She Walks in the Willows with Pandas

[Mantis]

The tattoo probably says " She Waddles to the Window at Panda Express"

Holy s***, LOL!!

 

[paulthenurse]

Like the one where you were just about to jump off the stern of a boat a mile offshore wearing 40 lbs of lead wearing an empty scuba tank? You're right, I like that story better. Except it didn't have the happy ending I was yearning for.

PTN

Did I say "yearning?"

Oh good, I did. Thought I might have said something lame like hoping.

PTN

 

[Foamenter]

Did I say "yearning?"

Oh good, I did. Thought I might have said something lame like hoping.

PTN

I think your "yearning" is what expedited your DMV experience.

The moral has to be - "If all else fails, try a game of grab-ass"

 

[jgln]

"If it weren't for my hooorse, I would have never went to college" -Lewis Black

Love that one!

 

[yeager1977]

The tattoo probably says " She Waddles to the Window at Panda Express"

OMG tears are in my eyes! I bet thats what it really said too!

 

[yeager1977]

CB: Grow up and realize we are all sick of your lame attempts to pick on poor PTN. Look how pathetic he has become. To "make himself happy" he has to grab at the largest a$$ in the world. You should not make fun of him, you should pity him....

 

[Cape Brewing]

Whoaaaaaaaaa look who is being allowed 15 minutes of computer time!!!!

Holy smokes!!!! What did you do? wash all of the windows and then clean and iron the curtains??

 

[weirdboy]

Nice story. Last time I was at the DMV here, I met a stripper, and learned lots of interesting things about that occupation. So, the wait went by rather quickly. And we ended up exchanging phone numbers before parting ways.

 

[Cape Brewing]

And I wasn't going in the water with an empty tank... every dive boat I've been on (and I READILY admit it is not many), when I've come out of the water on my first dive, the tanks have gotten switched out for me. And if memory serves me correctly, my "host" (Mr. PTN) said about 4,000 times "Oh these guys are the best guys EVER... they practically wipe you azz for you! They'll do everything for you, you don't have to lift a finger. They'll even put your gloves on you"

SO... STUPID ME... I just assumed it would be taken of.

And there is ZERO chance i would have jumped in the water without checking my air level.

 

[arturo7]

Damn flash, you're getting all defensive. PTN musta struck a nerve.

 

[conpewter]

Nice story. Last time I was at the DMV here, I met a stripper, and learned lots of interesting things about that occupation. So, the wait went by rather quickly. And we ended up exchanging phone numbers before parting ways.

We're listening...

 

[DeathBrewer]

What the hell is going on?

 

[arturo7]

What the hell is going on?

Hopefully we're gonna get a DMV stripper story...

 

[the_bird]

Nice story. Last time I was at the DMV here, I met a stripper, and learned lots of interesting things about that occupation. So, the wait went by rather quickly. And we ended up exchanging phone numbers before parting ways.

Exchange anything else? Body fluids? STDs?

 

[dwarven_stout]

And then Teddy Kennedy came out and pinned a medal on me and we all went back to having fun with the deli tickets

I heard that guy's been sober for like, 3 weeks now.

The tattoo probably says " She Waddles to the Window at Panda Express"

Rofl. That was as funny as anything else in the story.

 

[weirdboy]

No I am afraid I need to keep the DMV stripper story to myself due to SWMBO regulations.

 

[dwarven_stout]

No I am afraid I need to keep the DMV stripper story to myself due to SWMBO regulations.

Professional courtesy?

 

[JOHN51277]

Awesome story! You should have your own section for story telling. I felt like I was there! And yes that was a HUGE ass!

 

[Edcculus]

dude, you let the cat out of the bag. We have to have the DMV stripper story now.

 

[the_bird]

I'm just going to assume the worst at this point, namely, that you convinced yourself sticking your dick in a stripper was somehow a good idea.

 

[Cape Brewing]

What the hell is going on?

PTN groped a (in my best Buffalo Bill voice) a big fat woman.

... and he wanted everyone to know.

 

[DeathBrewer]

I'm still confused...is that...Sinbad???

 

[conpewter]

I'm just going to assume the worst at this point, namely, that you convinced yourself sticking your dick in a stripper was somehow a good idea.

Maybe he's just now allowed to tell how he and SWMBO met?

 

[weirdboy]

One interesting thing that I learned about the profession, that doesn't have to do with personal matters, is that this girl worked at most two nights per week, and spent the rest of her time doing whatever the hell she felt like.

Also, SWMBO =/= stripper

 

[DeathBrewer]

...I'm in love with a stripper...

 

[jgln]

One interesting thing that I learned about the profession, that doesn't have to do with personal matters, is that this girl worked at most two nights per week, and spent the rest of her time doing whatever the hell she felt like.

Also, SWMBO =/= stripper

I heard they are forced into early retirement though. Better off working 40 hrs/wk while the work is there so she has enough to retire on when that time comes.......or marry some guy.

 

[arturo7]

Good strippers can earn a fine income.

FSM bless them.

 

[Cape Brewing]

I'm still confused...is that...Sinbad???

on my avatar? DUDE!!! It's Roger. He has many facets. Effin Sinbad!?!? Roger will take you out wit talk like dat.


(google: "many facets of Roger")

 

[scottthorn]

"If it weren't for my [horse], I [wouldn't have spent that year in] college" -Lewis Black

I love this quote and use it as my sig on some other boards.

For those unfamiliar, the story starts in the International House of Pancakes, where...

a woman of 25 uttered the dumbest thing I'd ever heard in my life. She said, 'If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.' I'll repeat that. I'll repeat that because that's the kind of sentence that when you hear it, your brain comes to a screeching halt. And the left hand side of the brain looks at the right hand side and goes, 'It's dark in here, and we may die.'

She said, 'If it weren't for my horse...' as in, giddy up, giddy up, let's go - 'I wouldn't have spent that year in college,' a degree-granting institution.

Don't! Don't think about that sentence for more than three minutes, or blood'll shoot out your nose.

The American medical profession doesn't know why we get an aneurysm. It's when a blood vessel bursts in our head for no apparent reason. There's a reason. You're at the mall one day, and somebody over there says the dumbest thing you've ever heard and it goes in your ear. So you turn around to see if your friends heard it, cause if your friends heard it, and you can talk about what the ******* said, then it'll be gone. But your friends are over here, pretending they're gonna buy a cellular phone, and they're not gonna buy a cellular phone, because they don't even understand how the rate structure works. So you turn back, to find the person who said it, because if you can ask 'em a question like, 'WHAT THE **** ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?!' then it'll go away. But they're gone. And now those words are in your head. And those words don't go away. Cause the way I see it, 7% of our brains functions all the time, because 99% of everything that happens is the same old stuff. We get it. All right. Move on. Get it. Right. But every so often, somethin' like that happens: 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.' So your brain goes, 'LET'S FIGURE IT OUT! Son of a bitch! I wonder what that's about!' I wonder, was she riding the horse to school? No, she wouldn't be riding the horse to school. Maybe it was a polo pony; she had a polo pony scholarship. Maybe she sold the horse and that's how she - she was betting on the horse! WHAT THE ****?!! And then you realize that anybody who went to college would never say anything that stupid in public. And as soon as you have that thought, your eyes close and the next morning they find you dead in your bathroom.

Of course, with Lewis Black, a lot of the humor is in the delivery so I encourage everyone to seek out a recording. It's on his release called The White Album.

[/derail]

 

[DeathBrewer]

on my avatar? DUDE!!! It's Roger. He has many facets. Effin Sinbad!?!? Roger will take you out wit talk like dat.


(google: "many facets of Roger")

Heh...I like the dissapointed face. The first one DID look like Sinbad.