I want to punch a baby....

[Cape Brewing]

I'm sure people are going to look at me crosseyed because this is a dumb thing to get fired up about but I can't f'in stand it when you're on a plane, you land... taxi up to the gate and....

waaaait....

waaaaaaaaaaaaait for it....

waaaaaaaaaait.....

DING!! (pilot turning off the seatbelt sign) QUICK EVERYONE STANDUP!!!!! AS FAST AS YOU CAN OR YOU'LL BE TRAPPED ON THE PLANE FOREVER AND EVER!!!!

WTF!?!?

Where are these f'in people going??? Unfortunately I have to travel for work and I'm a window seat guy so I can lean against the window and sleep... and it never fails... we land and it's like a f'in contest who can stand up the fastest.... again... WHERE THE F DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!?!? 'cause guess what there Mr. Speedy McStandsupalot... everyone in f'in front of you is getting off the f'in plane before you ANYWAY so take a pill and relax for 22.3 more seconds.

(I know... I'm a f;in pyscho... but it pisses me off.... tot he point where I actually say, kinda loud, "quick!! everyone stand up and... just... stand there!!")

 

[pizzaman]

Someone give that man a baby!!

 

[MMW]

Where are these f'in people going???

Normally by the end of the trip I'm ready to stretch my legs a little...I don't care if I'm not going anywhere, I just want to stand up. THe ones that really get to me are the ones who try to unload the aluminum cattle cars from the rear forward-- seriously-- wait your turn, don't unload till the row in front of you is moving up the aisle (and help those with baggage in the bins above you with theirs while you're standing up stretching your legs )

 

[DeathBrewer]

I flew to the Philippines once...that was the worst flight ever. No one could form a line, it was everyone budging for their spot until it was a big ball of mayhem. Same thing in the plane when we got off, push...shove...rush...ugh, I wanted to yell "sit the **** down!" and probably could have gotten away with it, as I was the largest person on the plane.

But, ya know, I'm a nice guy

 

[TwoHeadsBrewing]

Oh man, traveling on airplanes and me just don't agree. I do it for work occasionally, but I'm thankful it's just a few times a year. My pet peave is the ********* who can't figure out how to put their carry-on bags in the overhead compartment.

I think their brain works like this:

1. Oh, look 15C...that's my seat.
2. Put my bose noise-cancelling headphones on the seat and my outdated cordoroy jacket on top of someone else's bag in the overhead.
3. Try to fit my carry-on in the overhead, but keep putting it in with the wheels in the back...instead of the front like the damn sign indicates.
4. Finally give up, because the stupid engineers don't know how to make a plane. Turn my bag SIDEWAYS so that it takes up 2/3 of the space in the overhead. PERFECT!
5. Oh, hello there 122 other passengers behind me! We're you all waiting for my fatass to figure out how not to put my bag up there correctly???
6. Sit down in the wrong seat and/or sit on my own headphones.

Second only to the fat guy asleep in the seat next to me that breathes his stank breaf and taints the area in a 3ft radius around his rotten death breathing mouth!

 

[jmulligan]

I hate the people that IMMEDIATELY need to recline their seat when they sit down. No one gives a flying **** that someone is sitting behind them. You're crushing my knees, goat-****er!

 

[GilaMinumBeer]

Here ya go.

Punch The Babies - The Game Homepage

Ummm, knock em out.

 

[IrregularPulse]

Loving all these airplane posts. I used to travel weekly for work, and I feel the paint. Especially the people in the back trying to get out first. Did you miss elementary school?? WAIT YOUR GD TURN! I was an aisle guy myself and admit I jump up quick on the ding cause I need to stretch my legs. It's either me or the guy across from me that gets the piece of aisle while waiting 45 days to start dismissing the plane. It's gonna be me.

Here ya go.

Punch The Babies - The Game Homepage

Ummm, knock em out.

Whew!! 167 babies

 

[DeathBrewer]

I hate the people that IMMEDIATELY need to recline their seat when they sit down. No one gives a flying **** that someone is sitting behind them. You're crushing my knees, goat-****er!

I always recline my seat but I check what is behind me. Sometimes it's one of those little demon mini-humans that likes to kick you in the back the whole plane ride. Usually one unshaven look from me with my long hair will make them stop

 

[jmulligan]

I always recline my seat but I check what is behind me. Sometimes it's one of those little demon mini-humans that likes to kick you in the back the whole plane ride. Usually one unshaven look from me with my long hair will make them stop

Well thank you for at least checking! If it's a shorter person, go to town! I'm 5'9" and my knees are just about touching the seat in front of me the whole time (without it reclined). I think I have abnormally long thighs and stump calves.

Oh, and I have a nephew I'd like you to terrorize a bit, please.

 

[IrregularPulse]

I love the late night flights on the big plans with rows of three and you get a whole row to yourself to lounge out.
But I recline if nobody is behind me. If someone is I'll recline just a little cause I understand how uncomfortable it it. If I see the guy in front of starting to recline, my knees go up and I push until he stops.

 

[arturo7]

I try always to sit on an aisle and I am one of the first people to stand up when the plane stops. I get incredibly claustrophobic and paranoid in a window seat.

I actually don't mind if the person in front of me reclines. I lean forward and rest my forehead on the seatback. At my height, this for me is the most comfortable position to read or snooze.

As for punching babies, it only serves to make them scream louder. In addition, you will likely receive scornful looks from the flight attendants and your fellow passengers. Although, deep inside they are cheering.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Know what else grinds my gears!?!?

People who f'in run for my gdam commuter train! Every single day... people basically standing in a sprinter's starting stance waiting for the big board to click what track our train is on.

.... clickclickclcickclcicklcickl.... "TRACK SIX"

AAAAAAAHHHH !!!!!! RUN!!!!!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!!! KNOCK PEOPLE OVER IF YOU HAVE TOOOO!!!!! IF YOU DON'T SPRINT TO THE TRAIN YOU'LL BE STUCK AT THE TRAIN STATION FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!

It's a fluckin' EMPTY TRAIN!!!!! And guess what snappah-head... it's gonna be 3/4's empty once everyone on this platform gets on!!! These people take this train EVERY DAY... they KNOW it's not like they're going to have to stand.

What??? are you getting the really super duper seat... that's the same as the one right f'in next to it!?!?

I walk down the platform... get on... take a seat right next to one of the f'in sprinters, look at them dead in the face and say, "Niiiiice... you got one of the GOOD seats huh?"

and they just look at me... "uuuuuuuhhhh"....

HEY!!!! C'MEER!!! LEMME GIVE YOU A QUICK F'IN KARATE CHOP TO THE THROAT FOR BEING A MORON!!!

 

[jmulligan]

People who f'in run for my gdam commuter train! LEMME GIVE YOU A QUICK F'IN KARATE CHOP TO THE THROAT FOR BEING A MORON!!!

+1000000

I have the exact same thing here in DC (although there IS a distinct possibility you could end up standing if you're not on the train +10 minutes before departure).

I have never seen so many douchefaces slam into one another and knock each other out of the way to get onto a freaking train.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Normally by the end of the trip I'm ready to stretch my legs a little...I don't care if I'm not going anywhere, I just want to stand up. THe ones that really get to me are the ones who try to unload the aluminum cattle cars from the rear forward-- seriously-- wait your turn, don't unload till the row in front of you is moving up the aisle (and help those with baggage in the bins above you with theirs while you're standing up stretching your legs )

Hey... I'm not saying I want people sitting in their seats for every second... I'm not even saying I'm anti-standing... what pisses me off is the people who will literally have the hand on the belt... waiting... thinking... "CMON PILOT!!! MAKE THE DING NOISE!!!!"... their hand is practically trembling... DING AAAAHHH!!! I GOTTA STAND UP!!!!!!!!!!

It's a like a personal race for some people... I'm waiting for some guy to stand up really really fast turn to me and say "You see that??? I stood up the SH!T outta that!!! I've been working on it at home. Nice huh?"

People stand up like the freakin' seat is on fire and if they don't get off the plane in four seconds they're gonna die... only to freakin stand there for five minutes while everyone else on the plane in front of them (including me who's been sitting not freakin out) gets off in front of them.

Hey... you're claustiphobic? awesome... you get a free pass. I won't punch you in the throat. You're about to miss a connection... awesome.. you get a free pass... I won't punch you in the throat... everyone else?!?! Throat punches.

 

[shecky]

I'm claustrophobic as all hell and even I hate the tools who stand up at the first note of the "Ding." Where the hell are ya going?

Ya know what happens? Everybody's standing, thus clogging everything up, thus making my claustrophobia worse. Morons.

I'm relatively tall, too, and I want to stretch my legs but I'm fairly sure I can wait five more minutes.

 

[The Pol]

Damn, her grocery bill IS my mortgage... and about 3x our gorcery bill/mo.

WOW...

 

[TxBrew]

I used to see that all time when worked in a grocery store. One guy came up to me and asked me for some ground round, because "You can't buy dog food with food stamps, and my dog's gotta eat, too." Yikes.

I have a friend who gets food stamps and he was telling me they end up using it all every month mostly on energy drinks. He really didn't have a reason to lie to me but I was under the assumption food stamps only bought essentials, not soda, etc.

 

[MMW]

Hey... I'm not saying I want people sitting in their seats for every second... I'm not even saying I'm anti-standing... what pisses me off is the people who will literally have the hand on the belt... waiting... thinking... "CMON PILOT!!! MAKE THE DING NOISE!!!!"... their hand is practically trembling... DING AAAAHHH!!! I GOTTA STAND UP!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S ME!!

It's a like a personal race for some people... I'm waiting for some guy to stand up really really fast turn to me and say "You see that??? I stood up the SH!T outta that!!! I've been working on it at home. Nice huh?"

HAHAHAHA! That's, uh, NOT me. I'm not the 'race you to the aisle spot' guy.

 

[Cape Brewing]

I'm claustrophobic as all hell and even I hate the tools who stand up at the first note of the "Ding." Where the hell are ya going?

Ya know what happens? Everybody's standing, thus clogging everything up, thus making my claustrophobia worse. Morons.

I'm relatively tall, too, and I want to stretch my legs but I'm fairly sure I can wait five more minutes.

Thaaaaaaank you!!!!!!

SEE!?!? Shecky gets it! Why can't everyone be like Shecky!?!

 

[shecky]

SEE!?!? Shecky gets it! Why can't everyone be like Shecky!?!

I often wonder that myself.

 

[arturo7]

Nope.

I absolutely, positively gotta stand up. Doesn't matter if I'm up front or back of the bus. Plane stops at gate, I stand up. Doesn't matter how long it takes, I'd rather wait standing than wait sitting. Sit there with someone's ass in my face? Hell no.

Stand up, turn on phone to see if anybody loves me, grab my bag, grab a bag for someone else,etc. All that matters is that I'm no longer in that miserable, cramped, smelly little seat rubbing elbows with some doucheface from the hinterworld.

Ahh, standing. My face finally in a clear airspace. Stretch, take a deep breath. Next stop immigration.

 

[MacGregorBrewer]

Am I the only person that wants to punch Dane Cook whenever anyone else says they want to punch a baby?

 

[DeathBrewer]

Am I the only person that wants to punch Dane Cook whenever anyone else says they want to punch a baby?

^I don't watch that ********* Dane Cook...I thought punching babies was an international passtime.

Doesn't matter how long it takes, I'd rather wait standing than wait sitting. Sit there with someone's ass in my face? Hell no.

^This is only because everyone else is a jerk just like you. Otherwise, nobody would have asses in their faces

 

[Fingers]

Very much like being at a seminar when they serve lunch. Unless they call tables, everybody goes to the caterer's table at once. The rate of progress through the serving line never varies so I can't see the point of just getting into line. No, there's no stampede or pushing and shoving, but even sauntering over and standing in a long line rather than just sitting at your nice comfortable table with other attendees is pointless.

The serving staff are very good at keeping the food warm and plentiful. They want to be called again. You will get fed, and you will have time to eat. Relax.

 

[s3n8]

What kind of bootcamp class are you taking?

I teach CISSP and CEH "bootcamp".

Trust me... Its harder on the instructor than the students. I go through lots of homebrew those weeks. And a bottle of vodka.

 

[Duckfoot]

Um... I don't know... Just a "bootcamp" from the local gym...

Basic cardio / endurance / strength training...

 

[s3n8]

Um... I don't know... Just a "bootcamp" from the local gym...

Basic cardio / endurance / strength training...

HA, I thought it was one of those IT "bootcamp" courses. Carry on.

 

[EvilTOJ]

Ok that's just creepy. I have two black cats as well, a fat one and a skinny one, EXACTLY like in this picture. I've wondered what they do with their day when I'm not here, I guess I know now. They stalk you in your sleep.

 

[Duckfoot]

Ah yes... Los Catos el Diablo...

The skinny one, "Puss" (farthest from the camera) is around 16 years old and just an ol' bitch at this point...

The fat one, "Dookie" is the sweetest, dumbest sack of fur you could ask for in a cat...

That being said, this is pretty much how I wake up in the morning, unless the dog has decided to sleep on my feet...