I'd like to just take a second and commend Joey for the entire tone and content of the most recent email. He should reach out to J Wakefield and give him a lesson on how to demonstrate more couth when dealing with loyal patrons of his brewery.
I'll attempt how JWB's would look:
Greetings Suckers who paid $50 for berliners
,
The OG club has come to a close. Finally. I wanted to personally thank every dumb ass for being a part of the club and paying $300 so I can pay strippers to be photographed while drain pouring my beer that could have been given to you. It is very important to me that JWB continues to get custom star wars portraits and explore new ways in which to break new ground in how to half ass a job. For that reason, the OG club has taken on a special meaning to me. It is my personal troll playground, the escape and the reminder of why I got into the beer business in the first place: to suck every last dollar out of your non-cross fit, tubby, bodies. As JWB has grown from the 1 star wars mural to the
two star wars murals powerhouse, I have had to come to terms with the fact that while much of my passion lies in trolling all you tubbies by giving you ****** BA quads, I contractually owe you nothing from the kickstarter and the better troll would be to give you squat. This year more than any other has brought that lesson home to me. So, once again, thank you helping me build my brewery and providing me and the rest of the staff with this outlet to let people explore just how much they can be taken advantage of.
Behind the scenes, the crew that handles OG have perfected the ability to string you on just enough to not cause a total **** show. Both in terms of making the process less streamlined for members and to decelerate the time period in which beers are released. As I touched upon in the opening paragraph, we have never struggled with the need to balance core beer production with our desire to fulfill our OG obligations. This year was no exception, but in many unseen ways we made great strides toward finding that balance. Future editions of the OG Club WILL move less quickly, unless you're local. Possibly alarmingly so for some.
To facilitate slower throughput of future club editions, address issues and challenges from prior clubs, and ensure a more consistent experience, we are implementing unneeded changes that will give us more flexibility in ******* you over and ensure a fatter wallet by JWB:
What WIll Stay The Same:
- $300 per membership capped at 1500 people, but will definitely go up if we actually hit the cap.
- Definitely three different bottles, but possibly UP TO A BILLION, per JWB edition.
- Some glass that will just take up space and cannot actually function as a glass. Will probably just be a glass from target that I've put a tag on and signed myself!
- 10% off in the tasting room.
- I will personally trustee for everyone. Srs.
- All bottles must be picked up no later than five days after each bottle is released. I don't have tons of space to store your stuff!!!
- Custom JWB home brew capper - I'm no longer responsible if it leaks in transit!!
- First right of refusal for the next OG edition.
Eat a bag of dicks,
Jonathan Wakefield
Founder/CEO/Jedi
JWB