The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[bailey mountain brewer]

Dear Lack of options,

Your concern is deeply appreciated. However, I can do certain things with my left hand. Catching things for example. Most notably baseballs and hockey pucks.

Sincerely,
Exceptionally right-handed aged former athlete

Dear former athlete

But can you catch with your right and throw with your left??

Sincerely, in the same boat.

Ps.. I can catch with both but throwing with my left ... pretty horrible site.

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Boat,

Yes I can catch with either hand but I generally prefer to use the one with the big leather thing on it. And how many baseball cards have you ever seen that say "bats right, throws both"?

Sincerely,
Throws right, bats both

 

[Kee]

Dear YouTube,

Thank you for your instructional videos. If not for you, I'd have probably called a plumber and they aren't cheap. But the toilet is fine now so please stop filling my feed with toilet repair videos.

 

[Snuffy]

Dear Ptui gag spit scratch
Does your sheild not rotate, or not cover enough spray?
You could always add an extra one: https://www.amazon.com/Kuuleyn-Plastic-Trimmer-Dustproof-Accessory/dp/B0BLH3RXVJ
Scincerly,
A guy who forgot to rotate his weed whacker sheild and ate a lot of grass before remembering it is adjustable.

Dear guy who forgot,

Unfortunately, my weed whacker shield does not rotate. It's a Dewalt 40v. Shield is directly behind. I would rotate the futz out of it if that were possible.

Sincerely,

Ptui

 

[balrog]

Dear YouTube,

Thank you for your instructional videos. If not for you, I'd have probably called a plumber and they aren't cheap. But the toilet is fine now so please stop filling my feed with toilet repair videos.

Dear Full Crapper Feeder
Welcome to The Brave New World of Big Brother Ad Money watching **and** listening.
Sincerely,
Still Suffering from showing off at tennis with my home brew, having everyone, with phones off, saying "dog chew toy" several times, and now we **ALL** still get dog chew toy ads

 

[AzOr]

Dear YouTube Algorithm,

I have neve been to a rodeo.
I have never been to Germany.

Why do you keep suggesting channels that display young German women in short dressses riding on top of mechanical bulls?

Ok, ok so maaaaybe I clicked on it once or twice, but only out of concern for the bull’s welfare.

My YouTube viewing consists of mainly; cooking, fishing shows, bicycling andthe occasional mushroom foraging channels. Maybe a few crime videos thrown in. Never bull riding or videos showing scantily clad women.

Every time I have my laptop open, my YT makes me look like a perv.

Sincerely,
Didn’t Know This Was A Thing

 

[Broken Crow]

Dear guy who forgot,

Unfortunately, my weed whacker shield does not rotate. It's a Dewalt 40v. Shield is directly behind. I would rotate the futz out of it if that were possible.

Sincerely,

Ptui

Dear Ptui
Thanks for letting me know DeWalt has moved further from Milwaukee and closer to Black & Decker.... I've been out of the loop for 11 years
Perhaps some tin or aluminum sheet and a pop-rivet gun?...then send pictures to DeWalt and inform them that 'fencing' is not the same as weed-trimming along a fence and require an inline stance;

..send them pics and see if you can at least get vouchers for free stuff (hopefully of the more thoughtful design they used to do).
Sincerely;
Annoyed at the de-evolution of All Things.

 

[Bramling Cross]

Dear Bramling Cross, you mouth-breathing, drooling, idiot,

In future, please refrain from telling yourself, "You know what? I really am pretty hungry, so I'll just keg it after dinner." You know what happens when you have tacos for dinner. There's no doing anything after you have tacos for dinner, except perhaps a nap. You know better than this, but you chose to do it anyway. Idiot.

Sincerely,

zzzzzz, zzzzzzz, zzzzzzz

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Work Bestie who went camping this week leaving me to handle your closing duties the last two days,

Please please PLEASE don't hurt yourself when you get back and are shaking your head at speeds previously unheard of, when you find out your coworker forgot some very basic stuff that you tried your best to teach her.

Sincerely, dude your job is way harder than mine.

Also..

Dear young other coworker who is a mother of five all under the age of 12 with three different dads,

They've all been sick the last few weeks, are apparently better now, but if one of them comes down with something THIS WEEKEND that I have planned to have off through Monday I will seriously go off the rails.

Sincerely, I should have more sympathy but mumble mumble curmudgeonspeak mumble mumble birth control.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear me,

Next time please try to remember that, although the growler of yeast slurry in the fridge (34/70 that was last used on a porter, very brown) is old & cold, it still might try to splode when you open the lid. And since you usually dispose of unwanted yeast in the commode, it would very behoove you to remember that EVERY DAMN TIME.

Sincerely,

Your bathroom that looked like Harry from Dumb & dumber paid a visit. No, I didn't take pictures but I should have.

 

[Kent88]

Dear young other coworker who is a mother of five all under the age of 12 with three different dads,

Dear this person who I haven't and it's incredibly likely I will never meet,

Bless you that you can handle all that.

Sincerely,
Dad of two who drive me crazy but I love them

P.S. seatazzz, I wasn't trying to counter your statement. I believe that to be a valid opinion. I hope filling in went alright and you enjoy the time off.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Zzzzz,

The older I get, the less likely it is that I will do ANYTHING after dinner, no matter what I eat. Which is why my usual 4am brewday start is today at 6am because I was 'supposed' to bring in grain bag from the car, mill grain. and get set up after dinner last night.

Sincerely, I'm old

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Darling Daughter,

Thanks for visiting from the west coast. I know it's a giant pain, but I still wish you'd do it more often.

Sincerely,
Dear Old Dad

 

[Kent88]

Dear noisy train by my house,

We get it, you're a train. Good for you.

You know who we are?

We're people who need sleep, and you go by two or three times a night.

Go to train bed/sleep.

Let us real people go to sleep.

Sincerely,

 

[day_trippr]

One of my sons and his family lives a little over 200 meters from a commuter rail line in northern NJ (Berkeley Heights) and there's a grade crossing a little over 400 meters from his house. The trains sound the short-short-long-short horn signal for a grade crossing no matter the hour.

Of course they've developed effective filters so the noise doesn't register any longer. Me, not so much...

Cheers!

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

 

[Kent88]

Dear day tripping cheers,

I've had a surprisingly restful sleep on an Amtrak. Not as good as my own bed, but not terrible. When a train goes by my house I have a harder time falling asleep than I did on that Amtrak train.

These freight trains are just loud.

Sincerely,

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear Land Rover Defender driver

I know for a fact you are aware that your vehicle can only do 20km/h, 40km/h and 80km/h and takes several minutes to move between said speeds.

So why do you insist in driving in the fast lane? Move your slow ass over so those of us who want to do 60km/h in a 60 zone can do so.

Sincerely,
Captain Not-Too-Slow

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Darling Husband of Mine who is sometimes not very mechanically savvy,

The battery on our lovely battery-operated lawnmower crapped out because the grass was too high and you had the mulching thingie in. I know this because of my friend google.

Sincerely, your wife who researches things before suddenly deciding that we need a new seriously expensive lawnmower battery (stopped him before he hit the hardware store)

Also...

Dear Lovely Battery-operated Lawnmower (and weedwhacker),

Thank you for being easy enough for this delicate flower to operate.

Sincerely, I could never get one of those darned pull-start mowers to start, also backyard now no longer looks like a scary vacant lot where snakes and critters roam

 

[seatazzz]

And one more for the night.

Dear Absolutely Wonderful Kolsch in my kegerator,

Thank you for being just the best lawnmower beer after a long session of fighting grass. Also thank you for agreeing to blow off that nasty acetaldehyde you had because someone who shall remain nameless but looks like me didn't do you right the first time.

Sincerely, co2 scrubbing works.

 

[balrog]

Dear Certain Sports
I really want to do something with my wife who enjoys watching the ear piercing screaming grunting shouting displays.
Maybe dial it back a notch?
Sincerely
Tennis used to be fun to watch

 

[Kent88]

Someone did something that wasn't exactly in the Dear, Sincerely format but I feel like it isn't far off and it describes me right now.

 

[balrog]

O-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

 

[Kent88]

Dear Lower Back,

Seriously, you pick now to disagree with me, and all I did that put you over the edge was lay smallest kiddo in her crib?

It finally seemed like sinuses and I were going to start repairing our relationship tomorrow, and you do this to me?

What gives?

Sincerely,
I thought things were going well since the incident where I opened the dishwasher. Why do these little things upset you so much? You were even fine with the seven hour community bike ride not that long ago...

 

[balrog]

Dear Fellow Lower Back Questioner,
Preach.

Sincerely,
Lift & split logs? Fine. Put on T-shirt? 2 weeks of agony.

 

[Whisky River]

Dear, put on T-shirt,
I feel your pain and miss getting hurt doing fun things that resulted in cool stories.

Sincerely,
Reached for the seatbelt.

 

[Kent88]

Dear Darling Daughter,

I sure do love you, I really do, but why TF are you so fascinated by toilet paper that you cannot be left unsupervised within arms reach of it?

Sincerely,
Your father, who is also responsible for using the plunger in ~90% of instances where a plunger might be needed in our house

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear Plunger Operating Father,

Is your daughter related to my ginger cat by any chance? Some sort of parallel reincarnation maybe?

Sincerely,
Professional TP Re-roller.

 

[mac_1103]

Dear Dad,

You could teach me how to use the plunger. I bet I could make an even bigger mess with that sucker!

Sincerely,
Darling Daughter

 

[balrog]

Dear Dad,

You could teach me how to use the plunger. I bet I could make an even bigger mess with that sucker!

Sincerely,
Darling Daughter

Dear Undeserving Commenter
A Plunger works not just as a sucker but also a blower, for most effective use.
Sincerely
Never Try Using A Plunger On A Sink Without Realizing This Fact

 

[seatazzz]

Dear two kegs in the kegerator that I swear were almost full the other day,

Where you go?????

Sincerely, sometimes I forget that my dear husband knows how to operate the beer taps, and likes to show off what his wife can do.

 

[balrog]

Dear Married to Show Off,
I cannot imagine not asking first before sharing, but that's just me.
Sincerely,
Tap Locks Are A Thing

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Tap Locks,

So are husbands who cannot figure out keg disconnects or duotight fittings.

Sincerely, gee honey I have no idea why the keg isn't pouring, go have a Rainier.

 

[day_trippr]

Rainier, Olympia, Lucky, Heidelberg...I lived way out on the Peninsula for a few years in the early 70s, and traveling between Lilliwaup and Seattle on a regular basis passed all of the majors of the era. I think they're all gone now save for some "revivals" done elsewhere...

Cheers!

 

[Kent88]

Dear Tolkien,

First, I'm sorry I enjoy Jackson's movies of your work. He butchered The Hobbit, but I still enjoy watching that.

Second, and mainly, good work on The Hobbit. I started reading it to my son, and it took a bit to get him to pay attention through the first chapter, but since then he's been paying attention better and better. We just read Riddles In The Dark and he was paying attention enough to get really freaked out by Gollum. He was captivated from the time he was introduced and especially after the Gollum discovered his present was missing.

I never thought I'd be happy to hear that my kid is scared, but it really showed that he's invested in the story, and that he's been enjoying at least some of it. He was elated at the end of the chapter, too, when it appears that the worst of the danger has subsided.

Anyways, you're dead, but thanks anyway. Kiddo doesn't always focus well on the stories we (honestly mostly mom) read to him, but this is going well.

Sincerely,
A fan who will probably never read LotR.

 

[Broken Crow]

Dear Robert Plant & Leonard Nimoy,
Thank you for inspiring me to read The Lord of the Rings when I was a kid. It taught me that the battle to prevent darkness from enveloping the world is ever ongoing and no matter how insignificant I might be in the scheme of things, even I have role to play in choosing how to spend the time given me, to shoulder the burden to preserve all that is good for those I love at any cost.
Sincerely,
Just a regular person.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear My Darling Mariners,

I realize this post belongs in some trash-talking baseball thread that I cannot currently find, but I just spent 12 innings drinking WAY too much of my latest blonde while biting my nails after you let the Strangers tie it up in the 6th blowing a 5-1 lead (this happens a LOT), to finally win it. PLEASE don't do what you always do and absolutely tank in the last half of the season, giving us more reasons to say 'maybe next year'. I want it to be THIS year. And I want to see Dan Wilson not get fired.

Sincerely,

Yes I'm asking a lot but dammit it's time.

*I realize this post may come back to bite me later in the season, but I don't care.

 

[Kent88]

Dear Darling Bride of I dunno, 15 years?

It's really cool that your family wanted to celebrate your father's quasi-milestone birthday by renting a pontoon and fishing. And I appreciate that you left me driving directions so I could let our daughter sleep in and bring her when she wakes up, because it also meant that I could sleep in.

But receiving a text that you forgot the potty bucket (a five gallon bucket with a toilet seat, meant for adults) and want me to bring that in our Jeep was not how I wanted to wake up. I do everything I can to avoid touching that thing. I want nothing to do with it. I've learned to enjoy fishing, but I'm not obsessed with it so much that I find myself thinking "gosh, I don't want to take half an hour to head back to a private loo, I think instead I'll take the browns to the super bowl right out in front of God, my in-laws, anyone who happens to be passing by, and everyone".

Seriously, find a couple of options at shore and schedule some stops. It's not that much of an inconvenience.

Sincerely,
This isn't my idea of a man's romance

 

[mac_1103]

Dear not my idea,

For starters, you really should know how many years it's been. Other than that, get a small pop up tent to go with the bucket.

Sincerely,
Guy who married someone who didn't get camping out of her system as a child

 

[Kent88]

Dear Camper Husband,

I find that the exact number of years isn't necessarily the important thing, it's more remembering the day.

And thanks for the idea. That almost solves one problem, but then there's the "how do I wash up", and "what do we do with the soiled shame bucket and it's contents".

That might sound a bit sarcastic, but I actually do appreciate the suggestion.

Sincerely,
Big fan of indoor plumbing