SWMBO vs. Homebrew

Yakima 728
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mightynintendo said:
It's probably a good idea to be diplomatic in bargaining with her. Don't point out her flaws or how she spends her time as this will likely make her defensive and could lead to an even more intensive investigation into how you spend your time. If you make it clear that it's something that you really, really enjoy she should be able to see that and would be willing to work out a compromise with you. Go to the table with the attitude that yes, it does take up more of my time but hey, I am willing to make up for it in other ways. You should have some stuff prepared too because she might not know what she wants from you.
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Why should anyone have to "bargain" for anything? Just friggin do it, for christsakes it just brewing.
 
The biggest thing I've taken from this thread is the Sunday morning brew day advice. That actually fits into our weekend schedule to a degree, and the consistency seems like a good thing.

Also the thread has reminded me that I shouldn't ask a plumber for electrical advice.
 
BrewSpook said:
I got my father in law into brewing... and now its a family bonding thing, so she tolerates it a little bit more. When I "need" a new piece of equipment I let him know what I need - he tells her mother and then she is ok with the idea.

And now I am getting a 2 tap kegerator for my birthday :)
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I can't really say what I want - but WOW! What an awesome angle! Genius... Pure Genius!!!

You must be related to Wiley Coyote or something!

TD
 
mightynintendo said:
Seems like you have it all figured out don't you?
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Some parts of life yeah, others not so much. It just frustrates me to hear about folks getting bossed around by their significant others, and I mean from both sides of a Relationship. Your other half shouldn't feel like a parent. I'm not saying sizable purchases or major events in life shouldn't be talked about and agreed upon. But if you feel strongly about something and are passionate about it, you should get 100% support from your partner, whether they like it or not. All within reason of course, and Brewing is more than reasonable. Otherwise the relationship is in trouble, because there will always be some kind of resentment. If someone is having to plead their case or worry about the consequences of brewing, well, there's just something wrong with that.
 
Yankeehillbrewer said:
Some parts of life yeah, others not so much. It just frustrates me to hear about folks getting bossed around by their significant others, and I mean from both sides of a Relationship. Your other half shouldn't feel like a parent. I'm not saying sizable purchases or major events in life shouldn't be talked about and agreed upon. But if you feel strongly about something and are passionate about it, you should get 100% support from your partner, whether they like it or not. All within reason of course, and Brewing is more than reasonable. Otherwise the relationship is in trouble, because there will always be some kind of resentment. If someone is having to plead their case or worry about the consequences of brewing, well, there's just something wrong with that.
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I agree, for the most part. Communication is completely necessary, but you shouldn't have to hide or beg when it comes to hobbies, within reason of course. If my wife came home one day and found out I spent a couple thousand bucks (probably more than a couple thou) on an all grain brew sculpture, she would probably have a fit. But basic homebrewing isn't that expensive or time consuming. I could easily spend more time and money on my other hobby: fishing.

I think, with just about any hobby, if the cost and time spent is reasonable, you should have support of your significant other. If not, there will be more trouble later. My wife isn't crazy about the homebrewing thing, but she doesn't complain. We agree on how much money both of us spend a month, and I spend time with her and the baby on a regular basis.
 
I started homebrewing after my divorce. I could never of started it before the divorce. Even though she didn't work, she considered all the money to be for her to spend on shopping and beauty salons. I am much healthier and happier now! Never let SWMBO become a reality or you will be miserable.
 
wildwest450 said:
I feel for you guys who have less than agreeable wives. Can't a human being have a hobby? And it's one that benefits MANY people. So obviously your not selfish. Bellydancing, shopping, talking on the phone, watching TV, benefits no one.

Well, maybe the bellydancing.:D
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HAHAHA!

Amen.

My ole lady is pretty understanding abotu the time and ingredients... it's all the kit that I have collected and the way these projects interfere with home renovations.

If you are brewing and have no other stuff going on that it is interfering with??? I am not a marriage counselor, but I think it is fair to bring up the shopping, TV, bellydancing as ways she enjoys spending her time and that you deserve to have your own hobbies and ways of spending your free time and energy.

If that doesn't work, +1 on Gila's suggestion of ignoring.
 
My wife understands that homebrewing is better than fistfighting, strip clubs and boys trips to Mexico.
Not that I ever did those things, just sayin.

The bottom line is you can't let the hobby get in the way of taking care of your business, be it at home or work. If she wants to go out with the girls and I need to watch the kids, then I don't brew. If she needs my help to clean the house or mow the lawn, then I take care of those things 1st.

My wife is also a very giving person, she gives at least half of the time, and I give the other half.
 
I tell mine that I'm going to the lhbs to buy grains, activate the yeast, make the starters, and brew the following weekend. If she doesn't like it, that is the way it goes. That method has been making me great beer for 10 years.
 
Shooter said:
Absolutely! When I hear "Sack Up" I associate it with people I've know in the past who used that term. People who considered a pair of camo shorts appropriate attire for almost any occasion. Of course those shorts were never quite right unless they had that faded ring on the back pocket from an ever handy can of Copenhagen or Skoal! ;)
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Maybe by "sack up" he means to challenge you guys to a potato sack race at the church picnic? :rockin:

But what do I know? I'm a woman who reads this forum even though it sometimes resembles a men's locker room. :) I've learned a lot about brewing from you dudes and I'm deeply appreciative, though one thing I never really got is the whole SWMBO thing. Yes, I know it's often an affectionate joke. But the idea that the wives/women don't really like beer or are somehow opposed to brewing is kind of odd to me. All the women I know think homebrewing is super cool, and some of my friends have started brewing themselves.

Maybe you fellas could try, er, explaining to your ladies about why you like brewing, and then they could share your enthusiasm?
 
My *****, I mean wife, is very supportive. She lets me do what I want, when I want, however I want. But you know, I do what she wants, when she wants, and however she wants. Typically that involves a candle, a can of whip cream, a mirror, a camera, and a cape.

I say biiiiiiiiiiiiioooottttccchhhh...I'm brewin' on Sunday. She say ok.
 
I have learned a lot from this thread, but mainly that the forum interface needs spell check, or possibly grammar check.

Either way, good luck with your significant others.

My wife is cool with it, she does aerospace ground equipment, so I let her help me with some wiring every now and then. Just made her do the 220 plug for my temp control device, she loved it.

My advice;
Next mash, boil up some strawberry wine, and throw it in a fermenter. It is quick and easy, takes little time, and one gallon makes six bottles of wine. I have a small carboy just for my wife.
 
She's into DIY herself, so between her making butter or marmalade, my brewing fits in just well. ATM I'm just brewing extracts, so it's not very intrusive anyway.
 
Doc Robinson said:
My *****, I mean wife, is very supportive. She lets me do what I want, when I want, however I want. But you know, I do what she wants, when she wants, and however she wants. Typically that involves a candle, a can of whip cream, a mirror, a camera, and a cape.

I say biiiiiiiiiiiiioooottttccchhhh...I'm brewin' on Sunday. She say ok.
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MIne says " thank god, you have been annoying and uptight lately".
 
Short answer:

She doesn't like you, you have nothing in common, and should probably get a divorce.
 
WOW. I was not expecting to see so much waving of penii around in this thread, especially in the earlier parts... Being that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, I can only recommend COMMUNICATION as the solution to almost all problems that may arise.

I'm incredibly lucky to have a significant other (I've always thought that SWMBO is more of a title of respect and reverence, not fear or submission) that supports my brewing and from time to time even pays for my brewing toys when I haven't got the cash to do it myself. I very frequently ask her for ideas and consultation when I plan my upcoming brews. I list off a few different ideas or ingredients I was thinking of, and incorporate what she likes into the brew, to increase the likelihood she'll help me drink it too!

She turns up her nose at my IPAs, but by working together, we can kick a full keg of Brown Ale or Porter in the span of a single week if it's a good enough batch of beer! So, OP, definitely keep open lines of communication, and find out what she likes/doesn't like about your brewing hobby. Maybe there are a few aspects that can be addressed quite simply!

(derail) And +1 to the grammar check/spell check sentiment, cpl-america. The grammar enforcement squad has really started slacking since I was last super-active on hbt... or wait... was *I* the squad? Oops. Anyways... I know everyone goes on about how "As long as you can understand them, that's good enough, you shouldn't be so mean." ... well, I disagree. I don't believe in "being bad at spelling". Try harder. (/derailed train of thought)
 
Every time she gives you a hard time, ask her what she wants to do with you. If she has no ideas, proceed with your brewing.

Every time you aren't brewing and she's doing one of her hobbies, ask her to stop and do what you want to do instead.

If this doesn't get the idea across, well, I think you know.
 
I envy guys who have wives that enjoy drinking beer, especially your homebrew beer. My wife doesn't drink anything carbonated (no soda, beer, or even champagne). She likes the taste of beer when its warm and flat, but just a sip here and there if she happens to be around when I'm taking a gravity reading.

Fortunately she understands (and accepts) that this is my hobby, and doesn't really bother me much except for trying to keep me from spending too much money on it.
 
BeardedIdiot said:
I envy guys who have wives that enjoy drinking beer, especially your homebrew beer. My wife doesn't drink anything carbonated (no soda, beer, or even champagne). She likes the taste of beer when its warm and flat, but just a sip here and there if she happens to be around when I'm taking a gravity reading.

Fortunately she understands (and accepts) that this is my hobby, and doesn't really bother me much except for trying to keep me from spending too much money on it.
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Ever try to make still cider? My wife loves it.
 
Beernip said:
Ever try to make still cider? My wife loves it.
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or Apfelwein. My GOD that stuff is amazing. Still or carbonated and simple as heck.

5 Gals Apple Juice (no preservatives, except maybe for ascorbic acid)
2 Lbs Destrose
Montrachet wine yeast

Ends up with an ABV of around 9-10%

Give it about 6 weeks + and you have sheer amazingness.
Thank you EdWort for the recipe. I have not met anyone who doesn't like it yet.
 
Had to jump in on this one. My wife at first encouraged, but now says that my homebrewing takes too much time. She then likes to brag about how talented I am and all of the compliments I get on my beers. Typical. However, when I do brew, I try to get the whole family involved. I have my daughter help weigh out hops and add them to the kettle. It is not as efficient as doing it myself, but we get a math lesson and she loves it. On bottling day, we have an assembly line set up. My daughter sanitizes the bottles, then hands them to me. I fill them and the wife puts the caps on. My daughter then puts them in the case. It goes faster and it keeps us all together. Unfortunately, I am the only one who gets to enjoy the final product. Not sure if a 7-year old braumeister is appropriate, but she unwittingly gets a science and math lesson and my wife gets some relief from kid watching.
 
I love my wife! She is SO agreeable with what I want to do...the only problem that she has is that I tend to want it all and want it now, but our budget will only allow me to buy a little at a time. Other than that, she's all good with it.
 
I'm reasonably lucky. My wife and I have a 4-month old baby, and she ok'd me brewing my first batch, last weekend. It took 4 hours, and neither her nor I want that to happen again until the baby is easier to maintain (ie. napping better/longer). My weekends are for me to help her with the baby. I have an easy desk job, so I don't need downtime on the weekends, and nothing makes me happier than spending time with my daughter - so that's my priority for now.

My wife is not a risk taker in any way shape or form, and homebrewing is craziness, in her mind. I think once she tastes my first brew (assuming I didn't mess anything up), she'll love it and encourage me to continue. My wife drinks a butt-ton of ciders (peach, dry, sweet, etc...) and a lot of Sauvignon Blanc - which are all outrageously expensive in my super-taxed province... so hopefully I can brew her some ciders and a batch of wine and that'll keep her happy while I brew all my beers. She drinks beer, too, but not nearly as much as I do.

Here's hoping I don't need to remind my wife of my other hobbies I've taken up over the years (bodybuilding, racecar-building/driving, motorcycling) in order to remind her that homebrewing is cheap and relatively safe :)
 
My wife was annoyed at times starting out until I wised up. I make sure I don't trash the kitchen and I try to make sure I do the things ahead of time that I know she'll ask me to do instead of brewing.

Now she gets home from work, walks up to me with a pint glass, and asks "Which tap has something I'll like?"
 
Life is to short to be with someone who hassles you about the way you spend your spare time. Maybe if you were ignoring them and/or kids to brew every 2-3 days, and you're doing 4 hour triple decoctions, then could see it, but otherwise your partners are just being whiny.
 
DrunkleJon said:
or Apfelwein. My GOD that stuff is amazing. Still or carbonated and simple as heck.

5 Gals Apple Juice (no preservatives, except maybe for ascorbic acid)
2 Lbs Destrose
Montrachet wine yeast

Ends up with an ABV of around 9-10%

Give it about 6 weeks + and you have sheer amazingness.
Thank you EdWort for the recipe. I have not met anyone who doesn't like it yet.
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Is there any cooking/boiling involved, or do you just dissolve the sugar in the juice, add the yeast, and walk away? I may try doing a gallon of cider or apfelwein to see if she/we like it.

I love my wife to death, she just doesn't have a very interesting palate when it comes to drinks. Pretty much just water, with the occasional cup of tea thrown in...
 
Nope, you do not need heat of any kind to make Apfelwein, just mix the ingredients straight into the bucket.

(I half-empty a couple bottles of the juice, pour the sugar into the bottle, and shake vigorously before dumping into the fermenter, so that I don't have to stir directly in the fermenter as much, in an effort to avoid hitting the sides and scratching my buckets.)
 
"Yeah seriously. Why would anyone want to be attached to another human long term when they're so controlling? I'm blessed that I have a girlfriend who could care less about things I do or say, she just goes with the flow. It's not about control or "putting people in their place", it's about co-existing with one another."

This right here.

SWMBO is the boss at work and often has tried to bring that title home with her. It's never worked. Had I wanted another mother I never would have left home.

She's allowed to do her thing, and me mine.

I don't like half of the stuff she does, and she hates guns. She leans left, and me to the right, but somehow we are learning to just deal with it. We do agree on a lot somehow... But I'm not her boss, and I'll be damned if she'll be mine. We just try for mutual respect.

She got me a rifle for Xmas!

And brewing is her fault. She bought me a kit for my birthday!
 
"You can hear your wife nag? Mine never does I just hear a waaa wwaaa waaaa noise running around the house sometimes. Never did quite nail down what it was but it sounds very similar to an adult on charlie brown."

Too funny!
 
ghpeel said:
Life is to short to be with someone who hassles you about the way you spend your spare time. Maybe if you were ignoring them and/or kids to brew every 2-3 days, and you're doing 4 hour triple decoctions, then could see it, but otherwise your partners are just being whiny.
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Hey! I like triple decoctions! But my wife's cool with it.
 
"Sooooo many guys end up marrying their Mommy. They like/need/want to be told what to do."

I left my wife. She, too, thought she was the boss. I had to tell her too many times that I wasn't like her dad.
 

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