The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[Kent88]

Dear seatazzz,

I'm not a complete unknown,

Sincerely,
Dude who had just ressurected the thread

 

[Kent88]

Dear JayJay,

Please put down the mary-ja-won-jams and buy some cheese, and some comfy pants.

Sincerely,
Dude who doesn't want you to go to jail for possession or indecent exposure

 

[Kent88]

Dear Col. Blake,

Col. Potter was better.

Sincerely,
Radar was still better than Klinger.

 

[Kent88]

Dear June 2020,

We've had a rough time of it. Please don't follow May the way May followed April. No need to look at May and tell her "Hold my beer, I'm really going to mess 'em up".

Sincerely,
Tired... so very tired...

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Saturday,

Please get here quick before the husband changes his mind about buying us a refrigerator I can turn into a 3-tap kegerator with the parts that will be here Friday, so I can brew something tasty on Sunday and ferment in my ferment fridge, instead of in the house where it will shoot up to 80+ degrees and possibly be bad.

Sincerely,

We have $$ and don't need any more golf stuff dammit

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear fertilizer,
Thank you for working so well and making the lawn thick, green, and weed free.
That being said, if you could ease up on making the grass grow so fast that I have to cut everyday that it is not raining that would great.
Sincerely,
You just killed my lawn mower

 

[Kent88]

Dear weather,

I just transplanted my hops. Please knock it off with all this wind. Be kind to them.

Sincerely,
Dude who might also lose his plum saplings

 

[Ayzala]

Dear French Taunter,

Yes they are coconuts

Sincerely,
The Ka-nig-its

 

[seatazzz]

Dear (starting to think you are flaky) Offerup seller,

When I ask you to text me your address so we can come pick up the kegerator tomorrow, that you've had listed for SEVEN MONTHS and finally someone wants to buy, please respond in a timely manner* so I DON'T think you're flaky.

Sincerely, we've got the cash and the means to move it, and I want that kegerator in my garage NOW.

*Maybe that's why it's been listed for seven months....

 

[CKuhns]

Dear Fed Ex Delivery Gal,

Thanks for coming to the door and stepping back to keep 6 feet between us. To inform me that the two 5 gallon pails of honey I ordered and you "delivered" are at the end of the driveway near the mailbox.

Dear Grandchildren thanks for tipping them over and rolling them to the garage for me.

Dear Monarchs Choice Honey, You guys have some amazing buckets and lids. 60 pounds of honey, kicked off the back of a truck, tipped over and rolled 50 feet or so by a 6 and 9 year old and not a drop of the golden goodness escaped. (X2) Nicely done!

Sincerely, Man who's wife has perfected the "Eye Roll".

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear FedEx,

This is not my front door, I just thought you should know that this driver is a liar as they recorded the delivery location as front door.

The package was not even heavy. You will likely loose them to a career in politics.

Sincerely,
Did they even climb one step?

 

[BruceH]

Dear FedEx,

This is not my front door, I just thought you should know that this driver is a liar as they recorded the delivery location as front door. View attachment 680785
The package was not even heavy. You will likely loose them to a career in politics.

Sincerely,
Did they even climb one step?

Most of the local delivery people have been acting odd. Not sure what kind of training they are getting but some pretty skittish behavior around here.

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Most of the local delivery people have been acting odd. Not sure what kind of training they are getting but some pretty skittish behavior around here.

Yea, early on I met one at the door we did a little awkward exchange. He asked, “Do you want it or should I put it down?” My answer “Whatever is most comfortable for you.” Handed me the package. I realize they could be working short staffed, and I do appreciate that they are working. Just a couple steps and the package could have been near the door at least and I would have seen it when I looked for it.

 

[jswillbrewforbeer]

Dear 93 year-old neighbor lady who is most times as sweet as pie but has recently been made a bit persnickety by the fear of death,

please grant me the courtesy of allowing me to place the pile of brush in my lawn where I see fit. It is not an eye sore as you can likely not see a thing through your half inch thick Coke bottle glasses and the back of my alley which, yes I own, is not visible from the street. The fact that the pile is resting in my yard against the fence which divides both of our properties does not give you a say in the matter. Furthermore, when I, in an act of selfless deference and after immediately conceding to your unreasonable demands by moving the pile, offer my and my wife's services of running to the store for you if you need anything, effectively reducing the likelihood of you meeting your imminent demise from the contraction of COVID, please formulate a response other than the rather kurt "Hmmph, thanks."

Sincerely,
the avid lawn waste placement specialist who lives next door

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Left Knee,

Thank you for waiting until AFTER strenuous double brew day was over before deciding to crap out. Didn't want to work tonight anyway.

Sincerely,

Me sitting here with ice pack & a truly awesome beer, staring at temperature controller and occasionally opening newly reinstated ferment fridge to ogle and gloat over the future deliciousnesses I brewed today.

 

[Kent88]

Dearest spouse,

I really appreciate that we could come to a consensus last november that I should buy some kegging equipment. I've been getting really tired of bottling and poor/inconsistent carbonation. I was happy to make a cider as the inaugural batch of fermented beverage that we could keg.

That said, I know I was the one who actually decided to make cider as a "I'm glad you have come around to what I've said about kegging" "thank-you" batch, but I've never really been thrilled with cider. It would be helpful if you would help me drink some of this. I want the keg emptied so I can fiddle with the keezer's temperature controller and make some lager.

Sincerely,
I'd never call you SWMBO because we're not on an episode of Yes, Dear or Everybody Loves Raymond.

[seriously, the way sit-coms portray marriage is freaking weird]

 

[Inkleg]

Dear I’d never call you SWMBO,

Bottle the remaining cider in the keg and brew on.

Sincerely,
There’s more than one way to kick a keg

 

[Kent88]

Dear lady we bought the house from,

Your placement for the ISP's equipment was terrible.

That combined with you not installing any Ethernet cable anywhere in the house is incredibly frustrating.

Sincerely,
Guy who overpaid for your house

 

[Kent88]

Dear ISP,

I didn't want your WiFi router in the first place. That it can't reliably reach from my basement to my bedroom or bathroom is incredibly frustrating. I'll be looking at replacement routers and looking over my bill to remind myself how much you are changing for this piece of junk.

Sincerely,
Wifi-less while sleeping.

 

[Kent88]

Dear wifi reception icon on my phone,

You are a dirty liar.

Sincerely,
If I wasn't trying to save money during the pandemic the phone you are being displayed on would be replaced so fast that, despite being an inanimate object, it would get whiplash.

 

[Immocles]

Dear MoreBeer,
I love that I was finally able to throw some business your way. I picked up some great deals and impulse bought all sorts of ****. I also appreciate that you were able to pack and ship earlier than you had projected....but did really have to pack and ship Friday afternoon before a long, holiday weekend?
Sincerely,
Frustrated liquid yeast buyer that could have waited until Tuesday.

 

[Kent88]

I've been there, dude. It's so frustrating.

I always get the extra ice pack.

 

[AzOr]

Dear Bathroom Mirror,
What’s going on with you? Are you ok? Since you turned 40 it seems like you’re letting yourself go.

Sincerely,
Handsome Guy

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear handsome guy,
It is not the mirror, it is me-the undisputed champion (and still undefeated).
Sincerely,
Time

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear right arm,

Thank you for developing an inexplicable and painful case of tennis elbow.

Sincerely,
Guy who does not play tennis

 

[Snuffy]

Dear right arm,

Thank you for developing an inexplicable and painful case of tennis elbow.

Sincerely,
Guy who does not play tennis

Who says social distancing doesn't have physical consequences?

Seriously, tho... Voltaren Gel. It's a topical NSAID gel that you will have to get your doc to prescribe - which they will usually do with a call or an email via the portal. Apply morning and night til it stops - which will be 3 days. Otherwise, immobilize for a month and see if it helps.

I hate tendonitis.

Look up coupons for it on the web before you go pick it up.

 

[SEndorf]

Dear agitated brewer,

It is not the fault of your LHBS that they are out of what you need. Stop yelling at them and use dry yeast substitutes, order what they have, and adjust your grain bill accordingly......

 

[Brew_Dude41]

Dear wife,
Don't get mad a me because the house is 80+ and you have irritated toddlers crawling into bed with you.
I told you we needed to on the A/C this morning but you refused because "it's not June yet, and I won't do it!" Now you have 3 exhausted 3 yr olds that cant sleep in their 90 degree room...
Enjoy!
Sincerely,
Chilling out (literally) in the basement tonight.

 

[Bilsch]

Dear beyond annoying german engineered automobile,
Can we just stop with the endless cycle of something going wrong, being repaired, and something ELSE going wrong, completely unrelated to the first issue? I would dearly like to drive you instead of you sitting in the driveway taking up space. Your new cam chain tensioner pads will be here on Saturday, let's make that the last one for a while, hmmm?
Sincerely,
Your owner who is very tired of explaining to her husband why the car isn't running now, and having to order parts online because NOBODY in my area carries parts for this beast other than basic maintenance stuff.

Dear electric car,
Thank you for not costing me a dime in maintenance and less then half the cost per mile in energy in the almost 3 years I've owned you.
Ok I lied, I had to add wiper fluid a couple times and air up the tires which cost something.
Sincerely,
Ex internal combustion car owner.

 

[Kent88]

Dear electric car,
Thank you for not costing me a dime in maintenance and less then half the cost per mile in energy in the almost 3 years I've owned you.
Sincerely,
Ex internal combustion car owner.

How old and how many miles on that EV?

I bought a slightly used PHEV in November. I've been darn happy with it over the last few months, and with the warmer weather now, I'm starting to see the battery range get to what the manufacturer said it can do.

It has been fantastic the last couple months. The pure EV miles it can get on a full charge exceed my spouse's drive to and from work. It hasn't seen a gas station in over 1,300 miles, and it has only burned about 3 gallons of dino juice in that time.