Post your favorite funny or snarky sayings here

[smurfjuice]

People starving in China ... they shouldn't live there .

 

[Kharnynb]

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewere, would much rather you weren't doing.

 

[GilSwillBasementBrews]

No point in being dumb if you're not going to prove it...and you sure like to prove it.

 

[Hophunter]

Clear as mud.

 

[CGVT]

His luck is so bad, if it was raining pu$$ies he'd get hit in the face with an a$$hole.

 

[EtchyLives]

Stop looking at me like I've got a d*ck growing out of my forehead.

I'd rather suck a dead man's d*ck

I will slap the taste out of your mouth

He hit every branch when he fell out of the ugly/stupid tree

 

[JonM]

I've always liked "Eat a bag of d!cks."

 

[jafo28]

If I wanted any lip off of you, I'd scrape it off of my zipper.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

"How about a nice big bag of STFU?" I used to say that to most of my former coworkers. I might still have the sack with STFU in black marker somewhere.

 

[1977Brewer]

My Dad, if he didn't hear what you were saying: "You did what? To whose dog?"

Often followed by "For how many nickels?"

My grandpa, basically every day after school: "You learn anything new today, Clint?"

"Not really..."

"Then don't go back"

 

[Hamaki]

My grandfather every time he saw a new baby, "Huh, kinda looks like Sam Taylor". Sam was the town drunk.

 

[arturo7]

We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.

 

[slym2none]

"I leave more personality in the crapper than you have!"

 

[cattmoble]

"Busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs"

"He couldn't sell ***** on a troop train"

"I'd like to check her for ticks"

"He's one beer short of a six pack"

" The bitterness of poor quality long remains after the sweetness of low prices are forgotten"

 

[Hophunter]

I'm sweating more than a virgin in a pecker patch.

 

[JonM]

"Some people believe with great fervor preposterous things that just happen to coincide with their self-interest."

 

[gratus fermentatio]

"I'd like to check her for ticks"

I'm so going to use that!

That guy couldn't find his own ass in the dark with 3 hands & a flashlight.

Regards, GF.

 

[VApatriot]

The best ones I learned in Tennessee go like this:

He so lost he couldn't find his a$$ with a map, a compass, and two Indian guides!

I hate that guy, I wouldn't pi$$ up his a$$ if his guts was on fahr!

 

[Inkleg]

"If someone told her to haul a$$, she'd have to make two trips"

 

[harleybug88]

"Honey, I promise, I won't be home late. I'm only gonna have one or two beers."

 

[MaxStout]

"honey, i promise, i won't be home late. I'm only gonna have one or six beers."

ftfy

 

[BentBrewer]

When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails.

 

[Vandulus]

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's a sport.

 

[VApatriot]

Some I learned in Tennessee:

- He's so lost he couldn't find his a$$hole with a map, a compass, and two Indian guides!

- I hate that guy, I wouldn't pi$$ up his a$$ if his guts was on fahr!

- Man that's sexier than socks on a rooster!

- She's so ugly , she looks like she done fell out outta the ugly tree an hit near every branch on the way down.

- You don't have the common sense God gave a cabbage.

 

[slym2none]

"XXX is so ugly they'd make a train take a dirt road."

-or-

"They/You look like a dried up turd on a bad piece of road."

 

[jafo28]

Some I learned in Tennessee:

- He's so lost he couldn't find his a$$hole with a map, a compass, and two Indian guides!

- I hate that guy, I wouldn't pi$$ up his a$$ if his guts was on fahr!

- Man that's sexier than socks on a rooster!

- She's so ugly , she looks like she done fell out outta the ugly tree an hit near every branch on the way down.

- You don't have the common sense God gave a cabbage.

One from my time in Tennessee.


I'd ride her like a Harley on a bad piece of road.

 

[Alpotun]

To a friend with a beer gut I'll rub it gently (for clarity, the belly) and ask "what's the gestation period on that?"

 

[gratus fermentatio]

It's slicker than greased goose sh!t on glass!

 

[Hamaki]

To anyone overly proud of their oratory skills, "You use your mouth purtier 'n a twenty dollar whore!"

Thank you Mel Brooks!

 

[Natdavis777]

Whenever life gets you down, just remember, YOU were the strongest sperm...