HBT Official Memorable Quotes Thread

[dataz722]

Both of these came from the same thread

I'm good for beer. What I really need is a bigger penis.

You guys joke around with this all you want, but let me tell you something: I tried making my own beer one time and wound up with herpes!

 

[MrWiggles]

I drank from the fermenter by just putting a glass under the tap and pouring it. Of note, I mostly drank it in the form of Radler (mixed with coke)...

And please don't come here saying to quit or it's illegal or whatever...I know exactly what I'm doing...

The times I've been to Germany, I've always heard that Beer and Coke beverage coined "Kinder Bier" or Children's Beer. I'm just sayin'

Ahhh...what a wonderful thread this was...
Turned out he was 18 (for those that missed it)

 

[Revvy]

Ftw!!!!!!!!

. If the inside of your fermenter looks like there was a monkey pooh throwing contest...you're golden.

 

[Revvy]

Best brewing advice I have ever seen on here.

all you are doing is boiling sugar water with flowers thrown in halfway through. while people like to make this out to be rocket science, it really doesn't have to be, unless you want it to be. they didn't have stainless steel 500 or 1000 or 2000 years ago and they still made great beer (probably, not that i'd actually know).

 

[dataz722]

I don't have the legs for hooking. although, I can walk in heels pretty well.

 

[dataz722]

hahaha, and a followup

I can win a 60 metre dash in 3 inch pumps against any of my buddies... while hammered.. I have the 5 dollar bill to prove it!!!.... ... ... wait a tick something about that doesnt sound right...

 

[ChshreCat]

I'm old,gray,slow,and to dam drunk to do anything.

.

 

[dataz722]

two in a row for our great admin

Do not google mouth rape, scary stuff. I did not find anything that would qualify as mouthwash chugging breath fetishes.

 

[Revvy]

Seems to belong here...

man, can't drop a penis without being labeled a homo nowadays

 

[FromZwolle]

I am going to be getting much more into my sausage this year.

aren't we all?

 

[Laughing_Gnome_Invisible]

I know, most here are too young to appreciate pubic hair

It's funny because it's somehow true!!!

 

[TANSTAAFB]

As good as sh!t talkin gets, courtesy of the Obnoxious Football Trash Talk Thread...

philrose--This thread is the main way I know if the pats are at home, cape, bird et al seem too busy to endlessly boast. Tailgating or something boys?

ChshreCat--Too busy manning the locker room glory holes at Gillette.

edit: Oops, that might have offended them. Ya know... using the word "Manning"... Brady fans can be sensitive about that.

 

[dataz722]

I have used bleach, worked well but my penis fell off.

.

 

[philrose]

As good as sh!t talkin gets, courtesy of the Obnoxious Football Trash Talk Thread...

YES. I meant to quote the cat on that one but spaced it, nice work.

 

[TANSTAAFB]

Brek81 on why to wash yeast...

because i hate committing yeast genocide at the end of a batch... yeast are people too.

I want a t-shirt and/ or bumpersticker :rockin:

 

[motobrewer]

not a HBT quote, but wtf?

http://www.dietbites.com/CalorieIndexDrinks.html

Calories in Ale |12 ounces | Do not drink and operate heavy diet machinery. | 156

 

[TANSTAAFB]

I am pretty new here and to home brewing, but from everything I have read on the internet what follows is my understanding (Because if it's on the internet it has to be true):

Glass Carboys:

Pros according to those who use them:

- Blessed by the Gods of Olympus as the only vessel that is capable of fermenting the superior beers that only a home brewer can appreciate the subtle flavors of (like angel farts, unicorn drool and victoria's secret model sweat)

- Superior in every way (including the complex you develop that allows you to laud it over the heads of those in your homebrew club who still use plastic buckets and "Butter Bottles")

Cons according those who have never used them:

- Forged at the base of Mt. Doom by Orcs and Dragons using the bones of babies and the blood of nuns

- Each one comes with a time delay self destruct device that is guaranteed to explode during any of the following situations:
1) Moving from car to home
2) Temperature Variations from hot to cold, or cold to hot, or tepid to
lukewarm
3) Pouring Wort in, racking wort out, brewing near carboy, thinking about
brewing near carboy, thinking about buying glass carboy


Plastic Buckets:

Pros according to those who use them:

- Hand Crafted by the delicate hands of blind and deaf virgin women who are the offspring of the 1986 Swedish Bikini team and Fabio

- Inexpensive, easy to come by, and rated 5 Stars by the National Highway Safety Administration in both frontal and side impact collisions.

- So safe and airtight that the next space mission will be using them instead of Specially designed cargo containers

- So safe that Parenting Magazine has recommended that new parents seal their newborns in them for the first 18 Months of life (secondary optional after the first 6 months) *warning this method will produce a lot of trub


Cons by those who are far too superior to use them:

- Manufactured by cult members in W. Virginia from a combination of cow dung and botulism
- If scratched, demons from another dimension are released from the scratches and they can never be sealed and will forever haunt your beer and those who drink it. The only cure is to repent and pray at the alter of super heated and blown silicon...
- Contain wormholes that magically transport Oxygen molecules from Los Angeles into your beer


Better Bottles:

Pros by those who have been blessed with an opportunity to use them:

- Created by a distant and superiorly intelligent Alien race from materials that are far more advanced than mere mortals should be allowed to use.

- Lighter than a feather, faster than a speeding CO2 bubble, able to withstand falls from a 12 story building without so much as scratch on it or any bystanders who happen to be blessed by it hitting them in the head.

Cons by those who will never use them because they sound too good to be true like unicorns, leprechauns and regular bowel movements:

- Made as a byproduct of a pact with the devil that MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice made to launch their strangely successful (albeit short lived) careers.

- It's mother was a hamster and it's father smelt of elderberries

- Will melt in the face of sheer determination and wort hotter than room temperature

- Will become brittle and explode into a million pieces if you use any sanitizer in it for more than 5 seconds

:rockin::fro::cross::rockin:

 

[Revvy]

Maybe in the hot tub mash tun perhaps?

Thanks for the link, Revvy. After reviewing that, I'm confident that stir plates are the way to go! Although I'd still like to find a way to use sex toys in brewing.

 

[ChshreCat]

We make beer in buckets with toilet parts and coolers, this might not be the best place for you.

.

 

[maxamuus]

i'm as gay as a handbag full of rainbows.

 

[TANSTAAFB]

"I cant handle that buddy.. it tastes like Moose Piss", (IPA) - side note.. ive never had moose piss, but im sure it doesnt taste like IPA or I would have a moose.

 

[wildwest450]

:d

Hey, that's out of context!


_

 

[maxamuus]

Something pot heads use. I would rather have a dildo on my desk.

 

[buffalobrewer]

Originally Posted by Revvy
(boy I hope my weenus goes back to it's original size and shape, it's looking a little.......little actually and misshapen)

will be even better when he's out of the hospital....

 

[Cape Brewing]

.... And this is a nice place! * 20 taps and 5 casks..... *

20 taps? *weak. *the place i'm headed to in 30 has 60-ish. *only like 3 casks tho.

nobody cares.

lol!

 

[ChshreCat]

I can put a cream sauce on my meat. Or butter. Or pour a gallon of milk on it if I really wanted to. Then blend it up and drink the whole thing!

The take a video and post it on YouPorn! Yeah!

 

[dataz722]

In response to almost crying.

I said I wanted to. But my beard bitch-slapped me back into the real world, so I drank a beer, scratched my balls, and beat up a hippy. I feel better now.

 

[curlyfat]

I am about 5 pints deep on my Arrogant Bastard clone - the abv is lower than the real deal but the taste is spot on...

Who is going to put my kids to bed? SWMBO is out of town...oops

Priceless.

 

[Revvy]

From the thread about the new "write on" bud light labels.

It's marketing - it's new, it's smart, it's funny and gimmicky .. Now stop watering down your Arrogant Bastard with tears.

 

[Whut]

These in my sig!