Adoption Question

[drainbamage]

I'll spare you the backstory, but my wife and I are looking into international adoption, probably from Asia. We're still very early in the process, so before we get into the interviews and home visits I wanted to see if anyone else has any experience, especially in regards to homebrewing.

Considering all the misconceptions about what we do (Is that legal? Are you a bootlegger? What kind of alcoholic needs 5 gallons of beer at a time? Is that a meth lab in your garage?), I have some worries about getting the grand inquisition when it comes time for the home study.

 

[rlmiller10]

It will totally depend on the mood of the person doing the home study. We were very lucky and had a sensible person. She even knew enough to recognize that the blackpowder rifle hanging on the wall was not a "firearm" per federal regs so didn't have a problem with it not locked up.

The home brew thing was never mentioned by me or by her. I didn't hide my gear but I do have most my gear in a closet and a few things in the garage when not actually brewing. She didn't look and I didn't say.

If you are worried though making wine seems to be a bit more socially acceptable than beer (depending where you are). So saying you make wine, especially if you have made some, might be an easy explanation that would draw less scrutiny.

Best of luck with your adoption. Next to marrying my wife it was the best thing I have ever done. Have a wonderful daughter that I can't imagine being without.

 

[drainbamage]

Thanks! Did you do domestic or international adoption?

It wouldn't be a complete lie to say I've made wine, as I have before, but the vast majority of my brewing endeavors are beer.

We do have some firearms, but we have a lockbox for the handguns and a trigger lock for the shotgun. I'm not especially concerned there.

My wife's uncle adopted a girl from South Korea. He's a general contractor but raises beef cattle on the side, and the biggest hurdle they had on the home visit was easing the Koreans' concerns about the farming aspect. I guess they associate farming with peasants, and the social worker had to do some creative explaining to get past that part.

 

[Sparge]

We have gone through two adoptions and had two home studies. Relax. They are not there to look into your homebrew or weapons. I did not home brew when we went through the adoptions, however, we were very worried about the home study. I know what you have probably gone through to get to this point and understand your concern. After our home study, I remember saying to my wife "that's it? That is all there is?"

I know it is hard to do, but relax, be yourselves and you will be fine.

 

[Psylocide]

I have no experience with this, but wonder why you would need to mention brewing at all?

Don't ask, don't tell type of thing. I'd just pack it away for the home visit.

 

[Aristotelian]

I have not gone through it myself, and never thought of this issue. Naturally it does not seem like a big deal, However, now that I think about it, I would not be comfortable with "don't ask don't tell". This is a process involving legally binding paperwork. You don't want to do anything to jeopardize the process going through. Personally, I would be 100% open with nothing to hide. Ask the agency what they are looking for and be totally up front about brewing and anything that might raise an eyebrow. If it is against their policy, then get rid of it, at least until the adoption goes through. Put it in a friend's garage, rent a storage space, but get it out of the house. This is the most important decision of your lives and when you are a parent you have to get used to putting your kids first and hobbies second, if necessary.

 

[Psylocide]

I have not gone through it myself, and never thought of this issue. Naturally it does not seem like a big deal, However, now that I think about it, I would not be comfortable with "don't ask don't tell". This is a process involving legally binding paperwork. You don't want to do anything to jeopardize the process going through. Personally, I would be 100% open with nothing to hide. Ask the agency what they are looking for and be totally up front about brewing and anything that might raise an eyebrow. If it is against their policy, then get rid of it, at least until the adoption goes through. Put it in a friend's garage, rent a storage space, but get it out of the house. This is the most important decision of your lives and when you are a parent you have to get used to putting your kids first and hobbies second, if necessary.

But... why even bring it up if it's not asked?

Not 100% sure, but I'm betting the closest it will come to asking about brewing would be "Do you drink alcohol/keep alcohol in the home?"

Brewing is not so mainstream as to be included in adoption forms, I wouldn't think. Do they ask about personal hobbies? I dunno, but it's one I would just leave out.

If ever asked, you could say "Yeah, sure... no big deal."

Not "Yeah, I brew like 20 gal a month and drink all of it myself."

That would be kind of dumb, almost putting you on the defensive immediately.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Be your best self during the visit and interview. The person doing the home study understands that you could be feeling nervous. As far as brewing if you have a neatly organized area that would be a plus. If it looks like a safety hazard (babies and toddlers can drown in a bucket) it would be noted. If you're an alcoholic it would be noted, etc. trust yourself and the process, and if the hobby of home brewing or wine making becomes a discussion, stress that it requires care and patience and doesn't take up all of your time.
Be well, wishing you the best.

 

[drainbamage]

I have no experience with this, but wonder why you would need to mention brewing at all?

Don't ask, don't tell type of thing. I'd just pack it away for the home visit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to answer the door for the social worker, all "hey, I'm Matt and I'm a homebrewer. I know it's 9 in the morning, but how's about we talk through this over a pint?"

I'm just trying to get a feel for how much I should stash my stuff away, if at all. My equipment is split between a spare bedroom (not the baby's potential room) and the basement, but it's out in plain sight, since no one else I know gives a damn. Right now, it seems like just stashing it in a closet (and maybe dropping off the spare bottles at a friend's house) is enough.

The organization we are talking to is Christian-based, so I'm a little worried that they'd see something, decide "BEER=SIN," and decline our application. SWMBO has taken the whole ordeal up to this point pretty hard, and I'd feel like an ass if the adoption got torpedoed just because of my choice in hobbies.

 

[EtchyLives]

I'll echo the sentiments of others on here:
1. Be yourself. If brewing is a big part of your life (you hold brew club meetings, you brew multiple times a month, etc.) then mention it.
2. Don't hide anything. Even if it's innocuous but you're concerned about the appearance. Dancing around a subject can make it look like you're trying to hide something and that can put the interviewer on alert.

Some other (unsolicited) advice regarding international adoptions:
The home study is SUPER important because it drives the approval process much later. All that info (you know, the 17 background checks) goes into processing your I-600A and I-600 forms which drive the country clearance at Dept of State.

I was thoroughly annoyed during the homestudy process because of the number of background checks and the anal-retentive nature of the agency doing our homestudy. However, we BREEZED through the USCIS portion because when the paperwork arrived in Nebraska all the i's were crossed and t's dotted... or something like that. There are a lot of horror stories involving USCIS and last-minute paperwork resubmissions out there and in many cases it was the lack of a thorough homestudy.

 

[rlmiller10]

Thanks! Did you do domestic or international adoption?

It wouldn't be a complete lie to say I've made wine, as I have before, but the vast majority of my brewing endeavors are beer.

We do have some firearms, but we have a lockbox for the handguns and a trigger lock for the shotgun. I'm not especially concerned there.

My wife's uncle adopted a girl from South Korea. He's a general contractor but raises beef cattle on the side, and the biggest hurdle they had on the home visit was easing the Koreans' concerns about the farming aspect. I guess they associate farming with peasants, and the social worker had to do some creative explaining to get past that part.

We did an international adaption from Guatemala. I was apprehensive of the home visit as years ago I had started the process to adapt my step sisters kids (long story but it didn't happen) and the woman that did that home study was a complete control freak that basically wanted the entire house to be one big rubber room with no sharp edges.

 

[Sparge]

The organization we are talking to is Christian-based, so I'm a little worried that they'd see something, decide "BEER=SIN," and decline our application. SWMBO has taken the whole ordeal up to this point pretty hard, and I'd feel like an ass if the adoption got torpedoed just because of my choice in hobbies.

Our agency was Christian based as well. I had beer in the refrigerator and probably a couple of extra cases sitting in the garage. It isn't an issue. BTW, I share home brew with a lot of people from our church!

Our agency came to the house, we had a conversation. My wife asked if she wanted to see the child's room. They looked at it. That was about it. The agency got to know us mostly through the interviews at their office, so the home visit was really just a formality. I was expecting a whole lot more than it was.

Good luck!

 

[drainbamage]

Our agency was Christian based as well. I had beer in the refrigerator and probably a couple of extra cases sitting in the garage. It isn't an issue. BTW, I share home brew with a lot of people from our church!

Our agency came to the house, we had a conversation. My wife asked if she wanted to see the child's room. They looked at it. That was about it. The agency got to know us mostly through the interviews at their office, so the home visit was really just a formality. I was expecting a whole lot more than it was.

Good luck!

That's reassuring. This agency's office is a good 3 hours away from us, so I'm not sure yet how they will conduct the interviews. Hopefully phone interviews will suffice until the actual home visit. Somehow, none of the agencies right across the river in Cincinnati were accredited in KY...or they were ones that specialized in serious special needs children, which is probably outside of our means to support.

We have been working on remodeling the bedroom where the baby would live. It had been serving as a giant walk-in closet since we moved in. Once I put down the rest of the new flooring and we buy some new furniture, that part will be ready for showing.

 

[drainbamage]

Time for an update, maybe?

We decided to go with a different agency. SWMBO had a phone conversation with the first place and didn't like the way they acted towards her about some of her questions. The agency we decided on is closer to us anyway, and has been very easy to deal with so far, so we don't regret the choice. The initial application for the China program has been filed and approved, so at least they must have confirmed that we are neither crackheads nor terrorists. Now to proceed with the dossier and home study!

So much paperwork...

 

[paulegli]

We went through a home study when we became foster parents to a 16-year-old boy (who is now our adopted son). We decided prior to putting in our application that we were going to go the "don't volunteer" route. My kegerator was a potential problem, however, as it sits right out in plain view in the garage. I bought tap locks and put a lock on the door so it couldn't be casually opened, and the assessor barely mentioned it. I suppose a private adoption agency might in generate be more picky about details than the county, but it seems to me that if you make a reasonable effort to keep things safe, you should be fine. I think homebrewing is mainstream enough these days that you should be able to counter any issues that they bring up with the argument that it's common practice and no more dangerous than BBQing.

Good luck with your adoption!

 

[smAllGrain]

Just to add from my experience, my wife & I are both licensed for foster care & adoption. We adopted our two children last year out of foster care & still have random home visits as part of being licensed for foster care. Last year on the "unannounced" I had all of my gear out. Social worker said, "my husband and I thought about doing that". Home brewing is very common now a days. You can get kits at bed bath and beyond. Guess what I want to say is be honest upfront. No need to lie, you have nothing to hide or be ashamed about. I understand international with a private agency may be different but, it's legal, your good people, no need to hide. Best of luck, my family has been truly blessed & humbled through our experiences. Cheers

 

[bill402]

We have gone through two adoptions and had two home studies. Relax. They are not there to look into your homebrew or weapons. I did not home brew when we went through the adoptions, however, we were very worried about the home study. I know what you have probably gone through to get to this point and understand your concern. After our home study, I remember saying to my wife "that's it? That is all there is?"

I know it is hard to do, but relax, be yourselves and you will be fine.

Agreed. We did domestic, and all of the paperwork noted that we had to make sure issues of safety (guns, pool, etc.) were all taken care of before home study was complete. Lock them up, fence around pool, etc. I assume that as long as the items in your setup that could be hazardous are not instantly accessible, you should be good.

 

[drainbamage]

Agreed. We did domestic, and all of the paperwork noted that we had to make sure issues of safety (guns, pool, etc.) were all taken care of before home study was complete. Lock them up, fence around pool, etc. I assume that as long as the items in your setup that could be hazardous are not instantly accessible, you should be good.

Well, no pool so we're good there. We do have guns, but nothing has come up (yet) on that in the paperwork, and we have the proper safety measures on them anyway. We've been working on getting some of the other simple stuff (fire extinguishers, outlet covers, etc.) addressed while we send in the next round of paperwork.

 

[Psylocide]

Time for an update, maybe?

We decided to go with a different agency. SWMBO had a phone conversation with the first place and didn't like the way they acted towards her about some of her questions. The agency we decided on is closer to us anyway, and has been very easy to deal with so far, so we don't regret the choice. The initial application for the China program has been filed and approved, so at least they must have confirmed that we are neither crackheads nor terrorists. Now to proceed with the dossier and home study!

So much paperwork...

Good luck man, almost forgot this was going on.

 

[hunter_le five]

You want a kid? I can get you a kid. What sort of of kid you looking for? Big one? Small one? With or without testicles?

Meet me outside of Walmart tomorrow after work. Park next to the front entrance, keep the van door open, and the engine running. We're going to need to make this quick. Will trade for homebrew.

 

[drainbamage]

Good luck man, almost forgot this was going on.

Yeah, it's going, albeit slowly. We sent in the 2nd round of paperwork yesterday, so they'll be following up with the actual home study portion soon. At that point we might have some signs of progress more than just a big hit to my bank account.

You want a kid? I can get you a kid. What sort of of kid you looking for? Big one? Small one? With or without testicles?

Meet me outside of Walmart tomorrow after work. Park next to the front entrance, keep the van door open, and the engine running. We're going to need to make this quick. Will trade for homebrew.

Eh, beggers can't be choosers. What's the going exchange rate for HBs vs. chilrens?

 

[hunter_le five]

1 case of homebrew = 1 chilren, or as many babby as I can carry in one go

 

[drainbamage]

We joke, but the fine print of the application actually has to specify that applicants cannot provide additional compensation to expedite the process or overlook any deficiencies in their dossier. Also, the various fees are to cover document translations, legal fees, and social workers, so applicants should not consider themselves to be "paying for a child".

Which amuses me because we've been telling friends and coworkers that we're "procuring a child".

 

[bill402]

We joke, but the fine print of the application actually has to specify that applicants cannot provide additional compensation to expedite the process or overlook any deficiencies in their dossier. Also, the various fees are to cover document translations, legal fees, and social workers, so applicants should not consider themselves to be "paying for a child".

Which amuses me because we've been telling friends and coworkers that we're "procuring a child".

Which is funny, because we drained our savings and still had to finance about 15K during the process. Paid it off in 2.5 years. Told my wife I'd "paid off my daughter." She didn't like that.

 

[drainbamage]

Update, all the background checks are complete and we meet with the social worker this afternoon. As far as I know, this is just an informal Q&A session to give her all our documentation so far and get instruction on moving forward with making a dossier. Even so, SWMBO is in full-on panic mode, making sure the house is floor-to-ceiling spotless.

 

[smurfjuice]

Just tell her to relax, once the pitter patter starts, she won't be able to keep up with house cleaning ...

 

[drainbamage]

Visit went fine. We chatted for about 2 hours, she caught us up on where we go next with the dossier preparation, and discussed some potential "complications" to expect when dealing with the culture shock of bringing a child into a new country and family.

The home walkthrough was pretty easy, just a quick peek into each room. The social worker saw my brewing stuff in the basement and said "oh, you're into the home beer brewing, huh? My brother-in-law tried that." That was it.

 

[drainbamage]

Does anyone have experience getting a child that needed extensive physical and occupational therapy?

My wife expressed interest in a little boy on the agency's site. He's turning 3 this year, but appears to be underweight and is lagging on motor skill development...he's bow-legged and can't stand up or walk under his own power yet. He's a cute little guy, but I was curious how easy it would be to get him caught up once he starts receiving one-on-one attention.

He also has an undeveloped right eye, but my wife works for an ophthalmology practice, so at least we'll be able to get him excellent care on that end.

 

[m00ps]

Hey, my Mom was adopted from Hong Kong when she was 2. I know the whole process was a lot easier back then, but I really admire your aspirations to go forward with it. SWMBO has said she always wants to adopt. I just dont know if I could even take looking through a whole bunch of profiles like im online shopping though...probably just let the choosing up to her

You might want to see if there's any more info on when he was younger. Do you know if the kid is showing any signs of lack of mental capabilities? I cant speak for individual cases, but my little sister had a number of issues when she was very young. She was in the hospital for over a month when she was born due to some heart issues. She is abnormally small, close to dwarfism levels, but she isnt proportioned as youd typically picture. My family has had a good deal of medical expenses, and Im guessing its due to those early complications since its such a critical period in terms of development. But she's definitely smarter than I am, no issue there. I would think that if he seems fine in all other aspects, all it may take is a bit of physical therapy

 

[drainbamage]

Hey, my Mom was adopted from Hong Kong when she was 2. I know the whole process was a lot easier back then, but I really admire your aspirations to go forward with it. SWMBO has said she always wants to adopt. I just dont know if I could even take looking through a whole bunch of profiles like im online shopping though...probably just let the choosing up to her

I felt about the same way. We did the initial checklist of which special needs we were/weren't willing to accept, and I was ok with letting them pick for us. Now that we are actively taking a role in picking, I started worrying about long-term consequences of this condition vs that one, are we choosing right, etc.

Oddly enough, SWMBO--who is usually the worrier--is now totally focused and I'm the one who is nervous. We're still working on assembling our dossier, so sht got real in a hurry.

You might want to see if there's any more info on when he was younger. Do you know if the kid is showing any signs of lack of mental capabilities? I cant speak for individual cases, but my little sister had a number of issues when she was very young. She was in the hospital for over a month when she was born due to some heart issues. She is abnormally small, close to dwarfism levels, but she isnt proportioned as youd typically picture. My family has had a good deal of medical expenses, and Im guessing its due to those early complications since its such a critical period in terms of development. But she's definitely smarter than I am, no issue there. I would think that if he seems fine in all other aspects, all it may take is a bit of physical therapy

They provided 3 medical screenings, although it was limited on mental/emotional development. His vitals look good, aside from being underweight and possibly borderline anemic. The instructional videos we've been watching say that on average, every 3 months in institutional care results in 1 month of developmental delay, which could explain his crawling. They also said that he seems detached from the other kids...he likes to watch them play, but gets fussy and nervous when they try to let him play directly with them.