I am an idiot

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Is it just me, or do all my posts in this thread seriously call into question any advice I may give anywhere else in this forum.
 
Or maybe my other posts call into question anything I post here.
 
I want to make a turtle stout, gator hopped but I'm still an extract brewer. Any hope for me?
 
grem135 said:
I want to make a turtle stout, gator hopped but I'm still an extract brewer. Any hope for me?
Click to expand...

All grain recipes are not inherently superior to extract. It's all about the brewer, their process, and the quality of their local turtle monger.
 
Hamsterbite said:
All grain recipes are not inherently superior to extract. It's all about the brewer, their process, and the quality of their local turtle monger.
Click to expand...

Our LTM seems to only have the common box turtle and they suffer from a strong asphalt flavor. Guess I need to find mail order provider
 
I assume brewing in Canada is pretty much the same as brewing in America except there's a lot of people saying eh, and eating thin slices of ham that are called bacon but in no way resemble bacon. And you probably have to drink blended weak whiskey and beer from a brewery named after a condition where there is no perceivable space between your eyebrows.
 
WesleyS said:
I assume brewing in Canada is pretty much the same as brewing in America except there's a lot of people saying eh, and eating thin slices of ham that are called bacon but in no way resemble bacon. And you probably have to drink blended weak whiskey and beer from a brewery named after a condition where there is no perceivable space between your eyebrows.
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Well, we actually call bacon the same way you guys do. That ham stuff is called "back bacon", and a very delicious version of it that's brined (practically pickled) and rolled in cornmeal is called "peameal bacon". Yum. But when you ask for bacon here, you get the same strips of meat you'd get if you asked for bacon in the US.

Also, I hate CR and CC whiskey with a passion, though there are some much smaller distilleries that make decent stuff. And Unibrow's Trois Pistoles is what turned me on to craft beer as my first legal beer purchase after turning 19 |:)
 
grem135 said:
I want to make a turtle stout, gator hopped but I'm still an extract brewer. Any hope for me?
Click to expand...

Hopping with gators is tricky in that since they haven't evolved as much over the last 300,000 years as turtles have, their enzymes don't break down in a turtle stout. For this to work correctly you need to add LGA. DGA is also available, but I find that 16 oz of LGA per pound of gator works well and is conveniently available.
 
emjay said:
Well, we actually call bacon the same way you guys do. That ham stuff is called "back bacon", and a very delicious version of it that's brined (practically pickled) and rolled in cornmeal is called "peameal bacon". Yum. But when you ask for bacon here, you get the same strips of meat you'd get if you asked for bacon in the US.

Also, I hate CR and CC whiskey with a passion, though there are some much smaller distilleries that make decent stuff. And Unibrow's Trois Pistoles is what turned me on to craft beer as my first legal beer purchase after turning 19 |:)
Click to expand...

Hey, I knew you'd respond. I was just poking a little fun. I actually hope one day to make it to Canada. Years ago I halfway planned a trip to Canada, but then I ended up getting married and life kinda got in the way. But one day I'll make it there.
 
The only thing I don't like about DGE is how it gets all in your arm hairs when stirring into your kettle.
Sticky arm hair sucks DD.
 
Dried turtle makes a wonderful addition to my brown turtle stew ale
 
The good thing about dry hoppng with a croc is that the loss of beer per absorption is a lot less than if you dry hop with hamsters for instance. And the fact that a croc can survive in water-like ambient ends up saving you some buck in the long run. I don´t know about you guys but I´m tired of spending a lot of money in hamsters in every batch of beer I make, after a couple of hours hamsters sink to the bottom and die, or in other words they die and then sink to the bottom (yes hamster corpses don´t float in beer). Efforts trying to harvest dead hamsters and bring them back to life have been widely studied by professor Frankestein with some success but with many negative side effects like been chased by an angry mob carrying torches. So yes dry hop with crocs I know is quite an investment to make but I prefer spending some money now and forget about it.
A non so expensive option is to go with turtles but of course there is always the chance that the turtle runs away with your wife. If you are tired of your wife get a turtle if you hate your wife get a croc and make her help you brew.
Ahhhh brewing! gives the chance to do one of the things that I enjoy the most: mistreating wildlife.!!!
 
Exactly. That's why I've always said that hamster reanimation is a waste of time and money. And who wants to take the risk of being attacked hordes of angry birds? Canadian bacon, American bacon, it's all the same to a pig stealing eggs...at least in the end.
 
Obliviousbrew said:
The good thing about dry hoppng with a croc is that the loss of beer per absorption is a lot less than if you dry hop with hamsters for instance. And the fact that a croc can survive in water-like ambient ends up saving you some buck in the long run. I don´t know about you guys but I´m tired of spending a lot of money in hamsters in every batch of beer I make, after a couple of hours hamsters sink to the bottom and die, or in other words they die and then sink to the bottom (yes hamster corpses don´t float in beer). Efforts trying to harvest dead hamsters and bring them back to life have been widely studied by professor Frankestein with some success but with many negative side effects like been chased by an angry mob carrying torches. So yes dry hop with crocs I know is quite an investment to make but I prefer spending some money now and forget about it.
A non so expensive option is to go with turtles but of course there is always the chance that the turtle runs away with your wife. If you are tired of your wife get a turtle if you hate your wife get a croc and make her help you brew.
Ahhhh brewing! gives the chance to do one of the things that I enjoy the most: mistreating wildlife.!!!
Click to expand...

Your LHBS doesn't sell SCUBA equipment for the hamsters? Or at the very least snorkels and floaties? Believe me I almost exclusively dry croc, but hamsters can add some complexity that only a hairy rodent can provide.
 
WesleyS said:
Your LHBS doesn't sell SCUBA equipment for the hamsters? Or at the very least snorkels and floaties? Believe me I almost exclusively dry croc, but hamsters can add some complexity that only a hairy rodent can provide.
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Quite right. And now you know why I named my brewery Hamsterbite.
 
Hamsterbite said:
Quite right. And now you know why I named my brewery Hamsterbite.
Click to expand...

I thought maybe you liked hamsters biting you. Or maybe you liked biting hamsters.
 
Ok probably rigth but guys turtles, crocs and hamstesr are all rigth just don´t do it with dogs as macrobreweries do:

 
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If you don't have real hamsters and you decide to use zhu zhu pets instead, remember to remove the battery before submerging them in your beer.
 
Nutria. For those really big beers.

nutria.jpg
 
WesleyS said:
If you don't have real hamsters and you decide to use zhu zhu pets instead, remember to remove the battery before submerging them in your beer.
Click to expand...

I would leave the batteries in. In electric kettles, the extra power would help shorten the time to full boil. Also, they help keep fur form sticking to the elements. ( consult a licensed beautician before attempting to work with fur) YMMV.
 
When I bend over to look at my belly button I noticed a ribbon. This made me ponder about the length of the toenails on a sparrow and whether or not to add its beak to my hamster ale.
 
Jaehnig said:
When I bend over to look at my belly button I noticed a ribbon. This made me ponder about the length of the toenails on a sparrow and whether or not to add its beak to my hamster ale.
Click to expand...

Thats deep. I'm going to ponder that over a glass of hamster nuts brown ale and a turtle on the half shell.
 
Jaehnig said:
When I bend over to look at my belly button I noticed a ribbon. This made me ponder about the length of the toenails on a sparrow and whether or not to add its beak to my hamster ale.
Click to expand...

Mr. Jaehnig, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this thread is now dumber for having read to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
 
Hamsterbite said:
Mr. Jaehnig, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this thread is now dumber for having read to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Click to expand...

Why thank you, sir. I aim to meet the needs of this post and my fellow idiot brewers. I am glad you spent the time reading my works of art and I hope that you, and all the other idiots like yourself, enjoyed it. I surely might have has I a turtle shell to sip my guano and mushroom lager out of. Which, btw, is simply an enigma.
 
Is this thread going to make it to 600 posts? I just don't know if we're all idiotic enough. I just don't know. Sometimes you just have to look back and reflect on your life and ask yourself the tough questions, like "Did I brew enough?"
"Did I brew the best beer possible every batch?"
"Did I add enough lemur shavings with my dry crocs?"
 
If you added lemur shaving directly with your dry crocs your beer is going to lack homogeneity. After fermentation, you could end up with larval lecrocs in the bottle...
 
WesleyS said:
Is this thread going to make it to 600 posts? I just don't know if we're all idiotic enough. I just don't know. Sometimes you just have to look back and reflect on your life and ask yourself the tough questions, like "Did I brew enough?"
"Did I brew the best beer possible every batch?"
"Did I add enough lemur shavings with my dry crocs?"
Click to expand...

You're first and second Sentences are idiotic and abominations!
 
WesleyS said:
Is this thread going to make it to 600 posts? I just don't know if we're all idiotic enough. I just don't know. Sometimes you just have to look back and reflect on your life and ask yourself the tough questions, like "Did I brew enough?"
"Did I brew the best beer possible every batch?"
"Did I add enough lemur shavings with my dry crocs?"
Click to expand...

Actually, it's a very simple computation.

Idiocy squared plus the current post count divided by the percentage of brewers utilizing the most current dry-croc methods multiplied by the average number of hamsters drowned in a Belgian.

honestly i wonder about you people. Simple math should not be so difficult. It's like you are trying to make this as difficult as harvesting lemur shavings without a proper microplane.
 

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