Post your favorite funny or snarky sayings here

[beergolf]

Does being an a**hole come naturally to you or do you have to practice, because you are very good at it.

 

[autobaun70]

Slower than a herd of turtles swimming through a peanut butter pond.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

He couldn't find his own ass in the dark with 3 hands & a flashlight.

 

[autobaun70]

"Chin music." Defined as the persistent flapping of the female sex's mouth (while emitting noise) when they are irritated about some that a male did do, didn't do, or did incorrectly.

 

[CGVT]

Chin music is a high and tight fastball thrown to a batter who is crowding the plate.

 

[soccerdad]

Credit 'Field of Dreams'

You're seeing a whole team of psychiatrists, aren't you?'

 

[Hamaki]

Chin music is a high and tight fastball thrown to a batter who is crowding the plate.

Or a wrastlin' move...

 

[HBngNOK]

When it gets right down to the nut-cuttin',,,,,,,,

 

[MFWINZLOW]

"...hump it like it's prom night..."
Slym?

 

[slym2none]

I want no part of your humping, thanks.

 

[SteveH aka shetc]

Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with dirty finger.

 

[SteveH aka shetc]

Girl who horse around get ridden a lot.

 

[wallybangbang]

"Good enough for the girls I go with"

Stolen from my fire academy instructor whenever we performed an evolution correctly.

 

[cthulu1975]

Describing a dirty whore. "I wouldn't f@@k her with your d!ck".

 

[smokinop]

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

Educated beyond his intelligence.

And from a very nice but the most educated man I ever met, who always had a plug of snuff in his lower lip....it's a cryin & a shame. RIP Willie!

 

[JonM]

You despise me don't you?

If I gave you any thought I probably would.

 

[slym2none]

You despise me don't you?

If I gave you any thought I probably would.

My response is always "Who are you, again?"

 

[benco]

Here's one I like. " No sense in being pessimistic... wouldn't work anyway".

 

[Hophunter]

When the work is good but not perfect, either, "good enough for gov't work" or "can't see it from my house".

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"Madder than a one legged waitress at IHOP."

 

[DrunkleJon]

It's okay, we're from the Government. We are here to help.

 

[LKABrewer]

Slicker than cat sh!t on linoleum.

 

[Inkleg]

Busier than a three legged cat trying to cover a turd on an icy lake.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"I'm on it like a fat kid on a cupcake."
"I'm on it like white on rice."
"I'm on it like stink on sh!t."
"I'm on it like a fat man on a virgin."
"I'm on it like Birkenstocks on a lesbian."

 

[SharonaZamboni]

A misspoken phrase can kind of mean the same thing.
Hair's breadth. Hare's breath.

 

[jcav]

When a nosey person asks, "What ever happened with....?" Or "Where are you going?" Or "What's going on with so and so?" If it's something I can't divulge and it's private I'll put it back on them and say, "What are you writing a book?" Sometimes if they are persistent they will say "Yea", and then I will say "Well leave that part out and make it a mystery?" Or if you really want to be sarcastic and you know them real well, you can say after that "Or you can kiss my a$$ and make it a love story!" I got this a long time ago from somewhere, pretty funny though to see their reactions.....It gets you off the hook and they usually drop the questions....

John

 

[slym2none]

"You know I can hear you from here."

"So? Good! What do you want, an I-Can-Hear-You-From-Here trophy?"

"No thanks. That doesn't sound like a good prize."

 

[vanishingpint]

He's dumber than a tick on a bowling ball.
That face looks like it wore out two bodies.
If brains was gasoline you couldn't run a pissant's go cart around a dime.

 

[day_trippr]

Saw this one on Slate today:
"Do you have to wipe when you're done talking?"

That's gotta leave a burn

 

[slym2none]

Totes using that one.