One child

[SudsyPaul]

So I have 1 child, and after my "procedure", I've ensured that I only have 1 child.

My wife and I are happy with our 1 child, and don't feel any need to have any more. We were always between 0 and 1 for how many kids we wanted. The idea of more didn't/doesn't appeal to us.

We're both science nerds (social and hard science) and we wanted to see what we could make and what we could do with a child. She teaches us a bunch of new skills and we can see her learn, it's very nerdy/fun.

Now the amount of criticism we get from friends, family and STRANGERS is ****ed up. We've actually stopped being friends with people because they were relentless with their stupid "you're depriving your kids an experience". Or strangers that are like "you need to have a second to play with the first"... wtf? It's a HUMAN BEING, not a dog. I'm not going to create a second human being to just be my daughter's play thing. I'll buy her a pony, it's less responsibility, less expensive and I don't have to wake up at 2am to soothe the pony back to sleep after a nightmare.

Anyway... I'm just ranting. People are effing annoying with their opinions on the matter. Have whatever opinion you want (1 is too many, or not enough) but keep it to yourself. I didn't just randomly make the decision to have my first daughter, and I didn't just slice my nut-sack open and cut my vas deferens without any thought. I waited 2 years, and I have less and less desire for a second than I've ever had.

My daughter is a peach. She comes with standard baby/toddler issues, but she naps without issue, and she sleeps through the night without issue. She's perfectly normal in health and mental functions. There's no external reason to not have a second, we just don't want that. My wife and I have a myriad of hobbies, and we want to be able to travel internationally once per year, and we couldn't do that with 2 kids - both financially, and time-wise.

In the past few recent interactions with strangers that told me I should have a second, I've told them:
- "my wife is dead, *******"
- "my wife can't have any more kids... thanks for bringing that up"
- "this one is adopted, I'm sterile"
- "go fcuk yourself"

I have no urge to be polite to people that feel they should criticize me in front of my daughter. Most people look horrified when I say **** like that... but seriously, I don't go up to 35yo's without kids and say "you should have kids NOW", or slander those that have 4 kids.

My wife and I both have siblings, and we had polarly different experiences with them. She played with hers all the time, but as adults, they rarely ever talk. My brother and I were mortal enemies until he turned 18, and we've been friends ever since.
My daughter won't know what a sibling is like, so she won't know what she's missing, or what she has to endure. It can go either way, but she has 2 ridiculously immature parents and a bunch of friends and 7 cousins. She'll have great experiences.

/rant.

 

[hunter_le five]

That's pretty f***ed up, I think your anger is more than justified. Having an entire litter of kids (they come in litters, right?) is not for everyone, and it's no one's place but yours and your wife's to determine the dynamic of your family.

I had a similar experience with both of my brothers as you: as kids we did NOT get along well, but now that we're all adults (and not @$$hole teenagers) we're pretty close and hang out regularly. So yeah "having someone to play with" only kinda sorta worked for us.

Whenever me and SWMBO have kids (maybe sooner than later, she's 2 weeks late), I think we'll probably have 2, but we very well might change our minds after the first one. I like to think that having a sibling helps suppress the "it's all about me" mentality; but then again, I've known very well-adjusted only-children and extremely egocentric people with siblings, so maybe the idea's bogus.

 

[Rockn_M]

Man it's like I wrote this. My wife and I have a 19 month girl and that is it. I've done my part to ensure the human rance continues.

I do not want my daugther to have a play thing. That's what puppies are for and I won't have to pay for dance classes, college or a wedding for the puppy.

Both our familes are wanting us to have more and my response is always, then I'll call you at 2am to feed the newborn or to change a poo diaper.

I'm done.

 

[evanmars]

We have one, we wanted two, but getting the first was difficult and the second turned out to be impossible.
She's nearly 13 yrs old now.

I'm glad we only have the one. With all of the expenses of one, having another would make things difficult. The amount of running around that we do now is bad enough, it'd be even crazier if we had more.
She is a very happy, outgoing, well-adjusted kid (so far....).

I don't think the amount of siblings has a lot to do with that. Just think of the experiences that she was able to have that we couldn't have done if we had more kids.

I had one older brother growing up, quite often he made my life miserable (as I'm sure I made his). I could have done without that experience. We are fairly close now, except he lives across the country.

So, yeah, "Screw you!" to the people that tell you you have to have more kids.


-------

Wow. That was a weird ramble, and I'm not even druck.

 

[pcampo]

Whatever someones decision on the amount of kids they want is personal. People should not stick their nose in individuals lives on that issue....

I find the opposite to be true though as well. I see people giving other parents a lot of crap for having "too many kids", whatever that means. If a couple chooses to have many kids and they can afford it, then mazel tav, its better for society anyway.

 

[phug]

The use to which you put your dangly bits and your wife's unmentionables are not anybody else's. Tell those other people that unless they're the one's having the sex and paying for the upkeep of that child until adulthood then they can keep their hands off your twig and berries.


Sent from my iPhone using Home Brew

 

[agrazela]

You are clearly a strong-willed man.

...and I didn't just slice my nut-sack open and cut my vas deferens without any thought...

I mean, you'd have to be to perform this operation on yourself!

 

[Fedora]

I too have one child. He will be nine in December. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. He saved my life. When he came along ( unplanned), I was heading down a dark, dark path. Were he not here I would likely be in prison or dead.
But he is here and I'm a reasonably happy, healthy, functioning person.

That said, he will be my only child by personal choice. I'm married to his mother and she had a procedure to be rendered infertile. I will soon do the same.

I've never had that reaction from a stranger( not that I talk to alot of strangers) but if I did I would likely tell them to mind their own f king business. Im a firm believer in minding ones own f king business.

Nothing wrong with one child. They get your undivided love and attention.

 

[dobes]

Man that sucks that people can be so ignorant. Agree that all those decisions are personal and not even sure why somebody else would care what your decisions are.

 

[Beer-lord]

I have one child but that's just the way it worked out but have never gotten any grief over it. I do feel for him when it's our time to 'go' as he won't have the shoulders of the siblings I have to deal with it but that's just life.
My wonder is how the f__k can people afford kids these days? I'm paying for college and it's wiping me out and it's a public university!
We all want the best for our kids but I feel for those coming behind me as I think it's gonna suck. That's a topic for another opinion thread.

 

[progmac]

people have such strong feelings about this. it usually feels like they are trying to justify their own decisions. how many kids is right? 0,1,50? It doesn't matter! Whatever works for you is what's right.

 

[jbaysurfer]

So I have 1 child, and after my "procedure", I've ensured that I only have 1 child.

My wife and I are happy with our 1 child, and don't feel any need to have any more. We were always between 0 and 1 for how many kids we wanted. The idea of more didn't/doesn't appeal to us.

We're both science nerds (social and hard science) and we wanted to see what we could make and what we could do with a child. She teaches us a bunch of new skills and we can see her learn, it's very nerdy/fun.

Now the amount of criticism we get from friends, family and STRANGERS is ****ed up. We've actually stopped being friends with people because they were relentless with their stupid "you're depriving your kids an experience". Or strangers that are like "you need to have a second to play with the first"... wtf? It's a HUMAN BEING, not a dog. I'm not going to create a second human being to just be my daughter's play thing. I'll buy her a pony, it's less responsibility, less expensive and I don't have to wake up at 2am to soothe the pony back to sleep after a nightmare.

Anyway... I'm just ranting. People are effing annoying with their opinions on the matter. Have whatever opinion you want (1 is too many, or not enough) but keep it to yourself. I didn't just randomly make the decision to have my first daughter, and I didn't just slice my nut-sack open and cut my vas deferens without any thought. I waited 2 years, and I have less and less desire for a second than I've ever had.

My daughter is a peach. She comes with standard baby/toddler issues, but she naps without issue, and she sleeps through the night without issue. She's perfectly normal in health and mental functions. There's no external reason to not have a second, we just don't want that. My wife and I have a myriad of hobbies, and we want to be able to travel internationally once per year, and we couldn't do that with 2 kids - both financially, and time-wise.

In the past few recent interactions with strangers that told me I should have a second, I've told them:
- "my wife is dead, *******"
- "my wife can't have any more kids... thanks for bringing that up"
- "this one is adopted, I'm sterile"
- "go fcuk yourself"

I have no urge to be polite to people that feel they should criticize me in front of my daughter. Most people look horrified when I say **** like that... but seriously, I don't go up to 35yo's without kids and say "you should have kids NOW", or slander those that have 4 kids.

My wife and I both have siblings, and we had polarly different experiences with them. She played with hers all the time, but as adults, they rarely ever talk. My brother and I were mortal enemies until he turned 18, and we've been friends ever since.
My daughter won't know what a sibling is like, so she won't know what she's missing, or what she has to endure. It can go either way, but she has 2 ridiculously immature parents and a bunch of friends and 7 cousins. She'll have great experiences.

/rant.

I can relate 100%

People will tells us "it's selfish" not to have another. I think the selfish act comes when you have another for little other reasons then you want companionship. As you said, we're not talking about pets here. We decided to have one and see how it went. She's incredible, bright, articulate, intelligent, engaging to children and adults alike (she's 10 btw), and a couple years back we realized she also requires a LOT of our energy, time and resources.

We feel she's worth every bit of that time energy and resources that we put into her and she'd be cheated if we had to parcel some of that out to another child. People have told me "you just figure it out" when I say that, but I've seen too many of them not figure it out. I've seen people have 2nd and 3rd children to save marriages (never ever in the history of the world is this a good idea IMHO) and that 2nd or 3rd child just added more stress and broke the relationship. Now you have 2 kids with a broken home instead of one.

We're not wealthy, but we own our home and have a modest savings for her education. Add another and she gets cheated there too.

Pollution. Lets be straight. I'm a Libertarian, but I'm not one of the tea party version (who are not Libertarian but that's a different subject for the debate forum), and I recognize the ravages humans are having on our environment and our planet. The single greatest act of pollution ANY person can commit in their life is to bring another human being into the world. In an average lifetime, an American creates 90,000 lbs of waste. That's how much we create when we bring a child into the world too. We elected not to do this more then once, which, could easily be construed as selfish as is. We hope her contributions to society might offset the waste she creates and the resources she taxes, but lets face it, that's not usually how it works. Is the world better because John and Kate had Eight? I don't believe it is.

I don't believe the sibling thing is always what it's cracked up to be. Both my wife and myself have had estranged relationships with one or more of our own siblings at one time or another in life. I saw my wife severely stressed and taxed when she had her falling out. That's now in our past, but the lesson we learned is that there is no guarantee your children companions, confidants, or even friends when they are adults. The rationale of having another so the only can have that friend companion or confidant both assumes that your only can't establish her own meaningful relationships, and that the one you manufacture for him/her WILL be meaningful.

I btw, am absolutely opining on the things you wished people would keep to themselves, and I recognize that. But this thread seems like a good place for it. I also have needed to vent from time to time, and other healthy families of 3 (or family motto is "small but mighty!") are a refreshing affirmation of the choices we've made.

 

[jbaysurfer]

people have such strong feelings about this. it usually feels like they are trying to justify their own decisions. how many kids is right? 0,1,50? It doesn't matter! Whatever works for you is what's right.

Unless you are a parent of an only, you can not comprehend the judgement we see on a regular basis. There are very tangible reasons for our strong feelings, they are the result of unusually intense scrutiny.

 

[passedpawn]

Anyway... I'm just ranting. People are effing annoying with their opinions on the matter. Have whatever opinion you want (1 is too many, or not enough) but keep it to yourself.

Note: if you really don't want people's opinions, don't start a thread like this. Naturally, not everyone will agree with you here (I'm not one of those ).

3 was right for us. 1 would not have been OK for us. My kids are all good friends (all in college now). That's not always the case of course.

My youngest boy has a friend Matt who is an only child. When that family goes on vacations (cruises, even overseas), they always invite my boy (at their expense). Those events aren't nearly as fun for their son when he doesn't have another kid to share them with; that's their perspective, anyway.

My brother has 1 and is keeping it that way. It's more of a financial thing for him. He's an adult and I can respect his decisions even without knowing the reasons, though.

Kids do get more expensive as they get older, with college age as the coup de grace to the bank account. If you don't plan on either 1) saving a lot of money when they are young, or 2) having a very good income by the time they go to college, don't have the kids. [edit] I'm not suggesting you, the OP, can't afford it, just making some random comments here

 

[CreamyGoodness]

My wife and my son both went through a traumatic induction and delivery. I will not put her (or myself) through that again. I have chosen to share this with you all, but I do not choose to share this with the world at large.

On my lunar colony, the law will be very clear. Push another person to have kids, more kids or push them on matters such as breast feeding, circumcision or cloth vs. pampers and I will send Billy-Klubb to personally beat the **** out of you.

Oh yeah... I have to hire Billy-Klubb for **** kicking.

 

[The_Bishop]

I don't have much to add, but I'm the parent of an only child and have heard *all* of what you're saying.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Oh yeah. I wish I had the gaul to respond "we are worried about floppy vagina if we have more" and then nod sadly at the couple who is being so unbelievably rude. Get it? I just told this ***** she has a floppy vagina.

God I need to look at puppies or something... Im all fired up.

 

[ndinh]

Well, I guess I'm in for a treat then. My wife is due in less than a month with our first child and we've already gotten some comments from family like 'dude, she'll be one lonely girl'. They've already painted this image of our daughter being socially disfunctional, sitting in her room in our house at 30 yrs old talking to dolls. Since we secretly had an assisted pregnancy (think $15K in fees), there's no possible way we can afford a 2nd child. Yeah, high end brewstand/setup or daughter....my wife won. Yeah, I agree people shouldn't judge and just deal with their own loser children and remove that 'my child is an honor student' sticker b.s. from their beat up Ford Fiesta and get a life.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

Oh yeah... I have to hire Billy-Klubb for **** kicking.

*berry-punching

Oh yeah. I wish I had the gaul to respond "we are worried about floppy vagina if we have more" and then nod sadly at the couple who is being so unbelievably rude. Get it? I just told this ***** she has a floppy vagina.

God I need to look at puppies or something... Im all fired up.

HA!

People are nosy and rude. I've not really run into anyone who commented on the number of kids I had. I'm sure thoughts went through their minds, but they were polite enough to keep their mouths shut.

 

[riderkb]

My only child is 9 now. The thoughtless comments peaked when she was about 2, which was also when my wife was trying to figure out how she felt about having more kids. It is hard enough on a woman in her late thirties to think about kids without the added pressure from strangers.

 

[number40fan]

The wife and I are kid-less and we can't count the number of times we have heard that we need one. As of today, we won't have one either. The way I looked at it, it is bad enough that there is one of me. I'd feel sorry for everyone if I made another.

 

[brettwasbtd]

YOU ARE SO WRONG, but not why you think

I'll buy her a pony, it's less responsibility, less expensive and I don't have to wake up at 2am to soothe the pony back to sleep after a nightmare...

The Equine "hobby" (passion?) is NOT cheap by any stretch of the imagination... you go knock on wood and do whatever you have to do to prevent this financial black hole - I know cause my wife is into horses


Speaking of children, we are undecided and so often people ask about when we are having kids. I am just used to saying something that will change the topic quickly, but it gets annoying. I read an article a while back talking about how this question can be really hurtful to couples who are trying to conceive and are not able. People really need to just think about what they are saying more and the rest of us need to grow a bit thicker skin and know we have to do what is right for us.

Last tidbit, this blog was posted recently and provides some good defense for the 1 kid people: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2014/09/10/great-news-youre-allowed-to-have-only-one-kid/

 

[Twins_Dad]

Man I feel for all you parents with only one child. You never get to experience the fights, crying in stereo, being peed on by not one but two different people AT THE SAME TIME, etc..... Boy are you guys missing out. (Just a hint of sarcasm)

SWMBO and I got a two-fer on our first attempt at making an only child. Talk about a shock...... I love my boys with all of my heart, but man, it is tough goin at times. We found out that once she has made twins it is likely that she will do it again. I took care of that problem for good. Now it doesn't matter when I point my gun at her, I am out of ammo...

In response to the OP, people need to keep their opinions to themselves. It is your life and your daughter, they can all kick rocks. As my wife says "Opinions are like penises, you have every right to have one, but its when you take it out and start waving it in my face that we have a problem."

 

[JonM]

People can be real you-know-what holes.

I was reading something the other day about a couple who had undergone IVF, and they were harangued by older relatives and the ultra-pius holier-than-thou types saying that their child shouldn't exist because they had tampered with God's plan. Just the thought of hearing something like that made my blood boil.

SWMBO and I are kidless so far, but I really don't know how I'll react if I really get the "How dare you not have kids! You monster!" stuff, or if we have one and get the stuff the OP gets. I don't know why people feel it's okay to be such a-holes.

 

[masskrug]

My wife and I traveled and enjoyed our younger years. We never thought of having kids. At 45 I had my first, a daughter. That was it. She was the world to me, an angel. Two years later I had my son. I can't tell you what a blessing it is. I wish I would have done it sooner.

 

[SudsyPaul]

Note: if you really don't want people's opinions, don't start a thread like this. Naturally, not everyone will agree with you here (I'm not one of those ).

3 was right for us. 1 would not have been OK for us. My kids are all good friends (all in college now). That's not always the case of course.

My youngest boy has a friend Matt who is an only child. When that family goes on vacations (cruises, even overseas), they always invite my boy (at their expense). Those events aren't nearly as fun for their son when he doesn't have another kid to share them with; that's their perspective, anyway.

My brother has 1 and is keeping it that way. It's more of a financial thing for him. He's an adult and I can respect his decisions even without knowing the reasons, though.

Kids do get more expensive as they get older, with college age as the coup de grace to the bank account. If you don't plan on either 1) saving a lot of money when they are young, or 2) having a very good income by the time they go to college, don't have the kids. [edit] I'm not suggesting you, the OP, can't afford it, just making some random comments here

Oh ya. I was inviting the discussion, here. I just don't like it when people walk up to me in the grocery store and ask where her sister/brother is, and then the judgement begins.

As for trips, we fully intend on bringing friends. It's cheaper to pay $5000/yr on friends to travel with us than to have a second child (esp. since my wife insists on paying for 100% of her education).

We know there will be down times, where we feel like we let her down, or something. But we'll get over it, our daughter will be heavily socialized, and she may be a loner like my wife and I were/are. . Who knows. Everything is a gamble. We just have way more cons (incl. personal things I'm not sharing) than pros for one-child.

 

[MaddBaggins]

I have 1 with my first wife, she's 22 and married. My 2nd, with my keeper wife, is 12. They didn't grow up together.
We heard lots of "you need to have another" but we we're already in our 30's and spent out entire savings having the one and buying a house. We had always decided we wanted one. She's a good kid and I'm very proud of her.

I grew up with 3 younger sisters and I hated my childhood. We were dirt poor and I always got **** on being the oldest and only boy. The 4 of us are not close. I haven't talked to one of my sisters in years and the other 2 just here and there.

Sometimes more than one isn't good. Sometimes it is.

 

[Beernik]

My wife wanted 4 or 5. I wanted 0 or 1. We adopted the 1. She's awesome.

Every once in a while, I get the desire for another one. Usually after I see an incredibly cute kid running around. Then a day or two later I see a three year old in the middle of a full blown meltdown and I think, "For the love of God, **** no! Never again."

My daughter sometimes tells me she wants a sibling. I keep telling her that the fantasy of having a sibling is not as awesome as the reality of having a sibling.

My brother and I were both highly competitive against each other. He, being 3.5 years older, had an advantage .

He once KO'ed me in a pillow fight. That's the reality of having a sibling.

What gets me are the 15 passenger vans I see with +10 child stickers on the back window.

 

[Homercidal]

There is no one right answer.

I don't see the need for getting upset if someone asks about having more kids. It's an invitation to a discussion. They probably aren't trying to be insulting. If you have reasons for now wanting more, it's pretty easy to just come out and say what they are.

I stopped at two. I've never wanted more than two. They are great kids. They younger one is a sophmore in high school We watched NTSF:SD:SUV:: last night and we were both shouting "DIEGO!" during the opening credits. She's kind of geeky.

 

[JonM]

If you have reasons for now wanting more, it's pretty easy to just come out and say what they are.

I think the OP is saying that the problem comes when people don't listen to his reasons, or start lecturing about how his reasons are "wrong," and being judgmental, etc etc etc.

 

[Homercidal]

In the past few recent interactions with strangers that told me I should have a second, I've told them:
- "my wife is dead, *******"
- "my wife can't have any more kids... thanks for bringing that up"
- "this one is adopted, I'm sterile"
- "go fcuk yourself"

I have no urge to be polite to people that feel they should criticize me in front of my daughter. Most people look horrified when I say **** like that... but seriously, I don't go up to 35yo's without kids and say "you should have kids NOW", or slander those that have 4 kids.

Is this what you are referring to?

Seems like some very rude replies to give in front of your own daughter...

 

[CreamyGoodness]

The one thing as a new parent I am evangelical about is The Diaper Genie.

Look, conversation is conversation, but parenthood appears to make people believe they are far more familiar with strangers than they really are. "Is this your first? Are you thinking about having more?" Fine, sure. Go ahead and tell me whatever annecdote you have about your kids when they were born, too, and how you are sooooo glad you had your second. I'm not offended by that either. But when someone starts pressing us as to why we arent having more or why we arent breastfeeding I have to wonder why it isnt just universally understood to be rude to do so. I dont want to hear from anyone how much I am going to regret this decision.

I think I am extremely reasonable in my encounters, particularly with strangers. I actually want to know if the gerber teething cookies work better than the beechnut ones in your opinion or whatever. Why isnt it obvious as to what does and what doesnt cross the line??

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Sorry, I'm very much with Sudsy on this one, though I think his responses might be a little over-the-top.

 

[Homercidal]

Sorry, I'm very much with Sudsy on this one, though I think his responses might be a little over-the-top.

I think so too. I can't imagine just firing up a conversation like that with anyone who isn't close to me.

But, parents go through a lot during over the years. They learn a lot. They feel a sense of camaraderie with other parents, like war heroes. They want to talk about it. They want to help each other. There may be no more important aspect in living than to create life and raise it to become a useful member of society, or into a caring, helpful individual.

I don't think it comes so much from a sense of superiority (maybe sometimes), but it's a kind of fellowship that can only happen between people who have been there.

Believe me. There are MANY people who can't help but dish on the awesome thing that happened the night before with their kid. These are the same people who devoutly swore they would not be the obnoxious parent they had to put up with before they had their own kids.

I understand that. What I don't appreciate is when people push their ideology. I don't mind if they feel like stating their opinion, but let's not make a debate about it.

 

[SudsyPaul]

LOL - So those responses are for when my daughter isn't within earshot, or from when she was too young to understand. Now that she's 2, and it's often just us in the grocery store, I either say "we can't have any more, thanks" or "mind your own business".

I don't react like that when they ask if she has a sibling... I react like that when the lecture begins, and they tell us she'll be a brat or mal-adjusted or that she'll miss out on life. I don't mind if people are curious about siblings or if we'll have more, it's when the preaching begins.

I agree that parenthood is a good camaraderie. When a toddler is screaming in public, I smile and wave and let that parent know it's not just them.

But I'm opposed to preaching of any kind (that is another topic). I'm new to parenting, since I have only the 1, but unless if I ask for advice, just let me figure it out. I'm not the best parent out there, but I'm far from the worst.

 

[Homercidal]

The world is full of idiots. There are many people who grow up fine as a single child. There are people who grow up to be brats (in an adult way) in a large family. You just cant tell. it's probably genes more than anything, with some upbringing mixed in for good measure.

I've seen plenty of kids who start out being tiny Aholes and grow into caring and responsible young adults. I don't think sibling count has much to do with it at all.

Or I may be talking out of my ass as one of the many, many idiots in the world.

Personally, I found a bunch of other peoples' tips useful in raising our kids. I especially liked the "What to Expect" books we had though.

 

[Transamguy77]

I can understand the OP's frustration but from the other side, I have 5 kids and all before I was 28.

I heard lots of criticism about having "too many" kids. I love all of them and I can't imagine just having 1 or 2 kids. To each his own, personally I don't care how many kids anyone has, everyone does what works for them.

And I've had some of those angry and rude comments to give back to arrogant people who don't agree with my choices and who "think they are right" I feel it was mostly because I was young. Now that my youngest is 7 and I'm in my 30's I really don't care what anyone thinks.

Edit: I'm an only child myself, the only thing I find difficult is I don't have anyone to commiserate with when dealing with family dynamics. My wife is oldest of 4 and when they have stuff she has someone to turn to and understands.

 

[CreamyGoodness]

Y'know when I become a regular parenting expert? When I watch "Super Nanny".

Off topic, Jo the Super Nanny belongs in "I think she's hot but you probably dont". Everything I'd do to her I learned at Sea World. I digress.

I see a trend on that show that the more kids and fewer adults, the more likely they are going to be completely out of control.

 

[NickTheGreat]

You have every right to "just 1" child, if that's what you want.

Everybody with a problem with it should go pound sand.

The only "problem" with your 1 child situation is that for your 1 child of good lineage, education, etc. is that there are 10 crackbabies/white trash/gutter rats/(insert your pejorative of choice)

But that's been going on for hundreds of years

 

[SudsyPaul]

Yeah, my family was great with advice when we were expecting, and we ask them when we're having a particularly hard time. My daughter is the 8th cousin in my family, so my step-siblings and my brother are all great for ideas.

I haven't really gotten much judgment from my family members, and what little there was was quickly dispersed with honest conversation. The rest of our conversations are supporting and helpful. Super happy to have that support system.

My step-brother has only 1, and she's 15 and super well-adjusted and responsible. She's a typical teen, with typical teen problems.

My daughter isn't perfect, but she's normal (time outs, tantrums, etc...). She'll have a nice life, but my wife and I are self-aware people and we'll make sure she's not a spoiled brat. She'll have it easier than my wife and I had it, but that's the idea... every generation is better-off than the last. In the end, we want her to be physically and mentally healthy, and have physically and mentally healthy parents.