The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[soccerdad]

Dear drivers in any lane at any speed,

I'm gon f&%$ing kill all y'all

Sincerely, Bironas

 

[CJ-3]

Dear Drivers of Tiny Sports Cars

I know that high pitched whine the car makes sounds very cool but can I introduce you to my friend named Second Gear?

Sincerely,
Your Car's Clutch.

 

[Scele]

Dear Wyeast,
I'm a huge fan of your products, but can you please do something to make me feel like less of an idiot when trying to pop one of your smack packs.

Sincerely
Someone who has been using one of your smack packs as a punching bag for 45 minutes.

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear Wyeast,

I'm really good at using your smack packs from years of punching people in the berries.

Sincerely,
The Knuckles of a Berry Puncher

 

[sloanfamilydsm]

Dear berry punch victims

Sorry bout your luck

Sincerely
Non-berry punch victims

 

[CJ-3]

Dear non berry punch victims,

Watch out! He's coming at you!

Sincerely,
Concerned Citizen.

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Tourist,

The monuments and the Smithsonian will still be there after during non-commuting hours. You're on vacation. Sleep the f*** in and get the f*** off our roads and off our Metro. We're trying to get to work here.

Sincerely,
DC (area) resident.



Dear Every Single Person in the DC Area,

If you cannot competently drive these roads, please stay off of them. I have work to do and you're just holding me up.

Sincerely,
Guy who has to work on these roads every day.



Dear coworker,

Please stop calling me every 5 minutes. I do not want to talk to you.

Sincerely,
Me

 

[PackerfaninSanDiego]

Dear Guy who has to work on these roads every day,
Ya really think we care?

Sincerely, Mom, Dad, and six kids, plus the other 3 cars in our convoy

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Guy who has to work on these roads every day,
Ya really think we care?

Sincerely, Mom, Dad, and six kids, plus the other 3 cars in our convoy

Dear Mom, Dad, six kids, and 3 other cars in your convoy,

Go home.

Thanks
Me

:rockin:

 

[Zepth]

Dear cyclists.
You aren't pedestrians.
Sincerely, anonymous observer

I was agreed with it seems. A local radio station has a portion where a host may speak his mind on the topic of his choosing for a brief time. Usually relating to current or local events.
Worth listening to.

 

[DisturbdChemist]

Dear people who do not like dark beer,

Color has nothing to do with alcohol/ thickness. Also GUINNESS is thin and light!!!

Thank you,
An annoyed homebrewer

 

[Billy-Klubb]

Dear My In-Laws,

Regular Budweiser is not a dark beer. And not all beers that are light in color taste like that watered down crap you drink.

Sincerely,
Your Son In-Law

 

[WildGingerBrewing]

Dear I-Heart Radio,

Contrary to your beliefs, when I create a Frank Zappa station, I want to hear Frank Zappa. Not "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" by Chicago. The Jeff Beck was nice and even the Primus. At least there's some experimental vibes going on in that music. Please do not play Roadhouse Blues again. Your definition of "Artists like Frank Zappa" and mine, differ greatly.

Sincerely,

The Guy That Wants To Listen To Frank Zappa

 

[DisturbdChemist]

Dear itunes/ U2,

itunes your program sucks. U2 your music sucks and I do not want your sh!tty music in my playlist. Go F*(k your self.

With a honest heart,
Everyone

 

[Newsman]

Dear Bicycle race promoters --
GTFO the roads with no bike lane and stop blocking traffic on a weekend!

Sincerely,
Annoyed driver

Dear Bikers,
Please STAY IN YOUR LANE! I don't want to hit you, but if you veer in front of me, I might not be able to stop in time.

Sincerely,
Annoyed Driver

 

[beavers]

Dear Raging Against the Road-Ragers/Bicyclists/Everyone Else on the Road,

Take a deep breath. Just breathe. Realize you'll never change the rest of the idiots on the road, then just let it go. Breeeeathe.

Sincerely,
Folks with Lower Blood Pressure

 

[Zepth]

Dear Raging Against the Road-Ragers/Bicyclists/Everyone Else on the Road,

Take a deep breath. Just breathe. Realize you'll never change the rest of the idiots on the road, then just let it go. Breeeeathe.

Sincerely,
Folks with Lower Blood Pressure

Dear beavers,
Flattened = changed.
Sincerely, 18 wheeler driver.

 

[dobes]

Dear Non-pregnant wife,
There was a time when my homebrew would last, not so much anymore. So please lets figure something out. Either drink a bunch of homebrew and lets get pregnant again or we will have to figure out how to get more brew days in the schedule.

Sincerely,
Husband with a non-pregnant wife

P.S. Its not that I mind drinking with you!

 

[MarshmallowBlue]

Dear posters,

I'm subbing this cause it's funny

Sincerely,
Reader

 

[TheCADJockey]

Dear Chief Engineer,

When you hear someone talking and just yell, "Stop being a little baby" in your best Arnold impression and Russian accent... it is quite distracting.

Sincerely,
Might have peed my pants twice, can I go home?

 

[beavers]

Realize you'll never flatten the rest of the idiots on the road, then just let it go. Breeeeathe.

Sincerely,
Folks with Lower Blood Pressure

Dear beavers,
Flattened = changed.
Sincerely, 18 wheeler driver.

Fixed. That works, too.

 

[Melana]

Dear Hubby that likes my beer,
Brewing more than once a week is not an option.
Sincerely,
She who makes your beer

 

[DisturbdChemist]

Dear Hubby that likes my beer,
Brewing more than once a week is not an option.
Sincerely,
She who makes your beer

Dear she who makes the beer,

If you try, it can be done.

Sincerely,
The beer god

 

[Qhrumphf]

Dear Hubby that likes my beer,
Brewing more than once a week is not an option.
Sincerely,
She who makes your beer

Dear she who makes the beer,

If someone WANTS you to brew more than once a week and you can't, there's something wrong with you.

Sincerely,
Every homebrewer in existence.






Dear wife who won't drink my beer and complains about how much I brew,

Why can't you be more like her husband?

Sincerely,
Wants to brew all the time.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear people that drive between 3 and 7pm in the Denver metro area,

Chill. The. Eff. Out. I'm not sure how being in your home at 5:29 instead of 5:33 is worth driving like a maniac and risking your (and my) life for. Also, riding my ass when I'm going 5 over the limit will get you nowhere except slowed down to the speed limit. 5 miles per hour means if you traveled at a constant speed for an hour you would be 5 miles further. Not hard to do the math and realize that driving like a maniac for 10 or 15 minutes to get home nets a gain of, oh, let's say somewhere around NOTHING!!!!!

Sincerely,

I like living and I'm just trying to go to the supermarket without getting killed

P.S. For the love of god, put the phone down. It can wait.

Dear elkshadow, get the flying bless out of my way or get in the slow lane.

Sincerely, a driver that gets 28 mpg in a 2008 civic, with mostly highway miles - and doesn't mind the "bad" mileage.

Dear fellow driver,

Keep to the right except to pass.

That should clear up the tailgating issue.

Sincerely,

Guy who doesn't set limits on everyone else based on how many miles over the speed limit I say it's okay to drive.

Dear gameface. Let's tag team this fast lane sitter. We'll teach him to drive slow.

Sincerely, the guy that's tailgating you when you're going too fast.

Dear Hubby that likes my beer,
Brewing more than once a week is not an option.
Sincerely,
She who makes your beer

Dear Melana, build a bigger system.

Sincerely,
The guy that just built a 3 gallon system because even 5 gallons was too much.

 

[Melana]

t.





Dear Melana, build a bigger system.



Sincerely,

The guy that just built a 3 gallon system because even 5 gallons was too much.

Dear guy that built a 3 gallon system,
I'm brewing ten gallons a week,
Sincerely,
Wife that wants 'favors' in exchange for beer

 

[Peruvian802]

Dear Melana,

Will you marry me?

Sincerely,
Peruvian

 

[jhoneycutt]

Dear Melina,
what man on earth wouldn't give you "favors" in exchange for beer?
Sincerely,
Man who wishes he had that luxury

 

[Stealthcruiser]

Dear Melana.
10 gallons a week will do us well.
Sincerely,

John Favors

 

[Zepth]

Dear Melana,

Will you marry me?

Sincerely,
Peruvian

Dear Peruvian,
In regards to your proposal to marry this she-brewer, we have a problem. I have the same proposal. Naturally the only way to come to terms on this matter is by a formal challenge to a duel.
Sincerely, Zepth

*Legal notices in those countries where dueling is illegal, this is to be considered a challenge between martial arts enthusiasts as permitted by law. Also intended to be funny. Get a sense of humour.

 

[geoffey]

Dear complete idiots who insist on tail gaiting during rush hour because you think people are driving slow,

You're a complete idiot and you make things worse for everyone, including yourself. The rules of freeway driving on the open road don't apply to rush hour. The only thing you gain by tailgating me or trying to pass me is you piss everyone else off and slow everyone down. You get NOTHING by being one spot ahead of me. "No one, NO ONE, is impressed by you're terrible driving skills.

Also, learn what the rules of stop signs are. You're probably the same idiots who can't figure that one out.


Sent from my iPad using Home Brew

 

[Stealthcruiser]

Get out of the way!

 

[Zakit24]

Dear San Diego drinker/brewer,

Just because you added a **** ton of hops doesn't make it a good beer.

Sincerely,
Someone how likes balanced beers

 

[Peruvian802]

Dear Peruvian,
In regards to your proposal to marry this she-brewer, we have a problem. I have the same proposal. Naturally the only way to come to terms on this matter is by a formal challenge to a duel.
Sincerely, Zepth

*Legal notices in those countries where dueling is illegal, this is to be considered a challenge between martial arts enthusiasts as permitted by law. Also intended to be funny. Get a sense of humour.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear complete idiots who insist on tail gaiting during rush hour because you think people are driving slow,

You're a complete idiot and you make things worse for everyone, including yourself. The rules of freeway driving on the open road don't apply to rush hour. The only thing you gain by tailgating me or trying to pass me is you piss everyone else off and slow everyone down. You get NOTHING by being one spot ahead of me. "No one, NO ONE, is impressed by you're terrible driving skills.

Also, learn what the rules of stop signs are. You're probably the same idiots who can't figure that one out.


Sent from my iPad using Home Brew

Tl:dr. GTFO of my way.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear guy that built a 3 gallon system,
I'm brewing ten gallons a week,
Sincerely,
Wife that wants 'favors' in exchange for beer

Dear melana,
I'll give you favors. You don't need to give me beer.

Signed,
It's been a year. Hole and a heartbeat.

 

[skeaterbait]

Dear Tailgater,

I am driving the MAXIMUM posted speed limit but am not required too. If you tailgate me I will drive slower and NOT get out of your way until you back off.

Sincerely
I allow myself plenty of time to get to work.

 

[TXCrash]

Dear Tailgater,

I am driving the MAXIMUM posted speed limit but am not required too. If you tailgate me I will drive slower and NOT get out of your way until you back off.

Sincerely
I allow myself plenty of time to get to work.

Dear ******* that thinks he owns the road,
You're wrong. I own it. I'll let you use the slow lane though.

Sincerely,
Yeah - I left with plenty of time too, but I have no interest in reading your Obama stickers for 2 extra minutes.


******** is not meant as a personal attack. I'm sure you're a good guy, just a crappy driver.

 

[Newsman]

Dear Tailgater,

I am driving the MAXIMUM posted speed limit but am not required too. If you tailgate me I will drive slower and NOT get out of your way until you back off.

Sincerely
I allow myself plenty of time to get to work.

Dear Skeaterbait,
There are usually at least TWO lanes in each direction. If you choose to go slower than I wish to go, GTF out of my way and into the "slow" lane. At least in Georgia, that's the LAW!

Signed,
Leadfoot

 

[Black Island Brewer]

Dear left lane campers,
Whether you think you're "helping" by controlling the speed, or just clueless, this should help: http://mynorthwest.com/11/2535777/Hey-leftlane-campers-June-is-Left-Lane-Awareness-Month
and to those of you who rage against them, consider the diagnosis and treatment of your condition here: http://www.wsp.wa.gov/traveler/roadrage.htm

Sincerely,
A guy who's tired of the ranting about left lanes