The pigcowturduckenguica!

[paulthenurse]

On second thought I was figuring on packing a bag and planning to wait out the snowstorm at the hospital tomorrow night (day). I was going to bring my guitar, a bottle of hooch and a pepperoni pizza. Lets face it, the only thing keeping it from being a party to end all parties is the cadaver of an eviscerated hawg up in the sleep study lab along with me and the rest of the ICU girls.

Thank you, Son. You may have just made me a legend in my own time.

PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

You frighten me.

Yeah, I dunno how I'm gettin this pig

 

[cheezydemon3]

So, you will wrap it all in cabbage?

It won't dry out, but you may not be able to tell one meat from another.

Couldn't view the vid from work, just witnessed the pig roast. NICE!

It sorta is direct heat though, right?

 

[Cape Brewing]

Nah... Not gonna wrap it in cabbage. My game plan is to cobble together two large aluminum baking trays and heavy duty aluminum foil... Put the pig in the tray and then tent aluminum foil around it to maintain the moisture. About an hour before it is done i'll take the foil off, jack up the heat a bit an crisp up the skin

 

[cheezydemon3]

Ala alton brown, crisping the skin first and then covering is a little bit preferble for not overcooking the outside, but it doesn't get as crisp, or rather, the crisp gets a little steamed.

Maybe crisp before and a little at the end?

Either way, I wish I could be there to help!

 

[paulthenurse]

Did you get da hawg? I can swing by Taurus in the morning if you want.



Uhhh, except that it's 1:30 AM and you probably wont see this till I'm home in bed. If you see this and call me early I can do it for you if that will help you out. I'm in Dorchester, I can be over in South Bay in 15 minutes.

PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

I effin got up before the crack a dawn... drove my sorry a$$ into Dotty and the bastids didn't even HAVE ONE!!!

WHAT?!?!? How do you not have one???

The biggest one they had was 20 lbs. JEEEESIZ... what the hell am I gonna do with a 20 lb pig besides nuthin???

Effin orders are all screwed up because of the snow and they'll have it first thing tomorrow morning. I'm gonn ahve the SWMBO swing in and get it tomorrow since she's driving to work anyway. I'll literally put a cooler in the back of her truck with the brine in it and as soon as she picks it up, I'll have her put it right in the cooler.

That's not enough time to properly brine the pig... (it'll really only be a day and a half or so)... but I think a partial is better than nothing.

 

[paulthenurse]

Let me see if I have this right.

You are going to have SWMBO driving around on ice and snow covered roads with a dead pig doing the backstroke in 75 gallons worth of pig juice, all sloshing around in a Coleman cooler in the back of her SUV?

That's a wicked good idea, Brian. A wicked good idea. Maybe you should try to find a few dead skunks that you can hide under the rear seat to complete things when it finally warms up around here.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

I missed the part about her having to wrestle the dead pig carcass into the Coleman cooler standing there in the parking lot at Taurus. God, this is getting better by the minute. So then she's going to drive to work. With a pig carcass scuba diving in the back of her car.

If there is a God in heaven sometime around 11 o'clock tomorrow morning her boss is going to say to her, "Hey, we have a meeting over at XYZ in fifteen minutes. My car is in the shop. You're driving, lets go."

PT

 

[paulthenurse]

Your gonads.

Earrings.

Tomorrow night.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

It's not too late to head down to the Stop and Shop and pick up a couple of packs of hot dogs for the game. Sure, it doesn't have the same cache as stuffing a duck billed platypus inside a rhinoceros but think of the money you will save not paying the legal fees for the divorce lawyer.

PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

(yawn)

 

[cheezydemon3]

I plan to grill a kielbasabratdogli'lsmoky stuffed with tuna salad and a whole deep fried salamander.

for a side, I am serving up a bakedpotatoleekgreenbeanpea wrapped in cabbage and smoked for 3 days.

 

[Cape Brewing]

It comes with HORRIFIC sadness that I have to announce that I have... officially... pulled the plug on the pigcowturduckenguica for this weekend.

It was just not working out. The stars aligned against me and it was just turning into too much of a headache. With the snowstorm screwing things up, I wasn't able to get the pig until today sometime (still don't have it).

it would be frozen and I don't want to halfass this. I really wanted a solid two days of brining on that thing and since it is still currently frozen solid, I would end up with about an hour of brining once all said and done.

It just got to the point where i was really forcing it to try to get it ready for the game on sunday so I'm pulling the plug... for this weekend.

I'm going to go and grab it tomorrow morning, toss it in my walk-in and let it defrost for a day or two, keep it refridgerated and then start the brine next wednesday.

I will HOPE the Pats win this weekend against the Jets and if they do, i'll have the pig for the AFC championship game. If the Pats lose... meh... I'll have to invite some folks over and just have it at the house.

SO... NOT cancelled all together but the timing is pushed back a week.

 

[SpanishCastleAle]

I will HOPE the Pats win this weekend against the Jets and if they do, i'll have the pig for the AFC championship game.

You best leave this weak sauce outta the OFTTT (is that really you Cape?).

Good decision though imo, don't rush/half-ass it.

 

[paulthenurse]

I plan to grill a kielbasabratdogli'lsmoky stuffed with tuna salad and a whole deep fried salamander.

for a side, I am serving up a bakedpotatoleekgreenbeanpea wrapped in cabbage and smoked for 3 days.

For the true "Cape Brewing" effect you could claim that you PLANNED to stuff that all inside a Minke whale and cook it in your homemade nuclear fission reactor in your garage BUT those bastards from Greenpeace have the Farkin' Bob Barker and the Sea Shepard shadowing your kids home from grammar school SO it is with a HEAVY HEART and MUCH REGRET that you are going to have to TEMPORARILY shelve the whole idea BUT you are gonna stop at the Piggly Wiggly on the way home to pick up a 12 pack of frozen White Castle burgers so the Big Weekend won't be a total wash.

Then everyone could say "Awwwwwww poor Cheeze, you got jobbed!"

 

[motobrewer]

coward.

 

[cheezydemon3]

For the true "Cape Brewing" effect you could claim that you PLANNED to stuff that all inside a Minke whale and cook it in your homemade nuclear fission reactor in your garage BUT those bastards from Greenpeace have the Farkin' Bob Barker and the Sea Shepard shadowing your kids home from grammar school SO it is with a HEAVY HEART and MUCH REGRET that you are going to have to TEMPORARILY shelve the whole idea BUT you are gonna stop at the Piggly Wiggly on the way home to pick up a 12 pack of frozen White Castle burgers so the Big Weekend won't be a total wash.

Then everyone could say "Awwwwwww poor Cheeze, you got jobbed!"

SAD TO SAY.......(ahem, so far so good?) I planned to grill the kielbasabratdogli'lsmoky stuffed with tuna salad and a whole deep fried salamander this weekend, but the little smokies all got eaten by my damned KIDS!!!!

I am having some more smokies shipped to me by my wife when she goes to Krogers this weekend.

In an effort NOT TO RUSH THE POTATO........I am putting the whole thing off until the next fall ASSUMING that U of L defeats U of K in their annual football game, so that I can fart at all of my U of K friends as we look at my kielbasabratdogli'lsmoky stuffed with tuna salad and a whole deep fried salamander, and decide who gets to eat it.

 

[Cape Brewing]

Oh I get it

 

[paulthenurse]

Hey everybody, C'mon and help me cheer up Cheez.


Oh MAN, Cheeze! That SUCKS!!!! I hate those farkers on the Sea Shepard. How do you get to be first mate on a ship sailing to farkin Antarctica when you aren't old enough to shave?

"F the Polar Bears!!! CHEEZE. CHEEZE. CHEEZE!!!!

We shall overcome!


Kumbaya!

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

I'm not smoking Lord
Kumbaya

Eatin' hot dogs Lord
Kumbaya

Yellow mustard Lord
Kumbaya

Chewin' Tums m'Lord
Kumbaya

Got bad gas m'Lord
Kumbaya

 

[SpanishCastleAle]

SAD TO SAY.......(ahem, so far so good?) I planned to grill the kielbasabratdogli'lsmoky stuffed with tuna salad and a whole deep fried salamander this weekend, but the little smokies all got eaten by my damned KIDS!!!!

I am having some more smokies shipped to me by my wife when she goes to Krogers this weekend.

In an effort NOT TO RUSH THE POTATO........I am putting the whole thing off until the next fall ASSUMING that U of L defeats U of K in their annual football game, so that I can fart at all of my U of K friends as we look at my kielbasabratdogli'lsmoky stuffed with tuna salad and a whole deep fried salamander, and decide who gets to eat it.

Pretty sure the sushi section at Krogers makes a mean kielbasabratdogli'lsmoky stuffed with tuna salad and a whole deep fried salamander.

 

[paulthenurse]

Hey Cheeze


What temp does that tuna salad need to reach so that the people in the next section of the stadium also get the trots?

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

Hey Cheeze


What temp does that tuna salad need to reach so that the people in the next section of the stadium dont get the trots?

PTN

 

[cheezydemon3]

Oh I get it

Sorry! I really do sympathize and hope your team wins.

Hey everybody, C'mon and help me cheer up Cheez.


Oh MAN, Cheeze! That SUCKS!!!! I hate those farkers on the Sea Shepard. How do you get to be first mate on a ship sailing to farkin Antarctica when you aren't old enough to shave?

"F the Polar Bears!!! CHEEZE. CHEEZE. CHEEZE!!!!

We shall overcome!


Kumbaya!

PTN

"Eatin tums m'lord"

Fairly Classic.

How was your coed sexathon?

"eatin viagra m'lord"?

 

[cheezydemon3]

Hey Cheeze


What temp does that tuna salad need to reach so that the people in the next section of the stadium also get the trots?

PTN

It actually starts frozen, as long as it stays under 40F or so, it is safe.

 

[cheezydemon3]

Hey Cheeze


What temp does that tuna salad need to reach so that the people in the next section of the stadium dont get the trots?

PTN

........SHUT UP PAUL. YOU ARE STUTTERING.........or something.

 

[paulthenurse]

Let get back on track and go back to busting that Earthwormrobinhawkcatdogwrappedinbaconnoncookingmotherfarker, our friend Cape.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

Hey Brian,
My cousin lives in Arizona. Want me to have her ship you up a frozen armadillo. You know, just in case.

PTN

 

[paulthenurse]

How long do you even need to cook armadillo for, anyways? Can you stuff it with jalapenos and pimento loaf?

PTN