I would sooner take a plumbers torch to my scrotum than waste one nanosecond watching the Northwest's version of Barstool. Stoolies are irritating, psychotic fu(kards that make Cape seem relatively well adjusted. I can't imagine voluntarily submitting on a regular basis to the psychobabble of my most hated team's lunatic fringe 'for their funny posts.' Speaking as a health care provider, that has 'dysfunction' screaming out to be.
Walmart will have lives on sale coming up in the early spring. They'll only be $4.98. C'mom Hoppy, you should embezzle some money and go buy one. Your current life has Loser written all over it in 100 point font.