Post your favorite funny or snarky sayings here

[Scout]

I can explain it for you, but I can't understand it for you.

More f---ed up than a soup sandwich.

 

[vanishingpint]

Well that makes about as much sense as a screen door in a submarine.

 

[vanishingpint]

But what if.....If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass. If your aunt had balls she'd be your uncle.

 

[mwfripp]

old rugby coach used to say "can't make chicken salad outta chicken ****"

 

[Mobrew1]

If you are not in bed by 10:00 you just as well come home!!

 

[Mobrew1]

Hotter than a fresh f_ed fox in a forest fire!

 

[Hamaki]

Time for you to go home - I hear your mom barking for you.

 

[GrogNerd]

Can't polish a turd*

Had an LPO in the Navy, STG1 Guthrie, everyone called him Arlo, wasn't his real name, if you asked him how are you, he'd say, "finer'n frog hair cut four ways"

*what I want to say any time someone on these boards asks "my beer tastes *insert off taste*! Will aging it help?"

 

[Devon]

Can't polish a turd

No, but you can roll it in glitter.

 

[BalloonGuy]

My 10 year old told my 8 year old -- "you are so full of s*+% the toilet is jealous".

 

[KayaBrew]

don't spit on a cupcake and tell me it's frosting!

 

[user 224599]

"Dumb as a box of rocks with all the really sharp rocks removed, for his own protection."

 

[MFWINZLOW]

Why I oughta... (think 3 Stooges....)

 

[TheFlatLander]

It she fell into a barrel of c*cks, she'd come out sucking her thumb

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"That boy is about as sharp as a bowling ball."

 

[SlickTX]

He's not the sharpest marble in the drawer.

 

[Brewmasher]

Don't put your hand where you would not put your face.

 

[Spookwoman]

I hope your balls turn square and fester at the corners

 

[Brewmasher]

If you drink a fifth on the fourth
You may not go fourth on the fifth

 

[OkanaganMike]

Smells so bad it would gag a maggot

 

[BalloonGuy]

My 11 year old says "Hey, I smell popcorn" after farting. She wants you to take a deep breath and really get the smell in... I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

 

[Rockn_M]

My 11 year old says "Hey, I smell popcorn" after farting. She wants you to take a deep breath and really get the smell in... I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

You should feel proud.

 

[Brewmasher]

Better to be looking at it
than looking for it.

 

[user 224599]

"Smells like a urinal cake in a Tijuana asparagus factory"

 

[Scout]

When you hear someone singing badly...
"Who sings that?"
*answer*
"Let's keep it that way."

 

[dmtaylor]

My 11 year old says "Hey, I smell popcorn" after farting. She wants you to take a deep breath and really get the smell in... I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Broccoli. It's all about the broccoli. :rockin:

 

[Homercidal]

OT

2 parts egg
1 part cabbage
1 part beans

Let 'er rip.

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"That sucks big, blue rhinoceros balls!"

"Sweeter than a diabetic girl scout."

"I feel like I've been rode hard & put up wet."

 

[soccerdad]

"I feel like I've been rode hard & put up wet."

That's what she said.

 

[jayrome2722]

You can build a thousand bridges, but if you suck one cxxk you're a cxxksucker.

 

[HIM_Tattoos]

From the wife:

Opinions are like penises, its fine if you have one, but when you take it out and start waving it around, then we have a problem.

My favorite is a variant of this.

Opinions are like penises.
They're great to have.
Good to hold on to.
And a lot of fun to play with.
But it's not okay to run around trying to shove it down everyone's throat.

 

[nmfree]

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but hollowpoints expand on impact!"

 

[nmfree]

If someone yawns without covering their mouth: "Are you tired, or you sizing me up?"

 

[nmfree]

If you're in the woods, and the bugs are bad: "The 'skeeters were so big, they could stand flat-footed and **** a turkey in the ass!"

 

[benco]

A friend of mine always loved Stevie Nicks and every time he would hear her voice on the radio he would say, "I'd crawl through 3 miles of glass, to a payphone, just to hear her piss in a Budweiser can!"

 

[Brewmasher]

A friend of mine always loved Stevie Nicks and every time he would hear her voice on the radio he would say, "I'd crawl through 3 miles of glass, to a payphone, just to hear her piss in a Budweiser can!"

Or "I'd eat the corn out of her ****"

 

[vanishingpint]

Or "I'd eat the corn out of her ****"

Or; I'd crawl two miles on my hands and knees over broken glass and beer bottles just to smell the tire tracks of the truck that hauls her dirty underwear to the laundry.

 

[GrogNerd]

She's so fine I'd suck the ... that made her

Eff... was that out loud?

 

[JonM]

She's so fine I'd suck the ... that made her

Eff... was that out loud?

*record scratch*

 

[MindenMan]

If Hatty Potter was diagnosed with HPV virus, would the doctor's say, "He is suffering from the Deadly Swallows." Sick, huh?