SWMBO, the ultimate thread killa!

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BuckeyeBrewAZ

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OK I got to vent out! sometimes my SWMBO says things that will stop any future conversation dead in the water and anything spoken after her "thread killa" will just result future punishment. Here's an example Me: Hey babe I'm thinking about steak tonight? SWMBO: You know I hate steak. In my mind I'm thinking OK you've had plenty of steak before WTF, but if I bring that up a f-ing rain storm will hail down on me. does anyone else feel my pain? and yes I have more examples! but I would like to hear what some other SWMBO are saying too.
 
BuckeyeBrewAZ said:
OK I got to vent out! sometimes my SWMBO says things that will stop any future conversation dead in the water and anything spoken after her "thread killa" will just result future punishment. Here's an example Me: Hey babe I'm thinking about steak tonight? SWMBO: You know I hate steak. In my mind I'm thinking OK you've had plenty of steak before WTF, but if I bring that up a f-ing rain storm will hail down on me. does anyone else feel my pain? and yes I have more examples! but I would like to hear what some other SWMBO are saying too.
Click to expand...

My all time fav Me: Hey babe whats wrong? Her: I'm Fine! Me:(thinking to myself) Oh F**K what the F*****g h**l did i do wrong this d**n time?
 
"I'm fine" really means: "I'm not fine you idiot. You should be able to read my mind and know what the problem is."
 
I dunno about you guys and your communication skills sometimes. Just say "ok, no steak, then make me a sammitch, and make it quick" If that fails, then I despair for you.

(for the slow of understanding, this is a joke, but I really do despair for couples playing these games and am thankful that I don't have to play them anymore.)
 
Vance71975 said:
My all time fav Me: Hey babe whats wrong? Her: I'm Fine! Me:(thinking to myself) Oh F**K what the F*****g h**l did i do wrong this d**n time?
Click to expand...

Exactly my thought process. The womans mind is a dangerous mine feild to navigate.
 
A good study guide for you guys.. I didn't write it, just saw it floating around the interwebs..

Women's English:

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]


But in all fairness, we have our own vocabulary as well..

Men's English:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now!
I love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others


:mug:
 
not that its a conversation killer per se as the op talked about, but my least favorite is when swmbo says "You know, I've been thinking...." This line always leads to spending a ****load of money on something...
 
My wife stops me talking a different way. She will say "OK, I have a stupid question...."

I have bite scars on my tongue.
 
BuckeyeBrewAZ said:
OK I got to vent out! sometimes my SWMBO says things that will stop any future conversation dead in the water and anything spoken after her "thread killa" will just result future punishment. Here's an example Me: Hey babe I'm thinking about steak tonight? SWMBO: You know I hate steak. In my mind I'm thinking OK you've had plenty of steak before WTF, but if I bring that up a f-ing rain storm will hail down on me. does anyone else feel my pain? and yes I have more examples! but I would like to hear what some other SWMBO are saying too.
Click to expand...

You didn't actually say "Tube Steak", did you? Cause that could do it right there...

Otherwise, WTH? Why can't you have steak, while she has a frigging salad, or something? Why does she have to have steak if you do? Do you live in communist China?

Sigh.

Just ask her what sounds good to her, then say, "Ok, so you can have <insert her mentioned food item here> and I'll have a steak!"
 
EoinMag said:
I dunno about you guys and your communication skills sometimes. Just say "ok, no steak, then make me a sammitch, and make it quick" If that fails, then I despair for you.
Click to expand...

Um, there's no T in sammich.

Yet another, help me i've lost my balls thread. Is the homebrewing community comprised of 80% eunuchs??


_
 
brewmcq said:
Men's English:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now!
I love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others


:mug:
Click to expand...

You forgot one.

I *LOVE* you (with particular emphasis on "love") = "I love what you're doing to my cock"
 
LOL the list is so true! its always a disaster when you hear the words "I'm Fine." or what I like to think as "you'll be paying for this for a week"
 
Ultimate thread-killa in the household is talking finances....I shut down and fall into a blackhole. Sad...
 
wildwest450 said:
Um, there's no T in sammich.

Yet another, help me i've lost my balls thread. Is the homebrewing community comprised of 80% eunuchs??


_
Click to expand...


Hey, that was a comeback, if you were my wife you woulda come back with a goddam sammich.
Yep, no cajones, maybe the whole thing about beer promoting oestrogen production in males extends beyond the rat lab they tested it on.
 
Ha ha, I don't think we've lost our balls. Its that when the SWMBO gets moody and nothing else is going to change her mind. Its best for her to end it. Then to just piss her off even more, even if shes right or wrong.

Like the other day Me: (drinking a homebrew) SWMBO: I'm concern about your drinking.

Now I never get wasted, I may have two beers every other day. So I'm just going to leave that be, instead of getting into a long argument and ruining the night of enjoying my homebrew
 
If she's so concerned about your drinking, then she should bring you another beer with the sammich!
 
BuckeyeBrewAZ said:
Ha ha, I don't think we've lost our balls. Its that when the SWMBO gets moody and nothing else is going to change her mind. Its best for her to end it. Then to just piss her off even more, even if shes right or wrong.

Like the other day Me: (drinking a homebrew) SWMBO: I'm concern about your drinking.

Now I never get wasted, I may have two beers every other day. So I'm just going to leave that be, instead of getting into a long argument and ruining the night of enjoying my homebrew
Click to expand...

My wife was concered about my drinking the other day too. She thought I took the last chilled Californa Common. :D
 
LOL tonight my SWMBO is going to make me a sammich! But I was hoping to hear some of your other thread killas now Ladys I'm sure you have plenty of examples from your HWMBO
 
my friends wife has her "cycle" about a week ahead of my wifes. he calles me up to remind (warn) me of the hell I'm about to endure
 
i got the "concerned about drinking" routine last week, all because I enjoy a (as in 1, rarely 2) beer after work every day.

AND I drink 4-5 over the weekend, sometimes in one day, depending on the amount of physical labor I'm doing. I might have had 6 over the course of 8 hours last saturday while putting up a fence around our future patio, then maybe another 3-4 the next day while digging and leveling the ground. BUT, I was never drunk. Sweat it all out before I had the chance to get there.
 
I also got the "concerned about drinking" the other day but that was because I got drunk, pissed on the floor, bitched her out while pissing on said floor and then didn't remember **** the next morning
 
Does anyone else have a SWMBO that completely eliminates all nouns and pronouns from sentences and questions? Less than ten minutes ago, I got: "Do you think I should spray that again or not?" This happens all the time and when I complain about the lack of nouns, you know because I never passed that effing mind reading class..... I get something like: "well you should just know what I'm talking about" or the ever so popular, " you just don't listen to me" ARRRRRGGGGGGG! Just because I married you, doesn mean that I can read your mind!
 
Any new Thread Killas? I had a couple this weekend but since I have a bad memory I've forgotten them. But next time I'll write them down to share.
 
Heard this one the other day, "I give you plenty of time to do that when I'm at work."

Yeah. Didn't go over very well.
 
VApatriot said:
Does anyone else have a SWMBO that completely eliminates all nouns and pronouns from sentences and questions? Less than ten minutes ago, I got: "Do you think I should spray that again or not?" This happens all the time and when I complain about the lack of nouns, you know because I never passed that effing mind reading class..... I get something like: "well you should just know what I'm talking about" ...
Click to expand...

when this occurs, I simply say - "I can't read your mind. What are you talking about?"

When I get a "you ought to know" I tell her she's had enough time to know me, and she "ought to know" that I don't read minds.


...when I awaken from the knock-down, we have a beer...:D
 
The only one I earn on a regular basis is *that* glare. After an otherwise normal statement or chastising, the following glare will let me know that any attempt I make at righting the situation will not only be ineffective, it will bury me in shift that could kill lesser men.
It's horribly obvious that my contribution to the conversation is over at that point IF I'm watching - which is unfortunate, as I'm usually not.
 
I'm pretty sure my wife has no idea she's doing this. If she's in a bad mood I just ask her if there's anything she needs, and depending on her tone of voice when she says no, I know how long to leave, and how expensive a thing i should bring back to her. Most often thirty minutes and a bag of skittles does it. Then I just have to convince her that I really am dumb enough to know what I've done wrong. After twenty minutes of talking, I either have a chore or a shopping list.

*Dumb enough to NOT know*
 

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