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JebCkr

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Well, this isn't beer related and to most it is probably boring, but I've been drinking homebrew and this forum seems as appropriate as any.

So, there's this girl...we got together about 5 months ago. So far, everything has been great. She's wild about me and is unlike anyone I've ever been with. I'm 21 and she's 24. I know I'm young, but this isn't my first relationship. I know this is something different than the ones I've had in the past. What's the problem then, you ask.

She has to leave the country in a couple of months for at least a year. You see, she is Korean and here on a visa. I like her, maybe even love her (but I try not to admit this to myself), but I can't quit school with just a year to go to follow her. And as much as she wants to stay she can't.

So, I'm in a weird position. I'm in a great relationship, never been this happy, but it has a deadline. It's like knowing the date of your death and it SUCKS. I try to just go day by day, but as it gets closer it becomes harder to ignore. Kind of a bummer, right?

Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I don't particularly expect to gain anything from your comments, but feel free to give advice, to criticize, or just laugh. Hope I didn't bore anyone too much...and cheers :mug:
 

Reno_eNVy

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Awwww man.... Punch-Buggy Depressing!

That does super suck. Have you considered the long distance thing? If you really love her you could make it work... not saying that it WOULD work, but it CAN. Finish school and then go to her. I think if she feels the same way abot you she would be down for trying it.

But then again I'm a hopeless romantic.
 

BrewKnurd

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Awwww man.... Punch-Buggy Depressing!

That does super suck. Have you considered the long distance thing? If you really love her you could make it work... not saying that it WOULD work, but it CAN. Finish school and then go to her. I think if she feels the same way abot you she would be down for trying it.

But then again I'm a hopeless romantic.
A year ain't that bad. I actually STARTED dating my wife long distance (i know, how stupid, right?) and we did it for about a year, then she moved down here.
 

DregAddict

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I would try the long distance thing. If it's meant to be then it will work out. And you may find out otherwise, and that will be fine too.
 

Petey

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Dude, Go for the long distance thing...a couple trips to Korea throughout the year and that year would go by like you wouldn't believe. Military types go through year long stints all the time. If she's worth the effort go for it.
 

yournotpeter

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Long distance it....and don't quit school!! If this is someone you're truly meant to be with, you'll want a great job which can support her...finishing college will certainly help!!!
 

dfc

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When My wife and I were dating I was living in Ohio and she was living in Arizona. We dated for 1 1/2 years and next week will be 4 years since we married.

Things are going great too. I think I've only punched her in the face 3 times!
 

mr_goodwrench

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I'll +1 the long distance thing. SWMBO & I started dating the summer after she graduated from high school and she went away to school about 3 hours away... I know its nothing compared to Korea, but it still sucked not seeing her everyday. We made it work for a year after which she moved back and went to school local. Our 14 year wedding anniversary (16 years together) is in a couple of weeks. You just have to do what feels right for both of you.
 

gratus fermentatio

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Yep, it might suck at times, but it's a good test of the relationship; besides, it'll give you a good reason to visit South Korea sometime during that year, thus proving to her (and her family) your interest in her for the long term.

Finish school, test the relationship, visit an exotic country & have a guide that really knows what to avoid & has a vested interest in your well being, then come back the the good ol' USA with her & see what happens. That's my 2 cent's worth. Regards, GF.
 

lumpher

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different continent, different cultures. going back for a year, then coming back? won't happen. sorry to be a negative kind, but it's over
 

beersteiner2345

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Try long distance. If it's meant to be, it will be. If it's not, then at least you have a college degree and didn't waste a year.
 

HexKrak

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My lady and I had been dating for about 1 year when she had to move a state away for school related stuff. We've now been together for 5 years. If you both want it to last, then don't freak out and just take it one day at a time. A year can go by pretty quick in the grand scheme of things.
 

Scruffy1207

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JebCkr said:
Well, this isn't beer related and to most it is probably boring, but I've been drinking homebrew and this forum seems as appropriate as any.

So, there's this girl...we got together about 5 months ago. So far, everything has been great. She's wild about me and is unlike anyone I've ever been with. I'm 21 and she's 24. I know I'm young, but this isn't my first relationship. I know this is something different than the ones I've had in the past. What's the problem then, you ask.

She has to leave the country in a couple of months for at least a year. You see, she is Korean and here on a visa. I like her, maybe even love her (but I try not to admit this to myself), but I can't quit school with just a year to go to follow her. And as much as she wants to stay she can't.

So, I'm in a weird position. I'm in a great relationship, never been this happy, but it has a deadline. It's like knowing the date of your death and it SUCKS. I try to just go day by day, but as it gets closer it becomes harder to ignore. Kind of a bummer, right?

Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I don't particularly expect to gain anything from your comments, but feel free to give advice, to criticize, or just laugh. Hope I didn't bore anyone too much...and cheers :mug:
Marry her so she didn't have to leave?
 

dweaver

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Marry her so she didn't have to leave?
seconded;)

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you could follow her to korea, the hell with school it'll be there when you get back and its not like there is much of a job market even if you finish school, of course this advice is coming from someone who would never take a leap of faith like that, I guess i'm feeling a bit romantic:drunk:
 

KayaBrew

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My wife of 5 years just got accepted into grad school at McGill University in Montreal. It's a 2 hour drive each way barring any customs "entanglements". We will only be able to see each other on weekends. We are going to make this work. You can too if you want to!
 

Scruffy1207

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KayaBrew said:
My wife of 5 years just got accepted into grad school at McGill University in Montreal. It's a 2 hour drive each way barring any customs "entanglements". We will only be able to see each other on weekends. We are going to make this work. You can too if you want to!
He's right.

Visit her in Korea on the weekends.
 
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JebCkr

JebCkr

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you could follow her to korea, the hell with school it'll be there when you get back and its not like there is much of a job market even if you finish school, of course this advice is coming from someone who would never take a leap of faith like that, I guess i'm feeling a bit romantic:drunk:
As romantic as it may sound and as much as I might want to, it is beyond impractical. There are a number of reasons that I won't bother listing.

It'd make for a good movie though...guy gives up everything he has to follow a girl to the other side of the planet. Joins Korean military, works his ways up through the ranks, and spearheads campaign to invade North Korea. Ushers in unprecedented world peace...

What were we talking about?
 

cadarnell

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five months is plenty of time to know if its love ... you know what to do ... pop the question or just let it go ... you dont need advice ... you just need to be honest with yourself ...
 

mattd2

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He's right.

Visit her in Korea on the weekends.
Yeah it doesn't take that long to fly to Korea, should get to spend at least 1 or 2 hours with her ;)

seconded;)

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you could follow her to korea, the hell with school it'll be there when you get back and its not like there is much of a job market even if you finish school, of course this advice is coming from someone who would never take a leap of faith like that, I guess i'm feeling a bit romantic:drunk:
Yeah just admit to yourself that you do love her and either marry her or take a 1 year OE to Korea, your school will still be there when you get back and you will have the experience of living in another country (try to learn Korean at least while you are there) which would be a point of difference when you do finish and start applying for jobs - shows you are not afraid to put yourself in challanging situations, perciverance and ability to learn "on the job".
 

freelunch

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If you both care enough, a year is nothing. Some video chatting, VoIP calls, and maybe a visit or two to Korea should keep the relationship alive long enough for you to visit school.

discnjh said:
A year ain't that bad. I actually STARTED dating my wife long distance (i know, how stupid, right?) and we did it for about a year, then she moved down here.
Gotcha beat - after 3 weeks of dating, my (now) wife moved to a different city for a job. Two years later finished school and moved to the same city, just as she got accepted to a medical school 300mi away. Long story short(er), we dated long distance for almost 6 years before marrying and making it back to the same city together.

I joke with my friends about how she didn't want to dump me, and instead kept running away.
 

mattd2

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If you both care enough, a year is nothing. Some video chatting, VoIP calls, and maybe a visit or two to Korea should keep the relationship alive long enough for you to visit school.



Gotcha beat - after 3 weeks of dating, my (now) wife moved to a different city for a job. Two years later finished school and moved to the same city, just as she got accepted to a medical school 300mi away. Long story short(er), we dated long distance for almost 6 years before marrying and making it back to the same city together.

I joke with my friends about how she didn't want to dump me, and instead kept running away.
Had a mate that had a simular situation... but then she did dump him. Well actually he said when she finally had no more excuses (finished school, got a job within commuting distance to him, etc.) he said well we got nothing standing in our way now so lets move in and she basically made some excuse up so he said "do you actually want to be with me?" She said "well...actually... um... no", wasted about 5 years of his life! Sometimes love does stink ;)

But I'm sure that won't happen to you, but you never know if you don't try. Don't want to be sitting here in 10 years thinkg "what if..."
 

KayaBrew

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He's right.

Visit her in Korea on the weekends.
Ahhh...I see what you did there. Sarcasm! I love it! But you see the point I was trying to make. What with the interweb and Skype and cell phones and texting...why not try to carry on. True, the physical aspect of the relationship would be missing, but it's worth a shot...
 

Scruffy1207

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KayaBrew said:
Ahhh...I see what you did there. Sarcasm! I love it! But you see the point I was trying to make. What with the interweb and Skype and cell phones and texting...why not try to carry on. True, the physical aspect of the relationship would be missing, but it's worth a shot...
This. I've carried a LDR for a year and a half, it's hard, but you can do it.
 

geneb

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Seconding the long distance relationship. My wife and I did long distance for 7 years (I was in Virginia, she was in Illinois) before we got married a year ago next week. Its not as bad as people generally make it out to be. I think the problem most people have is a lack of commitment to the relationship. Plus, you have a good reason to visit Korea.
 
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JebCkr

JebCkr

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Thanks again for all the advice guys. The fact that I'm getting genuine answers goes to show how awesome the people on this forums are. Carry on and cheers. :mug:
 

jmendez29

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Gotta give the LDR a shot. You don't want to ever live with that kind of regret on your mind. If it works, then good on ya. But if it doesn't, you'll never have to wonder if you made the right decision. If this girl is as awesome as you think she is, then you owe it to yourself to give it a go.

As for marrying her, if you don't think its the right time to propose, then don't. Not real familiar on Korean customs, but the way I understand it, Korean families are VERY close. So if the two of you were to basically elope, it might cause a BUNCH of animosity and possibly resentment in her family. But I'm probably off base on that.
 

CoalCracker

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DId the LDR thing for 4 years while I was away at school. WOrked while I was there. After school it worked for a little over a year. Little did I know she was cheating on me (kinda had an idea) anywho, met my current gf online and she lives an hour away. Not bad, I know. But it's going great and plan to marry her next year. Give it a try, if it doesn't work, you know that you tried your best. There are plenty of great women out there. But if you both want it bad enough. It will work.
 
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JebCkr

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Update for anyone interested. She is leaving Monday morning. We're going to stay in Atlanta for the weekend before she has to leave.

This absolutely sucks...I can't sleep. At the moment I am drunk and trying to figure out what will come of all of this. The future is hard to contemplate when the present situation you are in sucks as bad as this one.

Carry on and hooray for Manhattans...they keep me mildly sane.
 

jgln

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Dude, Go for the long distance thing...a couple trips to Korea throughout the year and that year would go by like you wouldn't believe. Military types go through year long stints all the time. If she's worth the effort go for it.
Going to take a lot of $$$ to make a couple trips, just say'n. Air fare alone from where he lives is going to be well over a grand. A quick search I found about $1300 and that is out of Georgia. I am guessing a 24 year old doesn't have that kind of cash, I could be wrong.

A friend of mine goes back to the Philippines to see his parents every so often and he said to take his wife and kids the trip is like $10k
 
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JebCkr

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Yea...I don't have much cash. My plan is to make one trip there either during xmas or spring break. I've taken a job as a tutor to save up some cash for this. Still, a lot to take in.
 

jgln

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I know a guy whose wife is Chinese, she has been here about 10 years. I heard her parents object to their relationship. Any concerns there? Just asking.
 
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JebCkr

JebCkr

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I know a guy whose wife is Chinese, she has been here about 10 years. I heard her parents object to their relationship. Any concerns there? Just asking.
From what she has told me her mom seems to like me and her dad isn't going to like any American guy until he shows interest in marriage. But no real issue I think.
 

GHC007

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Cant believe nobody's asked....

Does she like beer?? Does she love hops?? If its yes and yes then make it work dude.
 
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