Have you just tried slowing down the flow from your pump?
Or speeding it up? Changing the flow rate has two opposing effects - for example if you slow the rate, you allow more time for heat to flow into the wort in the HEX, heating it to a higher temperature, but on the other hand you are heating less wort per unit time - I'm not sure which will be the dominant effect.
Maybe adding a motor driven stir paddle would help, given how much difference whirlpooling an immersion chiller makes - a lot more heat transfer when the wort is moving over the coils.
Probably best to get some details on other peoples systems who don't have the big temp differential - see what's working for them.