The Dysfunctional-Palooza Obnoxious Masshole BS Thread

[the_bird]

... apparently, "Thunder Chicken" is a thing. Whodathunk?

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

Hey, it's called apfelwein and I drink mine dry, thank you very much. I'm going to have to grab that for my avatar though.

I think this is mort...figured he would change his name so people thought he was cool

 

[nhwrecker]

I do have a batch of apfelwein going right now, but "Thunder Chicken"? Pahleeeeeese.......

Plus, I've been out of the loop, as I had to spend Tuesday afternoon swimming back to shore and yesterday recovering from my ordeal after PTN left me at sea and bolted for the harbor when the lightening started.

 

[paulthenurse]

Hey Mort! Dude! Great to see ya!!! Where ya been? You should have come back to the boat sooner, you missed a tour of some of the areas finer places to have a drink.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

We use it all the time, just haven't haD the right combination of weather and friends on board who I feel Comfortable leaving on decK while I jump over the side to dive.

.

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

.

classic

 

[paulthenurse]

Back in the day, yo mama spent a lot of time sifting through my messages trying to get to the dick.

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Well played sir.

 

[Cape Brewing]

... and all that time all she had to do was lift a few skin roles and look really hard...

 

[the_bird]

"Hey Paulie, I found your dick!"
"Really? What's it look like? I haven't seen that thing in YEARS!"

 

[paulthenurse]

"Really? What's it look like? I haven't seen that thing in YEARS!"

"In a weird sort of way it kinda looks like Rookie. It's big, lumpy, leans to the left, it's got a bald head and a stupid looking grin to it."

 

[paulthenurse]

A guy happens to mention the future king of the British Empires moms vag, the schweet baby Jeebus and a curiously misshapen schlong, all within a few posts, in a thread populated by Massholes and Masshole wannabes and suddenly everyone else becomes PC? What's wrong with you tards? You all move to California?

 

[paulthenurse]

Glen Thunder gin from Watkins Glen has it all over Tangueray. Just sayin'!

 

[the_bird]

We're heading up that way in a couple of weeks, taking the kids camping for a couple nights then heading back to the MIL's place to stash 'em for a while while we go booze it up.

Have you been to Shalestone? Small little place a little further north up on the east side of Seneca, a little further north than Red Newt. Probably the best red wines in the region.

 

[paulthenurse]

No. Didn't stop there. I was terribly disappointed this time. Plonk outnumbered good wine 8:1. Only two truly good wines were Lakewood's 3 Generations dry reisling and the guy in the brown building just south of the distillery, the first or second vineyard on the right out of WG. He had a Bordeaux style that I really liked. Only wines I bought all weekend.
Finally found the brewery open, Dirty Goat or something. Pedestrian at best. Best beer they had was a commercial, Lord Westerfield or something. Not something I've ever seen around here. Was pretty good. Was with a guy who grew up in PA, he said its a small brewery down there and will bring me back a rack next time he goes home. There was a brewery low down on the west side that I've driven past a hundred times without seeing, they had a very nice kolsh. Wagoners was a zoo as always and we pulled into Three Brothers right at 5 so didn't get to their beer. A somewhat disappointing weekend from that perspective.
On the other side we found a You Pick orchard with ripe apricots that were spectacular. I didn't think apricots grew up here. Two more trees I need to buy.

 

[homebeerbrewer]

Hey sissies, this is a beer forum. Just sayin...

 

[bluemoose]

Hard to believe they make an ascot big enough for PTN's neck.

 

[paulthenurse]

Oh ya, we're sissies because we drink wine.


Are you involved in a bet with someone to prove that you can be as stupid and obnoxious as Rookie?

You'll give it a hell of a go but you won't be able to pull it off.

Sissy.

 

[nhwrecker]

Now PTN is not only a whine common-sewer, but a poet as well. We're you dig up that lame new signature? Get a new box of crackerjax over the weekend, or sumthin'?

Oh, and since this is a beer fore-arm, I highly recommend not using 2 oz of Sorachi Ace in a 5 gallon keg. Not sure I'm going to be able to salvage this batch....

 

[paulthenurse]

Are you saying the beer you just brewed is worse than the stuff you were handing me on the boat? I find that VERY hard to believe ! That first beer tasted like a Tijuana hookers ass and it went downhill from there. It's guys like you that give Cape hope. "It tastes better then my beer, it must be good, he's a pro!" That retard is going to succeed because of guys like you who brew beer that tastes line it was crafted in a toilet in Cellblock 7.

 

[nhwrecker]

on the boat you said

"Gawd. Now I need something to wash this taste out of my mouth. Did you bring any beers?"

I wonder why my beer tasted bad to you..........

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I don't really want to know what he had in his mouth to make your beer taste bad.

 

[Melana]

wow... just wow...

 

[TheDudeLebowski]

Now PTN is not only a whine common-sewer, but a poet as well. We're you dig up that lame new signature? Get a new box of crackerjax over the weekend, or sumthin'?

Oh, and since this is a beer fore-arm, I highly recommend not using 2 oz of Sorachi Ace in a 5 gallon keg. Not sure I'm going to be able to salvage this batch....

Use the search button. There was a young member a while back that was able to save a batch with bags of sugar to increase the ABV. A whole bunch of other ideas with putting a different spin on proven techniques that went over really well. You'll be a pro in no time.

 

[ComcastWineRookie]

on the boat you said

"Gawd. Now I need something to wash this taste out of my mouth. Did you bring any beers?"

I wonder why my beer tasted bad to you..........

so what your saying he just swallowed your load and needed something to wash it down

 

[homebeerbrewer]

I said I didn't want to know what he had in his mouth...

 

[HawksBrewer]

BTW, what the hell is a Thunder Chicken?

One of my buddies in undergrad had a 6 foot bong nicknamed the Thunder Chicken. Maybe it became personified and learned to type? Just an idea.

 

[paulthenurse]

on the boat you said

"Gawd. Now I need something to wash this taste out of my mouth. Did you bring any beers?"

I wonder why my beer tasted bad to you..........

While not an exact quote, the conversation went pretty similar to this...

PTN "We'll, this storm looks like its going to be around a while, lets call it a day and go get a beer. You ever seen Boston from the water?"

Mort "I brought some of my homebrew in that cooler. Here try this, it's my version of an Ethiopian IPA. I used spelt as the main grain and dry hopped with dehydrated elephant dung. Or try this one, I call it "Bluefish Frame 90 Degree.". I took Capes recipe and put my own spin on it. I took three bluefish frames, added four salmon heads that I got at the Chinese market and left it all in the sun for a week. Then I mashed it all with a half pound of melonoidin. I think I may want to up that amount next time, you tend to lose it. This one here is my fave! Its an Irish Red. I've been having Pat save her tampons and pads for the past year and used them to infuse a simple pale ale. Look at the color!!! You can't get color like that from crystal malt!

PTN "Got any MGD?"

 

[day_trippr]

Holy crap, you guys don't leave anything to the imagination

 

[paulthenurse]

You don't even want to imagine how those beers tasted.