?

Thankfully you replaced the item at no cost, but what the heck do the Indian (from India) people that I chatted with know anyway!

Sincerely,

Seriously thinking about going back to brick and mortar stores.

Dear @Ayzala
Was the box filled with purified air? Maybe you misread the product description?
I can tell you from experience that bubble wrap isn't filled with air, they use cow farts to make them more "green".

Sincerely,
Read product descriptions more thoroughly next time, and remind me never again to attempt scuba diving using bubble wrap in place of an air tank.

 

[davidabcd]

Dear Cat Enthusiasts,

that was pretty funny.

 

[davidabcd]

Are people getting mowed down on purpose?

And another response:
Like Stallone in the original Death Race 2000?

NO!

 

[Jayjay1976]

I'm a dog person too. You do sound like my brother--great disdain for cats until he met one that started schmoozing him. To each his own, full respect.
One of our cats plays fetch, another can open doors. They come running to be picked up when they see me, talk a lot, one growls at the USPS truck or letter carrier.. An improperly treated cat is intolerable to be around.
From having both, I've observed that you can boss a dog around with little downside. Boss a cat around too much and it will be ruined.
Edit: I almost forgot, if there's no job market for literally opening doors or fetching, there's always rodent control.

Dear cat-averse citizens,

I think that people who dislike cats based on comparisons to dogs are ill-informed.

My brew cat Milo is an absolute terrorist and that's what makes him awesome. He's not friendly to guests and if he were ever around a child I suspect that kid would receive a face tattoo, but to us he is a big sweet 25 pound marshmallow with fearsome fangs and daggers on all his toes. His kisses always involve some teeth and his safe word is a blood-curdling scream. He does like people, he just can't eat a whole one, and God forbid he ever gets outside we have coyotes around here and the poor defenseless things can't even climb trees.

Sincerely,
All out of bandaids