Best News Headlines

[Pkrd]

Tricky bottle-top opening leads to eye-scream headaches and ER trips

Not sure if its corona, or people who drink corona...
https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/102797624/corona-is-fscking-awful

 

[bleme]

Tricky bottle-top opening leads to eye-scream headaches and ER trips

Not sure if its corona, or people who drink corona...
https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/102797624/corona-is-fscking-awful

So now they think the bottles need a warning label... When will we realize there is no cure for stupidity?

The ophthalmologists said they believed the three cases in three weeks in Nelson alone meant it was likely that "multiple similar cases" occurred throughout New Zealand, and likely would keep happening until bottle-caps were changed.
"Nowhere on the Corona bottle is there any warning of the risk of ocular trauma," they said. "Other publications internationally have also called for explicit warnings on bottles stating that opening a bottle without a proper bottle opener may cause serious eye injury and loss of sight."

 

[MaxStout]

Florida Woman Fights to Keep Her Pet Alligator Who Wears Clothes and 'Rides' ATVs

This has to be the most Florida news story ever.

 

[arturo7]

Lifetime ban from Empress for pepperoni seagull fiasco has been lifted.

This story is just too good to have been made up.

Now I feel justice has been done.

that's awesome

 

[Sailingeric]

Lifetime ban from Empress for pepperoni seagull fiasco has been lifted.

This story is just too good to have been made up.

Now I feel justice has been done.

My wife and I stayed there on our honeymoon. Glad we did not bring pepperoni.

 

[doug293cz]

My wife and I stayed there on our honeymoon. Glad we did not bring pepperoni.

Likewise, my wife and I (back in 1973), also sans pepperoni.

 

[arturo7]

You guys don't travel with pepperoni? What?

 

[MaxStout]

Only if you want a flock of seagulls in your room.

 

[nmfree]

Grown-up lawyer disbarred for throwing paper, kicking tables and talking about boogers

Key quote: "During a break in the questioning, with Naylor out of the room, Sherouse asked Ratiner to end the tobacco chewing and spitting. Ratiner came back with, 'I wish the witness would quit scratching her crotch.'"

 

[MaxStout]

Grown-up lawyer disbarred for throwing paper, kicking tables and talking about boogers

Key quote: "During a break in the questioning, with Naylor out of the room, Sherouse asked Ratiner to end the tobacco chewing and spitting. Ratiner came back with, 'I wish the witness would quit scratching her crotch.'"

The Aristocrats!

 

[nmfree]

Filed under "The lonely lives of scientists": Optogenetic study shows that male flies find ejaculation pleasurable

 

[Inkleg]

Filed under "The lonely lives of scientists": Optogenetic study shows that male flies find ejaculation pleasurable

Yes, but don't we all?

 

[day_trippr]

10 Minutes Of Staring at ****s Daily Prolongs Man's Life by 5 Years

Ready. Set. GO!

 

[mongoose33]

You guys need a hobby.....

 

[gratus fermentatio]

Soooo...

 

[HoppyDaze]

I’d like to get to know those as well

 

[whiskeyjack]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...kMAA&usg=AOvVaw1LJi04NqlqcNv07BVVa6ws&ampcf=1

It turns out uranus smells really bad

 

[nmfree]

NHL demands Bruins star Brad Marchand stop licking players

 

[bleme]

Man Dies Attempting Selfie With Bear

 

[Peruvian802]

Murder is like a bag of chips, you can't stop after one': Sick boast on phone of 'cruel and sadistic' teenager, 19, who stabbed her lover five times during sex while wearing clown make-up as she weeps at being jailed for ELEVEN years

 

[whiskeyjack]

Man Dies Attempting Selfie With Bear

The bear did not consent to getting photographed

 

[nmfree]

Woman blew up microwave at 7-Eleven with urine sample: cops

 

[day_trippr]

Uh. WTF would microwaving pee do wrt a urinalysis?

Cheers! (btw, love the QR code. I totally agree )

 

[bleme]

Uh. WTF would microwaving pee do wrt a urinalysis?

Cheers! (btw, love the QR code. I totally agree )

It was pee from someone who was clean, but the drug testers check that the sample is warm so they know it is yours.

 

[histo320]

Dicks always makes for terrible headlines

 

[GrogNerd]

Driver's dash cam catches collision with flying beer keg

 

[angry_gopher]

Driver's dash cam catches collision with flying beer keg

That’s a pretty big beer can to be tossing at a road sign!

 

[nmfree]

Surgeon removes 4,100 gallstones from patient complaining of abdominal pain

 

[Cyclman]

This story of a high school senior ditched by his friends on prom night has a happy ending

 

[GrogNerd]

someone beat me to my newest money-making scheme: eyebrow mirkins