Suicide is an ugly, cowardly thing to do.

[maxamuus]

Just been a $hitty weekend. My cousin decided to take the cowards way out and hung herself in the basement with nylon cord on Sunday.

You know we all go thru $hitty times, and its probably crossed all of our minds at one point in time. Man i can just tell you this is the ultimate smurf you to your family and friends. We werent close as adults but were when we were younger. Just shocking to see the devastation this has brought down on our family. Just the ulitmate $hitty act.

Anyway not looking for pitty or anything just saying if this ever crosses your mind, dont do it. Its the worst thing you could ever do to your friends, family, and loved ones.

 

[45_70sharps]

Sorry to hear that man.
Tough one to try and understand.

 

[Double-R]

Its the worst thing you could ever do to your friends, family, and loved ones.

True... Had a buddy do the same. Well when heard why.(job/drugs/life) I didn't go to the funeral. Left the wife and a little one, What a A$$

 

[Skeptidelphian]

My uncle did it in my father's basement while he was in the hospital dying of lymphoma. Two deaths in one month was not good for my family.

My condolences.

 

[maxamuus]

True... Had a buddy do the same. Well when heard why.(job/drugs/life) I didn't go to the funeral. Left the wife and a little one, What a A$$

Yeah she leaves behind a husband and a 16yr an 17yr daughter. Talk about just smurfing your kids lives.

I feel sad for her, but at the same time i would just like to slap her silly. How anyone could do this to their family is just so out of my grasp of thinking. Just makes me as mad as sad.

 

[Quadrupled]

Sorry man. I had an uncle who did this on Christmas Day a few years back and I, too, just wanted to kick the hell out of him for it. He had three daughters, and not surprisingly, it seriously messed with his daughters. If you're close enough (locationally), try to be there for your cousins kids/husband.

Sorry again for your family's loss.

 

[whoaru99]

My cousin blew his brains out with a shotgun some years back. Totally agree it is devastating to the family and friends.

That said, I never railed on him (or in memory of) as a coward or taking the easy way out or whatever. Something is wrong upstairs for someone to do this. Clearly they wouldn't if they were of sound mind. So, rather than rail on them for being a coward I feel sorry for him too that suicide seemed to be the only way out of what, apparently, is perceived to be a living hell.

Often suicide is a result of depression. Consider thinking about what you can do to recognize the symptoms and maybe, just maybe, help get someone the help they need, rather than curse them as weak and cowardly after it's too late.

 

[Beer-lord]

I agree it's the cowards way out but have been told by those who work with folks who have thought of suicide that in their mind, it's the best thing to do. Does that mean their mental or just found a way to justify they selfish act.
I can maybe see if you were terminal but to me, there's always hope for a good side where with suicide, there is nothing but un-hope.
Sorry for your loss.

 

[dkwolf]

A friend of mine attempted suicide when we were in the 5th grade. Ate an entire bottle of tylenol. Parents found him, rushed him to the hospital and saved him. They found out that he did it because he felt they didn't love him.

So they bought him a gold watch.

And found him hanging in the basement a couple months later. Not sure what there even is to say about that one.


Fast forward 25 years. Buddy of mine had just gotten home from Iraq, and had just destroyed his marriage (long story, short version he cheated). Wife threw him out, he was renting an apartment across town. Struggling with PTSD and his family falling apart, he confided in us that he spent one whole night sitting on the foot of his bed with a bottle of whiskey, staring down the barrel of his .45 thinking "Well, why the hell NOT?" Thankfully he pulled through, got the help he needed, and is leading a relatively normal life, now happily married to his mistress.

All of that being said, I agree wholeheartedly with the OP. We all have bad days. Hell, we all have bad weeks or even months. Put your big boy pants on and deal with it, don't leave your family wondering if there was anything they could have done to help or why you decided to take the easy way out. If you need help, ASK FOR IT.

 

[dkwolf]

Forgot.... definitely, with this event being so close to Christmas, the kids are going to need some help in years to come. Be there for them any way you can.

 

[PackerfaninSanDiego]

suicide, cowards to me,get help and don't take the kids with you

 

[whoaru99]

Wow, I can't believe the plethora of ignorance regarding mental illness.

With such helpful suggestions as "just put your big boy pants on" it is not a wonder why suicide rates are what they are. Wow...just wow...

 

[morticus]

Last year my wife's good friend was murdered by her husband along with their 13 year old daughter and 11 year old son. He shot them all as they ate dinner, then shot himself. Now that is a real coward! If you can't handle life go out in the woods and off yourself. Leave the kids out of it!

 

[Leadgolem]

People commit suicide when the amount of pain they are in exceeds their ability to cope. That generally means that in their minds there is no hope. That is generally nonsense, but the suicidal person believes it.

I spent every night for about 9 months drinking myself into oblivion and holding a very sharp knife.

Please try not to think ill of the dead. It serves no purpose. If the kids ever find out that you feel that way they will think it is somehow wrong to mourn their parent. That is just going to compound the damage that has already been done to them by the death of the parent.

 

[dkwolf]

Wow, I can't believe the plethora of ignorance regarding mental illness.

With such helpful suggestions as "just put your big boy pants on" it is not a wonder why suicide rates are what they are. Wow...just wow...

Congratulations on missing the rest of my post.

My mother worked as the county outreach social worker for the regional mental health department. She sat in with the doctors during consults, did some one-on-one evaluations, and primarily coordinated and lead group activities. And while it technically violated a couple rules/regulations/laws, on occasion I'd help out as well. Don't tell me I'm ignorant regarding mental health.

My comment was intended in that there are COUNTLESS avenues available to get help. County health departments frequently have resources, as well as private entities. The help is there. Go get it. (And don't tell me "it costs too much money". Some of my mother's clients couldn't afford to buy SHOES, let alone pay for mental health services. But they got the help anyway.)

And frankly, if you took my comment any other way, that's YOUR problem.

 

[whoaru99]

Apparently you felt the need to clarify it. Thanks for doing that.

Although, in many cases, getting yourself into help in the first place is the problem. Lots of people can't or won't admit they have a problem because of the stigma of mental illness. Family and or friends could save lots of lives.

 

[HoppyDaze]

suicide, cowards...just like Seau

Tell me what you know about mental illness. Depression is a serious problem and makes people do things the would never do if their in their right mind. Calling Seau a coward is just insanely insensitive and plain idiotic. Think before you talk

 

[whoaru99]

Last year my wife's good friend was murdered by her husband along with their 13 year old daughter and 11 year old son. He shot them all as they ate dinner, then shot himself. Now that is a real coward! If you can't handle life go out in the woods and off yourself. Leave the kids out of it!

I submit that's a person who had some serious mental issues. Cowardice had nothing to do with it.

 

[bottlebomber]

Tell me what you know about mental illness. Depression is a serious problem and makes people do things the would never do if their in their right mind. Calling Seau a coward is just insanely insensitive and plain idiotic. Think before you talk

Yes, it's truly ignorant. I understand the anger of the people left behind, but often times there is much more going on emotionally with people that have become suicidal than others realize. It is just not logical to try to judge others and their mental facilities from an external point of view. Even if you think you know, you don't. I've known several people who have committed suicide. One of my best friends was over at my house drinking a beer when the Coroner called his cell phone to let him know about his dad. Shot himself. He was a little down lately, but there was no indication that he would have done something like that. As far as sports stars going off the deep end, there's
Dementia Pugilistica and other conditions that occur as consequences of getting knocked in the head every day.

 

[Dan]

Max, I jumped through this whole thread after reading your post. I don't usually do that but have a few times recently.


Nothing about suicide makes sense to any of us living a halfway decent life, maybe even a ****ty life.

I'm not sure if you are trying to make sense out of it now, since like I said I jumped to the end.


LIke the song says..Suicide is painless, it brings on many changes and I can take or leave as I please.

I think that last part is BS. How can you take or leave it as you please. Maybe it it has not been committed but once it has been? For the person that did it and the family that lost that person ... no way you can take or leave it. Suicide will change many lives and in no way the better, not for anybody.

Love and peace to you man.

 

[morticus]

I submit that's a person who had some serious mental issues. Cowardice had nothing to do with it.

Maybe so, but we will never know for sure.

 

[whoaru99]

I think it's pretty well assured. Nobody in their right mind kills their family and themselves. Not saying he was crazy/insane, but clearly not of right mind.

 

[Dan]

maybe i should have read the thread.

 

[D0ug]

OP: For what it's worth (and after reading the thread), it sounds like the father and daughters could use all the help they can get right now.

In Maine there is a group that helps families who have lost a parent or child, they're called The Center for Grieving Children. I don't know if there is anything like that near them, but helping them find some place to go where they can talk about what they're going through with people who have also gone through it could help this family a lot. Just a thought.


Here's a link to the CfGC internet resources page, and link from there to a few groups that specifically deal with suicide.

http://www.cgcmaine.org/resources/helpful-links/
http://www.afsp.org/
http://www.save.org/
http://www.suicidology.org/web/guest/home


Sorry for your loss.

 

[maxamuus]

I am not trying to judge, but maybe i am guilty. I don't have kids, but i just stand by and see the devistation this had rained down on her daughters.

I am sure she had issues. There is mumblings in the family that her husband was a a$$hole and he was the reason, i dont know. Yet i still look at her beautiful daughters and wonder what in the hell could be so bad to rain this $hit upon them.

I have never had to deal with something like this, so i am honestly ignorant about the issue but i am just sickened and pissed off at the same time.

 

[kaconga]

I am not trying to judge, but maybe i am guilty. I don't have kids, but i just stand by and see the devistation this had rained down on her daughters.

I am sure she had issues. There is mumblings in the family that her husband was a a$$hole and he was the reason, i dont know. Yet i still look at her beautiful daughters and wonder what in the hell could be so bad to rain this $hit upon them.

I have never had to deal with something like this, so i am honestly ignorant about the issue but i am just sickened and pissed off at the same time.

What you are experiencing is a coping mechanism. I suggest you find a professional who can help you and might provide tools for you to help those girls. Death is hard and a death of someone otherwise healthy is very hard. A mental health professional could have helped your cousin and I feel pretty sure one could help you through this as well.

 

[bottlebomber]

I have never had to deal with something like this, so i am honestly ignorant about the issue but i am just sickened and pissed off at the same time.

And you have a right to be. It takes a real man to even be able to start talking about something like this. Somewhere in our minds the emotions of fear, love, anger all get kind of mixed up. I've never been so pissed off at my kids as when they are doing something that can get then hurt, because I am SCARED. Emotions are a complicated thing, and it's hard enough trying to grapple with our own. Many bad experiences in life carry a silver lining and a chance for growth but this isn't one of them. The growth that you'll be making is more like scar tissue, as you put a painful time in your past to be gone but never forgotten. The ones who really need support now are the children, because something like this is going to hit them pretty hard. Teenage years are hard enough as it is. It's ok to he angry. But the sooner you can get pas the angry parts the sooner you'll be able to lend support (and get support!) from those who have been left to cope with this tragedy. I am truly sorry you have to be experiencing this.

 

[aygov]

It is a cowardly act.

But it's also not the act of a healthy mind. Sure, it seems easy to you and me that we should go get help and there is more to live for, but when you're in a place mentally where suicide becomes the only option to solve the problem. Well, that's not a place full of rationality.

 

[gizmodog51]

so sorry for your loss........

i agree with the last post, people who chose sucide are not in a rational mind.

yet i doubt it a cowardly act. my feelings are that probably for 99% of people walking ,.... their biggest demon is to face their own demise.

facing your mortality is the one demon we all run from. most often people live life in wild abandon always pushing this fear to the side until the moment catches up to us.

many people judge the act as cowardly only because they don't understand or know how to deal with it and maybe because this act so close to them brings them face to face with death in an unnatural matter that is abrupt, not in conjuction with the normal swing of life.....i mean aren't we all supposed to live to a ripe old age?


the human personality is more complex than even the owner can understand. hopefully soon you can deal with this happening without judgement.

wishing you condolence, understanding & recovery from your grief.....

GD

 

[rs4life]

It is a cowardly act.

But it's also not the act of a healthy mind. Sure, it seems easy to you and me that we should go get help and there is more to live for, but when you're in a place mentally where suicide becomes the only option to solve the problem. Well, that's not a place full of rationality.

Having been in a situation contemplating suicide I can say it is a cowardly act for sure. However, it is extremely hard to get help and often it is up to close family to wake up and get the person help. Furthermore, that help needs to continue for the rest of the affected persons life. Still to this day depression comes back every now and again but I remind myself that I can get through it and I NEED to be there for those that are close to me. Especially my niece and nephews. Honestly, if you havent lived it don't make comments even related to thinking you know what you are talking about, albeit I agree with a lot of people in this thread.

 

[Homercidal]

People who do this can't understand. They are literally incapable of making their thoughts and feelings rational. it might be hard for a "normal" person to grasp, but usually suicide follows mental illness. Mental illness that makes the persona's brain not able to think through, or feel a possible solution to their problems. Drugs and alcohol can seriously affect the brain and make these mental illnesses even worse.

There are MANY avenues for help if only people know about them and can get themselves to go seek it out. Unfortunately, many people do not know of the availablility of the help, or are unable to bring themselves to seek it out, for whatever reason. Maybe they are ashamed, or maybe they are just so screwed up in the head that they can't believe that anyone can fix them (many don't even know they are "broken") or their problems.

Until you can put yourself in their shoes and feel what they have felt, I suggest you not decide whether they are a coward or not. Perhaps they were sick, or had problems bigger than they knew how to deal with. Not everyone with personal problems feels comfortable talking about them to others, even close friends.

 

[thaworm69]

My mother took her own life in 2003. She tried getting help numerous times but it never seemed to help her. She tried anti-depressants ect... None of it seemed to work. Depression is very serious. She attempted a few times to swallow pills. I had to tackle her once and take a knife away from her while trying to dial 911. It was so sad..you feel so helpless for the person. It has a lifelong impact on basically EVERYONE that knew her. After that 911 call she was put in a center for 2 days and released. She took her own life that day. It is very hard to understand why she was released with only 2 days of help. Wondering if there was more the hospital could have done. I would never wish that feeling on my worst enemy. My mother was far from being a coward. She tried to get help numerous times at her own will. Her mental state was severely damaged due to the @sshole boyfriend she had. I truly believe she felt she had absolutely no way out. But a coward she was not! That being said I feel for the OP. It never seems to get much easier, you learn to cope and remember the good parts. I wish you the best.

 

[LTownLiquorPig]

No real constructive comment to add, other than depression sucks, drugs and therapy don't always help a great deal and you wouldn't know how you would handle it until you go though it.

 

[headbanger]

People who take the path of suicide obviously have reasons and rational for what they do, the decision they ultimately make. Maybe we, the others that their lives have touched, who can't understand this decision can't understand it because we are not supposed to.

 

[Dan]

I don't know how common suicide is but in my life I've known of 4, two of them were my cousins, one was a brother Navy Chief.

And one was the child of my brother's neighbor who hung herself from a tree in her front yard, she was 12 years old. Maybe she thought somebody would catch her before it happened but nobody did. If that isn't calling out I don't know what is.

I don't know why they did it, especially the 12 year old. Nothing will ever make sense of it. It is the most selfish act one can do and it is an act that is not carried through with a clear mind. I know the 3 adults were all very inebriated when they killed them selves but the 12 year old girl? It's just sad, so very sad.

I'm sorry for your family's loss maxamus.

 

[Leadgolem]

People who do this can't understand. They are literally incapable of making their thoughts and feelings rational. it might be hard for a "normal" person to grasp, but usually suicide follows mental illness. Mental illness that makes the persona's brain not able to think through, or feel a possible solution to their problems. Drugs and alcohol can seriously affect the brain and make these mental illnesses even worse.

There are MANY avenues for help if only people know about them and can get themselves to go seek it out. Unfortunately, many people do not know of the availablility of the help, or are unable to bring themselves to seek it out, for whatever reason. Maybe they are ashamed, or maybe they are just so screwed up in the head that they can't believe that anyone can fix them (many don't even know they are "broken") or their problems.

Until you can put yourself in their shoes and feel what they have felt, I suggest you not decide whether they are a coward or not. Perhaps they were sick, or had problems bigger than they knew how to deal with. Not everyone with personal problems feels comfortable talking about them to others, even close friends.

Thank you for being understanding.

However, I cannot agree that being suicidal is inherently the product of a disturbed mind. Most mental disorders have symptoms that are much more pervasive. Being suicidal, doesn't necessarily impair logical thinking. Outside of whatever situation has lead to the suicidal feelings.

I can tell you from my own experience that, even retrospectively, I was not suffering from any impairment in my logic skills. My job requires a lot of logical deduction and math. If I did have a problem it would have been glaringly obvious. I also wasn't suffering from any disordered thinking. The only thing that you could consider crazy, outside of the desire to die, was the excessive drinking.

I was drinking as much as I was because, just before you pass out drunk, you are emotionally numb for a few minutes. It isn't much, but it was the only refuge I had.

In short, I believed something to be true that made the rest of my life irrelevant, except as a source of pain. The only reason I am alive is that I gave my word to do something. Something I couldn't do if I was dead. I found that keeping my word was more important to me then my life. I mean that I would die to keep my word, or live. No matter how much pain that meant. Whichever was required.

Man was I pissed off when I realized I couldn't just kill myself.

Sharing any of this is extremely painful. Please don't offer sympathy, I neither need nor want any. I'm just hoping someone else in the same situation will read this and it will help them realize they aren't alone.

 

[homebrewdad]

Thank you for being understanding.

However, I cannot agree that being suicidal is inherently the product of a disturbed mind. Most mental disorders have symptoms that are much more pervasive. Being suicidal, doesn't necessarily impair logical thinking. Outside of whatever situation has lead to the suicidal feelings.

I can tell you from my own experience that, even retrospectively, I was not suffering from any impairment in my logic skills. My job requires a lot of logical deduction and math. If I did have a problem it would have been glaringly obvious. I also wasn't suffering from any disordered thinking. The only thing that you could consider crazy, outside of the desire to die, was the excessive drinking.

I was drinking as much as I was because, just before you pass out drunk, you are emotionally numb for a few minutes. It isn't much, but it was the only refuge I had.

In short, I believed something to be true that made the rest of my life irrelevant, except as a source of pain. The only reason I am alive is that I gave my word to do something. Something I couldn't do if I was dead. I found that keeping my word was more important to me then my life. I mean that I would die to keep my word, or live. No matter how much pain that meant. Whichever was required.

Man was I pissed off when I realized I couldn't just kill myself.

Sharing any of this is extremely painful. Please don't offer sympathy, I neither need nor want any. I'm just hoping someone else in the same situation will read this and it will help them realize they aren't alone.

The capability for rational, analytical thought does not exclude mental illness. Suicide is typically a decision only made in a flawed mental/emotional state.

My brother killed himself ten years ago, and I still haven't gotten over it. I've been angry, I've been confused... mostly, I just greive.

 

[Airborneguy]

About 5 years ago, a kid I worked with shot himself after hitting a parked car while driving drunk. To this day his mother bugs the police department to investigate whether he was actually murdered. My friend who responded said his firearm was still in his hand. He did it very close to my house, so I pass the small memorial his mother keeps up fairly frequently. I always shake my head. I can't imagine how someone would choose to put their family through something so horrible.

 

[CatHead]

I had a longer post but basically just wanted to add that we try to add logical thought to people that are past that point.

 

[Dan]

About 5 years ago, a kid I worked with shot himself after hitting a parked car while driving drunk. To this day his mother bugs the police department to investigate whether he was actually murdered. My friend who responded said his firearm was still in his hand. He did it very close to my house, so I pass the small memorial his mother keeps up fairly frequently. I always shake my head. I can't imagine how someone would choose to put their family through something so horrible.

I don't think anybody intentionally puts their family through the process. By the time they pull the trigger they are already lost, in so many ways. Would be wonderful if we could prevent it. Not sure if that is achievable or not. But it does make me think twice about what I say and how I treat people. We are all going to die someday. But why earlier than later? Suicide is throwing life away. It goes against the will to live. If I could stop another suicide, had the magic answer to help a person not do that I would. Suicide leaves us feeling helpless and angry.