Stupid Joke Thread!

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On brew day, 2 Georgia rednecks look over to the neighbors yard while they are awaiting the mash. The neighbor's dog is busy licking his balls. Billy Bob says, "Man, I wish I could do that." Bubba says, " Be careful. I tried. He bites."
 
Old Timers Sex

An elderly couple is enjoying a nice meal together at a local diner.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.


So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks...

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence...

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in...

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed.

He thinks he has learned something about life, love and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply...

'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence'.
 
A blight kills all the potato plants, so an Irish farmer decides he is going to raise chickens instead. He heads on down to the farm supply and buys 100 chicks. Two weeks later he buys 100 more. And two week later he buys 100 more.

As he is checking out, the salesman comments that his farm must be doing pretty well, to which the Irishman replies that it is actually failing miserably. All the chicks keep dying.

"Wow, that's terrible! What do you think is wrong?"

"I haven't figured that out yet, but my guess is that I'm either planting them too deep or too close together..."
 
Mikey and mini were getting a divorce. The judge says to Mickey "I can't grant this divorce on the grounds of insanity". Mickey says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fu*king goofy."
 
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?


"I'm going to cashew"


Sorry everyone couldn't resist......

John
 
OK, let's get this thread going again...

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I have a 13 year old at home that loves to tell me jokes like these. He calls them groaners. His two favorites.

What did the fish say when it ran into a concrete wall? Dam!

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa!
 
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A zookeeper had developed a potion made from baby seagulls that appeared to indefinitely prolong the life of dolphins.

One day he was in the marine aviary collecting new babies for more tests.

As he was leaving the aviary, he discovered that the lion pride has escaped, and were sleeping at the exit of the aviary.

He very quietly stepped over them.

And was arrested for transporting young gulls over staid lions for immortal porpoises...
 
A zookeeper had developed a potion made from baby seagulls that appeared to indefinitely prolong the life of dolphins.

One day he was in the marine aviary collecting new babies for more tests.

As he was leaving the aviary, he discovered that the lion pride has escaped, and were sleeping at the exit of the aviary.

He very quietly stepped over them.

And was arrested for transporting young gulls over staid lions for immortal porpoises...
If you really like classical music, check out Peter Schickele's version,

 
Many years ago, Washington County, Arkansas, was famous for the quality of apples grown there.

Late in the season, a tourist asked an apple grower for 50 gallons of cider. The farmer said, "Now I don't mind gettin' the wagon out and hitchin' up the mules. I don't even mind dirtyin' up the press after I spent all day cleanin'. But I'll be danged if I'm gonna cut up a whole apple for only 50 gallons of cider!"
 
A Well-Bred, Cultured older lady was traveling through the countryside when she stopped at the General Store.

The proprietor could tell that the lady was in some distress, so he asked "What seems to be the problem, Ma'am?"

The lady responded "I can't believe what I've just seen! About a mile back, I observed a young boy, about sixteen, reclining on a haystack. It appeared that he had captured a rabbit, and was having carnal relations with it!!!"

The proprietor responded, "Well, Ma'am, boys will be boys, and there aren't many willing young girls around these parts."

The lady continued "But not a half a mile later, I saw a man, must have been 90 years old, reclining in a haystack, pleasuring himself!!"

The proprietor looked the lady up and down, and said: "Ma'am do you really expect a man that old to catch a rabbit???"
 
Two chickpeas are walking down the street when one chickpea starts to vomit.

The other chickpea asks, "Are you okay?" and the chickpea answers, "No, I falafel."
 
Two Penguins are standing on an ice flow......

The first Penguin says to the second Penguin "you look like you're wearing a tuxedo." The second Penguin says....."how do you know I'm not?"
 
Two mountain settlers are talking.
"Caleb, I want you to keep your boy Sam away from my Sarah Belle for a while."
"Why, Silas, I thought you liked young Sam. What did he
do to bother ya?"
"Well, when I went out to the barn this mornin', I seed Sam's name writ in big yaller letters in the snow!"
"Shucks, Silas, that ain't nothin'. We all did that when we were young'uns."
Says Silas, miserably, "I ain't blamin' young Sam. But don't you think I know my own daughter's handwriting?"
 
Doctor's Visit Doctor: "What seems to be the problem today?"

Patient: "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time," The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient: "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times."

"Hmm," says the Doctor, as he picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled "Thank you Doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses, it stinks like a fermented diaper in here. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
 
Old Lady

An old lady got on an elevator in a very lavish building,when a young woman gets on smelling of perfume. The woman turns to the old woman and arrogantly says "Romance by Ralph Lauren $150.00 an ounce!"

Then another young woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly says "Chanel#5 $200.00 an ounce!"

About 3 floors later,the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator, but before she leaves,she looks at both women in the eye,bends over Farts and says "Broccoli 49 cents a pound!"
 
The farmer was out in his field when he discovered his older son reclining on a haystack, pleasuring himself.

"Alright son, it's about time we got you married off," said the farmer "you need a woman to take care of you".

So the son got married, and about 3 months later, the farmer again found his son on the haystack pleasuring himself.

"Boy, ain't that why you got married??" sniped the farmer.

"Aw Paw," the boy said, head hung low "Her little old hand gets so tired so quick..."
 
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