Need advice, figured here would be pretty anonymous

[marley]

You can do stuff, like force your musical preference on them, and they can't do anything about it.

 

[brrman]

Why are you guys posting pictures of your frikkin kids??? You think this guy doesn't have enough stress right now without you cramming your own kids down his throat? wow...

 

[keelanfish]

Why are you guys posting pictures of your frikkin kids??? You think this guy doesn't have enough stress right now without you cramming your own kids down his throat? wow...

Well, I debated whether or not to post the pic and in the end decided that for me the anxiety of deciding to have a baby and the worries that go along with pregnancy and parenting are balanced by the fantastic end result and potential of a child. I figured that the OP spilled his guts and asked for advice and that the best advice I can give him is to keep a realistic view of the end result. So many people get into this situation everyday and describe it as a mistake or some kind of life-ending fatal disease when in fact the end result can be something amazing.

 

[njnear76]

So many people get into this situation everyday and describe it as a mistake or some kind of life-ending fatal disease when in fact the end result can be something amazing.

It can be amazing, but that's not always true. It depends on the person. Some people are just not good with kids or do not want them.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Why are you guys posting pictures of your frikkin kids??? You think this guy doesn't have enough stress right now without you cramming your own kids down his throat? wow...

You know he made a choice to boink with somebody he didn't know very well. That's his fault and he asked for anonymous advice.

Despite how bad the situation may seem, it not all that bad. He could have somebody in his life that can bring some joy. I posted the pic so that he knows this. I have pride for mine own son. I am 42 and didn't want to have kids any longer, but I'm glad it did.

Not mention somebody else will gladly take very good care of his kid if does not feel than he can be a be father right now.

If you don't have a kid you can post a picture of your dog or cat if that will make you feel better. (I won't ***** about it either.)

 

[HenryHill]

So, you were banging a chick that you knew was a party girl and didn't think to use any protection? And you were banging other chicks without any protection? And now it is possible that she is pregnant with your child? And now you need advice?

Sorry, man, but you had to have known better and ignored all the warnings and education and talks that people have undoubtedly already have given you; so now you figure it out.

Whatever you are told now, you will know better than us on that, too.

 

[keelanfish]

It can be amazing, but that's not always true. It depends on the person. Some people are just not good with kids or do not want them.

You are right, but he asked for advise in a homebrewing forum. Maybe there are professionals here that can give the best advice, but for average joes like myself, all I can do if offer my experience. If I offend anyone, especially the OP, I'm sincerely sorry. That's not my intent and if I did offend, just write it off as I'm an engineer and we're notoriously bad at social interaction.

 

[Schlenkerla]

You are right, but he asked for advise in a homebrewing forum. Maybe there are professionals here that can give the best advice, but for adverage joes like myself, all I can do if offer my experience. If I offend anyone, especially the OP, I'm sincerely sorry. That's not my intent and if I did offend, just write it off as I'm an engineer and we're notoriously bad at social interaction.

keelanfish. - You don't need to apologize. You did it as did a few others with same thought that I had in mind.

Its not meant as a guilt trip. Its out of pride.

 

[Jaybird]

Ok so without reading 48 posts, I have to say this... Who in there right mind has sex in this day without protection. Holy HE!! WTF were you thinking? Not only is it a death sentence but DAMN. There is some skank out there. Looks like you're gonna need to Step up!

 

[njnear76]

You are right, but he asked for advise in a homebrewing forum. Maybe there are professionals here that can give the best advice, but for average joes like myself, all I can do if offer my experience. If I offend anyone, especially the OP, I'm sincerely sorry. That's not my intent and if I did offend, just write it off as I'm an engineer and we're notoriously bad at social interaction.

Engineers: They keep us out of the limelight for a reason.

Heh. I think people get too easily offended these days. I find that offensive.

I think it's tough to advise this guy, because we are all coming from different set of experiences. And yes... age, finances, maturity, relationships, etc... are all factors.

My priorities are much different now then they were 10 years ago. Being married, owning a home, having a good paying job... I think I'm ready to have a kid. But 10 years a go? No.

Also what kind of girl is this? Maybe she would make a terrible mother. I certainly would not want my kid raised by a loose woman.

 

[wildwest450]

Two words, Maury Povich.

 

[Schlenkerla]

Engineers: They keep us out of limelight for a reason.

Heh. I think people get too easily offended these days. I find that offensive.

I think it's tough to advise this guy, because we are all coming from different set of experiences. And yes... age, finances, maturity, relationships, etc... are all factors.

My priorities are much different now then they were 10 years ago. Being married, owning a home, having a good paying job... I think I'm ready to have a kid. But 10 years a go? No.

I'm an engineer too...

Several of us are older and looking back saying, "Yes it was stupid, but its not that bad." Look at us we have kids we are proud about having them.

Yes it not planned but, oh flippin' well. He didn't trip while he walked across the room naked and accidentally got his Richard stuck in her Virgina. I'm not going to be feeling sorry for him.

Its simple; abort, go the adoption route or be a father. My advice was to try adoption since so many couples can't have kids. Its the most unselfish thing he could do for somebody.

 

[keelanfish]

Its simple; abort, go the adoption route or be a father. My advice was to try adoption since so many couples can't have kids. Its the most unselfish thing he could do for somebody.

I actually think it is even simpler than that. He doesn't have any say in the matter. He's not in a relationship with the mother-to-be and there's no way to know at this time if it's even his kid. He doesn't have the decision making power to do any of those things you list other than to prepare himself to be a father. All he can do is relax, wait and IF the mother wants him to be involved, try to be as helpful and constructive as possible.

It's a huge burden, hell, I decided I wanted to have a kid after being married for more than 6 years and I still had panick attacks, sleepless nights and worried about every little thing. In my experience, 99% of the things I was worrying about were unfounded.

 

[Schlenkerla]

True - He doesn't have the final say. He might be able to exercise some influence. I agree its not that bad as I thought it would be.

 

[flyangler18]

No dog in this fight - but has anyone else noticed that the OP hasn't been back to this thread since he started it?

My stance on this is simple: play adult games, make adult choices - live with adult consequences. Done.

 

[njnear76]

No dog in this fight - but has anyone else noticed that the OP hasn't been back to this thread since he started it?

You're right. I need a beer.

 

[lustreking]

I don't have any suggestions for your pregnancy situation, except:

I was not certain if any slipped out, before pull out.
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So...At this point I am thinking back to the timeframe she is telling me about and I was like, wait a minute I know I wasn't the only guy she was with at that time. I know this for a fact, don't ask me how, I just do.
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So, I get to thinking that I am going to need to go to the med center to get checked out or something

I'd say that you probably should.

 

[DeathBrewer]

Then I start thinking, I was pretty sure I couldn't even have kids... It hasn't happened yet and it definitely should have on MANY occasions. So what the hell gives?!!!?

Are you serious? Do you have a medical condition or something else that could hinder your swimmers? How could you possibly think your little guys can't do their job just because it hasn't happened before? I think this was your first mistake.

Come to an agreement and live with the consequences. Tough decision to make no matter which route you go.

 

[IrregularPulse]

I typed some big story here then deleted it because dude hasn't even been back to check anything.

 

[DeathBrewer]

He posted a few times on the first page and that was only yesterday. I think he'll be back...he's got a lot on his mind.

 

[Schlenkerla]

I typed some big story here then deleted it because dude hasn't even been back to check anything.

The GF could be tacking out on his ass if she found out this.

Checking back with this thread is prolly not his top priority. He might be down at his local watering hole trying to forget this happened. Most likely busy at work, but probably not very focused. Question; Does he work with the lady?

I hope he's not a surgeon or a commercial pilot. No Joking aside.

 

[nibiyabi]

If she was visited by Aunt Flo after your last excursion as you claim, then it can't be yours. Of course, she could have been lying or mistaken about it.

 

[Reverend JC]

You know, my dad always told me when I was growing up:

"don't stick your d!ck into anything you do not want to look at from across the dinner table for the rest of your life"

and

"don't stick your d!ck in the dirt unless you have enough money to get it cleaned off"


wiser words have never been spoken.

 

[DeathBrewer]

I'm not a big fan of casual sex, but people can have relationships and have sex without being committed to life-long relationships. They just have to be smart, be protected and be communicative.

 

[the_bird]

You know, my dad always told me when I was growing up:

"don't stick your d!ck into anything you do not want to look at from across the dinner table for the rest of your life"

I could make a joke here about sheep-****ing. Your old man love seeing a nice lamb roast on the table?

 

[Schlenkerla]

I could make a joke here about sheep-****ing. Your old man love seeing a nice lamb roast on the table?

They do have sheep skin condoms don't they!!!

 

[JVD_X]

Well - your first mistake is getting your dick anywhere near a bar rat. The second one was actually believing her when she said she couldn't get pregnant (she DID tell you that right? right? They all do.) The third was having unprotected sex.

In any case, just cause she called you don't make it yours.

 

[GreenwoodRover]

So, what the hell do I do? I swear I don't live in a trailer, have a mullet, or shop at Walmart.

slightly

I honestly think you are a liar.
Based on your screen name I assume you currently own or have in the past owned said vehicle. In my experience 99% of people who own or have owned an IROC currently have or at somepoint in the past had a mullet, in addition to a cheesy, very thin pre-pubescent type mustache.
If the car in question has T-tops they the %surety goes from 99 to 100.

 

[user 30639]

Get a paternity test before you do anything.

If it's yours and she wants to abort it, cough up the cash.

If it's yours and she wants to keep it, get yourself a lawyer. You'll be dealing with this girl for the next 18 years at a minimum. If it comes down to it, I have a friend who is a family law in Grand Rapids.

 

[katja]

If she was visited by Aunt Flo after your last excursion as you claim, then it can't be yours. Of course, she could have been lying or mistaken about it.

High school health class would tell you that, but unfortunately, very unfortunately that's not necessarily true. Medically unlikely, but not always true.

 

[Darwin18]

My girlfriend and I went through something similar a year and a half ago. Accidents can happen regardless of whatever safe guards you take. Although it seems that you reall need to improve on this in the future.

Reading over a lot of the replies, it seems the general consensus is that you need to be responsible and mature. Regardless of however you feel about the situation, you need to meet and talk with her face to face because I can tell you with absolute certainity that she is much more affected by this both physically and mentally than you are. You need to find out what she wants to do. If she wants to keep it then thats that.

In my situation, both my girlfriend and I realized that we weren't ready to be parents. We were both 24 years old and wanted to do more with our lives than be parents at the time. Additionally we could barely afford to support ourselves let alone a child. Neither of us wanted or were ready for the responsibility of a child.

We both decided that an abortion was the right thing for us. Some people would find this reprehensible and that is their right, but in this country abortion is a legal option. We are both biologists and know the difference between a group of undifferentiated cells and a living breathing child. If this is what you chose then I would strongly suggest contacting your local planned parenthood. I found their website informative and more importantly their staff was knowledgable, courteous and NOT JUDGEMENTAL.

The only judgemental and hateful person we encountered was the Right to Life wackjob protesting outside and handing out pamphlets with graphic pictures of partial birth abortions to the women entering and leaving the clinic.

You're not going to be having the abortion but you had better be there for that girl if she decides to have one. If she needs you to drive her there, sit with her in the waiting room, take her home, and comfort her, then you better be there for her. Expect to pay the bill too. Try to be there for her throughout this, and you will never ever be in this situation again because this was one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through and never want to go through again. The Planned Parenthood people also will give you both counseling on birth control because they don't want you to come back and have to do this again.

With all that said, I don't regret the decision we made. It was a joint decision and I think it worked out for the best. We are still together, doing well, and even thinking about buying a house. It brought us together and showed us that if we could go through that we could anything. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school and even Catholic college, and while I sometimes wonder what would have been, I also wonder how I would have stood up to being a 24 year old father who couldn't afford to move out of his parents house.

You may feel like you're alone but keep in mind this statistic: 1 in 3 women in the US have had an abortion.

 

[njnear76]

The only judgemental and hateful person we encountered was the Right to Life wackjob protesting outside and handing out pamphlets with graphic pictures of partial birth abortions to the women entering and leaving the clinic.

Agreed. Those people really suck. So much for following the teachings of the religion that they claim to follow. "Judge not lest be judged yourself," indeed.

 

[hcarter]

Agreed. Those people really suck. So much for following the teachings of the religion that they claim to follow. "Judge not lest be judged yourself," indeed.

I think that was uncalled for. I am a Catholic, and a fair number of us would help this young man get himself together, along with the young lady in question. While I would strongly advocate raising your own child first, adoption would certainly be worthwhile. Sound judgemental?....I don't think so.

 

[socalamcor]

agreed njnear76. on sunday they preach about loving their neighbors then go out to abortion clinics to spew hate and unrest. It is one thing to make information availeble about other options, its quite another to try to push your beliefs on someone else. dont mean to hijack or change subject. i just hope op makes the decision that is right for both him and the pregnant young woman

 

[Yuri_Rage]

I'm going to stop this from taking a potentially ugly turn. If the OP wishes to post an update at some point in the future, he can send a private message to a moderator.