The "Dear" , "Sincerely" thread

[balrog]

Dear You Should Know Better After 36 Years,

Explaining that “Passing Muster” is what should be used, and not “might not pass the mustard”, is not important. Especially to the wife.

Sincerely,
Held Tongue Long Enough To Vent on HBT

Ps, it amuses me to think a piece of fruit, which when peeled, may not be succulent, but in no way as an inanimate object would ever be able to covey condiments.

 

[Kent88]

TIL....

 

[Kent88]

Dear actual completely bald guy at the barbershop/salon ahead of me,

Freaking why????

Sincerely,
Waiting a half hour while being responsible for the 2 year old I brought with me

 

[balrog]

Dear Continuation of The Hair Cut Saga,
This is awesome.
Sincerely
Hand Me The Popcorn

 

[Kent88]

Dear popcorn fanatic,

I got the haircut.

Still completely confused what a bald guy was doing there. Not even bald on top but with hair on the back and sides. He looked like he had applied shaving cream and a razor to his head just a few days ago. It made no sense.

Sincerely,
Confused, but with shorter hair

 

[bailey mountain brewer]

Dear confused, but with shorter hair.

I haven't had a haircut in 2 years.

Sincerely,
Guy that takes silly bets.

 

[mac_1103]

Dear confused,

The money I don't spend on haircuts is about the only upside of being bald.

Sincerely,
Also confused

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Local Huge Hardware Store that is NOT part of a national chain,

Please don't ever close. You always have the random parts I need, also fresh popcorn that smells delightful and friendly employees. Not to mention I can buy my oxygen bottles without having to find someone with keys (because apparently the younguns are using it for something I don't want to know and the other stores around here lock it up), also your section of bolts & screws is bigger than my entire house.

Sincerely, with apologies to the very nice young man who helped me today who did his best when I did NOT bring the random parts I was trying to join together.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Holding Tongue (that sounds bad),

Also 'for all intensive purposes'. That one gets me every time.

Sincerely, we learnt grammar in them olden days

 

[bruce_the_loon]

Dear We Learnt Grammer in Them Olden Days

Also speling and context. Specifically context. And idiom, I didn't mention idiom yet?

Deep understanding of context means that we can easily lead people to the lead mine without getting confused.

Sincerely,
Fishing for Bass with a Bass Guitar

 

[balrog]

Dear ears,
"Especially", pronounced, "expeshully"
"Doesn't", pronounced "duddn"

Sincerely,
Fingernails on chalkboard

 

[day_trippr]

Don't forget "excetera"

 

[bailey mountain brewer]

Dear once upon a time barista (wife)

Thanks for making me an expresso!

Sincerely,
Provoking an eye roll

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Dear grammar peeps,
I once had a client frustrated with his life, and he often told me just how ‘fuhstrated’ he was. I think he didn’t spend much time at the liberry during his formative years.
Sincerely,
I too am in need of a haircut, thanks for the “encouragement”.

 

[Snuffy]

Dear ears,
"Especially", pronounced, "expeshully"
"Doesn't", pronounced "duddn"

Sincerely,
Fingernails on chalkboard

supposably
nucular
<SKREEEEEK!>

 

[Kent88]

Dear Fellow Foxworthy Fans,

Git-r-done

Sincerely,
Sittin' in a beanbag chair nekkid eatin' Cheetos*

*Not really, Cheetos are disgusting

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

^^ that reminds me of a joke I’d heard. Luckily I can’t easily find it.

 

[lumpher]

^^ that reminds me of a joke I’d heard. Luckily I can’t easily find it.

Probably involves going to the doctor after watching "tv" and eating cheetos...

 

[betarhoalphadelta]

Dear You Should Know Better After 36 Years,

Explaining that “Passing Muster” is what should be used, and not “might not pass the mustard”, is not important. Especially to the wife.

Sincerely,
Held Tongue Long Enough To Vent on HBT

Dear Tongue Holder,

For years I've heard someone (my wife) use the term "not emergent" to describe a situation that is either "not urgent" or "not an emergency". And have said nothing.

It's now at the point that if someone ELSE corrects her on this, she might confront me whether I knew it was incorrect all this time. Because she knows that I am very knowledgeable, and moderately pedantic, about proper language use.

Sincerely,
Damned if you do, and damned if you don't

 

[balrog]

Dear Moderately Pedantic,
Tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Sincerely,
Or So I've Been Told


Multiple Times

 

[Kent88]

^^ that reminds me of a joke I’d heard. Luckily I can’t easily find it.

Do you feel the urge to send me $1,000?

 

[Hoppy2bmerry]

Do you feel the urge to send me $1,000?

Nope, I do not, must be a different joke.

 

[Kent88]

Nope, I do not, must be a different joke.

Guess I'm not the only cat on the block digs Cheetos*.

*Again, Cheetos are gross. They aren't for people who like to snack, they're for people who want to lick their fingers

 

[seatazzz]

Dear @Kent88,

And precisely what is wrong with licking fingers? Do you perhaps have something against the Colonel?

Sincerely,

I have a big bag of white cheddar Cheetos puffs in my desk drawer that I have to guard with my life against my finger-lickin coworkers

*sorry for the politcal stuff Mr Mod, I will be better in future.

 

[seatazzz]

Dear Dear Sincerely thread,

Thank you for making me giggle every time someone adds to you.

Sincerely, really I go to this thread first 99% of the times I visit HBT

 

[Kent88]

Dear @Kent88,

And precisely what is wrong with licking fingers? Do you perhaps have something against the Colonel?

Sincerely,

I have a big bag of white cheddar Cheetos puffs in my desk drawer that I have to guard with my life against my finger-lickin coworkers

Dear finger taster,

Idk, that just doesn't seem very hygienic to me. I'm also lazy, and having to thoroughly wash my hands before and after a snack seems like a lot of work. Idk, I've kinda developed into the kind of person who's a little nitpicky about how clean things are when it comes to food prep, so I would insist on making sure my hands are darn clean before and after I mess with those.

Oh, and the quality of food from KF 'n' C has deteriorated significantly over the past decade.



Sincerely,
I need to order some soap

 

[balrog]

Dear Cheese Powder Aversionists,
You are not wrong.
Sincerely,
Time to buy more paper towels.

 

[Snuffy]

Dear @Kent88,
And precisely what is wrong with licking fingers? Do you perhaps have something against the Colonel?
Sincerely,

I like fingers...
and Cheetos.

 

[Newsman]

Dear package designers, please stop putting QR codes right next to/above the bar code!
sincerely, every cashier who has to deal with the register complaining about item not found because of your design!

 

[Kent88]

Dear packaging designers,

Please stop putting your QR codes and all three bar codes adjacent to each other.

Sincerely,
A former inventory auditor

P.S. also, why does each box of diapers have 4 barcodes?

Sincerely,
Someone who has tried buying diapers at the self-checkout