Wow, such compassion.
You make a lot of accusations without knowing the man's wife. Granted, it's a bad situation and mirrors my first marriage, as I've already stated. But let's stop jumping on berner, please. We each approach it in different ways.
I'm not jumping on him, I'm just saying is - people don't really change...
they can modify thier behavior some, sure... but at the end of the day they still are who they are - all this huggy feely crap like "counciling" isn't going to change either of the folks involved - The OP is still going to have to deal with a wife who is at her core... an angry *****. (the fact that she holds a silly "body shot" taken 3 years prior to the marrage over his head as ammunition for her tirades is utter maddness bordering on pathological) yeah at councelling she might say she's "going to try and make things work" - but I've heard this before- men and women both, mind you, in other relationships (and a few of my own) say the same damn thing. IMHO... once an abuser... always an abuser.
and this woman is being abusive - now of course the OP may not be totaly innocent in all this, but suffice to say the fact that he finaly grew some balls and hollared back at her and really told her what was on his mind, then felt like crap aftwards leads me to belive his heart is in the right place and he's probably the more rightous of the two!
the sad thing Is I can read enough into this situation to know that if it's splitsville, this woman is going to be a vindictive, vicious turd about it. (she is already being a vicious vindictive turd) she WILL make his life more of a living hell, you can count on it... my advice on letting her make the step into the realm of physical abuse is probably the only way this poor guy is going to make it out of this with most of his financial assets in good order - too often the guy gets the short end of the stick in a divorce or leagal seperation.
however if the lady in question crosses the line into being a cheater/adultress or physical abuser, the poor bloke can usually escape with enough of his twig and berries intact to get on with life and find someone more compatable to be with.
and FYI, I'm a happliy married man, who got lucky and found the "right" woman to complement my normally dark, twisted, agressive and generaly pessimistic outlook on life. my wife plays the light to my dark - and the two of us are stronger because of it. we have our arguments, but generally it's petty small stuff that we get resolved quickly. in a "good" relationship there are no "skeletons in the closet" involving behaviors prior to the marriage,
my past exploits and blunders were aired out during the dating phase, as were hers - we both agreed that the past is the past and moved on. I can chat up any lady I like, in my wifes presance or not and suffer no ill concequences, and she in turn can do the same with any man she meets at a social function, neither one of us are interested in cheating or looking elsewhere for phyisical or mental companionship - a person should be able to enjoy the innocent company of the opposite sex while in a relationship, after all we are social animals, and grow though our interaction with other humans.
and a healthy relationship should be able to absorb this kind of interaction.
for example if I meet a lady of interest, I usually chat her up as if she were "one of the guys" and later report back to my wife something like: "hey I met this cool chick, seems like a nice person to hang out with, she invited us to come out to a beach party she's having" does this mean I want to bang this girl? no... just simple social networking going on, pure and simple.
I also have a habit of flirting with waitresses if they are interesting mentaly and physically. this is just to test if "I still have it" my wife knows I do this - and somtimes even gets amused by it. does this mean I want to go out and actually boink cocktail waitresses? uhhhhh. no... it's purely a mental game I like to play, my wife does the same thing with her Yoga classmates and male staff at resturants. (actually it's a bit of a turn on for me when some guy is so obviously attracted to my wife -makes me feel like "heh, Too bad for you dude, I won... keep dreamin' ")
At age 27, the OP is too young to deal with being miserable - that is all I'm saying... he's still got a ton of ground to cover in his life - and being anchored to such a petty, vindictive person is going to cost him in the long run.
either he needs to fix it and fix it proper, or move on and find something better.
I really wish him the best of luck, and honestly - I'm rooting for him.