Funny things you've overheard about beer

Williams 728
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OK, so was visiting my mother in-law's new house on an island near Incheon, South Korea and I see some advertisements for local wine around. Knowing that Korea isn't exactly famous for wine production I'm skeptical but willing to give it a shot.

So we stop by a vineyard selling grapes (Korean table grapes are a LOT more like wine/juice grapes than American ones) and a bunch of other stuff and ask them about wine and they pull out a sample. Strong alcohol smell and taste and really sweet. Tastes exactly like grape juice mixed with soju (for soju imagine ****ty vokda mixed 50/50 with sugar water, nasty stuff 40-50 proof or so) because that's exactly what it was. I tell SWMBO that. She tells the dude that, he strongly denies it and pulls out another bottle for a sample. Tastes like slightly aged wine/soju mix. Better but still incredibly obvious that it never saw a speck of yeast.

SWMBO ended up buying a two liter bottle and then not drinking barely any of it. Sigh... At least it was cheap ($13 IIRC).

That's why you get a lot of comments about "adding the alcohol" when homebrewing here in Korea, because that's exactly how a lot of people make their "wine." Strangely enough, a lot of those "wines" taste OK if aged two years, the sweetness fades a bit and the alcohol smell and taste recedes. Still not good, but the blackberry "wines" are decent for a desert wine.
 
OK, let's take another look at Home Brewing Without Failures (old and very outdated homebrewing guide from 1965) and post more stuff that sounds strange to me. I'm looking forward to some interesting well actuallys from people who know more than I do:
-He recommends scooping off the krausen during fermentation "if large amounts of yeast are made in a short time." And also scooping off any krausen that is left after final gravity is reached.
-He recommends getting a big polythene bag, putting in a barrel or any other big container and then dumping the wort in that and using it for a primary and then tying the bag loosely so CO2 can escape. Seems clever. But if the bag rips...
-He says to only use an airlock on your secondary not on your primary. I don't know why. I guess it's hard to put an airlock on a plastic bag.
-He thinks that draught beer is flat by definition.
-He says a good way of carbonating your beer is to catch your fermentation juuuuuuust short of final gravity and then bottling it so that it can finish fermenting in the bottle and carbonate that way. He says bottling at 1.005 gravity is safe, bottling at 1.008 gravity is pushing it a bit. This seems to assume that all beers will reach the same final gravity.
-He gives a nifty chart of how much OG you need to hit a certain ABV. 1.030 gives 2.9% ABV, 1.050 gives 6% ABV and 1.070 gives 9.2% ABV. This seems to be assuming that a LARGE percentage of the fermentables will be table sugar.
-"Hard water may be softened by boiling before starting the brewing."
 
Bosh said:
OK, let's take another look at Home Brewing Without Failures (old and very outdated homebrewing guide from 1965) and post more stuff that sounds strange to me. I'm looking forward to some interesting well actuallys from people who know more than I do:
-He recommends scooping off the krausen during fermentation "if large amounts of yeast are made in a short time." And also scooping off any krausen that is left after final gravity is reached.
-He recommends getting a big polythene bag, putting in a barrel or any other big container and then dumping the wort in that and using it for a primary and then tying the bag loosely so CO2 can escape. Seems clever. But if the bag rips...
-He says to only use an airlock on your secondary not on your primary. I don't know why. I guess it's hard to put an airlock on a plastic bag.
-He thinks that draught beer is flat by definition.
-He says a good way of carbonating your beer is to catch your fermentation juuuuuuust short of final gravity and then bottling it so that it can finish fermenting in the bottle and carbonate that way. He says bottling at 1.005 gravity is safe, bottling at 1.008 gravity is pushing it a bit. This seems to assume that all beers will reach the same final gravity.
-He gives a nifty chart of how much OG you need to hit a certain ABV. 1.030 gives 2.9% ABV, 1.050 gives 6% ABV and 1.070 gives 9.2% ABV. This seems to be assuming that a LARGE percentage of the fermentables will be table sugar.
-"Hard water may be softened by boiling before starting the brewing."
Click to expand...


The last one is absolutely true, the rest is just flat out awesome.
 
While those outdated things are funny, people were doing without the equipment and ingredients that we have now, and what they understood at the time I think. I also often primary without an airlock, at least for the first 3-4 days. I also brew fairly low gravity ales that are ready to bottle within 7-10 days though.

It's still funny to look back on, I agree :) Sorry to "Well aaaaaaaaactuallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" you. Thanks for sharing! :mug:
 
Bosh said:
OK, let's take another look at Home Brewing Without Failures (old and very outdated homebrewing guide from 1965) and post more stuff that sounds strange to me. I'm looking forward to some interesting well actuallys from people who know more than I do:
-He recommends scooping off the krausen during fermentation "if large amounts of yeast are made in a short time." And also scooping off any krausen that is left after final gravity is reached.
-He recommends getting a big polythene bag, putting in a barrel or any other big container and then dumping the wort in that and using it for a primary and then tying the bag loosely so CO2 can escape. Seems clever. But if the bag rips...
-He says to only use an airlock on your secondary not on your primary. I don't know why. I guess it's hard to put an airlock on a plastic bag.
-He thinks that draught beer is flat by definition.
-He says a good way of carbonating your beer is to catch your fermentation juuuuuuust short of final gravity and then bottling it so that it can finish fermenting in the bottle and carbonate that way. He says bottling at 1.005 gravity is safe, bottling at 1.008 gravity is pushing it a bit. This seems to assume that all beers will reach the same final gravity.
-He gives a nifty chart of how much OG you need to hit a certain ABV. 1.030 gives 2.9% ABV, 1.050 gives 6% ABV and 1.070 gives 9.2% ABV. This seems to be assuming that a LARGE percentage of the fermentables will be table sugar.
-"Hard water may be softened by boiling before starting the brewing."
Click to expand...


The carbonation idea is what George Washington's beer recipe says. Except dealing the barrel instead of bottles.
 
my granny & grandpa used open fermentation with cheese cloth over the bucket. they bottled "right before it was ready" for a while. they found out that can be kinda dangerous. and my grandpa used to add a shot of vodka, everclear, or NE "lightning" to each bottle for extra kick.
 
Billy-Klubb said:
my granny & grandpa used open fermentation with cheese cloth over the bucket. they bottled "right before it was ready" for a while. they found out that can be kinda dangerous. and my grandpa used to add a shot of vodka, everclear, or NE "lightning" to each bottle for extra kick.
Click to expand...

That's how my grandfather made wine. Fruit plus yeast (I think) then he would get impatient and add vodka. Done!
 
When I was still making wine into my 20's, married with a couple kids, I used to make sparkling wines by bottling it when it was about 85% or so done fermenting. It was clear by then as well. Then age them in a dark hallway/closet thing between walls of the old house we lived in for a year. They'd be carbonated like champagne at that point.
No need to scoop off the krausen, but I read about the Burton blow-off method on Beersmith's site & they talked about why they did that. I just let it settle back down, as most do. And don't touch the remnants of the krausen! That ring around the collar is bitter & nasty.
The first wine kit I did about 1971 was a cardboard barrel sort of thing with a heavy plastic bag bladder sort of thing inside with an airlock to ferment wine in. It was 1 gallon, & worked just fine. I got like 4-5 wine bottles worth from a batch. Never leaked, but it was heavy & made for it's intended use.
And that's the way it was...:mug:
 
picture from Brewing Beers Like Those You Buy, Dave Line. originally published 1978, my copy is from 1992

in the back center is what he calls a "polypin cube" which looks like hard plastic, similar to the one pictured here

which looks like a fairly decent FV. cheaper than buckets or glass and the ability to see your beer

2015-04-16 12.45.30.jpg
 
Some of us (myself included) use those polypin cubes now, but not as a fermenting vessel. Beer can be packaged in them at low volumes of carbonation (like 1.2-1.5) and served with a spigot for results similar to a cask ale.

Alright, not funny. Somebody smack me :p
 
Somewhat related to the thread, but only somewhat:

At dinner with wife and friends, discussing our cross-country move and new jobs. Discussion turns to what will happen to the fridge in which my wife currently keeps medication samples, and whether we will sell it or use it for additional storage, or whatever.

...wife slowly shakes her head. "No, Ike's already said he's going to use it for homebrewing. He's going to Frankenstein the f*ck out of that thing."

I was proud of her; the comment was all hers, completely not prompted by me.

Yes I will, dear... YES I WILL.
 
lowtones84 said:
Some of us (myself included) use those polypin cubes now, but not as a fermenting vessel. Beer can be packaged in them at low volumes of carbonation (like 1.2-1.5) and served with a spigot for results similar to a cask ale.

Alright, not funny. Somebody smack me :p
Click to expand...

But but but Home Brewing Without Failure says if you do that most of the carbonation will be released with the first pint and the rest will be flat.
 
Hence it is mimicking cask ale. Without the risk if infection. Cask ale is carbonated lower generally and is usually is mechanical pour
 
Might have to brew that tho to see how it turns out using good yeast not bread and fermented out fully then bottle
 
OK, a few more pearls of wisdom from Home Brewing Without Failures (1965 home brewing guide):
-He recommends using brown or "burnt" sugar or even "gravy browning" to get the proper color for darker beers when you don't use many darker malts.
-He says you can get yeast from a bottle of commercial "Schlitz or Budweiser" and make a starter out of that.
-"The practice of using yeast from bottled beers can only be done successfully when the beers are dark; this is because only dark beers have a yeast deposit. Bright, light, sparkling ales do not have them." This seems to directly contradict what he said one page ago...
-He makes an aside about wine yeast and says that 14% abv kills wine yeast dead so if you want sweet wine you just add sugar beyond what is necessary for 14% abv and then the yeast will die and the rest of the sugar will remain in the wine and sweeten it.
-Another reference to skimming off ale krausen.
-Table salt is a good yeast nutrient so it's good to put in your beer.
-While a secondary gets an airlock, the primary should get a sheet of plastic with holes punched it in stretched over the top.
-As draught beers, by definition, have no carbonation if you want them to have head you have to buy "heading liquid" and add it to your draught beers. Would love a "well actually" about "heading liquid."
-If you don't use a brown bottle for your beer "the colour and sometimes the quality of the beer will suffer." This seems to be a reference to skunking but color? Huh?
-"The heavy froth one sees on the top of most stouts and particularly Guinness -- to which I am especially partial -- is mostly yeast forced to the top of the glass by the gas rising."

Love the "well actually"s I'm getting from my posts in this books, it's interesting to see what's real brewing history and what's the author being dumb.
 
Not sure if this is funny/sad/something else. But it is interesting.

“When I copied the famous Even More Jesus, I had to ask myself as an artist, why am I doing this? I didn't honestly know. It was just an instinct about beer as pure form… in a sense this stout is like a metaphor for freedom - the sum of all the beauty that surrounds me and my perfect contemporary existence.”
- Jeppe Jarnit-Bjergsø, Brewer and founder of Evil Twin Brewing
 
Bosh said:
OK, a few more pearls of wisdom from Home Brewing Without Failures (1965 home brewing guide):
-He recommends using brown or "burnt" sugar or even "gravy browning" to get the proper color for darker beers when you don't use many darker malts.
-He says you can get yeast from a bottle of commercial "Schlitz or Budweiser" and make a starter out of that.
-"The practice of using yeast from bottled beers can only be done successfully when the beers are dark; this is because only dark beers have a yeast deposit. Bright, light, sparkling ales do not have them." This seems to directly contradict what he said one page ago...
-He makes an aside about wine yeast and says that 14% abv kills wine yeast dead so if you want sweet wine you just add sugar beyond what is necessary for 14% abv and then the yeast will die and the rest of the sugar will remain in the wine and sweeten it.
-Another reference to skimming off ale krausen.
-Table salt is a good yeast nutrient so it's good to put in your beer.
-While a secondary gets an airlock, the primary should get a sheet of plastic with holes punched it in stretched over the top.
-As draught beers, by definition, have no carbonation if you want them to have head you have to buy "heading liquid" and add it to your draught beers. Would love a "well actually" about "heading liquid."
-If you don't use a brown bottle for your beer "the colour and sometimes the quality of the beer will suffer." This seems to be a reference to skunking but color? Huh?
-"The heavy froth one sees on the top of most stouts and particularly Guinness -- to which I am especially partial -- is mostly yeast forced to the top of the glass by the gas rising."

Love the "well actually"s I'm getting from my posts in this books, it's interesting to see what's real brewing history and what's the author being dumb.
Click to expand...


The only well actually I have is about making sweet wine. That's a way to do it. The yeast will eat some and die. Anything over that amount will remain and sweeten the wine.

You could kill or filter the yeast instead.
 
Now that's some funny stuff right there. Talk about the blind leading the blind! I never heard such ridiculous things, even back then when pop was making wine & beer. Mostly the beer stuff is whaaaa?...
 
thatjonguy said:
Not sure if this is funny/sad/something else. But it is interesting.

“When I copied the famous Even More Jesus, I had to ask myself as an artist, why am I doing this? I didn't honestly know. It was just an instinct about beer as pure form… in a sense this stout is like a metaphor for freedom - the sum of all the beauty that surrounds me and my perfect contemporary existence.”
- Jeppe Jarnit-Bjergsø, Brewer and founder of Evil Twin Brewing
Click to expand...

Ah yes, the bottle text of "I love you with my stout" by him, a bottle of which resides in my fridge. Never really understood that though.
 
Kiichi said:
Ah yes, the bottle text of "I love you with my stout" by him, a bottle of which resides in my fridge. Never really understood that though.
Click to expand...

Me neither. What's the point of renaming Even More Jesus?

Just call it what it is and leave the marketing smoke and mirrors to BMC run brands.
 
unionrdr said:
Now that's some funny stuff right there. Talk about the blind leading the blind! I never heard such ridiculous things, even back then when pop was making wine & beer. Mostly the beer stuff is whaaaa?...
Click to expand...

Ah, I thought the high alcohol didn`t kill the yeast but just made it inactive.
 
BreezyBrew said:
Not sure if this has been brought up before, but Jim Koch seems to think that eating dry yeast before a night of drinking kills his hangovers: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/20...does-eating-yeast-keep-you-from-getting-drunk

Scientifically, this doesn't make any sense to me.
Click to expand...

I think that is just a cruel joke on his part. All eating dry yeast will do is give you a severe case of mudbutt and toxic green gas.

A friend of mine told me he was going to try it. I warned him. Got a text the next morning saying "You were right!!!!!!"

Frankly I just think Jim Koch is just a (mostly)functional alcoholic.
 
Bosh said:
-He recommends using brown or "burnt" sugar or even "gravy browning" to get the proper color for darker beers when you don't use many darker malts.
.
Click to expand...


View attachment ImageUploadedByHome Brew1429628811.798009.jpgView attachment ImageUploadedByHome Brew1429628829.195962.jpg

I'm going to call a "well actually" on that after finding this usage instruction on a bottle of browning. Have never tried it and I suspect the last time that label design was reviewed was around the time that book was published, but still....
 
Oh my - There was a Simpsons where Principal Skinner yells "good gravy!" and the cook, who is off to the side, says "oh, thank you. It's just brown and water." That stuff is the "brown."
 
Wow reading back through the old pages it`s amazing how many myths get attached to Guinness. It`d be interesting to brew a beer that really is what many people believe Guinness to be.
 
Bosh said:
Wow reading back through the old pages it`s amazing how many myths get attached to Guinness. It`d be interesting to brew a beer that really is what many people believe Guinness to be.
Click to expand...

It would probably bee too rich and boozy for them to stomach. It would pretty much be a vitamin rich imperial oatmeal milk stout bock
 
I was talking to a girl the other day about beer it went something like this
Me. What kind of beer do you like
Her. Oh I'v tried them all
Me. Really like what
Her. miller highlife bud light corona....
Me. Sweetheart you haven't even started
 
DrunkleJon said:
It would probably bee too rich and boozy for them to stomach. It would pretty much be a vitamin rich imperial oatmeal milk stout bock
Click to expand...

Hmmmm doing some brainstorming...
-Get a wheat yeast strain with high low attenuation to leave a lot of sugars in. Having yeast in suspension makes it thicker. Anf othef stuff can overpower the wheat yeast taste.
-Enough base malt to get to 10% or so ABV.
-Every trick in the book to get thicker beer. Oats etc. etc.
-Enough roased malts to get it midnight black.
-Big handful of magnum bittering hops to blance out all the above. Some European hops of some sort for late addition.

Hmmmmmm....
 

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