I'm this close to giving up. Seriously.

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Have you ever thought that maybe both of you are really stressed because of you being unemployed and such?
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Well, I'm still employed until at least May. But the stress of that could be a factor.

IP -- woulda been good if you read the follow-up :) She's backed off and (at least I think) I did a decent job of not bending over backwards for her. Also, she feels bad for how she acted and has agreed to do marriage counseling. I'm in the process of setting that up but I've been instructed to call back monday...

Hoss: Like I've said before, I really don't have any close friends right now. And family and friends never get to see this side of her directly, and are thus prone to the "well, I'm sure there's two sides to that story" rationalization. In fact this sort of thing hasn't really cropped up in a long time.
 
HBHoss said:
Been there, done that!:(
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Me too, Hoss, me too.

Brownie, I hope this works out for you, in whatever fashion is best. From what you've said, I see eerie similarities to my first marriage. It lasted six years, because I mistakenly thought I could save her from herself, that were largely terrible. I don't want to see that happen to you. Get help quickly in some form and then make a quick decision.
 
You have an over bearing partner. She is insecure. It's that simple, she has a low self esteem. If she is not pre occupied doing something she enjoys doing with out you......now get this, YOU MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!

There are no exceptions to this, that's how insecure people work.

Let me guess, you could care less if she wants to go hang out with some friends or go do some activity with out you. However, she finds you partaking in any sort of recreation with out her unnacceptable.

I'm guessing the only reason you are able to go to a bar and have some brews with some guys is because of the potential link towards a job.

You can choose not to listen to me, but ultimately you will find out. This is almost IMPOSSIBLE to change in a person. You buy plastic surgery for them to make them have a perfect 10 body....it won't work. They will still be insecure. Therapy is the only possiblility but that route doesn't pan out plenty of times. Try telling an insecure person they need to talk to a shrink because they are insecure. Even if they aren't completely offended, Sticking to a therepy schedule is difficult.

Here's my advice. Get rid of her while you have no children. If you have children, it's gonna get complicated and you will not be as happy as you could be in order for your child to be as happy as they can be.

Imagine a girl who has her own friends and interests, some of them seperate from your own. Imagine you want to go to an annual guys druken mayhem celebration on the friday before st. patty's day and instead of her insisting she go with you and make the situation uncomfortable.......get this, SHE JUST HANGS WITH SOME CHICK FRIENDS THAT NIGHT!!!!!

OMG, IT'S so SIMPLE!!! But guess what? It's impossible with a girl like that.

You get a secure girl, who has a life outside of being your wife, and you might actually find yourself missing you wife.

Do you ever miss her? Like if you are at work, maybe she left for the weekend? If you don't miss her from time to time, chances are she's a bugger.
 
shecky said:
From what you've said, I see eerie similarities to my first marriage. It lasted six years, because I mistakenly thought I could save her from herself, that were largely terrible.
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That's some precious gold right there. Well said. Don't be captain save a ho.
 
Oh by the way my wife says if she really can't get over this and she is always going to be this way you should get out of there.
 
You guys need to get your **** out in the open and counseling sounds like the only way to do that. Chances are the body shot just reminds her of something in her past, and not necessarily something that you did.

Pullin' for you guys.
 
Hard to say she's *always* this way. Last week I stayed out until 8:30, called her on my way home, no problem. Of course that was the first time I'd been out with guys in a while.

Going to have to see how this pans out in the long run.
 
Like I tell my son in college, there are a lot of girls out there. A whole lot. Don't let one try to control you or you won't ever be happy. If you see signs of insecurity, manipulation, dual personality, keep looking. There are some that won't give you grief, and there is more than just one that you can live with. Focus on stability.

Having grown up around his mom, he gets it.
 
shecky said:
Here, ladies and gents, is the very definition of irony.:D
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Hey, I'm not insane...I'm just troubled. Anyway, let's give the man some advice or GTFO.

If she's willing work at it, give it a shot, but if you see that she's not going to make the effort...get out while you still can. You're not going to help anyone, including her, by staying in a rocky relationship.
 
DeathBrewer said:
Hey, I'm not insane...I'm just troubled. Anyway, let's give the man some advice or GTFO.

If she's willing work at it, give it a shot, but if you see that she's not going to make the effort...get out while you still can. You're not going to help anyone, including her, by staying in a rocky relationship.
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I gave advice based on personal experience. He needs to try to work it out, but he also needs to keep a close tab on things. I gave my first marriage two shots. Both failed. I hope Brownie's ends up in a better story.
 
It looks like she's going to make the effort. For the moment she seems OK with going to marriage counseling.

So given that we've been married only 6 months, I'm guessing it's worth my while to give it a shot.
 
bernerbits said:
It looks like she's going to make the effort. For the moment she seems OK with going to marriage counseling.

So given that we've been married only 6 months, I'm guessing it's worth my while to give it a shot.
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Marriage counseling will not work if she is need of medication. Good luck though.
 
bernerbits said:
Hard to say she's *always* this way. Last week I stayed out until 8:30, called her on my way home, no problem. Of course that was the first time I'd been out with guys in a while.

Going to have to see how this pans out in the long run.
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Just don't make it too long ;)
 
I mean the therapist is also licensed to write scripts. You know, so we don't have to go to two different guys and spend twice as much money.
 
I've been debating whether or not to jump in here, but I finally decided that I had to throw in my own 2c, gained through experience.
Your wife sounds a lot my my ex. She was great at the beginning, but after a while, things changed.
To make a long story short, I endured years of accusations of infidelity,(with any woman that I met, whether I was with her or not, either she was trying to get me into bed, or I was trying to get them), violent episodes during the wicked combo of PMS and drinking, and her finally driving all of my friends off and her moving us as far away from my friends and family as she could manage. Anytime that ANYONE would bring up an old g/f of mine, she would go nuts.
We tried marriage counselling, which was great for me,but when she refused to make appointments with the shrink to work on her own isues (I was the one with problems, not her), I was done.
Divorce was the best thing to happen to me since the birth of my kids, which was the only thing that kept my marriage together in the first place.


My advice, even though it wasn't asked for, is MAKE her go to counselling. If she refuses, or stops, threaten her with divorce, and go see a lawyer. With all due respect, screw your family and their opinions. This is YOUR life and YOUR happiness we're talking about, not theirs.


I truly hope it all works out for you, brother. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through what I did.
 
Interesting. Another guy with a psycho ex. When my ex and I were still living together and trying to keep things together, the guy she was cheating on me with came to our home at 3:00AM to complain to me that my wife was cheating on him!!! :D Now how f'ed up is that??
 
HBHoss said:
Interesting. Another guy with a psycho ex. When my ex and I were still living together and trying to keep things together, the guy she was cheating on me with came to our home at 3:00AM to complain to me that my wife was cheating on him!!! :D Now how f'ed up is that??
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That is both f'ed up AND hilarious!:cross::ban:
 
I didn't read the whole thread, just the first few pages and the last couple, but here's my take on it. Three years is an awful long time to hold something over your head. Especially something as innocent as a body shot off a waitress before you were even married.

I have known a lot of people who have tried councilling, and to be honest, I have not seen it work for any of them. Only one couple is still together after councilling, and the wife is still cheating on the husband, and still getting caught. He puts up with it for the sake of his kids..more than I would do.

Unfortunately, when it comes time for therapy, there is always one party that wants to play the blame game. "He did this.", "She did that.", etc.

As for your family, screw them. They don't have to live with her. You need to do what's best for you. And for crying out loud, please don't think that having a kids will help the relationship. It won't. Then there's just more people to get hurt in the divorce.

Good luck to you though. I really do hope that it works out for you.
 
DeathBrewer said:
You guys really know how to make a guy steer clear of relationships. Thanks for reaffirming my reluctance to seek out a life partner ;)
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It's just a matter of finding the right one. SWMBO told me from the beginning that what happened before we met doesn't matter, and she encourages me to go out with my friends, and in this hobby/obsession that we all share, something my ex would never have abided.
 
kjung said:
It's just a matter of finding the right one. SWMBO told me from the beginning that what happened before we met doesn't matter, and she encourages me to go out with my friends, and in this hobby/obsession that we all share, something my ex would never have abided.
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Unless it favored her or made her more popular, right? ;)
I found out from the guy that visited me at 3:00 AM that my ex got a hold of his address book and either whited out or erased any girls name in it.
Oh the stories as I think back 12 years ago. :cross:
 
bernerbits said:
So, ok, looks like this thread has doubled in length since I left last night.

First of all, to answer some questions. The shot was out of a plastic shot glass positioned in the navel that I basically took with my mouth. No, she's been off the pill for about 2-3 months now so I think the hormones are out of her system. My family, at least my mom's side, is super-religious and for them divorce is just not an option. Seriously, people in that family have actually committed suicide to get out of bad marriages. I don't think my marriage is that bad but who the hell knows.

But OK, story so far.

I lay awake on the couch for about 90 minutes and got into bed with her around 1. She sees me and I guess the psycho trance has passed because she cuddles and says she's sorry. Maybe shoulda taken the opportunity for some making up -- emotions do crazy things to hormones :ban: -- but I digress. I didn't say "that's OK" or "don't worry about it", I just said "I know." 'cause I know she's sorry but that doesn't actually fix the problem; hoping she'd understand that I wasn't necessarily accepting the apology but that I understood she felt bad. We then basically fell asleep from exhaustion.

We wake up around 8, she's trying to put some moves on, and I'm basically shutting her out. So finally it gets down to the, "what, aren't you going to say something?"

So I basically go with the, there's nothing to say... you don't trust me when I go out with friends, you still aren't over something that happened 3 years ago, what the hell else is there to say?

So then she goes into defense mode. She was drunk and aunt flo is in town. She doesn't know these people so she can't be sure they're not going to pressure me into going to get another body shot.

I point out the times she's stayed out until early early early in the morning, with people I don't know, guys hanging around and trying to pick her up, hell she even got roofied once! How do I know she didn't just sleep with some guy and doesn't remember?

So then it's like, oh so what, are you going to leave me now? And I don't want to say yes OR no here, but I'm like well I don't want that to happen ever again. And she says well she feels bad about what happened too and doesn't want it to happen either. I say well she has one hell of a temper on her, and she gets a little miffed and says well you shouldn't have said you were going to go have sex with a hooker. I say well I'm sorry but when you accuse me of screwing around all the time it makes me mad.

Again it comes back to the whole "if you want, bring me the papers and I'll sign 'em, have my stuff out of here when you get back". So I suggest marriage counseling and suggest maybe she's bipolar and she needs medication. And she's a little hurt by that and she says by saying that I'm calling her insane. And I say well you didn't act sane last night.

I leave for work with a hug and a kiss and an exchanged "I love you". Get to work and she's emailed me that she's read up on bipolar symptoms and she thinks I might be right. I then come on here to tell the story.

Oh and BTW -- she does work, she just doesn't work Fridays.

Also, it's bad form to call a man going through this **** a pus5y, whoever that was.
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I was holding out hope..... for her to go online and look that up and admit there may be something to it.... you better hang onto her and try and work it out.

You are the one who has to walk in your shoes. The older you get, the less you will need to seek others opinions. Sounds like you both have good heads on your shoulders and should be able to work through this and others that WILL arise in the future. Times like these will make you appreciate the good times even more.
 
DeathBrewer said:
You guys really know how to make a guy steer clear of relationships. Thanks for reaffirming my reluctance to seek out a life partner ;)
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My only criteria for a wife was that I find a woman who thinks like a man. Mission accomplished, very happily married.
 
DeathBrewer said:
You guys really know how to make a guy steer clear of relationships. Thanks for reaffirming my reluctance to seek out a life partner ;)
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+1 All this talk of divorce and "first wives" makes me not want to get married. I think I might start an HBT Psycho-Ex thread to see how many of us have ex-wives/husbands and are now happily settled with seconds.
 
tony4444 said:
My only criteria for a wife was that I find a woman who thinks like a man. Mission accomplished, very happily married.
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mine is huge boobees, and be a nympho. but alas, that one was already taken :(






just kiddin. wife is awesome. (shhh she is right here readin over my shoulder)
 
jmulligan said:
+1 All this talk of divorce and "first wives" makes me not want to get married. I think I might start an HBT Psycho-Ex thread to see how many of us have ex-wives/husbands and are now happily settled with seconds.
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Problem is that it was my second that was the psycho. :eek:
Twice bitten, thrice shy. :)
 
Henry Hill said:
The bottom line is, cut your losses now, and GTFO. Protect your assets by moving them to family or good friends, because once they go into divorce mode, amicable goes out the window and her friends will have her try to take you for all you have. Get all titles into another name. Hide cash because you will need it to start over with utilities, rent, deposit, etc, etc, etc. Any soft heartedness will be taken advantage of, so make careful plans and don't fall for 'meet me for lunch so we can talk'. It is a lawyer's ploy to get your stuff.

Been there, so listen. Good luck, it will test you like nothing else ever will.
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Henry nailed it with that quote. Cover your a$$ man! Regards, GF.
 
bernerbits said:
My family, at least my mom's side, is super-religious and for them divorce is just not an option. Seriously, people in that family have actually committed suicide to get out of bad marriages. I don't think my marriage is that bad but who the hell knows.
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Just did a little research, just in case. IF Your "super-religious" family members are Christian, you can always point out that the bible does indeed allow for divorce, and spells it out in Deuteronomy 24:1 thru 24:5... It's pretty straightforward too. I'm NOT a bible thumper, I just thought such info might come in handy for you at some point. Good luck to you. Regards, GF.
 
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