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Old 03-05-2009, 02:59 PM   #181
shecky
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I'm all for you trying to work this out. Count me in the camp of those who believe the vows mean something. You should try your level best to make sure it works out as it should.

However, there has to come a point, and you decide when that is, that it's obvious that A) you can work this out with time or B) it's just not happening. You're a young guy with some issues married to a young woman with apparently more issues that don't seem to have been addressed.

If you have to knock her on the head and drag her to counseling, do it. If she's not willing to put in the effort, that should be some sort of sign, no?

 
Old 03-05-2009, 03:01 PM   #182
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You're getting comments for guys that say "Sh1t, that was ME and I lived that for 5 years until I got out." Everyone has to live their own life, but it always helps to look at someone else's mistakes so you don't make the same.

Amen. I've relayed my experience, for what it's worth. I'll say that my ex was sexually abused by a family member. I thought I could rescue her or save her. I couldn't.

She's nearing 42 yo now and hasn't remarried yet. We've been divorced for almost 11 years. Says something, methinks.

 
Old 03-05-2009, 03:06 PM   #183
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Just so we're clear, I also wouldn't be half-assed sanitizing my cusswords if the forum didn't automatically filter them out. Which, while completely off topic, seems rather absurd in a NSFW, non-public portion of a website consisting entirely of people old enough to imbibe.

Hell, I'm not trying to rescue her, I'm just living for those rare moments where she totally floors me and acts like an adult. I dunno, I guess those few cases convinced me she was capable of maturing with time.


 
Old 03-05-2009, 03:32 PM   #184
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shecky View Post
I'm all for you trying to work this out. Count me in the camp of those who believe the vows mean something. You should try your level best to make sure it works out as it should.

However, there has to come a point, and you decide when that is, that it's obvious that A) you can work this out with time or B) it's just not happening. You're a young guy with some issues married to a young woman with apparently more issues that don't seem to have been addressed.

If you have to knock her on the head and drag her to counseling, do it. If she's not willing to put in the effort, that should be some sort of sign, no?




My sentiments exactly. Take some advice from TWO guys who have been where you are. Do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to try and make it work, but if it's not, at some point, you have to decide when to cut your losses.
Please read my last post. She NEEDS individual therapy, and you both need couples counselling.
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Old 03-05-2009, 03:39 PM   #185
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Quote:
However, there has to come a point, and you decide when that is, that it's obvious that A) you can work this out with time or B) it's just not happening.
Well the point is, I don't think I'm there yet. If I cut and run right now, there's no way I can honestly look anyone in the face and claim I did everything I could.

 
Old 03-05-2009, 03:41 PM   #186
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Well the point is, I don't think I'm there yet. If I cut and run right now, there's no way I can honestly look anyone in the face and claim I did everything I could.
Then keep working, but make damn sure she gets some counseling and you two get some together. Also make damn sure to not let your feelings cloud your vision. Difficult, I know, but it must be done.

 
Old 03-05-2009, 03:47 PM   #187
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Please read my last post. She NEEDS individual therapy, and you both need couples counselling.
Hell, I need meds to keep me from screwing around on the computer all morning and to be productive at work.

Just went to my health insurance website and left a voicemail with a marriage counselor. Only Ph.D I could find was the one I tried before who doesn't take friday appointments.

I'll probably suggest we both get individual counseling, because I'm sure I could benefit too.

 
Old 03-05-2009, 03:49 PM   #188
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Oh, and... I'm quite positive she'll be penitent in a day or two. She always is.

Which makes it all the more difficult to talk about her reactions because after all... she said sorry...
If she was really sorry and learned her lesson she wouldn't bring it up again.
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Old 03-05-2009, 03:55 PM   #189
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Let's face it you've already made up your mind about what your going to do, I hope it works out for you. I think most of us have given you good advice but don't look to us to say what you are doing is what we would do. We are not trying to cut you down or say your not manly at all just trying to look at this from the outside and give you the advise we would want to hear.
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Old 03-05-2009, 04:06 PM   #190
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I swear, half the time I do this she's perfectly fine with it. The other half it's like I've married a serial killer.

This is the definition of a woman. IRRATIONAL. no way around it in my opinion. not that that makes it easier... i hate this kind of BS.


p.s. this is very quotable, lol

 
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