Well, this is gonna suck...

[geneb]

Seconding the long distance relationship. My wife and I did long distance for 7 years (I was in Virginia, she was in Illinois) before we got married a year ago next week. Its not as bad as people generally make it out to be. I think the problem most people have is a lack of commitment to the relationship. Plus, you have a good reason to visit Korea.

 

[JebCkr]

Thanks again for all the advice guys. The fact that I'm getting genuine answers goes to show how awesome the people on this forums are. Carry on and cheers.

 

[jmendez29]

Gotta give the LDR a shot. You don't want to ever live with that kind of regret on your mind. If it works, then good on ya. But if it doesn't, you'll never have to wonder if you made the right decision. If this girl is as awesome as you think she is, then you owe it to yourself to give it a go.

As for marrying her, if you don't think its the right time to propose, then don't. Not real familiar on Korean customs, but the way I understand it, Korean families are VERY close. So if the two of you were to basically elope, it might cause a BUNCH of animosity and possibly resentment in her family. But I'm probably off base on that.

 

[CoalCracker]

DId the LDR thing for 4 years while I was away at school. WOrked while I was there. After school it worked for a little over a year. Little did I know she was cheating on me (kinda had an idea) anywho, met my current gf online and she lives an hour away. Not bad, I know. But it's going great and plan to marry her next year. Give it a try, if it doesn't work, you know that you tried your best. There are plenty of great women out there. But if you both want it bad enough. It will work.

 

[JebCkr]

Update for anyone interested. She is leaving Monday morning. We're going to stay in Atlanta for the weekend before she has to leave.

This absolutely sucks...I can't sleep. At the moment I am drunk and trying to figure out what will come of all of this. The future is hard to contemplate when the present situation you are in sucks as bad as this one.

Carry on and hooray for Manhattans...they keep me mildly sane.

 

[jgln]

Dude, Go for the long distance thing...a couple trips to Korea throughout the year and that year would go by like you wouldn't believe. Military types go through year long stints all the time. If she's worth the effort go for it.

Going to take a lot of $$$ to make a couple trips, just say'n. Air fare alone from where he lives is going to be well over a grand. A quick search I found about $1300 and that is out of Georgia. I am guessing a 24 year old doesn't have that kind of cash, I could be wrong.

A friend of mine goes back to the Philippines to see his parents every so often and he said to take his wife and kids the trip is like $10k

 

[JebCkr]

Yea...I don't have much cash. My plan is to make one trip there either during xmas or spring break. I've taken a job as a tutor to save up some cash for this. Still, a lot to take in.

 

[jgln]

I know a guy whose wife is Chinese, she has been here about 10 years. I heard her parents object to their relationship. Any concerns there? Just asking.

 

[JebCkr]

I know a guy whose wife is Chinese, she has been here about 10 years. I heard her parents object to their relationship. Any concerns there? Just asking.

From what she has told me her mom seems to like me and her dad isn't going to like any American guy until he shows interest in marriage. But no real issue I think.

 

[GHC007]

Cant believe nobody's asked....

Does she like beer?? Does she love hops?? If its yes and yes then make it work dude.

 

[bottlebomber]

I can't believe I'm saying something this insensitive at your moment of hardship... but I've been through some really bad relationships, and through it all have seen women consistently act with a cunning that few men could even comprehend. If you truly know your lady you will know that this is not true, and so please disregard it.

Why was she in the states in the first place? I'm not sure if you mentioned that. The reason I'm asking is, because beautiful young asian women are somewhat notorious (and I'm not even being remotely bigoted here, I could site at least a half dozen cases I've witnessed personally) for wanting to find a way to secure citizenship through marrying an American man. When you said that she stated her father would only accept you if you were engaged/married, hint hint? If she got into the country in the first place, how hard is it really to get an extension on her visa? Or realistically, what are the repercussions for her staying a little longer?

If you really want to go the long haul with this woman, put it to a test by fire. Too often men go the extra mile for women, while the women do next to nothing. If this girl is as sincere about this relationship as you are, make her work for it. You can go over there for christmas, but she should have to come to you for the summer, for example.

Don't hand yourself to anyone on a silver platter.

 

[JebCkr]

I can't believe I'm saying something this insensitive at your moment of hardship... but I've been through some really bad relationships, and through it all have seen women consistently act with a cunning that few men could even comprehend. If you truly know your lady you will know that this is not true, and so please disregard it.

Why was she in the states in the first place? I'm not sure if you mentioned that. The reason I'm asking is, because beautiful young asian women are somewhat notorious (and I'm not even being remotely bigoted here, I could site at least a half dozen cases I've witnessed personally) for wanting to find a way to secure citizenship through marrying an American man. When you said that she stated her father would only accept you if you were engaged/married, hint hint? If she got into the country in the first place, how hard is it really to get an extension on her visa? Or realistically, what are the repercussions for her staying a little longer?

If you really want to go the long haul with this woman, put it to a test by fire. Too often men go the extra mile for women, while the women do next to nothing. If this girl is as sincere about this relationship as you are, make her work for it. You can go over there for christmas, but she should have to come to you for the summer, for example.

Don't hand yourself to anyone on a silver platter.

This isn't the case. She's actually in the food industry so she works 2 years here a year there, etc. As far as marriage, it was considered, but I dismissed it and there was no real argument.

Anyhow, I took her to the airport this morning...it sucked. We had a long talk and we will continue talking and stay in touch, but I'm not going to promise to wait on here. I'll spare the technicalities of visa details, but it could be upwards of 2 years before she returns. I felt it would be better to get this out of the way now instead of later. So, maybe things will work out well and she will get back in 6 months or so...but it may very well be years. So, maybe our paths will cross again...until then, I'll stay in touch and depending on how the next few months go I may try to go see her during christmas. Oh, and as for her coming to me, she has mentioned on a few occasions that she really wants to try and come for my graduation in May next year. So yea, there is give and take.

Still, pretty bummed right now...such is life I guess. And sorry again for the completely non beer related kind of depressing thread. I know other people have personal issues too. Carry on.

 

[hoppymonkey]

You did the right thing. You are just 21 and aren't even finished with school. I traveled for work for several years when I was around that age. I couldn't hold down a relationship to save my life. 4 months, a couple drinks, and few hot women and it is real hard to remember the old flame enough to not get trouble. Who knows what you might miss out on while waiting for her. Enjoy your life. :rockin:

Still stay in touch though of course.

 

[MikeFlynn74]

Dude... Ive been married for 7 years now.. HAve 4 kids and if anyone asked me if Id do it all over again...




I remain silent. lol

 

[bottlebomber]

I'm sorry man... you probably did the right thing though. You seem to be dealing with this pretty maturely, and should be commended for that. These things have a way of working themselves out. More than likely though, you will meet another amazing women in the next few years, you will have 5 kids, and will look back on this wistfully while you're driving them to soccer practice. Chin up.

 

[hoppymonkey]

I'm sorry man... you probably did the right thing though. You seem to be dealing with this pretty maturely, and should be commended for that. These things have a way of working themselves out. More than likely though, you will meet another amazing women in the next few years, you will have 5 kids, and will look back on this wistfully while you're driving them to soccer practice. Chin up.

this +10

 

[JebCkr]

Thanks guys. At hoppy, I was up around north Atlanta yesterday in Duluth. Small world.

 

[hoppymonkey]

Thanks guys. At hoppy, I was up around north Atlanta yesterday in Duluth. Small world.

I thought everyone in auburn was from GA?

Even wierder. I have 2 half korean cousin that live in duluth.

 

[shafferpilot]

HOT DOG! This is the first I've seen of this thread and in reading the first four pages I was afraid you might take some of the awful advice posted.... Phew!

Thank God you did EXACTLY the right thing. No promises, just a clear and open understanding of where you are. FYI, relationships like this are in part so incredible BECAUSE there is a time limit. Anyways, three possibilities now. You two talk/chat/skype regularly for a couple months, then a little less, and a little less over time till you lose touch.... Or, the same thing only you come across each other somewhere someday.... Or, you two stick it out in a LDR just because that's how you feel instead of doing it because of some misguided promises. Any of those three are results you can feel good about.

Promising the world and traveling the globe for a woman is completely unfair.... TO HER! Think about it, it puts a HUGE burden of pressure on her to be the perfect dedicated mate regardless of how she may actually feel. Relationships are all about making the sacrifice for your mate, sure, but not when you are actually being selfish and disguising it as a sacrifice...

In your case the sacrifice is to let her go, wishing the best for her in her life; NOT making her responsible for you turning your own life upside down. Bravo sir, and best of luck with this. I know it's no fun, but trust me, it won't be the last time you are that in love with a woman

 

[JebCkr]

I thought I'd dig this thread to give an update.

First, I want to thank everyone who gave advice and support. Really, this is the greatest online community I have ever come across. Everyone is genuine and takes an interest in helping other people, be it with making beer or general life problems.

When last I posted, this thread was depressing and I thought I'd lost the love of my life. Now, two years later, I have married the woman I started this thread over. A lot has happened in the last two years. I finished school, worked a couple jobs, and did a little traveling. Now, I've been in Korea for 6 months working as an English teacher and living with my new wife.

We're both happy and our future together is starting to fall into place. I do not know what the future holds, but I can say that I am much happier than the last time I posted in this thread.

 

[passedpawn]

I thought I'd dig this thread to give an update.

First, I want to thank everyone who gave advice and support. Really, this is the greatest online community I have ever come across. Everyone is genuine and takes an interest in helping other people, be it with making beer or general life problems.

When last I posted, this thread was depressing and I thought I'd lost the love of my life. Now, two years later, I have married the woman I started this thread over. A lot has happened in the last two years. I finished school, worked a couple jobs, and did a little traveling. Now, I've been in Korea for 6 months working as an English teacher and living with my new wife.

We're both happy and our future together is starting to fall into place. I do not know what the future holds, but I can say that I am much happier than the last time I posted in this thread.

Fantastic. Good for you. Here's hoping for a long and fulfilling life with her.

 

[SharonaZamboni]

 

[CreamyGoodness]

 

[Bedlam]

This is fantastic! I toast you and your beloved!

I remember this thread and am glad you took the time to post up. I like closure, what can I say. There have been many relationship dilemmas posted here that I've been curious about.