Opinionated People

[McGee3]

So whats everybody's opinions on successful relationships? Always ****y in the end, better off staying single.... or worth the struggle and grieving of trying to find "the one", your significant other.
Lets hear some stories.

 

[passedpawn]

Get a good dog. Best relationship you'll ever have. Cheers.

 

[twilbrew247]

Brew beer. It'll never let you down.

 

[McGee3]

Haa im beginning to think so to. A dog, a keg, ad my brothers.
But ya always get that feelin in the end, after all the extra stuff, that, " okay lets settle down now, find me a good gal" ya know.

 

[Subsailor]

My wife and I have been together for over 12 years. We talk over everything and support each others hobbies, even encourage them to grow. We have not had any problems that we cannot overcome together and genuinely like each other. We treat each other respectfully and this is how we treat all others, our kids (now grown - I married into the family) said this is why ours was the 'go to' house because we treated their friends as people also, with respect and honor.

I believe it is worth it. I wasn't looking for anyone and anticipated pretty much being single for my life but we hit it off and continue to do so.

 

[E-Mursed]

Get a good dog. Best relationship you'll ever have. Cheers.

You will still be spending lots of your time picking up someones sh*t....

 

[McGee3]

I can dig that, i havnt been married, im a young buck,i dont plan on getting married, but i do plan on finding another one, worth while. I dot want to marrie because i dont want my hunny and i to get that feeling of 'okay, were settled, intense love emotiona over' kinda thing. I want to remain close, and staying unmarried would seem to help that.

 

[bigbeergeek]

I want to remain close, and staying unmarried would seem to help that.

Sounds like you don't understand the female mind very well. Not committing to a lifelong relationship usually distances you from the lady, not the other way around. I'm not saying everyone should get hitched, I'm just saying I think you've got it wrong.

 

[McGee3]

I see, i didn't think of it that way. But i think it depends more so on the lady. if i found a woman with the same view point a me, it could be different, but thats a good point.

 

[day_trippr]

Everyone should get married...twice. At least.

First one should be short, and definitely sans offspring. Go a year or two to get your feet wet with the whole marriage thing, then have an amicable split.

Now, with your marital education in hand, you can go about the whole process with enlightenment, instead of stumbling around in the dark like that first marriage.


My first marriage lasted for three pretty good years, actually, but there was a major philosophical difference between us that eventually would have caused serious problems with the passage of time, so we did the amicable breakup thing.

My current wife was married for just a couple of years before a way, WAY bigger problem than anything I ever dealt with turned up. Their breakup had a bit more drama but was more amicable than not.

We've been married for 36 years. And we're still very much in love.

Cheers!

 

[Erroneous]

I don't think marriage is for everyone and certainly isn't for everyone right now. It requires putting someone else's needs first pretty much all the time. Not everyone is ready for that and not everyone understands exactly what it means. Some people are better off without a partner. I've been in a relationship with my wife for 8 years and been married for 4.

 

[McGee3]

Still very much in love??
That is what im looking for in the long run. When all is said and done, a good relationship.

 

[Erroneous]

We still are very much in love. Of course we have similar interests to talk about and do which always helps.

 

[Homercidal]

Too many people today are not interested in doing what it takes to have a good marriage. They don't want to make sacrifices. They don't want to try and see the other's viewpoint, or try and understand how they feel in any given situation.

Plus there is way too much competition for attention and way too much temptation. Most people can't handle being cheated on very well...

I would not say that having a successful marriage is difficult. I would say that too many people today don't understand, or are unwilling to do what it takes to make both people happy.

 

[Chap]

Been married 23 years last June, been together over 25. Met in high school our senior year. She has stuck with me through 25 years of Marine Corps bull****. It ain't easy being married, there are a lot of ups and downs but the ups are awesome and the downs can be overcome with a little work. I wouldn't change a thing about our relationship!

 

[bottlebomber]

Bottom line, if you're a little punk ass kid then don't get married. If you're a real man, and are able to take care of a lady and put her needs first, and the needs of the children that will come, then you shouldn't even need to ask the question.

 

[Punity]

Bottom line, if you're a little punk ass kid then don't get married. If you're a real man, and are able to take care of a lady and put her needs first, and the needs of the children that will come, then you shouldn't even need to ask the question.

Boom winner no punk ass kids allowed this is a mans job.

 

[afr0byte]

Bottom line, if you're a little punk ass kid then don't get married. If you're a real man, and are able to take care of a lady and put her needs first, and the needs of the children that will come, then you shouldn't even need to ask the question.

I agree with putting the kid's needs first, but putting her needs first? I don't agree with that. I'd agree with putting our needs as a couple first, such as buying a house instead of toys for me.

 

[TyTanium]

I agree with putting the kid's needs first, but putting her needs first? I don't agree with that.

No way dude. My role as a husband is to serve my wife. Period.

OP -
Feelings are fickle; that's why love, and marriage, is a commitment. Marriage isn't easy; it's ridiculously hard. But it's worth it. 100% worth it.

FWIW, my grandparents just celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary and say they're more in love now than the day they got married. And that it just keeps getting better.

 

[Punity]

I think putting her needs first is the wrong wording. It should be you knowing that your needs are not the only ones that matter anymore alot of my friends fail to realize this and i am forever hearing about how they just have a bitchy wife yet i never see them actually treat their wife like she even matters

 

[ChandlerBang]

Get a good dog. Best relationship you'll ever have. Cheers.

And some peanut butter.

 

[bottlebomber]

I agree with putting the kid's needs first, but putting her needs first? I don't agree with that. I'd agree with putting our needs as a couple first, such as buying a house instead of toys for me.

You don't have to agree with it. I wasn't trying to cause a debate, I am just stating what I feel to be obvious fact - that when you consider the needs of your mate in a marriage, and put these needs before your own, it builds a stronger relationship. However it only works if the other partner is doing the same. I've seen this first hand when contrasting my last marriage, where I gave 100% and my wife gave 20, and the one I'm in now where we are both giving 110%. And that goes for life in general. We all should be trying to give more in life than we take from it.

 

[Yooper]

A great marriage is an amazing thing, and a great way to go through life. My partner, my lover, my best friend, my companion and activity partner- all rolled into one.

A bad marriage is hell, though.

If you really aren't inclined to put the effort into the first, you will have the second. And I'd rather be alone forever than in a bad marriage.

 

[McGee3]

I agree with homercidal, that is very true, iv been able to hold relationships, i like having somebody there, but my problem is being attracted to the wrong ladys, ones that cheat and such.
Thats what tares things up. So im thinking a dating site maybe, one that pares me up with the right kinda chick.

 

[McGee3]

I think a good relationship is possible, but like homercidal basically said, it takes the right kind of people to have a good relationship, which are apparently harder to find now days.

 

[bottlebomber]

I agree with homercidal, that is very true, iv been able to hold relationships, i like having somebody there, but my problem is being attracted to the wrong ladys, ones that cheat and such.
Thats what tares things up. So im thinking a dating site maybe, one that pares me up with the right kinda chick.

I fully sympathize. I spent most of my post-pubescent life attracted to girls that were "projects". They needed me, they were exciting(chaotic I realize now)... they needed stability. That's what I tried to provide, since I've mostly been on a pretty even keel.

The chemistry with these kind of ladies was always amazing in the short term, but the thing that kept happening was that the relationship would go a few months before the woman would find some way to create chaos. I was lucky if she cheated her way out of it. One girl I dated imagined I was having a fling with a very good lifelong friend and she went to her house, waited for her to come home, and held a knife to her throat. Fortunately I was able to salvage the friendship. Unfortunately I ended up marrying one of these types, and it was an 8 year long saga of punishment. I did earn 3 amazing boys out of the deal though. They haven't seen their mother in over a year, and call my new wife "mom". Nobody put them up to it either. They're handsome little devils too, just like their old man I would relive every second of that marriage for these guys.

 

[passedpawn]

Nice looking clan there BB. I'm sure they'll grow to be great men. No worries.

 

[afr0byte]

I think putting her needs first is the wrong wording. It should be you knowing that your needs are not the only ones that matter anymore alot of my friends fail to realize this and i am forever hearing about how they just have a bitchy wife yet i never see them actually treat their wife like she even matters

Yeah, exactly, that was my point. A marriage should be about mutual respect, where each person's needs matter equally. No one serves the other.

 

[Yooper]

Oh my gosh- they're so cute. If you ever tire of them, I'll give you my address and you can send them to me. I'm a sucker for a smart guy with an impish grin- and they all definitely have that.

My brother in law is also attracted to poor choices- but he has a great time for a few weeks and then the "crazy" sets in. And he's hurt, angry, broke, etc, until the next time.

This is going to sound very judgemental, but I promise it's not! Sometimes, what we think we're looking for is so superficial and we get chemistry and lust confused with "real" people.

Let's face it- you can be attracted to a lot of non-appropriate people. And having a relationship with a drama queen (male or female) or a needy person is not really going to last long term.

In order to really be ready for a long-term relationship, you have to be totally happy alone, as a single person. Then you are ready for a relationship.

No one can "fix" anybody else, make them happy, give them a reason to live, or whatever is lacking in their lives.

So, seriously, if you want to get married someday- spend a lot of time alone. Figure out who you are, what makes you tick, what makes you mad, and what makes you happy. Live alone, have hobbies, friends, and a social life. THEN you may be ready for a relationship.

 

[bottlebomber]

Nice looking clan there BB. I'm sure they'll grow to be great men. No worries.

Thank you! I'm doing my best. Packing logs helps them from being sissies at least

 

[afr0byte]

No way dude. My role as a husband is to serve my wife. Period.

Maybe you have a different idea of what the word serve means in this case. When I think of serving a person I think of a butler or something. I rather doubt your wife would appreciate it if you said her role was server you, but I'm not sure what you or her mean when you say serve.

 

[BrewerinBR]

all the other post ( which I will do shortly), but, I will say this. I have been married to the same person (Pat) for 23 years. She is the best person on this planet!
Has it been easy NO. Has it been strawberries and cream NO. Did we disagree YES. Are we committed to each other and our relationship YES. I will give all of you a little insight. I do not not base my relationship on the fickleness of my emotions. LOVE is a choice! I CHOOSE to always act in a loving manner toward my wife even if I do not particularly like her that day! No matter how I feel I always put her FIRST! Also when I feel sad and lonely and beaten and defeated, I share with her, and let her in to my feelings at my weakest point.... because I trust her and she is there for me... my pillar, my strength, her loving kindness at that point keeps me keeping on! If you want a strong lasting loving relationship then this is how you do it. It is NOT EASY. Nothing worthwhile ever is!

 

[Yooper]

Maybe you have a different idea of what the word serve means in this case. When I think of serving a person I think of a butler or something. I rather doubt your wife would appreciate it if you said her role was server you, but I'm not sure what you or her mean when you say serve.

I think I do! I think it means to "be available to". By that I mean, being available when you really don't want to be- to be accommodating to his/her needs. Sometimes the need to talk is there, and I really don't want to listen to this **** again. But they need to vent, and you're up!

"Serving" is a word we use in my church a lot, with no negative connotations at all. Maybe a better word is "accommodate" or "help".

My spouse and I have totally different needs- and we have to be aware that what I need may not be at all what he is happy to give at that moment.

 

[afr0byte]

You don't have to agree with it. I wasn't trying to cause a debate, I am just stating what I feel to be obvious fact - that when you consider the needs of your mate in a marriage, and put these needs before your own, it builds a stronger relationship. However it only works if the other partner is doing the same. I've seen this first hand when contrasting my last marriage, where I gave 100% and my wife gave 20, and the one I'm in now where we are both giving 110%. And that goes for life in general. We all should be trying to give more in life than we take from it.

I guess we agree. I just didn't get that initially based on the wording.

 

[BrewerinBR]

A great marriage is an amazing thing, and a great way to go through life. My partner, my lover, my best friend, my companion and activity partner- all rolled into one.

A bad marriage is hell, though.

If you really aren't inclined to put the effort into the first, you will have the second. And I'd rather be alone forever than in a bad marriage.

WOW did you nail it!

 

[bottlebomber]

Oh my gosh- they're so cute. If you ever tire of them, I'll give you my address and you can send them to me. I'm a sucker for a smart guy with an impish grin- and they all definitely have that.

My brother in law is also attracted to poor choices- but he has a great time for a few weeks and then the "crazy" sets in. And he's hurt, angry, broke, etc, until the next time.

This is going to sound very judgemental, but I promise it's not! Sometimes, what we think we're looking for is so superficial and we get chemistry and lust confused with "real" people.

Let's face it- you can be attracted to a lot of non-appropriate people. And having a relationship with a drama queen (male or female) or a needy person is not really going to last long term.

In order to really be ready for a long-term relationship, you have to be totally happy alone, as a single person. Then you are ready for a relationship.

No one can "fix" anybody else, make them happy, give them a reason to live, or whatever is lacking in their lives.

So, seriously, if you want to get married someday- spend a lot of time alone. Figure out who you are, what makes you tick, what makes you mad, and what makes you happy. Live alone, have hobbies, friends, and a social life. THEN you may be ready for a relationship.

How about I send them to you for the teenage years?

I guess we agree. I just didn't get that initially based on the wording.

Looking back on it possibly you were thinking of a relationship where man is selflessly serving a woman... who is also selfishly serving herself. I am totally against an unbalanced relationship where one mate is pulling all the weight. I've been in one. It sucks.

 

[BrewerinBR]

To serve or to be "samurai" is good way to put it. In my life Patricia comes first before anything else... I am fully committed to her just as I know and trust that she is committed to me. I know this because we share our feelings, verbally, visually, physically, emotionally. So do I serve my wife? YES absolutely at all times. Kiss her butt I do... with emense pleasure I kiss it!!!

 

[bottlebomber]

Aww that comment was dumb... It sounded better in my head last night
*deleted*

 

[jonmohno]

OH,my. As far as the origional question.If you can make it through those heavy,days/years then youve made it through. If you truely love someone you he/she doesnt give up on something stupid as most arguments are anyway. Fact is most people/particularly women give up fast-because(they aren't happy).Life is not about 95% happiness,something they have to mature to realize or have to work at to understand what to do to fix that.Shure if dateing will make them happy then they may never know how to be happy long term until they realize they cant always be happy all the time. A big part of it is just pure selfishness anyway,thats not love.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

I've only been married for 2 months now, but have been living with my wife for 3 years and together for 5. Best advice I have is that a relationship takes work and sacrifice... but a good one won't feel like it. Seriously. Its like RDWHAHB... but with semi-regular sex.

I know I sound like I'm joking, but I'm not. If you are worried that you arent ready for something serious... you probably aren't ready. If you are constantly afraid the one you are with is cheating... well guess what, either she IS, or the relationship is so rotten that she might as well be. Here's the truth, you will be in the right thing for you for months or a year before you know it. And if not, hey, that's cool too.