The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[mac_1103]

Dear <Ptui gag spit scratch>,



Sincerely,
The 3M company

 

[Snuffy]

Dear 3M,

Your suggestion is appreciated. I have tried several such devices and eventually settled on the full dental hygienist face shield which is less restrictive and doesn't promote sweaty face, leaving me looking like a dust encrusted baboon clown. I have also considered the zip-up disposable onesie favored by most asbestos removal crews which provides the added benefit of a hoodie. However, I am beginning to believe that, like sheetrockers, lawn service folks are well worth the money.

Sincerely,
Watching from the shade with beer

 

[balrog]

Dear 3M,

Your suggestion is appreciated. I have tried several such devices and eventually settled on the full dental hygienist face shield which is less restrictive and doesn't promote sweaty face, leaving me looking like a dust encrusted baboon clown. I have also considered the zip-up disposable onesie favored by most asbestos removal crews which provides the added benefit of a hoodie. However, I am beginning to believe that, like sheetrockers, lawn service folks are well worth the money.

Sincerely,
Watching from the shade with beer

Dear Covered,
I share your aversion to becoming the green grass equivalent of a sugar coated apple cider donut, especially with my poison ivy allergy. Talk about bitter with a side of itchy blisters.
Sincerely
Feeling itchy suddenly

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Watching,

There's always this:

Might get a bit warm though.

Sincerely,
3M

 

[Broken Crow]

Dear Ptui gag spit scratch
Does your sheild not rotate, or not cover enough spray?
You could always add an extra one: https://www.amazon.com/Kuuleyn-Plastic-Trimmer-Dustproof-Accessory/dp/B0BLH3RXVJ
Scincerly,
A guy who forgot to rotate his weed whacker sheild and ate a lot of grass before remembering it is adjustable.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear ptui gag spit scratch,

Why do you not just use the tool with your left hand instead of your right hand? How hard can it truly be to switch hands?

Sincerely,
Bitter lefty that has had to clumsily work with right-handed tools/implements his entire life

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Bitter lefty,

You're kidding right?

Sincerely,
Guy who can't brush his teeth with his left hand, and that's with an electric tooth brush

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear Guy who can't use his left hand,

It's quite possible that if you'd grown up a right-hander in a left-hander's world, you'd have learned to at least get to a barely functioning use of your left hand based on a lack of other options. Necessity is the mother of invention, right?

Sincerely,
You can do it! All it takes is a lack of any other options!

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear amazing, listening wife,

Thank you for buying me a left-hand serrated bread knife. Most people [incl. those on this thread] would have no idea why such a thing exists. I'm not sure you do either--but you bought it for me anyway.

And the other day when I was in charge of slicing buns for burgers for the family--they sliced exactly correctly with this knife, where I'd have been fighting it with the right hand version.

Sincerely,
It's amazing how much more smoothly life goes when you're not fighting your biology when using the available tools

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Lack of options,

Your concern is deeply appreciated. However, I can do certain things with my left hand. Catching things for example. Most notably baseballs and hockey pucks.

Sincerely,
Exceptionally right-handed aged former athlete

 

[bailey mountain brewer]

Dear Lack of options,

Your concern is deeply appreciated. However, I can do certain things with my left hand. Catching things for example. Most notably baseballs and hockey pucks.

Sincerely,
Exceptionally right-handed aged former athlete

Dear former athlete

But can you catch with your right and throw with your left??

Sincerely, in the same boat.

Ps.. I can catch with both but throwing with my left ... pretty horrible site.

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Boat,

Yes I can catch with either hand but I generally prefer to use the one with the big leather thing on it. And how many baseball cards have you ever seen that say "bats right, throws both"?

Sincerely,
Throws right, bats both

 

[Kee]

Dear YouTube,

Thank you for your instructional videos. If not for you, I'd have probably called a plumber and they aren't cheap. But the toilet is fine now so please stop filling my feed with toilet repair videos.

 

[Snuffy]

Dear Ptui gag spit scratch
Does your sheild not rotate, or not cover enough spray?
You could always add an extra one: https://www.amazon.com/Kuuleyn-Plastic-Trimmer-Dustproof-Accessory/dp/B0BLH3RXVJ
Scincerly,
A guy who forgot to rotate his weed whacker sheild and ate a lot of grass before remembering it is adjustable.

Dear guy who forgot,

Unfortunately, my weed whacker shield does not rotate. It's a Dewalt 40v. Shield is directly behind. I would rotate the futz out of it if that were possible.

Sincerely,

Ptui

 

[balrog]

Dear YouTube,

Thank you for your instructional videos. If not for you, I'd have probably called a plumber and they aren't cheap. But the toilet is fine now so please stop filling my feed with toilet repair videos.

Dear Full Crapper Feeder
Welcome to The Brave New World of Big Brother Ad Money watching **and** listening.
Sincerely,
Still Suffering from showing off at tennis with my home brew, having everyone, with phones off, saying "dog chew toy" several times, and now we **ALL** still get dog chew toy ads

 

[AzOr]

Dear YouTube Algorithm,

I have neve been to a rodeo.
I have never been to Germany.

Why do you keep suggesting channels that display young German women in short dressses riding on top of mechanical bulls?

Ok, ok so maaaaybe I clicked on it once or twice, but only out of concern for the bull’s welfare.

My YouTube viewing consists of mainly; cooking, fishing shows, bicycling andthe occasional mushroom foraging channels. Maybe a few crime videos thrown in. Never bull riding or videos showing scantily clad women.

Every time I have my laptop open, my YT makes me look like a perv.

Sincerely,
Didn’t Know This Was A Thing

 

[Broken Crow]

Dear guy who forgot,

Unfortunately, my weed whacker shield does not rotate. It's a Dewalt 40v. Shield is directly behind. I would rotate the futz out of it if that were possible.

Sincerely,

Ptui

Dear Ptui
Thanks for letting me know DeWalt has moved further from Milwaukee and closer to Black & Decker.... I've been out of the loop for 11 years
Perhaps some tin or aluminum sheet and a pop-rivet gun?...then send pictures to DeWalt and inform them that 'fencing' is not the same as weed-trimming along a fence and require an inline stance;

..send them pics and see if you can at least get vouchers for free stuff (hopefully of the more thoughtful design they used to do).
Sincerely;
Annoyed at the de-evolution of All Things.

 

[Bramling Cross]

Dear Bramling Cross, you mouth-breathing, drooling, idiot,

In future, please refrain from telling yourself, "You know what? I really am pretty hungry, so I'll just keg it after dinner." You know what happens when you have tacos for dinner. There's no doing anything after you have tacos for dinner, except perhaps a nap. You know better than this, but you chose to do it anyway. Idiot.

Sincerely,

zzzzzz, zzzzzzz, zzzzzzz

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Work Bestie who went camping this week leaving me to handle your closing duties the last two days,

Please please PLEASE don't hurt yourself when you get back and are shaking your head at speeds previously unheard of, when you find out your coworker forgot some very basic stuff that you tried your best to teach her.

Sincerely, dude your job is way harder than mine.

Also..

Dear young other coworker who is a mother of five all under the age of 12 with three different dads,

They've all been sick the last few weeks, are apparently better now, but if one of them comes down with something THIS WEEKEND that I have planned to have off through Monday I will seriously go off the rails.

Sincerely, I should have more sympathy but mumble mumble curmudgeonspeak mumble mumble birth control.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear me,

Next time please try to remember that, although the growler of yeast slurry in the fridge (34/70 that was last used on a porter, very brown) is old & cold, it still might try to splode when you open the lid. And since you usually dispose of unwanted yeast in the commode, it would very behoove you to remember that EVERY DAMN TIME.

Sincerely,

Your bathroom that looked like Harry from Dumb & dumber paid a visit. No, I didn't take pictures but I should have.

 

[Kent88]

Dear young other coworker who is a mother of five all under the age of 12 with three different dads,

Dear this person who I haven't and it's incredibly likely I will never meet,

Bless you that you can handle all that.

Sincerely,
Dad of two who drive me crazy but I love them

P.S. seatazzz, I wasn't trying to counter your statement. I believe that to be a valid opinion. I hope filling in went alright and you enjoy the time off.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Zzzzz,

The older I get, the less likely it is that I will do ANYTHING after dinner, no matter what I eat. Which is why my usual 4am brewday start is today at 6am because I was 'supposed' to bring in grain bag from the car, mill grain. and get set up after dinner last night.

Sincerely, I'm old

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Darling Daughter,

Thanks for visiting from the west coast. I know it's a giant pain, but I still wish you'd do it more often.

Sincerely,
Dear Old Dad

 

[Kent88]

Dear noisy train by my house,

We get it, you're a train. Good for you.

You know who we are?

We're people who need sleep, and you go by two or three times a night.

Go to train bed/sleep.

Let us real people go to sleep.

Sincerely,

 

[day_trippr]

One of my sons and his family lives a little over 200 meters from a commuter rail line in northern NJ (Berkeley Heights) and there's a grade crossing a little over 400 meters from his house. The trains sound the short-short-long-short horn signal for a grade crossing no matter the hour.

Of course they've developed effective filters so the noise doesn't register any longer. Me, not so much...

Cheers!

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

 

[Kent88]

Dear day tripping cheers,

I've had a surprisingly restful sleep on an Amtrak. Not as good as my own bed, but not terrible. When a train goes by my house I have a harder time falling asleep than I did on that Amtrak train.

These freight trains are just loud.

Sincerely,

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear Land Rover Defender driver

I know for a fact you are aware that your vehicle can only do 20km/h, 40km/h and 80km/h and takes several minutes to move between said speeds.

So why do you insist in driving in the fast lane? Move your slow ass over so those of us who want to do 60km/h in a 60 zone can do so.

Sincerely,
Captain Not-Too-Slow

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Darling Husband of Mine who is sometimes not very mechanically savvy,

The battery on our lovely battery-operated lawnmower crapped out because the grass was too high and you had the mulching thingie in. I know this because of my friend google.

Sincerely, your wife who researches things before suddenly deciding that we need a new seriously expensive lawnmower battery (stopped him before he hit the hardware store)

Also...

Dear Lovely Battery-operated Lawnmower (and weedwhacker),

Thank you for being easy enough for this delicate flower to operate.

Sincerely, I could never get one of those darned pull-start mowers to start, also backyard now no longer looks like a scary vacant lot where snakes and critters roam

 

[seatazzz]

And one more for the night.

Dear Absolutely Wonderful Kolsch in my kegerator,

Thank you for being just the best lawnmower beer after a long session of fighting grass. Also thank you for agreeing to blow off that nasty acetaldehyde you had because someone who shall remain nameless but looks like me didn't do you right the first time.

Sincerely, co2 scrubbing works.