The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

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Dear swmbo,
Why are you so against a projector in the basement we are finishing. Its the perfect light controlled space for it and bigger is better. I don't ask for much, please stop fighting me on it. Though I do appreciate the 65" tv compromise, 100" would be awesome.

Sincerely,
Trust me for once
 
banesong said:
Dear Had To Get That Off My Chest But Wouldn't Go So Far As To Tell A Cyclist To Buy A Damn Car,

The clear @ss crack and ball sack disturbs you with the body suit? Me too.

That being said. Encountered a bicyclist yesterday that moved faster then me in traffic. Score.

Sincerely,
If I could bike to work, I would in a heart beat.
Click to expand...

Dear If I could bike to work,

It's even worse when the spandex also reveals an obvious 'positive sausage sign.'

Sincerely,
You Can't Unsee That
 
Dear Can't Unsee,

Agreed. Most of those guys aren't built like Lance Armstrong, but built more like they just cleaned out the Lance Snack Crackers from the vending machine.

Besides, the clothes don't do anything for you. Wasted money trying to look like someone you are not, and now you are paying to advertise for whatever product is on your jersey. Just buy some regular sports-clothes, the kind that wicks away sweat, and you'll spend maybe 1/3 of what the shirt cost on your whole outfit.

Sincerely, Not Competing In The Tour De France
 
Dear Upper Management,

Why do you have to call 2 or 3 meetings EVERY SINGLE DAY until my last day for the year? I realize that having meetings is the full scope and extent of your job, but I have other responsibilities.

Sincerely,

Guy who actually has to do stuff.
 
DrunkleJon said:
Dear wife poisoner,

May not be a good idea to admit poisoning your wife on the internets. The internets have a long memory.

Sincerely,

Your local police



PS. It probably wasn't the venison, it was probably the cheap boxed wine she drank with it.
Click to expand...


Dear local police,
You can't prove a thing
Sincerely, wife poisoner
 
Dear City Traffic Planner,
While I appreciate the addition of bike lanes in the city, painting large sections of them with super slick paint is not too bright!
Sincerely,
Almost wiped out into oncoming traffic
 
Dear neighbor,
My front yard is not snow storage for your driveway. Keep it up and I will get a skid and dump trailor and you won't have a driveway til spring. Remember Christmas is coming and you will be at your cabin for a few weeks. I would just start throwing my spent hops on the ground for that dog of yours that roams the neighborhood freely. But I like dogs and that sounds like a horrible way to die.
Sincerely I'm trying real hard hear Ringo.
 
Dear SWMBO's Cat,

I give you food and water. I put a roof over your head. When you're lonely, I scratch that spot that would make other fellas blush.

So why do you pick the weekend that my in-laws visit to get constipated? I put them in the room next to your litter knowing full well they find your bowel movements unpleasant and unacceptable. You know, the litter I crawl around on my hands and knees to clean. Couldn't you just this once use that colon for good? Maybe drop a bomb in the middle of a shower forcing them to spend five minutes coughing over the rancid smell of cat feces? If you don't poop soon, they might stay the entire week. I need your help.

Sincerely,

Are the in-laws gone yet?
 
Dear can't spell "here",

Probably not in anyone's best interest for you to even consider blatant animal cruelty in public, joking or not. It's a bad look, and according to well documented psychological science, lands you on the psychopath side of the spectrum.

Sincerely,
Think before you type.
 
Dear Fellow HomeBrewTalk.Com members,

After reading a few pages of this thread, I am forced to conclude that we are all lunatics. Sincerely, Michigan_Wolfman.

lunatic.jpg
 
Dear Christmas,

How can I avoid you this year? I am running out of ideas, and don't have the money for most of them.

Sincerely, Bah Humbug.
 
Dear God, I have a friend that could really use a break. I haven't a clue as to what the best outcome would be, I just know my friend needs a break. Could you make that happen please?
Regards, GF.
 
gratus fermentatio said:
Dear God, I have a friend that could really use a break. I haven't a clue as to what the best outcome would be, I just know my friend needs a break. Could you make that happen please?
Regards, GF.
Click to expand...

Dear GF,

Let me know if this thread reaches the big man.

It would be a whole hell of a lot easier than going to that place where people sing and make me drink cheap wine. The people there smell like my Moss Man action figure.

Sincerely,
Theophobia

ps. Everyone deserves a break, hope he gets his.
 
Dear impatient car drivers,

Sometimes us truck drivers aren't just being a jerk when we block the shoulder of the road to keep you from passing us when there's been an accident and traffic is stopped for miles. We have cb radios and love to tell each other when there's a cop near by and what they are doing at that moment. Every once I need a while cops will intentionally pull up to the scene of an accident just to give tickets to people like you. Being the nice people that some of us are we try to keep you from getting said ticket. But then sometimes we really are just being a jerk because we can't drive our trucks down the shoulder too.

Sincerely
Truck driver.
 
Dear Mr. I Gotta Get My Liquor On At 1PM,

Just because you had to have that drink right after lunch (I guess before going back to work), does not mean you get to pass me (when I am already going 5 or so over the speed limit) then, because the liquor store is right there, get in front of me, jam on your brakes so you can stop in time to make it into the parking lot, and almost wreck the both of us.

You also do not get to get mad at me because I laid on the horn at your stupidity, and flip me off.

You, sir, were the *******. Not me.

Sincerely, Still Haven't Gotten Over This 6 Hours Later
 
Dear coworkers,

We work in a small office, no more than 5 employees working on a given day. This is not a good venue to bring up religion or politics. There's a good chance I disagree with you (sometimes vehemently) but if smiling and nodding keeps a peaceful work environment, I'm happy to do it.

Sincerely,
Keeping the peace.
 
Dear macro purchasers,
No. My mild is not uncarbonated, nor is it flat.
Sincerely,
Style Nazi.
 
Dear anonymous person who gave me an HBT gift subscription:
Thank you very much! This is a gift I will use almost every day & will enjoy thoroughly! I'd like to know just who you are so I can reciprocate, but if you'd rather stay anonymous, that's OK too.
Thanks again & MERRY CHRISTMAS! :mug:
Regards, GF.
 
Dear GF,

I'm not saying it was me but...

Sincerely,
A terrible person who is not above shamelessly taking credit for someone else's generosity.

In all seriousness, that's a great gift. Hats off to HBT secret santa :mug:
 
Dear Salesperson,

Do not come to my office on Christmas eve unexpected at noon when we all are leaving and get rude to the front desk that I will not see you go F yourself.

Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,
Left Your ******* at the Door
 
Dear Fellow HomeBrewTalk.Com members,

Thanks for the humorous replies to my comments in regards to us all being lunatics.

Sincerely,

Michigan_Wolfman (some crazy guy who lives in a town hardly anyone outside of Michigan has ever heard of, and thinks that spending several hours in the kitchen brewing his own beer when he could just go to the store and buy a six pack is time well spent. :D )
 
Dear Island Grocery Store,

I know this is Washinton and breweries here are known for IPAs. I know IPAs are popular in general. I also know that BMC is popular. I know shelf space is at a premium. But seriously, your beer shelf is stocked: 50% IPAs, 40% BMC, and 10% other.

Sincerely,

I like all the colors of the beer rainbow



Dear Self,

Finish unpacking so you can schedule a brew day.

Sincerely,

Guy Tired of selection at Island Grocery Store
 
Dear Maryland drivers,

The stuff falling from the sky - the wet stuff - is just rain. And as far as I can tell there is no cannabis oil in there at all, nor meth, heroin, acid, or any other mind altering substance. Nope, just water. So I'm pretty sure that you are all suffering from a mass placebo effect because you all drive like you're high EVERY TIME IT RAINS. Please see a doctor. Or better yet go see a driving instructor.

Sincerely,
Not Suffering from the Placebo Effect
 
Dear people-who-shall-not-be-named,

Just because you were desperate to find the white picket, 3 kids and a husband/wife life style and it didn't turn out like you expected, doesn't give you an excuse to be nasty to the rest of us who actually found happiness outside of societal standards. Grow up. If you're not happy, it's your fault not mine.

Sincerely,
A free and happy but slightly annoyed with you person.
 
Dear free and happy,
They are just jealous. If someone does not like you they can go f themselves. Happiness happens if you don't try to force it and let it. And some only feel satisfaction if others are as miserable as them.
Sincerely,
Don't let them steal your happiness
 
Dear Don't let them steal your happiness,
They couldn't if they tried their damnedest. Sadly it's a sibling so I can't avoid the occasional annoyance.
Sincerely,
Duh-da-da-dun Can't touch this!
 
Dear child of mine,

When did you stop liking One Direction and start liking Macklemore?

Sincerely,

Finally making progress towards good music
 
Dear NCAA,

Thank you for bringing in a playoff system for football and making New Year's Day games meaningless.

Sincerely,
A guy who used to follow College Football.
 

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