Opinionated People

[afr0byte]

No way dude. My role as a husband is to serve my wife. Period.

Maybe you have a different idea of what the word serve means in this case. When I think of serving a person I think of a butler or something. I rather doubt your wife would appreciate it if you said her role was server you, but I'm not sure what you or her mean when you say serve.

 

[BrewerinBR]

all the other post ( which I will do shortly), but, I will say this. I have been married to the same person (Pat) for 23 years. She is the best person on this planet!
Has it been easy NO. Has it been strawberries and cream NO. Did we disagree YES. Are we committed to each other and our relationship YES. I will give all of you a little insight. I do not not base my relationship on the fickleness of my emotions. LOVE is a choice! I CHOOSE to always act in a loving manner toward my wife even if I do not particularly like her that day! No matter how I feel I always put her FIRST! Also when I feel sad and lonely and beaten and defeated, I share with her, and let her in to my feelings at my weakest point.... because I trust her and she is there for me... my pillar, my strength, her loving kindness at that point keeps me keeping on! If you want a strong lasting loving relationship then this is how you do it. It is NOT EASY. Nothing worthwhile ever is!

 

[Yooper]

Maybe you have a different idea of what the word serve means in this case. When I think of serving a person I think of a butler or something. I rather doubt your wife would appreciate it if you said her role was server you, but I'm not sure what you or her mean when you say serve.

I think I do! I think it means to "be available to". By that I mean, being available when you really don't want to be- to be accommodating to his/her needs. Sometimes the need to talk is there, and I really don't want to listen to this **** again. But they need to vent, and you're up!

"Serving" is a word we use in my church a lot, with no negative connotations at all. Maybe a better word is "accommodate" or "help".

My spouse and I have totally different needs- and we have to be aware that what I need may not be at all what he is happy to give at that moment.

 

[afr0byte]

You don't have to agree with it. I wasn't trying to cause a debate, I am just stating what I feel to be obvious fact - that when you consider the needs of your mate in a marriage, and put these needs before your own, it builds a stronger relationship. However it only works if the other partner is doing the same. I've seen this first hand when contrasting my last marriage, where I gave 100% and my wife gave 20, and the one I'm in now where we are both giving 110%. And that goes for life in general. We all should be trying to give more in life than we take from it.

I guess we agree. I just didn't get that initially based on the wording.

 

[BrewerinBR]

A great marriage is an amazing thing, and a great way to go through life. My partner, my lover, my best friend, my companion and activity partner- all rolled into one.

A bad marriage is hell, though.

If you really aren't inclined to put the effort into the first, you will have the second. And I'd rather be alone forever than in a bad marriage.

WOW did you nail it!

 

[bottlebomber]

Oh my gosh- they're so cute. If you ever tire of them, I'll give you my address and you can send them to me. I'm a sucker for a smart guy with an impish grin- and they all definitely have that.

My brother in law is also attracted to poor choices- but he has a great time for a few weeks and then the "crazy" sets in. And he's hurt, angry, broke, etc, until the next time.

This is going to sound very judgemental, but I promise it's not! Sometimes, what we think we're looking for is so superficial and we get chemistry and lust confused with "real" people.

Let's face it- you can be attracted to a lot of non-appropriate people. And having a relationship with a drama queen (male or female) or a needy person is not really going to last long term.

In order to really be ready for a long-term relationship, you have to be totally happy alone, as a single person. Then you are ready for a relationship.

No one can "fix" anybody else, make them happy, give them a reason to live, or whatever is lacking in their lives.

So, seriously, if you want to get married someday- spend a lot of time alone. Figure out who you are, what makes you tick, what makes you mad, and what makes you happy. Live alone, have hobbies, friends, and a social life. THEN you may be ready for a relationship.

How about I send them to you for the teenage years?

I guess we agree. I just didn't get that initially based on the wording.

Looking back on it possibly you were thinking of a relationship where man is selflessly serving a woman... who is also selfishly serving herself. I am totally against an unbalanced relationship where one mate is pulling all the weight. I've been in one. It sucks.

 

[BrewerinBR]

To serve or to be "samurai" is good way to put it. In my life Patricia comes first before anything else... I am fully committed to her just as I know and trust that she is committed to me. I know this because we share our feelings, verbally, visually, physically, emotionally. So do I serve my wife? YES absolutely at all times. Kiss her butt I do... with emense pleasure I kiss it!!!

 

[bottlebomber]

Aww that comment was dumb... It sounded better in my head last night
*deleted*

 

[jonmohno]

OH,my. As far as the origional question.If you can make it through those heavy,days/years then youve made it through. If you truely love someone you he/she doesnt give up on something stupid as most arguments are anyway. Fact is most people/particularly women give up fast-because(they aren't happy).Life is not about 95% happiness,something they have to mature to realize or have to work at to understand what to do to fix that.Shure if dateing will make them happy then they may never know how to be happy long term until they realize they cant always be happy all the time. A big part of it is just pure selfishness anyway,thats not love.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I've only been married for 2 months now, but have been living with my wife for 3 years and together for 5. Best advice I have is that a relationship takes work and sacrifice... but a good one won't feel like it. Seriously. Its like RDWHAHB... but with semi-regular sex.

I know I sound like I'm joking, but I'm not. If you are worried that you arent ready for something serious... you probably aren't ready. If you are constantly afraid the one you are with is cheating... well guess what, either she IS, or the relationship is so rotten that she might as well be. Here's the truth, you will be in the right thing for you for months or a year before you know it. And if not, hey, that's cool too.

 

[bottlebomber]

I think you're always half joking Creamy... But the other half is dead serious