The hopefully not obnoxious wood fired brick oven build thread

CornyKegs 728
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Picked up bricks this week and stayed up Kate thinking about the door/entry build. Well the old ways are the best ways so "When in doubt, mock it out."
ImageUploadedByHome Brew1405125484.754285.jpg. My paper and pencil ( and xerox) mock up if the opening. ImageUploadedByHome Brew1405125565.323016.jpg
 
Those whole bricks will be cut in half then trimmed on the sides for a snug fit. At least that's the theory. Everything works in Theory. Unfortunately when I made an offer on a house in Theory they wouldn't budge on the price. (Why should they? Everything works there!). So I live in Stoughton. It's like Theory... Just a whole lot different.

Could be worse... I could live in Norton.
 
For whatever reason after I signed up it automatically posted on this thread saying "They're special". I have no clue why just in case anyone is wondering why that was there.
 
Pretty sure we are building a terrible thread that no one will ever want to read.

Mission accomplished! (And long before the pizza oven)
 
Do you REALLY want to start talking smack about pig roast fails? Do you REALLY want to go down that bumpy road. Cause I can guaranty you that your hemorrhoids will be painful and bloody when this crowd is done savaging you, Mr Deep Fried Whole Hog.

Hey Cape, what did you ever do with that steel plate sarcophagus you used for that disaster anyways? If you still have it I'll take it off your hands. I'd get a great big smile on my face every time I saw it sitting in the corner of the yard.
 
Jeeeeeeesus Christ. It was four freakin years ago.

Get over it.

At least my pit is actually DONE and I've used it a bunch of times.

And the pig from this past weekend was tremendous so succcccck it.


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Oh... and yes... The reason you "saw it sitting in the yard" is that I used it four days ago and it worked dead azz perfect.

So... Again... You fail


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Hey Paul.... Here's what something looks like when it's actually completed..

ImageUploadedByHome Brew1405352073.387397.jpg


And here is a snapshot of pure pork winning...

ImageUploadedByHome Brew1405352105.692025.jpg


Okay... Now you go. Let's see that pizza!!!

Or are you gonna go with the one pig out of about 20 that was ruined 4 years ago again?


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If you want to show folks what really good BBQ looks like I'll let you use my pictures here.



Your little hole in the ground IS servicable, I'll give you that, but Bertha and B2 are mobile. This is from a wedding Drunken and I did out in the Berkshires a few summers ago.



Damn Sport, you're pretty sensitive there. I guess I hit a raw nerve. I'm sorry, I'll be nice to you for the rest of the day.
 
I will admit that the Q was good on Saturday. Not exactly Change My Life good, but it was good. That just proves once again what an incredible animal the pig is. You can even wrap it in burlap and bury it in a hole in the ground for 24 hours and it comes out edible. Someday I'll show you how to do it so that it looks as good as it tastes.
 
(Eyeroll). You can lay it on all the lettuce you want... It's still pork jerky.

"Grilling" pig dries it out way too much.. Especially when you butterfly the thing. It's like saying, "hey... Let me spread this out as much as possible for maximum moisture loss!"

Shoe leather...

That probably gives you Lupus.


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Good grief! That helmet you wore on the bus to grammar school must have been way too small. That small little pig in the picture was not grilled, it was smoked at 225*F with indirect heat. And it was all gussied up with the fruits and lettuce because it was a wedding reception centerpiece. The main event was a 175 pounder that was cooked the same way and chopped up behind the scene. Both were moist, smokey and delicious, with the added bonus of incredibly delicious edible skin.

Yup, it was 4 long years ago when you deep fried that pig in its own rendered fat.

Yup, you deep fried pork for 18 hours and yet you continue to talk smack.

Yup, we keep bringing it up. Why? Because it was a failure of mythic proportions.

Yup, we'll probably keep bringing it up. Why? Because it's so much fun to see you go ballistic when we do.

AND... when the oven is finished, in plenty of time for Masstoberfest I might add, I'm going to cook a pig in it the day before, bake beans in it the night before, bake bread in it that morning, then throw some wood in there until the oven is hotter than the surface of the sun so we can cook perfect Neopolitan pizzas in 90 seconds. Let's see you do that in your hole in the ground.

I might not even invite you so I don't have to feel bad seeing that look of humiliation on your face. Nah who am I kidding, that's gonna be the best part.

Actually it will probably be the second best. The pizza will be the best part. The BBQ will be the second best, the beans the third best and the sourdough bread will be the fourth best. But that look of humiliation on your face will still be pretty freakin' special.
 
Yeah... I'm going so ballistic.

oh no... someone please stop me from all of my insane ballistic going. When will I ever cease my insane amount of going ballistic.

I fcuked up one pig... four years ago. If that's all you got Captain Pork Jerky just keep it comin'.

Wedding reception!?! Way to crush some couple's day there Champ. "Oh what a lovely day.. The weather was gorgeous and the bride looked absolutely beautiful. It's a shame everyone had the azz-pukes for days after eating that pork flavored shoe leather. My anus still hasn't recovered and every time I put my shoes on I gag a little. "



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AZ_IPA said:
Buckner fcuked up one ground ball in '86 and people are still talking about it...
Click to expand...


Wow... How 'bout that for irony? Az.... AZ!! Posting about how people are "still talking about it".

That's almost as good as PTN's joke




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HumulusHead said:
Did one of you bangeth thy others mother?
Click to expand...



It's not pretty... From 2009 From a pretty damned funny thread named Drunken Ramblngs



paulthenurse said:
Brian, Brian, Brian.



Brian, Brian, Brian.



Listen, there really is no easy way to say this so I'm just going to have to come out with it. I've aggonized over this for a long, long time. Every time I thought the time was right, well, something would come up to show me that I should wait. You should probably sit down.

Let me tell you a story. A long time ago I was living in a Yurt in the Gobi Desert, selling tye dyed tee shirts, Pall Malls and cheap beer to the local nomads. One day a girl showed up riding a camel. Wow, she was something. She was hot. I mean she was HAWT! HAWT HAWT HAWT!!!

And a total freak! I mean she just couldn't get enough. She wouldn't leave me alone. "Baby, I'm not from Havana!" I'd work hard all day selling my stuff to the nomads then be up all night laying pipe. She damn near drained me dry.

Then one day she came to me and told me that she was late. The next day she was gone. Just disappeard and went home to the USA. I used to get postcards from her over the years, and every once in a while she would send me pictures. Once I got a report card in the mail. It was tough, knowing that I couldn't be involved in that part of her life but our stars were on different paths.

Do you remember the red firetruck you got for Christmas when you were 3?

Yes Brian, I am your father.

And there is something else. You are right, I am old and infirm and it seems I will be dead soon. I have Osteosarcoma and a rip roaring urinary tract infection. My girls have no intrest in brewing and soon enough my brew rig will be yours. Use it well. With my brew rig and your genetic imprint you can start a commercial brewery that will allow you to conquer the civilized world.

Ok, this is too painful for me right now, I have to leave it for a while. I'll write more later. Just remember, Brian. Daddy loves you.

PTN
Click to expand...
 
So now you have to regurgitate five year old jokes?

Wow.

Fail much?

Although... maybe in another five years the pizza oven, you know... what this thread is supposed to be about... will actually be done.


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