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bottlebomber

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I can't believe I'm saying something this insensitive at your moment of hardship... but I've been through some really bad relationships, and through it all have seen women consistently act with a cunning that few men could even comprehend. If you truly know your lady you will know that this is not true, and so please disregard it.

Why was she in the states in the first place? I'm not sure if you mentioned that. The reason I'm asking is, because beautiful young asian women are somewhat notorious (and I'm not even being remotely bigoted here, I could site at least a half dozen cases I've witnessed personally) for wanting to find a way to secure citizenship through marrying an American man. When you said that she stated her father would only accept you if you were engaged/married, hint hint? If she got into the country in the first place, how hard is it really to get an extension on her visa? Or realistically, what are the repercussions for her staying a little longer?

If you really want to go the long haul with this woman, put it to a test by fire. Too often men go the extra mile for women, while the women do next to nothing. If this girl is as sincere about this relationship as you are, make her work for it. You can go over there for christmas, but she should have to come to you for the summer, for example.

Don't hand yourself to anyone on a silver platter.
 
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JebCkr

JebCkr

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I can't believe I'm saying something this insensitive at your moment of hardship... but I've been through some really bad relationships, and through it all have seen women consistently act with a cunning that few men could even comprehend. If you truly know your lady you will know that this is not true, and so please disregard it.

Why was she in the states in the first place? I'm not sure if you mentioned that. The reason I'm asking is, because beautiful young asian women are somewhat notorious (and I'm not even being remotely bigoted here, I could site at least a half dozen cases I've witnessed personally) for wanting to find a way to secure citizenship through marrying an American man. When you said that she stated her father would only accept you if you were engaged/married, hint hint? If she got into the country in the first place, how hard is it really to get an extension on her visa? Or realistically, what are the repercussions for her staying a little longer?

If you really want to go the long haul with this woman, put it to a test by fire. Too often men go the extra mile for women, while the women do next to nothing. If this girl is as sincere about this relationship as you are, make her work for it. You can go over there for christmas, but she should have to come to you for the summer, for example.

Don't hand yourself to anyone on a silver platter.
This isn't the case. She's actually in the food industry so she works 2 years here a year there, etc. As far as marriage, it was considered, but I dismissed it and there was no real argument.

Anyhow, I took her to the airport this morning...it sucked. We had a long talk and we will continue talking and stay in touch, but I'm not going to promise to wait on here. I'll spare the technicalities of visa details, but it could be upwards of 2 years before she returns. I felt it would be better to get this out of the way now instead of later. So, maybe things will work out well and she will get back in 6 months or so...but it may very well be years. So, maybe our paths will cross again...until then, I'll stay in touch and depending on how the next few months go I may try to go see her during christmas. Oh, and as for her coming to me, she has mentioned on a few occasions that she really wants to try and come for my graduation in May next year. So yea, there is give and take.

Still, pretty bummed right now...such is life I guess. And sorry again for the completely non beer related kind of depressing thread. I know other people have personal issues too. Carry on. :tank:
 

hoppymonkey

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You did the right thing. You are just 21 and aren't even finished with school. I traveled for work for several years when I was around that age. I couldn't hold down a relationship to save my life. 4 months, a couple drinks, and few hot women and it is real hard to remember the old flame enough to not get trouble. Who knows what you might miss out on while waiting for her. Enjoy your life. :rockin:

Still stay in touch though of course.
 

MikeFlynn74

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Dude... Ive been married for 7 years now.. HAve 4 kids and if anyone asked me if Id do it all over again...




I remain silent. lol
 

bottlebomber

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I'm sorry man... you probably did the right thing though. You seem to be dealing with this pretty maturely, and should be commended for that. These things have a way of working themselves out. More than likely though, you will meet another amazing women in the next few years, you will have 5 kids, and will look back on this wistfully while you're driving them to soccer practice. Chin up.
 

hoppymonkey

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I'm sorry man... you probably did the right thing though. You seem to be dealing with this pretty maturely, and should be commended for that. These things have a way of working themselves out. More than likely though, you will meet another amazing women in the next few years, you will have 5 kids, and will look back on this wistfully while you're driving them to soccer practice. Chin up.
this +10
 

shafferpilot

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HOT DOG! This is the first I've seen of this thread and in reading the first four pages I was afraid you might take some of the awful advice posted.... Phew!

Thank God you did EXACTLY the right thing. No promises, just a clear and open understanding of where you are. FYI, relationships like this are in part so incredible BECAUSE there is a time limit. Anyways, three possibilities now. You two talk/chat/skype regularly for a couple months, then a little less, and a little less over time till you lose touch.... Or, the same thing only you come across each other somewhere someday.... Or, you two stick it out in a LDR just because that's how you feel instead of doing it because of some misguided promises. Any of those three are results you can feel good about.

Promising the world and traveling the globe for a woman is completely unfair.... TO HER! Think about it, it puts a HUGE burden of pressure on her to be the perfect dedicated mate regardless of how she may actually feel. Relationships are all about making the sacrifice for your mate, sure, but not when you are actually being selfish and disguising it as a sacrifice...

In your case the sacrifice is to let her go, wishing the best for her in her life; NOT making her responsible for you turning your own life upside down. Bravo sir, and best of luck with this. I know it's no fun, but trust me, it won't be the last time you are that in love with a woman ;)
 
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JebCkr

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I thought I'd dig this thread to give an update.

First, I want to thank everyone who gave advice and support. Really, this is the greatest online community I have ever come across. Everyone is genuine and takes an interest in helping other people, be it with making beer or general life problems.

When last I posted, this thread was depressing and I thought I'd lost the love of my life. Now, two years later, I have married the woman I started this thread over. A lot has happened in the last two years. I finished school, worked a couple jobs, and did a little traveling. Now, I've been in Korea for 6 months working as an English teacher and living with my new wife.

We're both happy and our future together is starting to fall into place. I do not know what the future holds, but I can say that I am much happier than the last time I posted in this thread.
 
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I thought I'd dig this thread to give an update.

First, I want to thank everyone who gave advice and support. Really, this is the greatest online community I have ever come across. Everyone is genuine and takes an interest in helping other people, be it with making beer or general life problems.

When last I posted, this thread was depressing and I thought I'd lost the love of my life. Now, two years later, I have married the woman I started this thread over. A lot has happened in the last two years. I finished school, worked a couple jobs, and did a little traveling. Now, I've been in Korea for 6 months working as an English teacher and living with my new wife.

We're both happy and our future together is starting to fall into place. I do not know what the future holds, but I can say that I am much happier than the last time I posted in this thread.
Fantastic. Good for you. Here's hoping for a long and fulfilling life with her.
 

Bedlam

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This is fantastic! I toast you and your beloved!

I remember this thread and am glad you took the time to post up. I like closure, what can I say. There have been many relationship dilemmas posted here that I've been curious about.
 
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