I Am A "Mean, Terrible Person!"

[kjung]

Yesterday, after SWMBO, her daughter (19) and I looked out the windows (those that we could see out of!) at the results of the blizzard, SWMBO and I headed outside and started digging out our driveway, during which time, her daughter stayed in. Three-and-a-half hours later, as we limped back into the house, I looked for her daughter. It seems that as soon as we went outside, she decided to LAY DOWN ON THE COUCH AND GO BACK TO SLEEP.
Fast forward to this morning, and she's pestering the crap out of me for a ride to her b/f's house. The following conversation took place:
Her-"Will you please drive me over there now? I haven't seen him in three days!"
Me-"No. I'm making one run today, and you'll have to wait. You're lucky that I'm giving you a ride at all, after yesterday."
"Why??? What did I do?"
"Nothing. THAT'S the problem!"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
I went into the whole thing about her going back to sleep while her mother and I busted our asses off, and as a result, could barely move last night.
"I wasn't going out there yesterday! I hate the snow!"
I then explained, remaining as calm as I could, that her mother (In her early 40's) has a bad back and is facing major surgery, and I (50 on my next b-day) with a bad knee, shoulder AND back, were out there, and there was no reason that she couldn't be out there helping. I then told her that we do all sorts of things for her, including going out of our way to give them rides (neither of them drive), and this is how she thanks us? I told her that I'm done, she does NOTHING to help around the house, and that from now on she only gets rides from me when it's on my way.
Her reaction?..."You're mean! That's terrible! That's SO not fair!!!"

Now she's laying on the couch, pouting and texting her b/f. I'm here, laughing at her.

 

[Hang Glider]

Hopefully, SWMBO supports your position.



I do.

 

[sprocketmaker]

You cruel bastard!
seems like we need to go to extremes to get thru to these kids... I actually started shoveling the snow on top of my daughters car... till she got the clue and now helps clear the driveway, not just her car.

 

[motobrewer]

that'll happen. if it's any consolation, my daughters didn't help either. but they're 3 and 1. lol

 

[arturo7]

She's frickin 19? Get a job!!

 

[glenn514]

I most definitely concur! After raising FOUR daughters...you are 100% spot-on!

glenn514

 

[Danbreeze]

I dont have kids as of yet, but I am thankful my parents had a "tough love" approach as well in parenting me.

"Dont want to eat dinner? Then dont eat at all."

"Dont feel like doing chores? Dont leave the house until you do" (This was of course before cell phones and computers)

 

[Jenks829]

... I actually started shoveling the snow on top of my daughters car... till she got the clue and now helps clear the driveway, not just her car.

Love it. I will be taking this page out of your book when the time comes

 

[SpanishCastleAle]

Her-"Will you please drive me over there now? I haven't seen him in three days!"

You-"I'm not going out there today! I hate driving in the snow!"

 

[tbel]

That's how it would go at my house. Fortunately I've always been that way with them so even my youngest @ 10yrs knows she helps out or gets nothing.

 

[user 21663]

My 8 year old helps shovel snow. Granted it just with a kids shovel but he likes helping Dad out.

You should have driven over to the BF's house and brought him back to your house...then make him shovel the snow. "You want to see my daughter...then start shoveling."

 

[Mischief_Brewing]

I would have dragged her lazy arse out of the house yesterday before the first shovel-full was tossed. Hell, I had my 7 year old daughter shoveling 2' of snow off of her giant trampoline last weekend so it didn't get ruined.

 

[shecky]

You cruel bastard!
seems like we need to go to extremes to get thru to these kids... I actually started shoveling the snow on top of my daughters car... till she got the clue and now helps clear the driveway, not just her car.

That is awesome.

 

[Acoma]

I think she should have helped pitch in. In one sense she is a 19 yr old girl and probably not the best snow shoveler around. However, after at least attempting to help she still could have heated you guys up some coffee or soup or made you lunch at least. I don't blame you for not giving her a ride. I would let her know the next time the driveway needs shoveling is the next opportunity she has for a ride.

 

[Homercidal]

I'm lucky. My girls usually love to help. Now the little one was sick yesterday, and the older one didn't help shovel (she let me snow blow after work while she did none of it all day with no school) but she did a bit of housework, as usual. She still got a brief comment from me about maybe it would have been nice to at least shovel around the doors. But she understands reality and expectations and often goes out of her way to help others.

I think you did the right thing. She's 19 FFS! Most kids don't understand what fair really is until they have kids of their own.

 

[pernox]

Mine's nine. She plays with the dog and shovels the steps while Daddy runs the snowblower. Then she makes tuna sandwiches for lunch when we come in.

I second the motion of bringing the bf over to shovel. Put his ass to work, and he'll be too tired to try and get frisky!

 

[dataz722]

I second the motion of bringing the bf over to shovel. Put his ass to work, and he'll be too tired to try and get frisky!

Come on now. At 19 he could shovel all the driveways in the neighborhood and still have the energy to get frisky.

 

[iaefebs]

I actually would rather shovel the snow myself. I have a 19 yr old son that would shovel anytime I ask but it is just something I enjoy doing. The same as cutting the grass in the summer. It gets me outdoors and yeah I have all the aches and pains of a 58 yr old. However..... I heard a story the other day from a guy who said his 19 year old daughter was backing her car out of the driveway and got her car stuck. She used her cell phone to call her Mom to come outside and shovel her out. She's in her driveway and calls the house. The daughter actually sat in the car while the Mom shoveled her out....

 

[Hang Glider]

She's in her driveway and calls the house. The daughter actually sat in the car while the Mom shoveled her out....

this is just wrong!

 

[MeatyPortion]

Bravo. sir. Bravo.

 

[mlg5039]

Damn this is crazy. When I was 19 I no longer lived at home. But, when I was 18, I would have had to shovel my families driveway, then dig MY car out which was parked on the street so that I could go to WORK.

Considering she is 19 and doesn't drive her self around, and you are kind enough not to make her walk since she doesn't drive, I support your position.

 

[jmendez29]

Come on now. At 19 he could shovel all the driveways in the neighborhood and still have the energy to get frisky.

No way. If her bf is too lazy to come see her, then he'd probably be too lazy to even start. From what I've seen of most 19 year olds lately, if that were the option, then he'd probably dump her. Too much work to "get some".

kung, you did the right thing, and I heartily applaude you. I've had similar arguments with my 14 year old son already, and he's starting to figure it out. I give my kids an allowance, not for specific chores to be done, but for the shared responsibility of maintaining a household, and I tell them exactly that. Which means that I won't ask them to clean a bathroom that is already clean, just because it's their chore, but I may tell them to do things that don't get done regularly such as cleaning and reorganizing the garage. And in the case of this snowstorm, they both helped me out with shoveling/blowing out our driveway and two of our neighbors. I felt it was a good lesson in community.

 

[bad67z]

I think she should have helped pitch in. In one sense she is a 19 yr old girl and probably not the best snow shoveler around.

Come on it ain't rocket science. She should be able to be able to "Master" the skill in 3 minutes. And here training course should have started while she was in her single digits.IMHO

 

[Clann]

You are a mean terrible person and the world should have more people like you. Mabye there wouldnt be so many lazy kids out there

 

[MSweat]

Years ago, when my stepdaughters were 10 and 12, I use to hear from them how they were treated like slaves because they had to do chores around the house. Their chores included unloading the dishwasher, taking the garbage out, disarming the “land mines” the dogs left in the back yard, and general cleaning around the house. I grew up on a farm and would tell them they had no idea what chores were. Of course, their response was “Well that would be fun taking care of animals.”
So, that summer I arranged for them to spend a week at my parent’s house. I asked my parents to let them experience farm life chores as I had. Dad would get them up at 5 AM to go feed the animals. He had about 75 head of beef cattle, six horses, some pigs, chickens, a couple of dogs and a goat. After the animals were fed then you got to go in, get cleaned up and eat breakfast. After breakfast there was always something around the farm that needed attention. Weeding the garden, fixing a fence, mowing the lawn, etc. At the end of the day the animals got fed again. I’m sure they didn’t get the full effect, but enough that it opened their eyes. The missed out on hauling hay and getting up every two hours during the night to change the water (flood irrigation).
After that whenever they would complain about their chores, I would remind them how good they had it and it would generally shut them right up!

 

[Mischief_Brewing]

Years ago, when my stepdaughters were 10 and 12, I use to hear from them how they were treated like slaves because they had to do chores around the house. Their chores included unloading the dishwasher, taking the garbage out, disarming the “land mines” the dogs left in the back yard, and general cleaning around the house. I grew up on a farm and would tell them they had no idea what chores were. Of course, their response was “Well that would be fun taking care of animals.”
So, that summer I arranged for them to spend a week at my parent’s house. I asked my parents to let them experience farm life chores as I had. Dad would get them up at 5 AM to go feed the animals. He had about 75 head of beef cattle, six horses, some pigs, chickens, a couple of dogs and a goat. After the animals were fed then you got to go in, get cleaned up and eat breakfast. After breakfast there was always something around the farm that needed attention. Weeding the garden, fixing a fence, mowing the lawn, etc. At the end of the day the animals got fed again. I’m sure they didn’t get the full effect, but enough that it opened their eyes. The missed out on hauling hay and getting up every two hours during the night to change the water (flood irrigation).
After that whenever they would complain about their chores, I would remind them how good they had it and it would generally shut them right up!

Classic!

My FIL (typical chauvinistic eastern european) gives me crap all the time about how I'd never survive being a farmer/fending for myself in the country. While I do disagree with him, I never use my thoughts that I could as my argument. I always tell him I spent 7 years in college so I would never have to. Needless to say, we don't really see eye to eye.

 

[WCrane]

Bravo! Nicely handled

My in-laws are dealing with similiar with my sister in law who is only 17. My wife is total oppoiste personaility wise. But this one, man, major sense of the entiltlement. Sadly my in-laws don't throw the hammer down hard enough, nor frequent enough. A long cycle of caving in to her in the past has finally come back to bite them.

 

[scrambledegg81]

Ditto, what pretty much everyone above me has said. Time to lay down some ground rules, & make CWWO (child who will obey) carry her own weight. At her age (granted, I'm 29), I was not only shoveling sidewalks, but splitting firewood, washing cars, & doing laundry for myself. Do like the B-52's said, and lay down the law.

 

[wildwest450]

To better assess the situation we're going to need pics of her pouting on the couch.

 

[andysim]

This is harsh...................You are turning into a Republican.

A Democrat would have paid her to sit on the couch yesterday, drove her to boy friend's house and gave her money to buy dinner.


Edit: You did the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!