Best News Headlines

[Murphys_Law]

Escort accused of shooting man in the head because he was bad at oral sex

I saw that the other day and not sure which is more insane - she shot him or that he was doing that to a hooker!

 

[milldoggy]

I saw that the other day and not sure which is more insane - she shot him or that he was doing that to a hooker!

Escort, not a hooker. Get it right

 

[Murphys_Law]

Escort, not a hooker. Get it right

A distinction without a difference!

 

[HoppyDaze]

You can't legally kill an escort like you can a hooker.

 

[nmfree]

New council gritter could be called ‘Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney’

 

[nmfree]

Mind-blowing orgasm can make you go blind

 

[nmfree]

Sky Penis, the Gift That Keeps on Giving

 

[nmfree]

Landlord insists pub’s Santa’s Dick pudding ‘fills a hole in lady’s dessert market’

 

[nmfree]

Man arrested as smelly socks unleash chaos on Indian bus

 

[GrogNerd]

(Warning: Autoplay)

Naked Man Jumps Onto Moving Truck Near Dulles Airport

 

[nmfree]

Smokers who get boob jobs have a high risk of their nipples falling off - but blood-sucking leeches can save them

 

[soccerdad]

Students get first hand job experience. Catholic school?

 

[day_trippr]

Man convicted for renting human heads cut with chainsaw, dripping disease

"Best"? No. Bizarre? Oh yeah...

 

[nmfree]

This Breakthrough in Tractor Beam Tech Could Pave The Way to Levitating Humans

 

[sweetcell]

A Dozen Camels Disqualified From Saudi Beauty Pageant Over Botox Injections

 

[sweetcell]

The Trumps Requested to Borrow Van Gogh Painting from Guggenheim—They Were Offered a Gold Toilet Instead
The White House could soon be home to the world's most opulent commode.

In a massively bold trolling of President Donald Trump, Guggenheim chief curator to the White House Nancy Spector offered to send the first family an 18-karat gold toilet instead of their requested painting, “Landscape with Snow” by Vincent Van Gogh.

continued: https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-p...ting-guggenheim-they-were-offered-gold-toilet

 

[nmfree]

Stripper punched out my teeth after I called her a bad mom

 

[MaxStout]

The story contains lots of pun goodness. Giggity.

 

[Cyclman]

The guy on the right, banned from “all farms” is a funny story too.

 

[nmfree]

The guy on the right, banned from “all farms” is a funny story too.

Uhhhhhh...

I mean, it's funny, but still...

 

[MaxStout]

"Woman ordered to trim her bush which grew so big it left neighbours in the dark"

Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

 

[Murphys_Law]

"Woman ordered to trim her bush which grew so big it left neighbours in the dark"

Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

I did not read the article but if her bush is that big it must be from the 70’s! [emoji41]

 

[Homercidal]

 

[nmfree]

Fire crews called to remove a spanner stuck on man's genitals

...and don't let the stock photo at the top of the article fool you.

 

[nmfree]

Deer semen donations are fueling South Texas campaign

 

[day_trippr]

Um, about that whole "Quality Is Job One" thing...

Ford recalls 1.4 million cars because steering wheel can come off

 

[nmfree]

 

[nmfree]

Practice Pointer: Don't Give Closing Argument With A .337 Breathalyzer

 

[Amadeo38]

Man in bull onesie accused of trying to burn down ex-lover's house with spaghetti sauce

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news...sts-arson-spaghetti-sauce-20180323-story.html

 

[MaxStout]

Lifetime ban from Empress for pepperoni seagull fiasco has been lifted.

This story is just too good to have been made up.

Now I feel justice has been done.

 

[Pkrd]

Tricky bottle-top opening leads to eye-scream headaches and ER trips

Not sure if its corona, or people who drink corona...
https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/102797624/corona-is-fscking-awful

 

[bleme]

Tricky bottle-top opening leads to eye-scream headaches and ER trips

Not sure if its corona, or people who drink corona...
https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/102797624/corona-is-fscking-awful

So now they think the bottles need a warning label... When will we realize there is no cure for stupidity?

The ophthalmologists said they believed the three cases in three weeks in Nelson alone meant it was likely that "multiple similar cases" occurred throughout New Zealand, and likely would keep happening until bottle-caps were changed.
"Nowhere on the Corona bottle is there any warning of the risk of ocular trauma," they said. "Other publications internationally have also called for explicit warnings on bottles stating that opening a bottle without a proper bottle opener may cause serious eye injury and loss of sight."

 

[MaxStout]

Florida Woman Fights to Keep Her Pet Alligator Who Wears Clothes and 'Rides' ATVs

This has to be the most Florida news story ever.

 

[arturo7]

Lifetime ban from Empress for pepperoni seagull fiasco has been lifted.

This story is just too good to have been made up.

Now I feel justice has been done.

that's awesome

 

[Sailingeric]

Lifetime ban from Empress for pepperoni seagull fiasco has been lifted.

This story is just too good to have been made up.

Now I feel justice has been done.

My wife and I stayed there on our honeymoon. Glad we did not bring pepperoni.

 

[doug293cz]

My wife and I stayed there on our honeymoon. Glad we did not bring pepperoni.

Likewise, my wife and I (back in 1973), also sans pepperoni.

 

[arturo7]

You guys don't travel with pepperoni? What?

 

[MaxStout]

Only if you want a flock of seagulls in your room.

 

[nmfree]

Grown-up lawyer disbarred for throwing paper, kicking tables and talking about boogers

Key quote: "During a break in the questioning, with Naylor out of the room, Sherouse asked Ratiner to end the tobacco chewing and spitting. Ratiner came back with, 'I wish the witness would quit scratching her crotch.'"

 

[MaxStout]

Grown-up lawyer disbarred for throwing paper, kicking tables and talking about boogers

Key quote: "During a break in the questioning, with Naylor out of the room, Sherouse asked Ratiner to end the tobacco chewing and spitting. Ratiner came back with, 'I wish the witness would quit scratching her crotch.'"

The Aristocrats!