The hopefully not obnoxious wood fired brick oven build thread

[paulthenurse]

If you want to show folks what really good BBQ looks like I'll let you use my pictures here.



Your little hole in the ground IS servicable, I'll give you that, but Bertha and B2 are mobile. This is from a wedding Drunken and I did out in the Berkshires a few summers ago.



Damn Sport, you're pretty sensitive there. I guess I hit a raw nerve. I'm sorry, I'll be nice to you for the rest of the day.

 

[paulthenurse]

I will admit that the Q was good on Saturday. Not exactly Change My Life good, but it was good. That just proves once again what an incredible animal the pig is. You can even wrap it in burlap and bury it in a hole in the ground for 24 hours and it comes out edible. Someday I'll show you how to do it so that it looks as good as it tastes.

 

[Cape Brewing]

(Eyeroll). You can lay it on all the lettuce you want... It's still pork jerky.

"Grilling" pig dries it out way too much.. Especially when you butterfly the thing. It's like saying, "hey... Let me spread this out as much as possible for maximum moisture loss!"

Shoe leather...

That probably gives you Lupus.


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[paulthenurse]

Good grief! That helmet you wore on the bus to grammar school must have been way too small. That small little pig in the picture was not grilled, it was smoked at 225*F with indirect heat. And it was all gussied up with the fruits and lettuce because it was a wedding reception centerpiece. The main event was a 175 pounder that was cooked the same way and chopped up behind the scene. Both were moist, smokey and delicious, with the added bonus of incredibly delicious edible skin.

Yup, it was 4 long years ago when you deep fried that pig in its own rendered fat.

Yup, you deep fried pork for 18 hours and yet you continue to talk smack.

Yup, we keep bringing it up. Why? Because it was a failure of mythic proportions.

Yup, we'll probably keep bringing it up. Why? Because it's so much fun to see you go ballistic when we do.

AND... when the oven is finished, in plenty of time for Masstoberfest I might add, I'm going to cook a pig in it the day before, bake beans in it the night before, bake bread in it that morning, then throw some wood in there until the oven is hotter than the surface of the sun so we can cook perfect Neopolitan pizzas in 90 seconds. Let's see you do that in your hole in the ground.

I might not even invite you so I don't have to feel bad seeing that look of humiliation on your face. Nah who am I kidding, that's gonna be the best part.

Actually it will probably be the second best. The pizza will be the best part. The BBQ will be the second best, the beans the third best and the sourdough bread will be the fourth best. But that look of humiliation on your face will still be pretty freakin' special.

 

[HumulusHead]

I can taste the tension in the air

Did one of you bangeth thy others mother?


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[HoppyDaze]

I can taste the tension in the air

And it doesn't taste like pizza.

 

[bob1852]

Cape deep fried the tension...

 

[Cape Brewing]

Yeah... I'm going so ballistic.

oh no... someone please stop me from all of my insane ballistic going. When will I ever cease my insane amount of going ballistic.

I fcuked up one pig... four years ago. If that's all you got Captain Pork Jerky just keep it comin'.

Wedding reception!?! Way to crush some couple's day there Champ. "Oh what a lovely day.. The weather was gorgeous and the bride looked absolutely beautiful. It's a shame everyone had the azz-pukes for days after eating that pork flavored shoe leather. My anus still hasn't recovered and every time I put my shoes on I gag a little. "



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[Cape Brewing]

AND... when the oven is finished.

Oh my God!! I read your too quickly and skipped right over this hysterical joke!!!

Ahahahahaa!!!

Well played sir!! Well played!

"When its finished"!!!

Classic



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[Cape Brewing]

Cape deep fried the tension...

Shouldn't you be stopping random people on the street and showing them the press clippings??


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[bob1852]

Buckner fcuked up one ground ball in '86 and people are still talking about it...

 

[Cape Brewing]

Buckner fcuked up one ground ball in '86 and people are still talking about it...

Wow... How 'bout that for irony? Az.... AZ!! Posting about how people are "still talking about it".

That's almost as good as PTN's joke




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[bob1852]

 

[Cape Brewing]

no


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[paulthenurse]

Did one of you bangeth thy others mother?

It's not pretty... From 2009 From a pretty damned funny thread named Drunken Ramblngs

Brian, Brian, Brian.



Brian, Brian, Brian.



Listen, there really is no easy way to say this so I'm just going to have to come out with it. I've aggonized over this for a long, long time. Every time I thought the time was right, well, something would come up to show me that I should wait. You should probably sit down.

Let me tell you a story. A long time ago I was living in a Yurt in the Gobi Desert, selling tye dyed tee shirts, Pall Malls and cheap beer to the local nomads. One day a girl showed up riding a camel. Wow, she was something. She was hot. I mean she was HAWT! HAWT HAWT HAWT!!!

And a total freak! I mean she just couldn't get enough. She wouldn't leave me alone. "Baby, I'm not from Havana!" I'd work hard all day selling my stuff to the nomads then be up all night laying pipe. She damn near drained me dry.

Then one day she came to me and told me that she was late. The next day she was gone. Just disappeard and went home to the USA. I used to get postcards from her over the years, and every once in a while she would send me pictures. Once I got a report card in the mail. It was tough, knowing that I couldn't be involved in that part of her life but our stars were on different paths.

Do you remember the red firetruck you got for Christmas when you were 3?

Yes Brian, I am your father.

And there is something else. You are right, I am old and infirm and it seems I will be dead soon. I have Osteosarcoma and a rip roaring urinary tract infection. My girls have no intrest in brewing and soon enough my brew rig will be yours. Use it well. With my brew rig and your genetic imprint you can start a commercial brewery that will allow you to conquer the civilized world.

Ok, this is too painful for me right now, I have to leave it for a while. I'll write more later. Just remember, Brian. Daddy loves you.

PTN

 

[Cape Brewing]

So now you have to regurgitate five year old jokes?

Wow.

Fail much?

Although... maybe in another five years the pizza oven, you know... what this thread is supposed to be about... will actually be done.


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[ComcastWineRookie]

I thought this thread wouldnt be obnoxious. What a lie

 

[paulthenurse]

Daddy luvs you.

 

[bob1852]

I thought this thread wouldnt be obnoxious. What a lie

It wasn't until Cape got here...

 

[paulthenurse]

Word.

 

[uatuba]

Can someone explain what the hell is going on here?


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[paulthenurse]

You've tuned in to a soap opera for guys. There is a plot somewhere but no one is really sure what it is. So in the meantime we block out scenes, forget our lines and add lib like crazy. We have a supporting cast; AZ, BlueBalls, Yeager, etc.

I am the protagonist. Cape is the villian. I stand for all that is good and normal and decent in the world. Cape is my own personal Lex Luthor, only without the cool zoot suits and cadre of evil henchmen. And Cape is also the ill gotten fruit of my loins. Sort of makes you long for court ordered vasectomies. Someday we'll bury the hatchet but not till he gets down on his knees and confesses all his many sins.

Till then I continue to create greatness, Cape continues to throw stones and the cameras continue to roll. Gotta go, I need my rest. I'm not getting any younger and I've got an oven to build.

 

[HumulusHead]

What kinda oven are you building again?


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[paulthenurse]

A wicked pissah one.

 

[hunter_le five]

Everyone hold on for a minute, I need to go make another batch of popcorn.


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[hunter_le five]

Okay, I'm back, resume.

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[ComcastWineRookie]

he forgot me, he who shall not me named, on the ignore list, but for the rest of you to see. if you reply with my quote he will see it tho

 

[paulthenurse]

Kicking myself in the arse. Got out of work at three instead of 7 because we were overstaffed, the place was a ghost town and I have 400 hours of vacation molding on the books. Driving home thinking I'll pull out the saw, set up the jig and start cutting bricks. But as I was changing out of my scrubs I see that there is a tornado headed this way. So I do the only prudent thing and went to my local. And it never even rained. Curses!!!! Now I'm sorta lit and there is no way I'm going to try cutting compound angles in bricks. I need my fingers, It would suck big time if I couldn't pick my nose.

 

[bluemoose]

Great progress PTN. Eagerly Looking forwArd to the next Marvelous updatE.

 

[HoppyDaze]

Kicking myself in the arse. Got out of work at three instead of 7 because we were overstaffed, the place was a ghost town and I have 400 hours of vacation molding on the books. Driving home thinking I'll pull out the saw, set up the jig and start cutting bricks. But as I was changing out of my scrubs I see that there is a tornado headed this way. So I do the only prudent thing and went to my local. And it never even rained. Curses!!!! Now I'm sorta lit and there is no way I'm going to try cutting compound angles in bricks. I need my fingers, It would suck big time if I couldn't pick my nose.