SWMBO vs. Homebrew

CornyKegs 728
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Irrenarzt said:
I'm not a dick about it either but if she acts up, she will be put in her place. Good thing is she rarely acts up.
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That's funny, because you sound like the only one here who actually is.

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Durden, sounds like you have some good advice here...I'd agree with the person who suggested perhaps the concern was the alcohol and not the brewing. Even if it's not that exactly, your lady likely has some sort of underlying concern - cost, detrimental impact on some other activity, perhaps fear of being second place (even if it's irrational). Figuring out the particulars will help immensely. If you can find some way of including her - even if it's making cider, wine, mead - you may get her hooked! If that doesn't work, figure out the real problem (it's probably not blind hate for brewing) and then you'll have your answer. Sounds like you know respect goes a long way.
 
katja said:
Irrenarzt said:
I'm not a dick about it either but if she acts up, she will be put in her place. Good thing is she rarely acts up.
QUOTE]

That's funny, because you sound like the only one here who actually is.

*******************

Durden, sounds like you have some good advice here...I'd agree with the person who suggested perhaps the concern was the alcohol and not the brewing. Even if it's not that exactly, your lady likely has some sort of underlying concern - cost, detrimental impact on some other activity, perhaps fear of being second place (even if it's irrational). Figuring out the particulars will help immensely. If you can find some way of including her - even if it's making cider, wine, mead - you may get her hooked! If that doesn't work, figure out the real problem (it's probably not blind hate for brewing) and then you'll have your answer. Sounds like you know respect goes a long way.
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Yeah, I'm totally glad I opened this thread. Thanks everyone for the advice! I was able to hear what I should and shouldn't do. It's too bad for some of the men and women out their in a f*cked up relationship, but I can't feel bad who stays in it. Maybe those people shouldn't drink as much. :drunk:

My wife is pretty easy to deal with when she's in a sh*tty mood. Usually a combination of bellydancin', drinkin', and burnin' cheers her right up! :D

Anyways, I gotta get back to figurin' out my single-tier electric/propane hybrid... I think I'm gonna go with HERMS instead of RIMS, so instead of making a brutus clone, I'm leaning towards something more like diatonic's rig. I just picked up an ASCO valve that I need for $20!!! He was offering $80 on eBay, and I was able to make an offer, so I did it for $40. He accepted, and when I got it, I complained that it had significant wear (he advertised as "new"), so I got a partial, $20, refund. w00p!
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Look at it from my angle. My SWMBO loves my brewing. In fact, so much that her tastes have completely changed. Now, instead of drinking her usual cheap golden/amber schwag, she's drinking my IPAs!!!

I ask, "Hey honey, want one of your cheap golden/amber schwag beers?"

SWMBO, "Um, no not really. What about one of those fishdoggies? Oh, yeah! I like that fishdoggie!"

WFT, she drank all my Dogfish, Pliny, Titan, and Modus Hoperandi and now all I have a fridge full of cheap golden/amber schwag beer.

I joke but it is kind of the truth.
 
I guess I am also one of the lucky few. My wife thinks the hobby is great and is very supportive. I make her a kolsch on a regular basis. I enjoy making it, and she doesn't complain about the rest of what I make.
 
Durden said:
Our hobbies go great together. My wife, her girlfriends, and I drink homebrew together, then they dress up and bellydance for me, and then... you know how the rest of the story goes... did I mention my wife is bi and likes to explore?
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OK.

If I were you, I might consider giving up homebrewing if she asks.
 
I honestly dont know why anyones significant other would get upset with brewing.. My brews are extract brews so they only take me 2 hours max, start to finish. Once in the bucket the hobby works its own magic for the next 3-4 weeks.. the only work I do is take a hydro reading and that takes all of 3 min. For a significant other to get upset with a hobby that really has a down time of several weaks is very selfish to say the least.

Also, I do my brewing when my girl is at work.. by the time she comes home Im done and can give my attention to my xbox :)
 
Famous quote from Bill Cosby:

"Why is divorce so expensive?? Because it's worth it."

But seriously, my fiance encourages my brewing but also doesn't want to be neglected. I usually try to plan out when she'll be out of the house or whatever and brew when she's not around.
 
Mine could care less. She's happy on brew day, I go out in the garage and quit bugging her for a couple of hours so she can cook. (No, I'm not being a dick, my wife loves to cook and usually spends half of the weekend in the kitchen)
 
You could try to get her involved! I'm very lucky to have a supportive wife who loves beer and is happy I have my hobby. It helps that on brewdays I let her know when I will need a hand so she can put on a jacket and come help me for 5 minutes. I ask for her input when I take hydrometer samples, "should I dryhop?" etc. Then when the final product is ready I have her evaluate the beer with me and give me input for the next time around. Maybe if your partner doesn't want to get involved you can do one of her things with her and then convince her to share brewing with you so it can be a bond rather than a division. I know it sucks to go to the mall, but sometimes we need to make the extra effort to grease the wheels.
 
I was out of town and talking to my wife on the phone she was searching online for bottle trees and saw beer gun filler and said ooh we got to get one of those.

On valentine day morning I convinced her I needed her to clean the kitchen, after brewing the day before. She agreed but I did it anyways, as I was just testing the how much leverage the flowers I bought got me.

I brew all sorts of apflewein and a cream ale for her. Her only complaint is the constantly sticky kitchen floor. My only complaint is I wish she liked good beers. I am a hophead and she does not like anything that the hops stand out in.
 
I think that the best thing that I did about it was to educate her about the brewing process and how everything ties together. The SWMBO is far from being a science geek, and the beer that she normally drinks is, well, crap in my book.

Over the past few months, I've been trying to educate her more on the different tastes in beer (mainly hops!) and she's actually starting to enjoy it more.

Three weeks ago she actually asked me to make another one of the Brown Ales that we had just finished polishing off.

With that said, the SWMBO is very laid back, fun and cool, so that definitely helps. She now fully supports my hobby, even when it is taking up almost an entire day every weekend. I think the biggest part was that she started enjoying the brews...

Just my two cents ;-)
 
My GF loves that I brew even though she does not drink any of it. What she does not like is my constant talking about theories of improving my next batch and just general home brewing stuff.
 
Looks like I'm getting a divorce soon (completely unrelated to homebrewing). Not like I recommend it cuz it sucks, but I guess I'll have more quality time with my kids because of that. :) I'll have more time for homebrewing, as well.
 
My wife's family lives in South Carolina, and she likes to go visit them for a couple of weeks every couple of months.

I think the plan, from this point forward, is to do a few brews while she's away. I don't think she would like me spending time outside brewing, but I know she wouldn't like me doing it inside. The smell would drive her crazy, for sure. She's a bit sensitive to smell.

She really doesn't like beer except for the occasional Blue Moon or Golden Wheat. One beer and she's pretty much over it, though.

Provided I am keeping things put away, cleaning up after myself and not taking drinking OR brewing to an extreme, both physically and financially, she will probably put up with it, but I doubt she'll ever have any kind of enthusiasm regarding it.
 
Irrenarzt said:
First of all, I wear the pants so whatever I say goes. I do not refer to her as an SWMBO as it's the other way around. She must obey me and that's how it's gonna be.

Most guys are not as lucky as I am as my broad is submissive and will do as she is told.
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Don't know what to say...


In a good relationship one should not have put the other in their place . Just calling her a broad lets me know the kind of guy you are.


My wife likes it that I brew and doesn't just tolerate it she buys me stuff last year a barley Crusher an two sacks of grain. She has her hobbies and I have mine and we have some hobbies we share. Like riding she has her own Fatboy and I have the Springer. If there is no respect there really is no relationship
 
The only problem that I have is that my wife jokingly says that she feels a nosebleed coming on when I talk about beer too much. She is a BMC type and doesn't care about the magic of yeast and my burping fermenter in the spare bathroom. She actually thinks that hops 'stink'. That's it, that last sentence makes me mad now. We're through!!
 
Seems like there are some here whose significant others have vastly different interests and/or demands that are somewhat unhealthy.

My wife and I are each other's best friends(almost 30 years now). She's a hophead and so am I. When we travel, we check out breweries or beer fests to test different IPAs. We both are avid skiers, long distance bike riders, and enjoy similar music. It's that way with most things, although we also have separate interests and support each other in pursuing those.

She got a laugh out of the term SWMBO, but it never has been that way nor has it been HWMBO. If it's "really" that way in someone's relationship, perhaps it's time to seek counseling.

Find some shared activities. I suggest brewing may be one. Does she like wine? Maybe it's time to diversify....
 
I think shared activities are key... I like to share the bottling... ie it drives me nuts so I make hubby help with half :D

Sometimes the hubby talks about things that he needs to do for the bike and I find my eyes glazing over... then I realise that I prattled on about grains and crush and homemage mills until he had to leave the room...

Overall there is still some finding the middle ground... mostly because he does enjoy the fruits of my labour... it was almost easier before he was drinking the homebrew...then if I did 75% of the work I was taking advantage of him...
 
I'm one of the lucky ones. SWMBO doesn't drink beer but dutifully listens to my "fascinating" brewing stories. She detests the way the house smells when I brew but doesn't get too upset about it. I spend a lot on beer/wine equipment, ingredients, kits, etc. and don't catch too much hell about it--just enough so that she doesn't fall too far behind on her nagging duties, but not enough that we ever have serious words about it!
 
RichBenn said:
Seems like there are some here whose significant others have vastly different interests and/or demands that are somewhat unhealthy.
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Seriously.


Everyone needs free time, and as far as I'm concerned, my SWMBO shouldn't have any say in what I do with my free time, just as I shouldn't have any say in hers.

When's the last time someone complained at their wife for painting her toenails too often, etc?

Its a partnership. One person doesn't control the other.







Mine doesn't drink beer. She rolls her eyes at me when I talk brewing, but as long as I enjoy it, shes happy about me doing it. There's really no difference between me brewing, playing video games, or surfing the internet as far as shes concerned.
 
Hmmm... Human nature to make assumptions I guess.... Whenever people talk about so and so should have time for this, or a relationship needs to give time for people to do such and such, I always assume that they don't have a large family, or don't have a house full of kids to take care of. What SHOULD happen and what reality dictates to happen are often different I've found.
 
I have found the key to keeping my wife happy with my brewing is to keep a constant supply of apfelwein available for her and her friends. She likes the beer but loves the apfelwein. ;)

That and moving the brewing outside.
 
I was working with my new beer rig on Sunday. My e-keggle was not working but the rest of the 3 tier was going. SWMBO had me climb up and check on the mash. I climbed up on the stool and was checking in on the mash and my wife said.

"You sure look awful happy"

after a pause she said. "You can take a picture of me looking sad as I am cleaning up"

Even though it added up to a long day I made sure the kitchen was spotless when I was done.

me_brewing-1.jpg
 
RegionalChaos said:
Hmmm... Human nature to make assumptions I guess.... Whenever people talk about so and so should have time for this, or a relationship needs to give time for people to do such and such, I always assume that they don't have a large family, or don't have a house full of kids to take care of. What SHOULD happen and what reality dictates to happen are often different I've found.
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No, I don't have a large family. If you do, you made that choice, and you have to live with the consequences of such.

Still, I'm sure you have free time. The key is in how you budget it.
 
#1 -Take the homebrewing out to the "man cave" aka the garage (out of site/out of mind)

#2 - Brew after she goes to sleep (yes, the 10pm -3am brew "day" shift on Saturday night)
 
I've brewed 4 batches, and SWMBO doesn't know... brew when she's out of town and ferment them at my parents' house :ban:

She'll find out in about a week when the first two are ready to drink. She doesn't like me starting new hobbies, but doesn't mind when I continue old ones ;)
 
My wife isn't enthusiastic about my brewing, but she "gets" that it is a stress-reliever and creative outlet for me, so she doesn't complain.

In return, I try to make it as easy on her as I can by keeping a regular brewing schedule:

1) I ALWAYS brew on Sunday mornings--never Saturdays, and I get up EARLY on those mornings (6-7AM), so that I finish around noon or so. Yes it sucks to have to heat up the strike water when it's still dark outside, but it's a trade-off. And, this way I'm half done by the time she wakes up and we (as in the family) have the rest of the day together after I'm done.

2) I brew about every 3-4 weeks (about how long it takes me to go through a corny anyway). I give her a heads up at least a few days in advance. If I get rained out or something comes up, she knows that the next open, sunny, Sunday morning is mine.

If you try to keep things on a regular schedule, and schedule it around "prime" family time, it may become more "automatic" and less of a hassle to deal with each time you brew.
 
She gets to go out with her girls while I stay home and watch the kids and make beer. Everything balances out. Plus, she's a beer girl. She just doesn't like to always hear about the entire process, she'd rather have the end result. hehe
 
I'm pretty dang lucky that my girlfriend actually enjoys beer, has bought me ingredient kits, wants to brew with me, and steals my beer.
 
Rockchalk said:
Apparently I haven't been around here long enough. What the heck does SWMBO stand for?
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Sure, We Might Be Offensive

but,

Some Will Move Beyond One-liners

and discover that

Simply We Might Be Obliging

to

Serious, Well Meditated, Brewing Obstacles.
 
I would suggest asking her to help out. 5 mins into it she will run inside to use the bathroom and you will never hear from her, during a brew session, again.
 
It's probably a good idea to be diplomatic in bargaining with her. Don't point out her flaws or how she spends her time as this will likely make her defensive and could lead to an even more intensive investigation into how you spend your time. If you make it clear that it's something that you really, really enjoy she should be able to see that and would be willing to work out a compromise with you. Go to the table with the attitude that yes, it does take up more of my time but hey, I am willing to make up for it in other ways. You should have some stuff prepared too because she might not know what she wants from you.
 
StaggerBrew said:
Handy Acronyms
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Well I knew it was my significant other but still don't get the abbreviation... maybe its not appropriate for here.

As for hobbies and the wife. As long as I'm home and spending some time with her and our kids my wife doesn't care what I do. It's when I'm gone all weekend fishing or hunting, or gone every Sunday for a football game that starts to get me in trouble.
 

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