I think those who dismiss the complexity of lagering as "just" temperature control are overlooking the effort required in maintaining lower fermentation and long-term storage temperatures. I for one am not in a position to buy a glycol chiller, nor do I want to be adding ice to a cooler full of recirculated water for two-to-four weeks at a time. That's effort, and one of the things that turns people off about homebrewing is the amount of effort it takes to get a beer from grain to bottle/keg.
On OP's existential crisis at hand, I think Wyeast 2112 is about as close to a portal between lagers and ales as we're going to find. Find a combination of grains and hops that you like, then buy it, use it, drink the results and be happy.
Or you can buy the chillers/coolers/pumps/freezers/temperature controllers/carboys/racking canes/siphon pumps/etc. and have at it like the braumeisters* of old (who, ironically, waited for the right weather to chill the caves/cellars to the right temperatures and let nature do all the work for them).
That's the beauty of homebrewing... whether you're a kit assembler, extract explorer, all-grain growler guzzler or a hop monster manufacturer, there's something out there you'll like and can brew with the level of effort you can afford and/or are comfortable expending.
* I use this term generically, not intending to ignore or diminish those of the female persuasion who happen to participate and partake in the craft
I completely agree that brewing process should be tailored to your preferences! That's what it is all about.
Glycol chillers and coolers of ice are pricy or work intensive methods of temp control. A freebie beater fridge, an inkbird, and a heat belt gives high ease of use with low cost. Not everyone has the room for this, and I'm sure some people don't like the appearance of beater fridges. Ours has been handy to also store extra food sometimes. But there are relatively easy and inexpensive ways to do it.