Funny Things Billy-Klubb Should Say About Beer in Public

[Chadwick]

This thread is pure madness and insanity combined. I'm afraid to contribute anything meaningful to it. I just might be taken seriously. Afterall, I'm one "of-those-guys" that believes an OG should begin at 1.070 and go up from there.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

This thread is pure madness and insanity combined. I'm afraid to contribute anything meaningful to it. I just might be taken seriously. Afterall, I'm one "of-those-guys" that believes an OG should begin at 1.070 and go up from there.

it can and will be taken seriously. and, hopefully, used someday in a video spanning several liquor stores, home brew shops, and tap rooms.

 

[JohnSand]

Lol didn't even look at it that way..... per conversation on another thread the anal glands of beavers are supposedly expressed for raspberry flavoring. I do not know this for fact but hence the fruit beer reference. I guess I should have called it a berry beer that way Billy Klubb would have something to punch.

But back to my question. ... Would it be considered a "sweet produce" beer without any fruit only beaver secretions?

To be serious for a second: Yes, I've read about fruit flavorings from beaver glands (there's got to be another punchline in there). And I agree that anything fruit flavored would be fruit beer, whether it comes from real fruit or flavoring. (Waiting for the "well actually" about banana esters and such)
The real question is: How do you "harvest" a beaver butt, and what do you do with them when "brewing" alone?

 

[drainbamage]

Homebrewing is just a 12-hr process to determine the color of the beer. The alcohol must be added separately. Powdered alcohol is best, followed by gel tablets. Liquid alcohol should be avoided, as it has been linked to autism.

Stouts are so thick because they contain roasted hops. All other beers contain malted hops. BMC uses cold-malted hops for the light color and mild flavor.

 

[fuzzy2133]

German beers are only sold under the title "Import" because Uhmerica does not believe in Reinheitsgebot.

 

[Kirkwooder]

To be serious for a second: Yes, I've read about fruit flavorings from beaver glands (there's got to be another punchline in there). And I agree that anything fruit flavored would be fruit beer, whether it comes from real fruit or flavoring. (Waiting for the "well actually" about banana esters and such)
The real question is: How do you "harvest" a beaver butt, and what do you do with them when "brewing" alone?

The Castor gland in a beaver is located under the hide just under the tail. After the beaver has been skinned the gland becomes visible and can easily be removed with a good sharp knife. It is then hung to dry and sold by the pound.

This dried gland is then ground into a powder and added to many things you would rather not know about. LoL

 

[MaxStout]

it can and will be taken seriously. and, hopefully, used someday in a video spanning several liquor stores, home brew shops, and tap rooms.

I certainly do hope that someone takes this thread seriously. It'll be like journalists who take articles from The Onion as the gospel truth.

We've gotta punk someone around here!

 

[ubnserved]

The Castor gland in a beaver is located under the hide just under the tail. After the beaver has been skinned the gland becomes visible and can easily be removed with a good sharp knife. It is then hung to dry and sold by the pound.

This dried gland is then ground into a powder and added to many things you would rather not know about. LoL

I still have not looked it up, but wouldn't milking the gland be more efficient than killing it and only getting one use of it?........ OK I had to look it up.... aged and used in perfume, once used in or as medicine and used as and list in ingredients as "natural flavoring ". Used as vanilla, strawberry and raspberry. Both male and female have them and you can get $10 to $40 each for them from the Ontario government.
Now my question is what in the he|| was going on in the mind of the guy who said "let's try this in some cookies and see if we can get the vanilla flavor out tat a$$!"

 

[ubnserved]

So back to the topic at hand.
The gold on the michlob labels is real and if you save 1000 of them it is equivalent to 1oz of gold (currently $1230 or so).

 

[ubnserved]

The yeast used in one of the original budweiser beer recipes was actually harvested from a yeast infection in 1891 when Adolphus Busch first obtained the name and trademark of Budweiser.

Someone is getting punked....

 

[Billy-Klubb]

The yeast used in one of the original budweiser beer recipes was actually harvested from a yeast infection in 1891 when Adolphus Busch first obtained the name and trademark of Budweiser.

Someone is getting punked....

hell, it might even end up being me! hahaha!

 

[ubnserved]

hell, it might even end up being me! hahaha!

I think that would be a great video to make on a busy Friday night at a college liquor store. Now that it is online with a accurate date and names it will not be long before it is indexed in the Goog. I should add some more details to it. Like it came from Lilly his wife etc.

 

[Kirkwooder]

I still have not looked it up, but wouldn't milking the gland be more efficient than killing it and only getting one use of it?........ OK I had to look it up.... aged and used in perfume, once used in or as medicine and used as and list in ingredients as "natural flavoring ". Used as vanilla, strawberry and raspberry. Both male and female have them and you can get $10 to $40 each for them from the Ontario government.
Now my question is what in the he|| was going on in the mind of the guy who said "let's try this in some cookies and see if we can get the vanilla flavor out tat a$$!"

It's the gland that gives the flavor that is being sought out, not the oil from the gland, and the beavers are being harvested for their fur and meat, and because they cause billions of dollars of damage to timber assets every year.

If your going to kill the beaver anyway, you might as well use as much of it as you can.

Without being funny, beaver meat is very good to eat. Everyone I've ever known to try beaver meat like it. So eat your beaver!

 

[ubnserved]

It's the gland that gives the flavor that is being sought out, not the oil from the gland, and the beavers are being harvested for their fur and meat, and because they cause billions of dollars of damage to timber assets every year.

If your going to kill the beaver anyway, you might as well use as much of it as you can.

Without being funny, beaver meat is very good to eat. Everyone I've ever known to try beaver meat like it. So eat your beaver!

So 3 cheers to beaver!

 

[unionrdr]

Yeah, nothing like a furry beaver to cheer you up on a cold day! Which also means you can eat your honey as well!

 

[Melana]

Boy this thread certainly jumped both feet into the gutter fast.

 

[drainbamage]

Boy this thread certainly jumped both feet into the gutter fast.

Of all the weird topics to bleed over between threads, it's the beaver a$$ glands... :smack:

 

[drainbamage]

Back to dumb stuff BK should say about beer:

Sours are made by bottling a 50/50 blend of beer and balsamic vinegar, like a shandy.

 

[Jacob_Marley]

" ... besides the regulation of the brewing of beer, the Reinheitsgebot German Purity Law of 1516 originally included strict regulation of the manner in which a young man could lose his virginity.

Known as the “JungerMann Purity Edict”, it was required that a young man could only lose his virginity to a similarly virginal but licensed MilkMaid, and only by face-to-face congress; unless she was engaged in the cheddaring of cheese curds in which case she could be addressed from behind, and as long as her apron did not become untied, the aspirants could consummate until the curd loaves had been completely stacked; at which time she was required to loudly and clearly declare: "ich bin gestapelt" (literally "I'm Stacked") at which time they could face each other "at will".

On the other hand, the Forestallment Clause (of the Act) states that if the MilkMaid was engaged with Cow at the time of the young man's approach, she could be legally allowed to free one hand, and with "substantially identical" manual action, forestall the disgorgement of her duties to his general satisfaction, OR until such time that the existing cow's udder being drafted with the other hand had been emptied.

The JungerMann Purity Edict of the Reinheitsgebot German Purity Law of 1516 was dropped when the supply of virginal milkmaids became scarce. This is believed to be largely due to the advent of vastly improved brewing technology."

 

[RevKev]

A shandy is actually just another way of saying half beer half Smirnoff Ice

 

[gratus fermentatio]

I still have not looked it up, but wouldn't milking the gland be more efficient than killing it and only getting one use of it?

You ever try to "milk" a beaver? Let me tell you, those bastards can BITE! :cross:
Regards, GF.

 

[DrunkleJon]

You ever try to "milk" a beaver? Let me tell you, those bastards can BITE! :cross:
Regards, GF.

Thats just because you have been skipping the foreplay and going straight to the milking. Romance it a little first, buy it a drink. Things will go smoother I swear.

 

[hio3791]

Have you ever wondered why we don't see beer commercials from these "craft" breweries? That's because in the United States, by law, only breweries that produce real beer are allowed to advertise. Making beer is a trade secret that only a few large breweries know. Craft breweries buy beer from these larger breweries, which is then used as a base. Craft brewers add synthetic hops, different types of sugars and other special flavoring agents to get the flavor, smell and mouth feel they are after. In fact, this is where the term "craft beers" come from, because these beers are crafted from base beers. Since they don't actually make the beer, they aren't allowed to advertise.

Being that it is a trade secret, this is why home made beer is so terrible (and potentially deadly as recently seen in the news). These so called "homebrewers" do not know the intricacies and cannot afford the required equipment to make real beer.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

" ... besides the regulation of the brewing of beer, the Reinheitsgebot German Purity Law of 1516 originally included strict regulation of the manner in which a young man could lose his virginity.

Known as the “JungerMann Purity Edict”, it was required that a young man could only lose his virginity to a similarly virginal but licensed MilkMaid, and only by face-to-face congress; unless she was engaged in the cheddaring of curds in which case she could be addressed from behind, and as long as her apron did not become untied, the aspirants could consummate until the curd loaves had been completely stacked; at which time she was required to loudly and clearly declare: "ich bin gestapelt" (literally "I'm Stacked") at which time they could face each other "at will".

On the other hand, the Forestallment Clause (of the Act) states that if the MilkMaid was engaged with Cow at the time of the young man's approach, she could be legally allowed to free one hand, and with "substantially identical" manual action, forestall the disgorgement of her duties to his general satisfaction, OR until such time that the existing cow's udder being drafted with the other hand had been emptied.

The JungerMann Purity Edict of the Reinheitsgebot German Purity Law of 1516 was dropped when the supply of virginal milkmaids became scarce. This is believed to be largely due to the advent of vastly improved brewing technology."

I was skeptical about this at first, but then I realized it was in quotes.
Thanks for the info.

 

[Jacob_Marley]

I was skeptical about this at first, but then I realized it was in quotes.
Thanks for the info.

I'm going to blame Monty Python for it ... watched Meaning of Life a couple days ago and it just came out when I started writing. Some kind of residual silliness hangover. Sketch humor I guess (if you can picture it as such).

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Aw sh!tsticks, I meant to say italics. Italics is the thing that always makes everything true.

 

[Cheesy_Goodness]

Back on topic:
The darker the beer, the more alcohol content it has.

The Native Americans used to brew light beer made entirely out of maize until they realized that the beaver gland could add some darkness to the color of the beer, thus upping the abv. The only reason whiskey was so popular after the Europeans settled was because it was, in fact, a much lighter and refreshing drink than the maize beaver brew they had been drinking for thousands of years.

 

[JohnSand]

India Pale Ales were actually stolen from the Indians by Imperialists. And that's Native American Pale Ale to you. I don't care if it was from India. They're Native Americans too.

 

[Kirkwooder]

Back on topic:
The darker the beer, the more alcohol content it has.

The Native Americans used to brew light beer made entirely out of maize until they realized that the beaver gland could add some darkness to the color of the beer, thus upping the abv. The only reason whiskey was so popular after the Europeans settled was because it was, in fact, a much lighter and refreshing drink than the maize beaver brew they had been drinking for thousands of years.

They also brewed a drink similar to beer but used maple tree sap, honey, pumpkin and bittered it with the musk from muskrat glands. They called this beverage meer, do to the fact that it came from muskrats rather than from beavers.

Oh yeah, the word beverage, originated from the native american beaver beer. The first white settlers thought that the beaver gland beer was better than average drinks from Europe. It started as being referred to as "beaver average" and was later shortened to beverage.

 

[hio3791]

Many people don't know that prohibition was an attempt by the US government to bring forth and legalize moonshine. It's true. On April 1, 1917, President Woodrow Wilson, well known for his rye whiskey recipes, was about to sign a bill to legalize moonshine but the messenger carrying the documents to the President was accidentally shot by a beer drinking hillbilly who was deer hunting. The drunk hillbilly accidentally mistook the horse the messenger was riding for a deer. While never proved, it is believed the messenger was romantically involved with Margaret Woodrow Wilson, President Wilson's daughter. As a consequence President Wilson, in what became a grotesque view of beer drinkers, set forth to abolish beer from the United States and hence the birth of Prohibition.

In an ironic twist of fate, the messenger was a notable brewmaster whose humble beginnings in the craft came from the teachings of President William Howard Taft, President Wilson's predecessor and well known archenemy.

However, even more ironic is that the late messenger, in his college days, was a roommate of a young Franklin D. Roosevelt and it was this act that motivated Roosevelt to become the 32nd President of the United States and legalize beer sales. As everyone knows, President Wilson was Governor of NJ where President Roosevelt was governor of NY. It's believe that this act of revenge is partly the reason there's such rivalry between both states, seen mostly in professional sports and why to this day, both states remain divided on mutual issues.