The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[balrog]

Dear Certain Sports
I really want to do something with my wife who enjoys watching the ear piercing screaming grunting shouting displays.
Maybe dial it back a notch?
Sincerely
Tennis used to be fun to watch

 

[Kent88]

Someone did something that wasn't exactly in the Dear, Sincerely format but I feel like it isn't far off and it describes me right now.

 

[balrog]

O-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

 

[Kent88]

Dear Lower Back,

Seriously, you pick now to disagree with me, and all I did that put you over the edge was lay smallest kiddo in her crib?

It finally seemed like sinuses and I were going to start repairing our relationship tomorrow, and you do this to me?

What gives?

Sincerely,
I thought things were going well since the incident where I opened the dishwasher. Why do these little things upset you so much? You were even fine with the seven hour community bike ride not that long ago...

 

[balrog]

Dear Fellow Lower Back Questioner,
Preach.

Sincerely,
Lift & split logs? Fine. Put on T-shirt? 2 weeks of agony.

 

[Whisky River]

Dear, put on T-shirt,
I feel your pain and miss getting hurt doing fun things that resulted in cool stories.

Sincerely,
Reached for the seatbelt.

 

[Kent88]

Dear Darling Daughter,

I sure do love you, I really do, but why TF are you so fascinated by toilet paper that you cannot be left unsupervised within arms reach of it?

Sincerely,
Your father, who is also responsible for using the plunger in ~90% of instances where a plunger might be needed in our house

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear Plunger Operating Father,

Is your daughter related to my ginger cat by any chance? Some sort of parallel reincarnation maybe?

Sincerely,
Professional TP Re-roller.

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Dad,

You could teach me how to use the plunger. I bet I could make an even bigger mess with that sucker!

Sincerely,
Darling Daughter

 

[balrog]

Dear Dad,

You could teach me how to use the plunger. I bet I could make an even bigger mess with that sucker!

Sincerely,
Darling Daughter

Dear Undeserving Commenter
A Plunger works not just as a sucker but also a blower, for most effective use.
Sincerely
Never Try Using A Plunger On A Sink Without Realizing This Fact

 

[seatazzz]

Dear two kegs in the kegerator that I swear were almost full the other day,

Where you go?????

Sincerely, sometimes I forget that my dear husband knows how to operate the beer taps, and likes to show off what his wife can do.

 

[balrog]

Dear Married to Show Off,
I cannot imagine not asking first before sharing, but that's just me.
Sincerely,
Tap Locks Are A Thing

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Tap Locks,

So are husbands who cannot figure out keg disconnects or duotight fittings.

Sincerely, gee honey I have no idea why the keg isn't pouring, go have a Rainier.

 

[day_trippr]

Rainier, Olympia, Lucky, Heidelberg...I lived way out on the Peninsula for a few years in the early 70s, and traveling between Lilliwaup and Seattle on a regular basis passed all of the majors of the era. I think they're all gone now save for some "revivals" done elsewhere...

Cheers!

 

[Kent88]

Dear Tolkien,

First, I'm sorry I enjoy Jackson's movies of your work. He butchered The Hobbit, but I still enjoy watching that.

Second, and mainly, good work on The Hobbit. I started reading it to my son, and it took a bit to get him to pay attention through the first chapter, but since then he's been paying attention better and better. We just read Riddles In The Dark and he was paying attention enough to get really freaked out by Gollum. He was captivated from the time he was introduced and especially after the Gollum discovered his present was missing.

I never thought I'd be happy to hear that my kid is scared, but it really showed that he's invested in the story, and that he's been enjoying at least some of it. He was elated at the end of the chapter, too, when it appears that the worst of the danger has subsided.

Anyways, you're dead, but thanks anyway. Kiddo doesn't always focus well on the stories we (honestly mostly mom) read to him, but this is going well.

Sincerely,
A fan who will probably never read LotR.

 

[Broken Crow]

Dear Robert Plant & Leonard Nimoy,
Thank you for inspiring me to read The Lord of the Rings when I was a kid. It taught me that the battle to prevent darkness from enveloping the world is ever ongoing and no matter how insignificant I might be in the scheme of things, even I have role to play in choosing how to spend the time given me, to shoulder the burden to preserve all that is good for those I love at any cost.
Sincerely,
Just a regular person.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear My Darling Mariners,

I realize this post belongs in some trash-talking baseball thread that I cannot currently find, but I just spent 12 innings drinking WAY too much of my latest blonde while biting my nails after you let the Strangers tie it up in the 6th blowing a 5-1 lead (this happens a LOT), to finally win it. PLEASE don't do what you always do and absolutely tank in the last half of the season, giving us more reasons to say 'maybe next year'. I want it to be THIS year. And I want to see Dan Wilson not get fired.

Sincerely,

Yes I'm asking a lot but dammit it's time.

*I realize this post may come back to bite me later in the season, but I don't care.

 

[Kent88]

Dear Darling Bride of I dunno, 15 years?

It's really cool that your family wanted to celebrate your father's quasi-milestone birthday by renting a pontoon and fishing. And I appreciate that you left me driving directions so I could let our daughter sleep in and bring her when she wakes up, because it also meant that I could sleep in.

But receiving a text that you forgot the potty bucket (a five gallon bucket with a toilet seat, meant for adults) and want me to bring that in our Jeep was not how I wanted to wake up. I do everything I can to avoid touching that thing. I want nothing to do with it. I've learned to enjoy fishing, but I'm not obsessed with it so much that I find myself thinking "gosh, I don't want to take half an hour to head back to a private loo, I think instead I'll take the browns to the super bowl right out in front of God, my in-laws, anyone who happens to be passing by, and everyone".

Seriously, find a couple of options at shore and schedule some stops. It's not that much of an inconvenience.

Sincerely,
This isn't my idea of a man's romance

 

[mac_1103]

Dear not my idea,

For starters, you really should know how many years it's been. Other than that, get a small pop up tent to go with the bucket.

Sincerely,
Guy who married someone who didn't get camping out of her system as a child

 

[Kent88]

Dear Camper Husband,

I find that the exact number of years isn't necessarily the important thing, it's more remembering the day.

And thanks for the idea. That almost solves one problem, but then there's the "how do I wash up", and "what do we do with the soiled shame bucket and it's contents".

That might sound a bit sarcastic, but I actually do appreciate the suggestion.

Sincerely,
Big fan of indoor plumbing

 

[Broken Crow]

Dear Big Fan,
While I have no hangups about bodily functions myself, when others, especially family have pushed my comfort levels, I pay it back in kind...but I put a 'nice' spin on it to 'share' the awkwardness.
Here's some sites to tell you what to do with the feces: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=how+to+make+bricks+with+straw+and+****&t=ffab&ia=web
Tell your family that you'd like to commemorate every such 'togetherness' event with bricks to be used in the constuction of a "Family Monument" in your fathers yard.... perhaps a brick BBQ or pizza-oven?
Sincerely,
Brick-Sh***er

 

[mac_1103]

Dear indoor plumbing fan,

"how do I wash up"

Ever heard of hand sanitizer?

"what do we do with the soiled shame bucket and it's contents"

These. You'll need a shovel to bury them.

Sincerely,
Amateur marriage counselor

 

[balrog]

Dear indoor plumbing fan,
O
M
G
Plus infinity yes
Sincerely
My spleen just twitched at the thought

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Fate,

Thank you for placing our absolutely incredible neighbors across the street from us. They are friends we'll have for life, we've gotten to watch their handsome son grow up from a toddler in diapers yelling HI NEIGHBOR across the street to me to an amazingly wonderful high school graduate, and the dad is just about the best handyman that ever lived. Had to replace the condensate pump for our HVAC system which was hardwired into the furnace; I got the pump installed but electricity scares the living poop out of me. Our neighbor Chris came over and had it hardwired (and working) in about 15 minutes. We would have been out a lot of $$ if we'd called someone in. I am beyond grateful this morning, and also supremely happy that there is no longer a weepy leak from the old pump.

Sincerely,

We've got it a lot better than we think we do sometimes.

 

[Agent]

Dear Gravity -

I was saving that lovely Hazy so that kegging it would be my reward for finishing the toilet repair job I half-arsed 10 years ago.

You demotivating dick.

Sincerely -
At Least It Smelled Awesome

 

[Kent88]

Are you ok?

I love glass carboys, but here's another reminder that they're not perfect.

I hope you got out of that without bleeding.

 

[Snuffy]

Dear Gravity -

I was saving that lovely Hazy so that kegging it would be my reward for finishing the toilet repair job I half-arsed 10 years ago.

You demotivating dick.

View attachment 878871

Sincerely -
At Least It Smelled Awesome

Dear At least,

So... you were balancing the barrel on that homemade skateboard thing and it fell off and struck the carboy?
also... interesting that the hazy reminded you of toilet repair.

Sincerely,

I will never un-see that.

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear Smelled Awesome,

I'm sorry for your loss. Long ago, I made the change to fermenting in a Sanke keg with this kit, and it was a game changer. It coincided with going to 10 gallon batches as well, which is more beer for roughly the same volume of work. And it made it easy to temp-control my fermentation, which is a game-changer and allowed for brewing of lagers.

Worth looking into.

Sincerely,
Steel > Glass

 

[Agent]

Dear Never Un-see,

The Skateboard thing was the toilet sub-floor I was fixing, as well as the carboy killer. Though your creativity is surprisingly close to what I have to do for a sample of what's in the barrels.

Dear @Kent88

The only harm is that I let out one short sentence for which my son identified $1.25 worth of naughty words for the swear jar. If not for the carboy, that basement is still full of nearly a thousand bottles and canning jars.

And Dear Steel,

Why must you tempt me with sound logic?

Sincerely,
Now I Really Gotta Brew More

 

[Broken Crow]

interesting that the hazy reminded you of toilet repair

Dear Never un-see,
If you haven't read this before, here's an alternate amusing narrative to go with that image stuck in your head:
https://www.homebrewtalk.com/threads/sewage-in-kettle.638122/

Sincerely,
Loves this site as much for entertainment as education.