buenaventura
Well-Known Member
Tell me something . . . anything . . . advice, a joke, a poem, a quote . . . something . . .
Getting Divorced
- Thread starter buenaventura
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Bedlam
Well-Known Member
Best thing that ever happened to me. I am myself again...
you want jokes related to getting divorced or just general jokes?
Same question goes for poems, advice and quotes I suppose.
OP
OP
buenaventura
Well-Known Member
Well.. you're welcome, but the question was serious. I was about to post a divorce related joke but then realized that the situation might be to sensitive at the moment for such humor.
I deal with bad times and situations with humor... always... some people appreciate it, and others hate it.
I deal with bad times and situations with humor... always... some people appreciate it, and others hate it.
![Craft A Brew - Safale S-04 Dry Yeast - Fermentis - English Ale Dry Yeast - For English and American Ales and Hard Apple Ciders - Ingredients for Home Brewing - Beer Making Supplies - [1 Pack]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/41fVGNh6JfL._SL500_.jpg)
OP
OP
buenaventura
Well-Known Member
Hit me with whatever you got.
Grasshopper goes into a bar, bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you!" Grassphopper says, "You have a drink called Murray?!?"
Ba, dum, bum!!
Ba, dum, bum!!
BoogieBrandBooze
Well-Known Member
Amen to that. I am mere days away from it being "official" and haven't been this happy in years.
buenaventura, I don't know the specifics of your situation but I'm hoping that as bad as you might feel right now (and I had my moments as well) that you either work things out if they're truly meant to be, or see that you just very well may be better off without this person...
In any case, best of luck to you. You're definitely not alone.
A little outdated, but...
Q: Why are hurricanes named after women?
A: Because when they arrive, they are wet and wild. When they leave, they take your house and car.
Q: Why are hurricanes named after women?
A: Because when they arrive, they are wet and wild. When they leave, they take your house and car.
JOHN51277
Well-Known Member
Good luck man! Hang in there, it will only get better! Hey, you have 1 less person drinking from the pipeline, and more brewing time now!
On a serious note, I hope in the end it turns out to be a good move.
On a serious note, I hope in the end it turns out to be a good move.
Two little buys were assigned to the same room in a hospital and were being prepped for surgeries.
The first kid leans over and asked, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid said," I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid said," You've got nothing to worry about, I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"
The second kid then asked, "What are you in here for?"
The first kid responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."
The second kid said, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
The first kid leans over and asked, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid said," I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid said," You've got nothing to worry about, I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"
The second kid then asked, "What are you in here for?"
The first kid responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."
The second kid said, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"
I got divorced when I was young (30). I got married when I was young and stupid. The divorce was the best thing to happen.
(Hmm, reminds me, today is my ex's birthday).
I have been remarried now for nearly 11 years and am stunned every day at how easy it is. First one was practice.
Good luck.
(Hmm, reminds me, today is my ex's birthday).
I have been remarried now for nearly 11 years and am stunned every day at how easy it is. First one was practice.
Good luck.
riverfrontbrewer
Well-Known Member
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!
A woman was playing golf and got stung by a bee. She goes to the Dr and he says "where did it get you" she says "between the first and second hole"......he replied...."your stance is to wide".
Good luck man
A woman was playing golf and got stung by a bee. She goes to the Dr and he says "where did it get you" she says "between the first and second hole"......he replied...."your stance is to wide".
Good luck man
I was divorced when I was in my 30s, BEST thing to ever happen to me. I've been with my current wife for 20 years. Life is great, she's my best friend and it's easy to be with her. We started our own successful business and we're together 24/7. It's hard and hurts at first, but you will look back on it and feel it's worth the pain.
Ragutis
Well-Known Member
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard ladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard ladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."
divorce was the best thing I did in my twenties, didn't seem like it at the time but it eventually led to to the part of the country where I met the right person this time.
hold your head up high, it will be ok in the end.
hold your head up high, it will be ok in the end.
bernerbrau
Well-Known Member
Guy walks into a bar. An hour later he regains consciousness in the hospital with a concussion.
6fiddyv
Well-Known Member
Its hard now, I know, but it will soon be better. Time is what heals all wounds, corny but oh so true...only took me almost 2 years, but I feel better, OH SO MUCH BETTER. Only sh!tty part is that my kids are so young...
So....
What do you do when a maxipad catches on fire?
TAMP-ON it.
So....
What do you do when a maxipad catches on fire?
TAMP-ON it.
This'll keep you busy. They are ultra stupid, but it's all I got on short notice.
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Circumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blown apart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
to the other, you stay here; I'll go on a head.
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me..
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No
change yet.'
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.
18. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blown apart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
to the other, you stay here; I'll go on a head.
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me..
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No
change yet.'
16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.
18. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.
19. A backward poet writes inverse.
20. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.
Dwain
Well-Known Member
What do a divorce in East Tx and a tornado in East Tx have in common? No matter what, someone loses a trailer house.
I know it's terribly painful, but trust me when I say that you will get over it and be better off for it.
A marriage where one partner doesn't want to stay in it just can't be a good marriage. You'll be better off in the long run.
I was married for 16 years the first time, but I knew on our honeymoon that I had made a mistake. We tried to make it work, but I just couldn't stay. I'm remarried (very happily, and have been for nearly 10 years) and so is he. He's happy, too. We're really both better off apart, even though getting the divorce was incredibly painful for both of us. It hurts now, but when you look back after a couple of years, you'll realize it was for the best.
Maybe knowing now that you WILL recover can give you some comfort. That, and beer. Beer always helps.
A marriage where one partner doesn't want to stay in it just can't be a good marriage. You'll be better off in the long run.
I was married for 16 years the first time, but I knew on our honeymoon that I had made a mistake. We tried to make it work, but I just couldn't stay. I'm remarried (very happily, and have been for nearly 10 years) and so is he. He's happy, too. We're really both better off apart, even though getting the divorce was incredibly painful for both of us. It hurts now, but when you look back after a couple of years, you'll realize it was for the best.
Maybe knowing now that you WILL recover can give you some comfort. That, and beer. Beer always helps.
OP
OP
buenaventura
Well-Known Member
Thank you, everyone. You've all helped me get through my day.
gratus fermentatio
Well-Known Member
You might find this book useful: http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Screw-the-Bitch/Dick-Hart/e/9781559500692
Regards, GF.
Regards, GF.
Along that line:
Two guys walk into a bar, one right after another. You would have thought that the second one would have ducked.
I got married when I was 21, and divorced five years later. It sucked, but looking back on it, I'm glad I did.
Ragutis
Well-Known Member
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” — Oscar Wilde
