UPDATE:
I did a lower-ABV APA extract kit. Not that I didn't consider all the great suggestions here, but I haven't done an AG yet, and didn't want this "quick" beer to be my first attempt. On top of that, my inexperience and impetuousness led me to believe that a "kit" would surely somehow finish sooner than an all-grain recipe. Duh. In the end, I had "late" beer... and some valuable experience.
I brewed, reached FG in 4 days, but let it go 7 (I wasn't going to risk incomplete attentuation, funky taste, bottle bombs, etc. for the sake of trying to impress some people with the latest homebrew). But, that didn't stop me from thinking I wasn't still going to impress people. Cleared and cold-crashed for 2 days and bottled. 10 days later, according to the instructions, it "should be" ready. Man, this is going great! Yeah.
So, the night before the big get-together I was brewing this for, filled with hope and anticipation and a premature sense of accomplishment and self-gratification, I cracked one and poured it. Hey, nice carbonation! And zero head. And skunky aroma. And a taste as green as grass. Remember when you were a little kid and you fell off your bike and you looked around to see who was watching because you felt more embarrassed than hurt? That's kinda the way I felt, esp. after making the BIG announcement to my wife that, "Here we go! The NEXT GREAT homebrew we'll be offering to our guests tomorrow!" The next day, I didn't even mention the new brew.
UPDATE UPDATE: It's two weeks later and I pop another one. Totally different beer. Wonderful in all respects. Great carb. Great head. Subtle but deep aroma. And the taste? Wow.
Lesson reconfirmed... you can't rush what time alone needs to do.